F1 Rejects Microprose Grand Prix Series: the 2013 season

[tommykl]

Just saying, there's no accent in Ardennes.

[dinizintheoven]

Is thère not? Perrrrrrrkele. I will correct it.

Any comments about the way the championship is progressing?

[Shizuka]

I like how we have three guys competing for the title neck by neck.

[SuperAguri]

Yuji Ide is being held back by Viking and F1R being too gold. Yuji Ide should be challenging for the championship rather then some hairy viking and some two bit ex footballer. :p

[TomWazzleshaw]

Yuji Ide is being held back by Viking and F1R being too gold. Yuji Ide should be challenging for the championship rather then some hairy viking and some two bit ex footballer. :p

OI! Say one more thing about that ex-footballer and I'll give you something to think about

[Phoenix]

Sorry for being a bit douchey, but...

5 – 2 J. Magnussen Viking 2'01.161
6 – 35 F. Barbazza Monteverdi 2'01.200
7 – 4 Y. Ide Super Aguri 2'01.133

I just thought you might want to check it up

I love this championship BTW, the best one that's ever been hosted in this forum IMO. Keep up

[dinizintheoven]

5 – 2 J. Magnussen Viking 2'01.161
6 – 35 F. Barbazza Monteverdi 2'01.200
7 – 4 Y. Ide Super Aguri 2'01.133

I just thought you might want to check it up

Corrected - should have been .313. Typing these all out by hand, I'm surprised this is only the second such mistake in three seasons... I think there was a problem in the championship tables once, or something like that. My fingers didn't do what they were supposed to this time.

I love this championship BTW, the best one that's ever been hosted in this forum IMO. Keep up

And that's why I'll keep on doing it! Once this finishes, then we'll have the Women's European Cup, then there'll be the next generation of this series (probably early next year), and so it goes on...

[dinizintheoven]

Yuji Ide is being held back by Viking and F1R being too gold. Yuji Ide should be challenging for the championship rather then some hairy viking and some two bit ex footballer. :p

Some responses:

...you'll be poking my other eye out before I let you or anyone else change my team's livery, you cheeky young scamp!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH! *wields axe menacingly*

*random muttered curses in Icelandic*

Who emptied the eels from your hovercraft?

OI! Say one more thing about that ex-footballer and I'll give you something to think about

En garde!

[Salamander]

Perhaps Yuji Ide should focus on beating Luca Badoer to best of the rest instead of getting stars in his eyes. He has been driving well, but his top drawer performances have been too few and far between to consider him a potential title-winner just yet

[SuperAguri]

Mysterious sponsor to give Super Aguri extra cash

The wily Aguri Suzuki has come up trumps getting on board a major Japanese sponsor in the form of NTT, the sponsor is likely to give Super Aguri the cash boost they need to develop the car to a championship contender next year. Yuji Ide has hinted to the press that he has a 3 year deal with Super Aguri and will not be going anywhere soon.

Axes to be banned in paddock

After a complaint, Viking Racing have been banned from bringing any sharp objects to the paddock, a spokesman said "You could have someones eye out with that.", Viking Racing have yet to comment.

Daihatsu to enter F1?

If there were not enough Japanese F1 engines, the small Daihatsu company have released a press release that they are working on upgrading the K3-VE 1.3 L 16v Straight 4 into a F1 engine. A number of team bosses fell over laughing except Stefan who may look at the engine as Toyota have a controlling interest in Daihatsu.

[dinizintheoven]

A review of this week's news stories
with Marktin Brundell

Mysterious sponsor to give Super Aguri extra cash
The wily Aguri Suzuki has come up trumps getting on board a major Japanese sponsor in the form of NTT, the sponsor is likely to give Super Aguri the cash boost they need to develop the car to a championship contender next year. Yuji Ide has hinted to the press that he has a 3 year deal with Super Aguri and will not be going anywhere soon.

Suspicious, I think - seeing as F1RMGP drivers' contracts are only signed on a one-year basis at the end of each season! Where do Autosport get their stories from? The deal with NTT (or NTT Docomo, to give them their full name) might have a hint of truth in it, with various teams up and down the grid looking into sponsors for next season; Simtek are known to have a major new partner lined up for 2014, EuroBrun are making similar noises, and the new Dome team are quietly confident of a similar performance...

Axes to be banned in paddock
After a complaint, Viking Racing have been banned from bringing any sharp objects to the paddock, a spokesman said "You could have someones eye out with that.", Viking Racing have yet to comment.

...and the comment came through this morning. Not an actual comment as such, more that the sight of a so-far unidentified body chopped clean in half and with one eye gouged out, left strewn outside the Viking garage with "NO SURRENDER" scrawled in blood on the garage walls said everything that needed to be said...

Daihatsu to enter F1?
If there were not enough Japanese F1 engines, the small Daihatsu company have released a press release that they are working on upgrading the K3-VE 1.3 L 16v Straight 4 into a F1 engine. A number of team bosses fell over laughing except Stefan who may look at the engine as Toyota have a controlling interest in Daihatsu.

And well might they fall over laughing. Someone should have told the Daihatsu bigwigs that April Fool's Day was nearly five months ago.

One story that Autosport has missed: there is another team looking to enter F1RMGP in 2014. With the grid full to capacity, and Dome ahead of them in the pecking order to join the grid, this second new team will have to hope for two dropouts before they can even think about getting the go-ahead... but they're keeping their cards close to their chest as to who they are.

[dinizintheoven]

Round 12: Monza, Italy
Saturday, 7 September 2013

THE GRID

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1 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking         1'27.747
2 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM           1'27.861
3 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking         1'28.460
4 –    5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri    1'28.496
5 –    25 O. Grouillard   Prost          1'28.941
6 –    8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM           1'29.019
7 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti          1'29.341
8 –    28 A. Montermini   Forti          1'29.461
9 –    4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri    1'29.589
10 –   19 A. McNish       Toleman        1'29.622
11 –   17 G. Tarquini     AGS            1'29.659
12 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC            1'30.103
13 –   18 J. Winkelhock   AGS            1'30.233

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14 –   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS           1'30.621
15 –   24 E. Tuero        Minardi        1'31.027
16 –   35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi     1'31.185
17 –   20 R. Firman       Toleman        1'31.267
18 –   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek         1'31.351
19 –   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun       1'31.427
20 –   26 P. Alliot       Prost          1'31.583
21 –   7  J. Johnson      Team America   1'31.622
22 –   6  S. Speed        Team America   1'31.744
23 –   31 P. Chaves       SAC            1'31.785
24 –   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun       1'31.831
25 –   41 V. Sospiri      DAMS           1'31.877
26 –   23 P. Martini      Minardi        1'32.234

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---------------- DID NOT QUALIFY ----------------
DNQ –  21 P. Ghinzani     Osella         1'32.277
DNQ –  36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi     1'32.426
DNQ –  38 V. Weidler      ATS Rial       1'32.547
DNQ –  15 A. Yoong        FTM            1'32.714
DNQ –  22 A. Chiesa       Osella         1'32.722
DNQ –  12 T. Inoue        Simtek         1'32.828
DNQ –  39 B. Giacomelli   Life           1'32.955

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DNQ –  13 K. Nakajima     Stefan         1'33.473
DNQ –  29 P. Kralev       Lola           1'33.672
DNQ –  30 R. Teixeira     Lola           1'33.756
DNQ –  40 G. Brabham      Life           1'33.763
DNQ –  16 F. Fauzy        FTM            1'33.992
DNQ –  37 P-H. Raphanel   ATS Rial       1'34.235
DNQ –  14 J. Villeneuve   Stefan         1'35.072

On the sacred tarmac of Monza, you'd have to say there were very few surprises in the top ten. Two Vikings up the top, Thundergod on pole, and Daggers between them, with Jean-Denis Délétraz lurking not all that far behind. Super Aguri find themselves in the mix again with fourth and ninth, further reinforcing the idea that those two DNQs mid-season were massive aberrations, and the two Italian Forti drivers with thiose iconic numbers put themselves seventh and eighth. Really, it's only Olivier Grouillard in fifth that has raised any eyebrows - and we're not too surprised to see a Prost somewhere near the front anymore, although it's usually Philippe Alliot, who could only make 20th this time. Allan McNish rounded out the top ten, then there was Perry McCarthy in an AGS sandwich - he's outqualified Pedro Chaves yet again, whose mojo seems to drift in and out with nobody able to predict where he'll be at any time. Stéphane Sarrazin is found leading the second half of the grid for DAMS, who have again managed two cars in the race; Esteban Tuero, Big-Baired Barb and a mildly annoyed Ralph Firman were just behind. Paul Belmondo was the only Simtek to qualify, in a reminder that it's not all fixed in that team just yet. The EuroBruns had a mediocre qualifying by their standards this year, but fortunately, both made the grid; the two Yanks locked out row 11, which is getting depressingly familiar for them now. The aforementioned Chaves and Sospiri were right near the back, and four tenths off them, Pierluigi Martini took 26th... by four hundredths from a very angry Piercarlo Ghinzani, first of the non-qualifiers. Also going home on Friday were Grogor Foitek - again - and Taki Inoue, from those cars we might expect to qualify. Saturday morning would see six empty garages - those of Osella, ATS Rial, FTM, Life, Lola and Stefan. Some of them must wonder why they bother.



CLASSIFICATION

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1 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking         53   1h 23'37.891
2 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM           53   1h 23'43.816
3 –    17 G. Tarquini     AGS            53   1h 23'50.479
4 –    28 A. Montermini   Forti          53   1h 24'02.449
5 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti          53   1h 24'04.086
6 –    5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri    53   1h 25'12.808
7 –    20 R. Firman       Toleman        52   + 1 lap            
8 –    31 P. Chaves       SAC            52   + 1 lap            
9 –    26 P. Alliot       Prost          52   + 1 lap            
10 –   35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi     52   + 1 lap            
11 –   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek         52   + 1 lap            
12 –   8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM           52   + 1 lap            
13 –   18 J. Winkelhock   AGS            52   + 1 lap            

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14 –   6  S. Speed        Team America   52   + 1 lap
15 –   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS           51   + 2 laps
16 –   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun       51   + 2 laps
17 –   7  J. Johnson      Team America   51   + 2 laps
18 –   24 E. Tuero        Minardi        51   + 2 laps
19 –   23 P. Martini      Minardi        51   + 2 laps
20 –   3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking         50   fuel system
21 –   19 A. McNish       Toleman        39   suspension
22 –   25 O. Grouillard   Prost          23   overheating
23 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC            7    crash
24 –   41 V. Sospiri      DAMS           6    transmission
25 –   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun       5    transmission
26 –   4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri    2    engine

The tifosi hoped for a Ferrari victory, even though the Ferraris disappeared from this series at the end of 2011. In lieu of that, they hoped for an Italian victory in a Brazilian car bearing those iconic Ferrari numbers, but it was not to be. Jan Magnussen came out on top for the third time this season, after a titanic battle with title rival Chris Dagnall that had lasted all race, with the two drivers passing each other numerous times, almost every lap or two. Þorvaldur Einarsson had been well in the hunt until disaster struck on lap 50, wit the car suddenly exploding into flames on the entry to the Parabolica. He parked just over the line to record 50 laps for the race, and could then only watch as a display that was worthy of Muspelheim itself entertained the crowd directly opposite. Investigations later showed a fuel line had burst and was spraying petrol all over the engine. The ultimate beneficiary was an Italian who the tifosi didn't seem to notice; Gabriele Tarquini inherited third place, just as he had done here last year. An AGS is no Ferrari, but for Gabriele, it'll do just fine. The Fortis ended up fourth and fifth, and were almost a minute ahead of Marco Apicella, who was all but lapped. Ralph Firman took seventh, and in eighth - utterly delighted to have finally reversed his terrible mid-season catastrophes, it was Pedro Chaves. SAC had almost become used to Perry McCarthy picking up steady points where the opportunity presented itself, but he made a schoolboy error at Variante della Roggia after only seven laps, throwing his car into the tyre barrier completely unprovoked. Reject Of The Race for you, me old mucker. For the minor points, Philippe Alliot and Fabrizio Barbazza at least kept their personal scoreboards ticking over.

Frustrated to be out of the points were Paul Belmondo, who needs them for himself, and Jean-Denis Délétraz, who needs them to keep up F1RM's fading challenge for the Constructors' Championship. Joachim Winkelhock also couldn't get out of his car what his team-mate could, and ended up 13th. Team America failed horribly again, Scott Speed finishing one lap down and Jimmie Johnson two, with a DAMS and a EuroBrun between them. The two Minardis were the final finishers. Of the retirements I haven't mentioned, Allan McNish's suspension shattered, Olivier Grouillard's Prost couldn't take the Monza heat, Vincenzo Sospiri and Claudio Langes both had their gearboxes die on them very early on, and Yuji Ide's engine lasted all of two laps before grenading itself. That's not supposed to happen to tried and tested Japanese engines. Is it?



DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP
Four races and 100 points are left to be won. Drivers with a mathematical chance of the championship are shown with a star.

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1 –  * 2  J. Magnussen    Viking          184
2 –  * 9  C. Dagnall      F1RM            162
3 –  * 3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking          149
4 –  * 27 L. Badoer       Forti           109
5 –    4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri     76
6 –    28 A. Montermini   Forti           70
7 –    8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM            58
8 =    17 G. Tarquini     AGS             53
8 =    20 R. Firman       Toleman         53
10 –   5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri     48
11 –   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun        38
12 –   26 P. Alliot       Prost           36
13 –   31 P. Chaves       SAC             29

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14 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC             27
15 –   19 A. McNish       Toleman         25
16 –   6  S. Speed        Team America    21
17 –   35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi      13
18 –   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun        12
19 –   12 T. Inoue        Simtek          9
20 =   7  J. Johnson      Team America    8
20 =   36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi      8
20 =   18 J. Winkelhock   AGS             8
20 =   25 O. Grouillard   Prost           8
24 –   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek          6
25 =   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS            1
25 =   41 V. Sospiri      DAMS            1

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP
Four races and 172 points are left to be won. Teams with a mathematical chance of the championship are shown with a star.

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1 – * Viking         333
2 – * F1RM           220
3 – * Forti          179
4 –   Super Aguri    124
5 –   Toleman        78
6 –   AGS            61
7 –   SAC            56
8 –   EuroBrun       50
9 –   Prost          44
10 –  Team America   29
11 –  Monteverdi     21
12 –  Simtek         15
13 –  DAMS           2

[Salamander]

Come on Badoer, you can take the title! I believe in you!

In other news, there goes Chaves' Jean-Pierre Jabouille impression.

[dinizintheoven]

In other news, there goes Chaves' Jean-Pierre Jabouille impression.

Hey, at least I don't have to make him a special trophy now! I couldn't afford the silver anyway.

[dinizintheoven]

Round 13: Estoril, Portugal
Saturday, 21 September 2013

THE GRID

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1 –    31 P. Chaves       SAC            1'20.197
2 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking         1'20.356
3 –    8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM           1'20.451
4 –    19 A. McNish       Toleman        1'20.612
5 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking         1'20.692
6 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti          1'20.710
7 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM           1'20.910
8 –    28 A. Montermini   Forti          1'21.569
9 –    34 C. Langes       EuroBrun       1'22.116
10 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC            1'22.734
11 –   17 G. Tarquini     AGS            1'22.900
12 –   36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi     1'23.030
13 –   4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri    1'23.270

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14 –   20 R. Firman       Toleman        1'23.358
15 –   6  S. Speed        Team America   1'23.454
16 –   24 E. Tuero        Minardi        1'23.474
17 –   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek         1'23.474
18 –   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS           1'23.482
19 –   18 J. Winkelhock   AGS            1'23.679
20 –   35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi     1'23.937
21 –   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun       1'24.103
22 –   26 P. Alliot       Prost          1'24.103
23 –   14 J. Villeneuve   Stefan         1'24.347
24 –   41 V. Sospiri      DAMS           1'24.348
25 –   25 O. Grouillard   Prost          1'24.396
26 –   37 P-H. Raphanel   ATS Rial       1'24.523

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---------------- DID NOT QUALIFY ----------------
DNQ –  16 F. Fauzy        FTM            1'24.564
DNQ –  15 A. Yoong        FTM            1'24.691
DNQ –  7  J. Johnson      Team America   1'24.972
DNQ –  21 P. Ghinzani     Osella         1'25.068
DNQ –  38 V. Weidler      ATS Rial       1'25.094
DNQ –  13 K. Nakajima     Stefan         1'25.095
DNQ –  39 B. Giacomelli   Life           1'25.225

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DNQ –  5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri    1'25.687
DNQ –  12 T. Inoue        Simtek         1'25.718
DNQ –  23 P. Martini      Minardi        1'25.728
DNQ –  30 R. Teixeira     Lola           1'25.760
DNQ –  29 P. Kralev       Lola           1'26.268
DNQ –  22 A. Chiesa       Osella         1'26.508
DNQ –  40 G. Brabham      Life           no time

What just happened there?

Seeing a Viking, a F1RM, a Forti or even a Toleman at the head of the timesheets isn't anything of a shock. Well, maybe Toleman this year up the front might be a shock. But an SAC? Driven by Pedro Chaves? He has racked up four DNQs this year, and hasn't qualified anywhere near as well as he did in 2012. But he has won a race. And now, he can add a pole position to his personal collection. So, after an ordeal of a mid-season... we can say, Pedro is back! You should have seen the faces in the Viking garage when that time jumped up on the screens as well - both drivers had used up all their laps and Jan Magnussen, with a championship to win, went off to have a mild sulk after only taking fifth. Again, though, Chris Dagnall hasn't quite done the business on Friday - seventh is all he could manage, the meat in a Forti sandwich. Perry McCarthy will wonder how he could be almost three seconds slower than his team-mate, but he's still tenth, and has Claudio Langes, Gabriele Tarquini and Gregor Foitek for company around him - that's a good effort from the Swiss driver. Yuji Ide could only manage 13th for Super Aguri, which is a considerabler amount better than his team-mate, and the same could be said for Scott Speed. Further back, it's another double appearance for DAMS, Stéphane Sarrazin being the lead car again; the second cars of AGS, Monteverdi and EuroBrun are just behind. Both Prosts are rooted to the wrong end of the grid, but the unusual sight of Jacques Villeneuve and Pierre-Henri Raphanel lining up for Stefan and ATS Rial on race day should keep them awake. Three notable names stick out amongst the non-qualifiers: Taki Inoue, dumped at the first hurdle for the second race in succession, Jimmie Johnson, crashing out on Friday for the third time this season, and Marco Apicella, who was mystifyingly slow and was over a second away from making the cut. Nobody is particularly surprised to see Osella, Life, Lola and FTM taking an early bath.



CLASSIFICATION

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1 –    8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM           71   1h 54'43.153
2 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM           71   1h 54'43.445
3 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti          71   1h 55'26.112
4 –    19 A. McNish       Toleman        71   1h 55'47.003
5 –    31 P. Chaves       SAC            71   1h 56'13.213
6 –    18 J. Winkelhock   AGS            70   + 1 lap            
7 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking         70   + 1 lap            
8 –    37 P-H. Raphanel   ATS Rial       70   + 1 lap            
9 –    11 P. Belmondo     Simtek         70   + 1 lap            
10 –   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS           70   + 1 lap            
11 –   6  S. Speed        Team America   69   + 2 laps            
12 –   24 E. Tuero        Minardi        69   + 2 laps            
13 –   25 O. Grouillard   Prost          69   + 2 laps            

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14 –   26 P. Alliot       Prost          68   + 3 laps      
15 –   41 V. Sospiri      DAMS           68   + 3 laps      
16 –   20 R. Firman       Toleman        63   transmission      
17 –   36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi     61   crash      
18 –   14 J. Villeneuve   Stefan         40   crash      
19 –   28 A. Montermini   Forti          48   crash      
20 –   4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri    21   spun off      
21 –   35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi     20   suspension      
22 –   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun       18   engine      
23 –   17 G. Tarquini     AGS            12   brakes      
24 –   2  J. Magnussen    Viking         9    crash   
25 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC            0    crash      
26 –   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun       0    crash      

I said it on Friday, I will say it again on race day. What just happened there?

Let us start at the beginning, with the rain thrashing down out the sky as if Tlaloc was visiting from ancient Mexico and was in one of his really foul moods. Perry McCarthy and Claudio Langes thought that they could have a drag race off the start, in those conditions... crash, bang, wallop, both of them out at the first corner and they were lucky not to take anyone else with them. The stewards looked long and hard at the incident, and decided the most appropriate course of action was to hand a ten-second stop/go penalty to Lewis Hamilton, for reasons which even the most ardent and blinkered Ferrari fanboy could not explain, but certainly easier to explain is the shared Reject of the Race for both drivers – and that's a second in succession for you, Mr McCarthy! Further reason for the ROTR award is that it created a lot of debris that the Portuguese marshals had to clear up... and one particularly large piece of bodywork that they had missed was collected by none other than race leader and championship leader, Jan Magnussen. That took him out as well. The next to perish was Gabriele Tarquini, in a potentially horrifying incident where his brake disc exploded and he had to coast to a halt along the main straight - that could have been so much worse than it was. Engine trouble saw off Enrico Bertaggia, Big-Haired Fab's suspension broke and Yuji Ide thought he'd go for a spin on the grass, straight into a gravel trap. That's a bad weekend for Super Aguri complete, then. All was calm until lap 48 when Andrea Montermini flung his car off the road, followed by Jacques Villeneuve who had desperately been hoping to reach the finish even if he was ten laps down (he wasn't) but that was not to be; the third victim was Gregor Foitek, and Bertrand Gachot was annoyed no end at the complete loss of what could have been a hatful of points for Monteverdi as car after car lay strewn at the side of the track. There was just time for one final victim, Ralph Firman's gearbox somehow slamming itself into reverse and tearing itself to tiny bits in the process.

So who should make it through the carnage in the end? Jamie and Enoch could have gone on the radio and said "Chris is faster than you, can you confirm you understood that message?" And it was true, Daggers had had to hack his way through a bit of traffic and did so with brutal precision. But Jean-Denis Délétraz hadn't won a race since Adelaide at the end of the 2011 season, and was not to be denied. The cars crossed the line in a photo finish for the team's first ever one-two, but nobody thought it would take this long (especially when HWNSNBM was on the team), and nobody thought it would be in this order. On a day when Jan Magnussen scored no points, the win would have taken Chris Dagnall into the championship lead, but that had conveniently slid JDD's mind. Luca Badoer was the other podium finisher, Allan McNish picked up 12 very useful points to drag Toleman back up into a position they're used to, and the revival of Pedro Chaves continued with a spirited drive to fifth. In sixth was Joachim Winkelhock, a lap down, but now - crucially for his future prospects - a step towards that all-important unrejectification. Þorvaldur Einarsson brought home some consolation points for Viking, having had problems all the way through the race with a temperamental supercharger, Paul Belmondo finally recorded another top ten finish, and Stéphane Sarrazin scored DAMS' first point since Canada.

I have, of course, saved the best until last. Barely had he scraped onto the grid on Friday, his team-mate racking up yet another DNQ, but if you can keep your head when all around you are losing theirs and the team boss is an atom bomb always waiting to explode, yours are the points, my son, and the rewards that come with them. Pierre-Henri Raphanel drove a flawless race in the rain, sailing through all the carnage, and scored not just his first ever points in F1RMGP - yes, that includes the season he drove for Monteverdi - it was the first ever points for ATS Rial, those backmarkers who everyone laughed at throughout 2012 and 2013... and that result has even put them ahead of DAMS in the Constructors' Championship. I have no idea where that came from, whether it was PHR's brilliant drive, whether it was that Volkswagen TSI engine working better in the wet conditions than everyone else's effort, whether it was Günther Schmidt screaming blue murder in the garage the way he does... Infinite Improbability Drive of the Race? This was Infinite Improbability Drive of the season.

Zoran Stefanovic was unavailable for comment.



DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP
Three races and 75 points are left to be won. Drivers with a mathematical chance of the championship are shown with a star.

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1 –  * 2  J. Magnussen    Viking          184
2 –  * 9  C. Dagnall      F1RM            180
3 –  * 3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking          155
4 –  * 27 L. Badoer       Forti           124

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5 –    8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM            83
6 –    4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri     76
7 –    28 A. Montermini   Forti           70
8 =    17 G. Tarquini     AGS             53
8 =    20 R. Firman       Toleman         53
10 –   5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri     48
11 –   31 P. Chaves       SAC             39
12 –   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun        38
13 –   19 A. McNish       Toleman         37
14 –   26 P. Alliot       Prost           36
15 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC             27
16 –   6  S. Speed        Team America    21
17 –   18 J. Winkelhock   AGS             16

Code: Select all

18 –   35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi      13
19 –   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun        12
20 –   12 T. Inoue        Simtek          9
21 =   7  J. Johnson      Team America    8
21 =   36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi      8
21 =   25 O. Grouillard   Prost           8
21 =   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek          8
25 –   37 P-H. Raphanel   ATS Rial        4
26 –   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS            2
27 –   41 V. Sospiri      DAMS            1

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP
Four races and 129 points are left to be won. Teams with a mathematical chance of the championship are shown with a star.

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1 – * Viking         339
2 – * F1RM           263

Code: Select all

3 –   Forti          194
4 –   Super Aguri    124
5 –   Toleman        90
6 –   AGS            69
7 –   SAC            66
8 –   EuroBrun       50
9 –   Prost          44
10 –  Team America   29
11 –  Monteverdi     21
12 –  Simtek         17
13 –  ATS Rial       4
14 –  DAMS           3

[SuperAguri]

Viking Racing mechanic arrested
After a dismembered body was found outside the Viking garage a minor mechanic was arrested and charged with GBH, however team bosses up and down the paddock have stated that such a major crime should be punished with nothing less then a points deduction, however as the F1RMGPS council have yet to ban axes, no team boss was willing to talk to us.

Lola to be bought?
With Lola mainly DNQing, there are rumours that the mysterious new team are looking to buy the entry that Lola have as it would be the easiest way for them to get into F1. However a senior person at Fondmetal Team Malaysia have said the team is as good as bankrupt and would be looking for a cash injection, a partner or a simple sale to save the team. 2014 does look very interesting.

Super Aguri claim sabotage
After a poor result, Aguri Suzuki has told this lucky reporter that he believes that the team were sabotaged the last few races. At the Italian Grand Prix a meat pie was found on the engine, the engine failure was not but the meat pie started to smoke and burnt some electrical parts. He also claims he has footage of some person in yellow and green stuffing something into Marco Apicellas tail pipe, it was enough to make the engine lose a lot of power and Apicella failed to qualify. Yuji Ide also claimed he was tapped from behind as he would never spin on his own. Mr Aguri has given the footage to the F1RMGPS council.

Daihatsu show off new F1 Engine
Although team bosses are still falling around laughing, Daihatsu have shown off their new engine, the K3-VF1 2.6L 16v Straight 4 turbocharged engine. Although it looks very pretty, Daihatsu bosses admit that the engine is just a shiny piece of metal (it being a 2X version of the Copen engine) and that there are no working parts and they have not even got anything on a test bed roaring in anger. They claim that they will have an engine if a F1 team shows interest.

[dinizintheoven]

Detective Inspector Brundell on the case...
Marktin Brundell separates the flotsam from the jetsam in the pages of this week's Autosport

Viking Racing mechanic arrested
After a dismembered body was found outside the Viking garage a minor mechanic was arrested and charged with GBH, however team bosses up and down the paddock have stated that such a major crime should be punished with nothing less then a points deduction, however as the F1RMGPS council have yet to ban axes, no team boss was willing to talk to us.

There's a good reason for that; it's all false! The "mechanic" was none other than Karl Power, the notorious imposter who has stood for a Manchester United team photo and walked out to bat for the England cricket team. How he got hold of some spare Viking Racing overalls is all that is being investigated here. The fact that Power has previously been in prison more than once does not bode well for any upcoming trial he might face, and all fingers point to him anyway. Team Principal Ragnar The Forkbearded has been seen with blood on his overalls, however, he maintains that he accidentally cut himself while hand-carving deep grooves in some wet tyres with a battle axe.

Lola to be bought?
With Lola mainly DNQing, there are rumours that the mysterious new team are looking to buy the entry that Lola have as it would be the easiest way for them to get into F1. However a senior person at Fondmetal Team Malaysia have said the team is as good as bankrupt and would be looking for a cash injection, a partner or a simple sale to save the team. 2014 does look very interesting.

While 2014 does look interesting, it's not for the reasons you think. All I'll say is that there is a very slight hint of truth in this story, if some of the rumblings round the paddock concerning those two teams are to be believed. Lola have said, though, that they're not concerned about bankruptcy, seeing as the qualifying session is televised live in Angola, and the coverage is manipulated in such a way that Kim Jong-Il would be proud of, making it appear as if the qualifying session is the race. So the cash from Sonangol just keeps coming in... it's keeping the team afloat at least, if not improving their performance in any way.

Super Aguri claim sabotage
After a poor result, Aguri Suzuki has told this lucky reporter that he believes that the team were sabotaged the last few races. At the Italian Grand Prix a meat pie was found on the engine, the engine failure was not but the meat pie started to smoke and burnt some electrical parts. He also claims he has footage of some person in yellow and green stuffing something into Marco Apicellas tail pipe, it was enough to make the engine lose a lot of power and Apicella failed to qualify. Yuji Ide also claimed he was tapped from behind as he would never spin on his own. Mr Aguri has given the footage to the F1RMGPS council.

This one is extremely curious. A bunch of grapes was left outside Aguri Suzuki's office at the Super Aguri motorhome, all with scowly faces painted on them in Tipp-Ex. A note beside the grapes read: "I heard what you said. These are for you. Love and kisses, J."
Jan Magnussen, Jean-Denis Délétraz and Jamie McGregor have all utterly denied sending the note, saying they'd never, ever write "love and kisses" to a rival team boss under any circumstances, including in a "driver X is faster than you, can you confirm you understood that message" situation (think of the agreement Williams and McLaren had in the final race of F1 1997 and you'll get the idea). Maybe the perpetrator will come forward in due course. Meanwhile, if the Super Aguri mechanics are finding meat pies under the engine covers, then they really should think twice about having lunch in the garage! As for the mystery exhaust pipe sabouter, those yellow and green overalls can only belong to two teams: Minardi, whose overalls also contain black and white stripes, and Fondmetal Team Malaysia - at least, those were the colours of their overalls last season. What could those two teams have against Super Aguri? They're both at the wrong end of the grid and need to concentrate on their own qualifying, rather than trying to screw up another team's. Is it our old pal Karl Power again?

Daihatsu show off new F1 Engine
Although team bosses are still falling around laughing, Daihatsu have shown off their new engine, the K3-VF1 2.6L 16v Straight 4 turbocharged engine. Although it looks very pretty, Daihatsu bosses admit that the engine is just a shiny piece of metal (it being a 2X version of the Copen engine) and that there are no working parts and they have not even got anything on a test bed roaring in anger. They claim that they will have an engine if a F1 team shows interest.

It is said that even Tony Fernandes refuses to touch this engine with a barge pole, despite the inevitable fact that his experiment with the Proton-Mecachrome W9 has been a catastrophic failure. Seven starts out of a potential 26, and with only three races to go, they're still sticking with Plan A... that's really pouring concentrated hydrochloric acid in Daihatsu's wound...

[dinizintheoven]

Forti: "It definitely wasn't us, either..."

Forti Corse... do Brasil! would like to remind the authors of Autosport magazine that our overalls are green and blue, with only a few yellow flashes on the sleeves. There's quite enough yellow as it is on the cars themselves!

FTM: "didn't do owt!"

Tony Fernandes would also like to reinforce Marktin Brundell's investigation into the yellow and green overalls story, reminding the world's media that FTM's overalls for the 2013 season are red on top and green on the bottom with a yellow belt, mimicing the livery of the car. However, Mr Fernandes did make some remarks about "some other bunch of bathpluggers calling themselves Lotus, running a team in America with our true green and yellow, or is it black and gold... wait... what is it that we believe this week?"

Minardi: "we apologise..."

...for our overalls. We know they're really ugly. We can't do anything about it. Superfund did it, OK? They insisted that we have their manky green logo splashed everywhere it's possible to put it, I mean, look what they did to the car! Look at the old 2012 car, that was fine, this one... it's hideous! Please don't scare them away, we need all the cash we can get... what's that, Mr Abdullah? Oil money from Iraq? Hang on a mo, I'll just get a translator who can speak Arabic, and then we'll talk... brought your cheque book, have you?

[Salamander]

Yes! Badoer's still in there! You can still pull this off, Luca!

Also, I think Super Aguri should stop whinging and start not stuffing up so much. Apicella has frequently out-qualified Ide, only to finish behind his teammate, who probably would have a much more impressive points-tally if he matched Apicella more often on Saturdays. And that's not even counting all the DNF's and those embarassing DNQ's; the way the team is going, Toleman might be able to put up a fight for 4th.

Could be time for some new blood in the team, I know I'd like to see Sakon Yamamoto on the grid next season...

[dinizintheoven]

A bunch of grapes was left outside Aguri Suzuki's office at the Super Aguri motorhome, all with scowly faces painted on them in Tipp-Ex. A note beside the grapes read: "I heard what you said. These are for you. Love and kisses, J."
Jan Magnussen, Jean-Denis Délétraz and Jamie McGregor have all utterly denied sending the note, saying they'd never, ever write "love and kisses" to a rival team boss under any circumstances, including in a "driver X is faster than you, can you confirm you understood that message" situation (think of the agreement Williams and McLaren had in the final race of F1 1997 and you'll get the idea). Maybe the perpetrator will come forward in due course.

And he has. The man who sent the note is:



JULIAN RICHER.

For the uninitiated, he's the founder of Richer Sounds, a company which has been known for (quite rightly) goading the massive high street chain stores' antipathy towards his business model by calling them out for what they are: sour grapes! The paragraph in question in the Richer Sounds leaflet is always accompanied by a cartoon of a bunch of grapes with a scowling face on each grape... and Julian Richer has actually called Aguri Suzuki out on it. But the actual sour grapes are not the end of it - in a calculated antagonistic move, Richer Sounds will be sponsoring the rival Dome team in 2014!

[dinizintheoven]

Marktin Brundell's Newsround: nationalists on the rise

The early release of part of the 2014 F1RMGP calendar in preparation for the inaugural Women's European Cup has raised some unwanted attention – from a militant group linked to the nationalist Unió Democràtica de Catalunya in said region of Spain. With two Spanish races appearing on the 2014 calendar, at Barcelona and Jerez de la Frontera, Barcelona kept the title of Spanish Grand Prix which it has held from the first F1RMGP season, with the race at Jerez being named the Gibraltar Grand Prix, the series management refusing to accept the cop-out that would be naming it the European Grand Prix. To avoid the severe disruption and potential casualties associated with political activism, the series management shifted the title of Spanish Grand Prix to the race at Jerez, also neatly sidestepping any future threats from far-right parties determined to take over Gibraltar (while remaining strangely silent about the exclaves of Ceuta and Melilla on the northern coast of Africa). As a result, the race at Barcelona in 2014 and further seasons will run under the flag of Andorra – not unreasonable as Andorra is the only state in the world with Catalan as its official language, and the Andorran football team play their home games in Barcelona if a country with a large following comes knocking.

So, with another potential bullet having just being dodged, here comes the report for the last race at Barcelona to be run under the Spanish flag...

Round 14: Barcelona, Spain
Saturday, 5 October 2013

THE GRID

Code: Select all

1 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking         1'29.162
2 –    11 P. Belmondo     Simtek         1'30.301
3 –    20 R. Firman       Toleman        1'30.392
4 –    31 P. Chaves       SAC            1'30.426
5 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM           1'30.466
6 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti          1'30.712
7 –    35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi     1'31.613
8 –    5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri    1'31.663
9 –    6  S. Speed        Team America   1'31.817
10 –   25 O. Grouillard   Prost          1'31.981
11 –   8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM           1'32.016
12 –   2  J. Magnussen    Viking         1'32.350
13 –   28 A. Montermini   Forti          1'32.354

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14 –   18 J. Winkelhock   AGS            1'32.391
15 –   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun       1'32.517
16 –   23 P. Martini      Minardi        1'32.602
17 –   17 G. Tarquini     AGS            1'32.727
18 –   19 A. McNish       Toleman        1'33.219
19 –   4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri    1'33.372
20 –   41 V. Sospiri      DAMS           1'33.506
21 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC            1'33.669
22 –   7  J. Johnson      Team America   1'33.745
23 –   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun       1'34.107
24 –   26 P. Alliot       Prost          1'34.235
25 –   14 J. Villeneuve   Stefan         1'34.409
26 –   30 R. Teixeira     Lola           1'34.689

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---------------- DID NOT QUALIFY ----------------
DNQ –  36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi     1'34.935
DNQ –  37 P-H. Raphanel   ATS Rial       1'35.053
DNQ –  40 G. Brabham      Life           1'35.086
DNQ –  12 T. Inoue        Simtek         1'35.098
DNQ –  15 A. Yoong        FTM            1'35.185
DNQ –  13 K. Nakajima     Stefan         1'35.311
DNQ –  21 P. Ghinzani     Osella         1'35.757

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DNQ –  29 P. Kralev       Lola           1'35.915
DNQ –  39 B. Giacomelli   Life           1'35.955
DNQ –  42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS           1'36.165
DNQ –  16 F. Fauzy        FTM            1'36.818
DNQ –  22 A. Chiesa       Osella         no time
DNQ –  24 E. Tuero        Minardi        no time
DNQ –  38 V. Weidler      ATS Rial       no time

This series just keeps throwing up surprises. No, not Thundergod on pole, look who's there alongside him on the front row: Paul Belmondo! Not since the heady heights of the 2011 season has a Simtek qualified so high - they've usually been unnervingly close to DNQ, and the team has done so six times already, the sixth of those being... this race, actually, in Taki Inoue's hands. Where this disparity comes from... nobody knows. Ralph Firman qualified higher than he has for a very long time, and Pedro Chaves looks to have been completely rehabilitated, putting his SAC on row two. Chris Dagnall has Luca Badoer for company on row three, and Fabrizio Barbazza just behind, qualifying very well in the Monteverdi - his team-mate also went astray this session. Marco Apicella bounced back from his Portuguese embarrassment, Scott Speed did a better job than his car has deserved recently, and Olivier Grouillard rounds out the top ten. Jean-Denis Délétraz has always been a bit up-and-down in qualifying, but Jan Magnussen hasn't - what they're doing on the sixth row, or at least what one of them is doing, is a mystery - and I don't mean Délétraz. Further down the grid, AGS had a fair-to-middling session for what they're used to these days, although Pierluigi Martini will be happy to have been up amongst them, as he hasn't had the easiest of years. Allan McNish and Yuji Ide will have every right to be annoyed with their qualifying performances, but Vincenzo Sospiri won't - he's had the main share of the bad luck at DAMS and will be able to laugh at his team-mate this time. Jimmie Johnson has unwittingly given himself the job of separating Perry McCarthy and Claudio Langes from any more start-line silliness, Philippe Alliot ended qualifying with a face that looked like he'd eaten snails for dinner with the shell still on, but rejoicing at a rare chance to race were Jacques Villeneuve - actually, that's his fifth start this year, which is more than Stefan could manage in the whole of last season with two cars - and Ricardo Teixeira, who nobody expected to see even once. Amongst the non-qualifiers were Gregor Foitek and Taki Inoue, both bombing horribly on days when their team-mates were somewhere up the front of the grid - such is the disparity between the Simteks that Taki takes Reject Of The Race. Pierre-Henri Raphanel couldn't pull another rabbit out the hat after his sensational result in Portugal, and Gary Brabham actually had his best qualifying result since Imola... but still hasn't made it onto the grid this year! So, it's ATS Rial, Osella, Life and FTM who all go home on the Friday evening, and bottom of the heap are Andrea Chiesa, Esteban Tuero and Volker Weidler, none of whom could set any time after they all had engine gremlins - not that I suspect it would have made a lot of difference.



CLASSIFICATION

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1 –    8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM           65   1h 45'43.387
2 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM           65   1h 46'10.114
3 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking         65   1h 46'27.029
4 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking         65   1h 46'27.030
5 –    35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi     65   1h 46'43.164
6 –    5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri    65   1h 46'54.796
7 –    18 J. Winkelhock   AGS            65   1h 47'28.219
8 –    11 P. Belmondo     Simtek         64   + 1 lap            
9 –    20 R. Firman       Toleman        64   + 1 lap            
10 –   28 A. Montermini   Forti          64   + 1 lap            
11 –   17 G. Tarquini     AGS            64   + 1 lap            
12 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC            64   + 1 lap            
13 –   30 R. Teixeira     Lola           64   + 1 lap            

Code: Select all

14 –   31 P. Chaves       SAC            64   + 1 lap
15 –   41 V. Sospiri      DAMS           64   + 1 lap
16 –   6  S. Speed        Team America   64   + 1 lap
17 –   7  J. Johnson      Team America   64   + 1 lap
18 –   25 O. Grouillard   Prost          63   + 2 laps
19 –   4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri    63   + 2 laps
20 –   26 P. Alliot       Prost          63   + 2 laps
21 –   14 J. Villeneuve   Stefan         62   + 3 laps
22 –   23 P. Martini      Minardi        62   + 3 laps
23 –   27 L. Badoer       Forti          54   engine
24 –   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun       37   transmission
25 –   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun       30   chassis
26 –   19 A. McNish       Toleman        10   engine

Did I just see double? It's tempting to say that both F1RM and Viking may have shot themselves in the face there. As it was in Portugal, Jean-Denis Délétraz sailed over the line for victory, with Chris Dagnall behind, when ideally, it should have been the other way round. The situation with the Vikings was even more bizarre - knowing there was a sniff of taking the Constructors' title if F1RM had a bad race (which they really didn't), the two cars raced each other to the line, prompting a response of "AAAAAAAAHHH! VIKINGU SIDE-O BY SIDE-O!" from the Japanese commentators as they unwittingly caused as close to a dead heat as there can ever be... Þorvaldur Einarsson was adjudged to have crossed the line first, by a thousandth of a second, taking three points off Jan Magnussen. That handed the Drivers' Championship lead to Chris Dagnall... by two points. But then, he was seven points down on what he could and maybe should have been. Even so, he can now win the title in Japan, whereas the Dane will have to take it down to the wire. Here's hoping that's exactly what happens.

Behind the top two teams, it was a great day for Monteverdi, or as great a day as they could have with only one car in the race - Fabrizio Barbazza maximised his potential payout short of a miracle and took fifth. It's probably too late to get them on terms with EuroBrun and Prost, but it has - almost unbeliveably - put them ahead of Team America, now languishing in eleventh place. Marco Apicella suitably atoned for his Estoril misadventure, keeping Super Aguri well ahead of Toleman, but unless they have a miracle they will finish the season fourth. Joachim Winkelhock again brought home a couple of rashers of bacon, if not the entire pack, for AGS as his reputation (outside Touring Cars) continues to grow. Paul Belmondo again showed up his misfiring Japanese team-mate; he would have hoped for more from the front of the grid, but the Simtek wasn't up to any more than eighth. Ralph Firman and Andrea Montermini rounded out the points finishes, Gabriele Tarquini and Perry McCarthy missed out, but so tantalisingly close to a second shock result in as many races... who would have expected Ricardo Teixeira to finish the race on only his second start, let alone drag himself to 13th? That was a fine effort from the sometimes-Angolan. He even managed to beat Pedro Chaves in the vastly superior SAC, Vincenzo Sospiri in the not-so-superior-but-still-superior-anyway DAMS, and both Team America cars who are heading downhill faster than Eddie the Eagle with rockets on his skis. At least they weren't lapped twice, though, like the two Prosts and - of all people - Yuji Ide, who admittedly had a massive misfire for most of the race. Jacques Villeneuve just managed to beat Pierluigi Martini to the line, which will annoy the Italian no end; Minardi really have had a revolting season. The Barcelona circuit claimed four victims; infuriatingly for Walter Brun, that meant both his cars. Enrico Bertaggia flew over a kerb and wrecked his chassis, while Claudio Langes' driveshaft snapped. Luca Badoer and Allan McNish were the other two cars to retire, both with spent engines.



DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP
Two races and 50 points are left to be won. Drivers with a mathematical chance of the championship are shown with a star.

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1 –  * 9  C. Dagnall      F1RM            198
2 –  * 2  J. Magnussen    Viking          196
3 –  * 3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking          170

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4 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti           124
5 –    8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM            108
6 –    4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri     76
7 –    28 A. Montermini   Forti           71
8 –    5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri     56
9 –    20 R. Firman       Toleman         55
10 –   17 G. Tarquini     AGS             53
11 –   31 P. Chaves       SAC             39
12 –   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun        38
13 –   19 A. McNish       Toleman         37
14 –   26 P. Alliot       Prost           36
15 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC             27
16 –   35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi      23

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17 –   18 J. Winkelhock   AGS             22
18 –   6  S. Speed        Team America    21
19 =   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun        12
19 =   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek          12
21 –   12 T. Inoue        Simtek          9
22 =   7  J. Johnson      Team America    8
22 =   36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi      8
22 =   25 O. Grouillard   Prost           8
25 –   37 P-H. Raphanel   ATS Rial        4
26 –   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS            2
27 –   41 V. Sospiri      DAMS            1

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP
Two races and 86 points are left to be won. Teams with a mathematical chance of the championship are shown with a star.

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1 – * Viking         366
2 – * F1RM           306

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3 –   Forti          195
4 –   Super Aguri    132
5 –   Toleman        92
6 –   AGS            75
7 –   SAC            66
8 –   EuroBrun       50
9 –   Prost          44
10 –  Monteverdi     31
11 –  Team America   29
12 –  Simtek         21
13 –  ATS Rial       4
14 –  DAMS           3

[kobayashiftw]

Go Dagnall. Go team F1 rejects.

BTW, this is epic, well done on running it

[Salamander]

Noooooooo Badoer! Oh well, I suppose it had to happen eventually. Now to support the other longshot: Come on Þorvaldur Einarsson!

[dinizintheoven]

It is a credit to Luca Badoer, Forti, Ford do Brasil and Petrobras that he's been in it this long. And Pedro Diniz. I mean, go back and look at the 2011 results... this year, he's been on each podium place once, and been on pole once.

Meanwhile... was that Rrrrrmmmnn Grrrrjjjjnnn I saw going into the Simtek motorhome? What's happening there?

[SuperAguri]

Yuji Ide car sabotaged again?
Yuji Ide performed badly at the Spanish GP, he even drove the entire race with no 6th gear, which limited his top speed. However a meat pie was found lodged under the 6th gear selector. As Super Aguri only serve the finest Japanese food, the rumours that the mechanics left it around whilst having lunch has been thrown out. Aguri Suzuki said, "Someone is trying hard to make sure we can not finish higher then 4th in the constructors and hampering Ide in his quest to finish strongly.". As for the sour grapes, Suzuki pressed them and made some juice and carbonated it, it is rumoured it was sent back to Juliean Richer who opened it and got soaked.

Daihatsu show off the power of their new engine
Daihatsu showed their new K3-VF1 engine to a few selected journalists and it is looking good, although Daihatsu did not release any figures they said it would easily do 900bhp, which should make it interesting to team bosses. Although team bosses were quick to joke about the figure, "900bhp, if it does more then 90bhp, I would be impressed....", another said, "900bhp for all of 8 seconds before it expires.".

Suzuki interested in making F1 engine
If there was not enough Japanese F1 engines, Suzuki have said they would be interested in entering F1, they showed off their V6 Twin Turbo Charged Escudo High Climb engine from 1998, which could offer 1000bhp. As this engine does exist nd has been tested, Suzuki said it would take a little modifications and it would be in a F1 car in less then a week. Team Bosses did not laugh. Although one team it would be ideal for is the Super Aguri team which could be called Super Aguri Suzuki.

[Shizuka]

Oh yeah, the Escudo Pikes Peak - an absolute monster car.

[Salamander]

Suzuki engine deemed too 'dirty' for F1MGPS by some guy
written by Sensationalist B. Journalist Jr.

Recently, the F1 Rejects Microprose Grand Prix Series community has been stunned by the revelation that Suzuki could be entering an engine that is basically the same thing that powered their monster Escudo Pikes Peak car. We were unable to get comments from F1RMGPS team officials and organisers, most of whom were in various states of shock, with the exception of Sir Bernard Shekelsilke, who could not be fond for comment, and HWNSNBM, but we were unable to acquire adequate translation. However, we, and by which I mean I, found some guy who is in no way connected to the series, but does possess glasses and a labcoat so he looks somewhat knowledgeable about everything. We asked him about the potential of the proposed Suzuki engine, of which he stated,

"Well, on paper it looks very promising. However, you have to take into account that this engine is a V6, which is far less cylinders than everything. Also, I'd expect some problems with, um, dirt and stuff, since it did hillclimbs and the like, which have dirt so maybe it would suffer from a lack of it....?"

He went on to say something about being on his way to a boffin lookalike convention, and in no way being an expert on the mechanics of internal combustion engines, but that was completely unimportant in every possible way. So there you have it - the Suzuki engine: on paper very powerful, but is it too dirty? We'll just have to wait and see.

Rumour: Sakon Yamamoto - the next Yuji Ide?
written by Not Joe Saward

Recently, a figure whose name has been banded about by various armchair experts and seen in the F1RMGPS paddock is Sakon Yamamoto. Yamamoto is famed thorughout the F1 paddock for driving for Super Aguri and beating Bruno Senna that one time, as well as having a neck that may or may not be slightly dodgy. So there you have it, Sakon Yamamoto: He drove for Super Aguri in F1, can he follow in the footsteps of the semi-legendary Yuji Ide and make a name for himself as a race winner in F1RMGPS? We'll just have to wait and see.

Meat pie ban to be effected at next race?
written by Ida Prefferedadifferentname
With the recent amount of meat pie-based attacks lodged against Super Aguri in recent races, it has been proposed that a ban on meat pies will be effected at the next race in Japan, the home race for the plucky Japanese squad. The proposed ban would see all food vendors, teams and spectators searched and stripped of all meat pies they may have. So, will this proposed ban go into effect, and if so, will it prevent another sabotage against the Super Aguri team? We'll just have to wait and see.

Also, no word on whether or not this ban will encompass other similar savoury meat-and-pastry-based products such as sausage rolls.

[dinizintheoven]

Meat-pie-gate: the latest news

On arrival in the Suzuka paddock, several front-running teams have reacted to the witch-hunt against meat pies. This first report comes from the Viking Racing catering staff:

POTATISAR I PLURAL! KASSLER! LÖK AV OLIKA SLAG! ÄGG! SVAMP! EN MOROT! Och älgkött... det kastar man inte.
(lots of random shouting in Swedish...)
PRE-DINNER MAYONNAISE! IT'S GOOD FOR YOU!
(more random shouting in Swedish...)
DINNER IS SERVED, BITCHES!

Stefan Johannson was helpfully on hand to translate: Viking Racing's catering staff are serving pyttipanna at this race. Or, as they like to call it, Chop Chop Carnage Stew. Meanwhile, at F1RM, the staff - caterers, drivers, mechanics, team bosses, sponsors, the lot - appeared to be gathered round a large, ceramic cauldron.

Eye of the newt! Tongue of the frog! Hovercraft of Spam! Explosion of nipple!

'Ey, and chips with tha', la!

It turns out HWNSNBM was dictating a 200-year old family recipe for goulash to the caterers, in his usual untranslatable gibberish. Somehow, the chefs appeared to be getting it right - but then, they were all Hungarian as well. Super Aguri, strangely, were unavailable for comment - I thought they'd have said something given that it's them that are complaining the loudest about this meat pie scandal - but, apparently, they were all busy with a tea ceremony. One Japanese chef was said to be preparing his finest creation in celebration of the team's home race... I think he said "fugu" or something like that. Forti, who some have implied might be the suspects here, have plenty of meat with them, but not a hint of any pastry-making ingredients or devices. They've set up a traditional Brazilian churrasqueria outside their motorhome, and have even invited all their rival teams to partake. Down at Toleman, mealtimes are looking a bit more simple: Allan McNish is sticking to haggis and bashed neeps, with Ralph Firman living on a diet entirely consisting of potatoes and Guinness in a desperate attempt to prove he's Irish.

Some say Ted Toleman was seen with something that looked suspiciously like a meat pie in his hand luggate at Narita Airport, and that he was eating the evidence on the way to the circuit... so nobody can prove anything.

Toleman can catch Super Aguri for fourth in the Constructors' Championship, but if Aguri Suzuki wants to keep pointing the finger vaguely in Forti's direction, then more fool him, because they're 65 points in front with 86 to play for, and it's not all that likely that Super Aguri will get the two 1-2s they need in the last two races... is it? And as they've said, the green and yellow overalls seen in the Super Aguri garage don't match theirs, and neither do they resemble Toleman's overalls in any way either, because they're black and white.

Julian Richer, meanwhile, has offered some helpful advice to Aguri Suzuki: try fermenting your grape juice first, or you're never going to win any world wine competitions. DG (of Jamaica) has got the Grape Soda market pretty much sewn up. Meanwhile, he's offering a 10% discount on home cinema amplifiers who anyone who buys Dome merchandise at the opening race in 2014.

[dinizintheoven]

Konnichi-wa in the Far East again for F1RMGP. And in the Land of the Rising Sun, whose hopes will that sun set on? And will there be any interferences bought for £1.50 from Greasy Joe's Chippy thrown into parts of the mix where they shouldn't be? Read on...

Round 15: Suzuka, Japan
Saturday, 19 October 2013

THE GRID

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1 –    5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri    1'42.934
2 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti          1'44.567
3 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM           1'44.611
4 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking         1'44.611
5 –    4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri    1'44.890
6 –    28 A. Montermini   Forti          1'45.024
7 –    18 J. Winkelhock   AGS            1'45.258
8 –    20 R. Firman       Toleman        1'45.433
9 –    19 A. McNish       Toleman        1'45.690
10 –   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun       1'45.802
11 –   6  S. Speed        Team America   1'46.342
12 –   31 P. Chaves       SAC            1'46.441
13 –   3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking         1'46.608

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14 –   35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi     1'46.686
15 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC            1'46.736
16 –   17 G. Tarquini     AGS            1'46.854
17 –   26 P. Alliot       Prost          1'47.263
18 –   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek         1'47.474
19 –   8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM           1'47.689
20 –   36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi     1'48.019
21 –   14 J. Villeneuve   Stefan         1'48.026
22 –   7  J. Johnson      Team America   1'48.183
23 –   22 A. Chiesa       Osella         1'48.640
24 –   12 T. Inoue        Simtek         1'49.226
25 –   24 E. Tuero        Minardi        1'49.264
26 –   23 P. Martini      Minardi        1'49.265

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---------------- DID NOT QUALIFY ----------------
DNQ –  25 O. Grouillard   Prost          1'49.266
DNQ –  33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun       1'49.557
DNQ –  42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS           1'49.843
DNQ –  38 V. Weidler      ATS Rial       1'49.860
DNQ –  39 B. Giacomelli   Life           1'50.399
DNQ –  41 V. Sospiri      DAMS           1'50.472
DNQ –  29 P. Kralev       Lola           1'50.516

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DNQ –  37 P-H. Raphanel   ATS Rial       1'50.684
DNQ –  13 K. Nakajima     Stefan         1'50.763
DNQ –  21 P. Ghinzani     Osella         1'50.930
DNQ –  16 F. Fauzy        FTM            1'51.016
DNQ –  15 A. Yoong        FTM            1'51.552
DNQ –  40 G. Brabham      Life           1'52.009
DNQ –  30 R. Teixeira     Lola           no time

Did anyone see that coming? Meat-pie-gate is well and truly over. Maybe it wasn't totally beyond the realms of possibility for Super Aguri to pull off a pole position on home soil, but who thought it would be Marco Apicella to do it, and who thought he'd beat the rest of the field by over a second and a half? It makes those DNQs in Hungary and Portugal all the more unfathomable, and let's not forget Yuji Ide has had one as well this season. He's made fifth this time, so will the real Super Aguri please stand up, and can we all hope it's this one? It's an all-Italian front row for this race with Luca Badoer joining Apicella at the pointy end of the grid, and the two main championship contenders immediately behind them. Row three (as sort-of-alluded to) is a Xerox of the front row, with Yuji Ide ahead of Andrea Montermini for Super Aguri and Forti respectively. Smokin' Jo leads the charge for AGS, followed by the Tolemans and Claudio Langes in the EuroBrun, still going well on the Friday despite his recent string of retirements. Into the 1'46s, Scott Speed and a well-rehabilitated Pedro Chaves find themselves ahead of Þorvaldur Einarsson, who would later say he was deliberately easing off to take the pressure off his team-mate... he is still in championship contention, so how much truth there is in that, we will see. Probably not a lot. Fab Fab and the Black Stig line up immediately behind the second Viking, followed by Gabriele Tarquini, disappointed not to have been closer to his team-mate. 18th is probably considered a good Friday result for Simtek these days, although after his heroics at Barcelona, Paul Belmondo will most likely see it as a failure. Not as much as Jean-Denis Délétraz will regret his performance, though: what's he doing in 19th? Even further back, there's Jacques Villeneuve again, poking the Stefan onto the grid for the sixth time this season, much to the (relative) delight of Zoran Stefanovic. Jimmie Johnson separates the Canuck from the biggest surprise of the lot, though; Andrea Chiesa has finally, at the fifteenth time of asking, managed to get his Osella onto the grid! We should give him an Infinite Improbability award just for that... but is it even more surprising that only two thousandths of a second separated the next three qualifying times – which brought the Minardis onto the grid but left Olivier Grouillard screaming in frustration! I don't think anyone's ever failed to qualify by such a tiny margin. Otherwise, there weren't too many surprises on the drop-out list, other than Enrico Bertaggia, who should have done better considering his car was good for a top ten performance in Langes' hands; Piercarlo Ghinzani and Kazuki Nakajima fell for Osella and Stefan respectively, and both cars from DAMS (bad news for them), ATS Rial, Life, Lola and FTM were consigned to an early exit from the weekend.



CLASSIFICATION

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1 –    8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM           53   1h 38'48.790
2 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti          53   1h 39'25.997
3 –    5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri    53   1h 39'26.588
4 –    31 P. Chaves       SAC            53   1h 40'34.848
5 –    4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri    52   + 1 lap            
6 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM           52   + 1 lap            
7 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking         52   + 1 lap            
8 –    19 A. McNish       Toleman        52   + 1 lap            
9 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking         52   + 1 lap            
10 –   35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi     52   + 1 lap            
11 –   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun       52   + 1 lap            
12 –   28 A. Montermini   Forti          51   + 2 laps            
13 –   7  J. Johnson      Team America   51   + 2 laps               

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14 –   23 P. Martini      Minardi        51   + 2 laps
15 –   20 R. Firman       Toleman        51   + 2 laps
16 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC            51   + 2 laps
17 –   18 J. Winkelhock   AGS            51   + 2 laps
18 –   14 J. Villeneuve   Stefan         51   + 2 laps
19 –   17 G. Tarquini     AGS            51   + 2 laps
20 –   36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi     50   + 3 laps
21 –   22 A. Chiesa       Osella         50   + 3 laps
22 –   24 E. Tuero        Minardi        50   + 3 laps
23 –   6  S. Speed        Team America   41   engine
24 –   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek         40   engine
25 –   12 T. Inoue        Simtek         28   puncture
26 –   26 P. Alliot       Prost          25   chassis

They say good things come to those who wait. They also say good luck comes in threes. And as Jean-Denis Délétraz celebrated wildly atop the podium, it was easy to see how "they" came to that conclusion. No wins in 2012, and only one point scored in the first six races of this season, it seemed he was on his way down and out. Then came that podium in France, and suddenly everyone's favourite Swiss reject remembered what success was. No driver has ever won three F1RMGP races in succession... until now, and we'd all have taken bets on it being Chris Dagnall or Jan Magnussen to do it. Even winning two races is succession had been unheard of until Daggers did it earlier this season, but JDD has now gone one better. What of those two championship contenders, though? Luca Badoer and Marco Apicella, those front-row lurkers, were the other ones spraying the champagne at the end of the race; Daggers could only manage sixth, with Magnussen a lowly ninth. Sure, it's points for them both, but Daggers could have wrapped up the championship here, instead he must settle for an eight-point lead as the title runs to the wire. Þorvaldur Einarsson couldn't keep it as a three-horse race; seventh was not enough to keep him within 25 points of the leader, and neither did he have the excuse of his grid position either; Délétraz' win had come from 19th, remember. Still, those valuable points ensure that Viking Racing will be in a commanding position to win the Constructors' Championsip in Adelaide. As for the other points scorers – Pedro Chaves, finishing fourth, may have been a minute away from the podium but considering some of his ordeals this season, it's a huge result – his best since that sensational win around the streets of Monaco. Let's also credit Allan McNish for four points to boost what has been a less than satisfying season, and Fabrizio Barbazza again delivered the goods – if for small rewards – for Monteverdi. Crucially (who let Jonathan Legard in here?), Pedro Chaves' result has put SAC ahead of AGS in the Constructors' Championship.

As for those who could not score, Claudio Langes felt he could have pushed harder for that final point; as did Andrea Montermini, who was met with howls of "what are you talking about?" as he was the first to finish two laps down and couldn't have caught Barbazza if he'd had a nitrous kit on that final lap. Jimmie Johnson, in 13th, was the closest he's been to a point since 8th place in Monaco, but it's still no cigar for him or Team America. Jacques Villeneuve managed a creditable 18th, sandwiched between a very discreditable performance from the two AGSs, who have seen their recent good form evaporate. Andrea Chiesa's first start of the season in the pathetic Osella at least ended in a finish, rather than in the barriers or the gravel trap, and he wasn't dead last, to the relative delight of Enzo Osella; he beat Esteban Tuero, who trundled around in the Minardi to no effect whatsoever. Tuero escaped Reject Of The Race, though – that award went to Simtek as neither car made it to the finish in a race of low attrition; Taki Inoue punctured his tyre on a shard of carbon fibre from the damaged chassis of the recently-retired Philippe Alliot and slewed off the track straight into a gravel trap, while Paul Belmondo was left with a trail of blue smoke from his Isuzu engine after 40 laps. Scott Speed, also with an engine blowout, was the only other retirement.



DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP
One race and 25 points are left to be won. It's between two drivers now!

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1 –  * 9  C. Dagnall      F1RM            206
2 –  * 2  J. Magnussen    Viking          198

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3 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking          176
4 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti           142
5 –    8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM            133
6 –    4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri     86
7 =    28 A. Montermini   Forti           71
7 =    5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri     71
9 –    20 R. Firman       Toleman         55
10 –   17 G. Tarquini     AGS             53
11 –   31 P. Chaves       SAC             51
12 –   19 A. McNish       Toleman         41
13 –   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun        38
14 –   26 P. Alliot       Prost           36
15 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC             27

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16 –   35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi      24
17 –   18 J. Winkelhock   AGS             22
18 –   6  S. Speed        Team America    21
19 =   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun        12
19 =   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek          12
21 –   12 T. Inoue        Simtek          9
22 =   7  J. Johnson      Team America    8
22 =   36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi      8
22 =   25 O. Grouillard   Prost           8
25 –   37 P-H. Raphanel   ATS Rial        4
26 –   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS            2
27 –   41 V. Sospiri      DAMS            1

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP
One race and 43 points are left to be won. Two teams can still win it.

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1 – * Viking         374
2 – * F1RM           339

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3 –   Forti          213
4 –   Super Aguri    157
5 –   Toleman        96
6 –   SAC            78
7 –   AGS            75
8 –   EuroBrun       50
9 –   Prost          44
10 –  Monteverdi     32
11 –  Team America   29
12 –  Simtek         21
13 –  ATS Rial       4
14 –  DAMS           3

[TomWazzleshaw]

COME ON DAGGERS! *Blows Airhorn*

[dinizintheoven]

I can almost hear it from here...

[SuperAguri]

Marco Apicella skids on meat pie

Marco Apicella seemed to have a off track moment near the start of the race and our experts examining TV footage and unbroadcast footage conclude that it was because he ran over a meat pie, the moment seemed to loose him a ton of time and places and he was lucky to get 3rd. Super Aguri principal Aguri Suzuki said "I am not sure why we are being attacked with meat pies but the F1RMGPS management need to stomp on these meat pies before someone is seriously hurt on them. I think they should ban all forms of pastries including waffles, apple pie and pork pies.

Stop Press : Meat pie turns out to be Apple Pie

An examination of the track reveals residue of apple, sugar and pastry on the spot where Marco Apicella had his moment. A spokesman for Team America said "Wait a cotton picking minute, we would not waste a good apple pie that way, it should eaten with cool whip (TM)." eating said pie with cool whip (TM)."

[dinizintheoven]

Apple-pie-gate: a response, not from the Series Management

That was certainly nothing to do with me. The only cool whip that's ever gone near me is when one of those Nazi hookers put the whip in the freezer before hitting me with it!

Ach ja, Helga, nochmal!

For the record, Cool Whip sounds utterly horrid. If it's anything like Tip Top, it needs to be run off the face of the planet. Haven't Team America heard of cream, or custard?

Did somebody call?

[wmetcalf68]

Maybe f1rmgps hates japan?

[wmetcalf68]

Come on Dagnall! Win the championship!

[TomWazzleshaw]

What is Cool Whip anyway Fernando?

Sorry, I've been waiting for months for an excuse to post a link to that site

[dinizintheoven]

That's a brilliant site. There needs to be a new one for F1RMGP drivers! Anyone want to hazard a guess at the usernames while I spend two or three days throwing beer doing my throat...

[DanielPT]

What is Cool Whip anyway Fernando?

Sorry, I've been waiting for months for an excuse to post a link to that site

I didn't knew that site Wizzie! After dwelling in it a couple of hours overall in these last days I can only say: Thank you!

[FMecha]

If SuperAguri can make news, I shall able to do that:

Hispania Racing to join F1RMGP?

Hispania Racing, better known as HRT, is aiming to join F1RMGP by 2014. No information is available at the moment, but SEAT is rumored as one of Hispania's sponsor...

[dinizintheoven]

I've kept you all waiting long enough... and so, here it is: the Grand Finale of F1RMGP 2013!

Round 16: Adelaide, Australia
Saturday, 2 November 2013

THE GRID

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1 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM           1'21.681
2 –    19 A. McNish       Toleman        1'22.093
3 –    8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM           1'22.428
4 –    33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun       1'23.371
5 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking         1'23.441
6 –    20 R. Firman       Toleman        1'23.451
7 –    4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri    1'23.527
8 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking         1'23.615
9 –    31 P. Chaves       SAC            1'24.251
10 –   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek         1'24.254
11 –   6  S. Speed        Team America   1'24.495
12 –   38 V. Weidler      ATS Rial       1'24.626
13 –   27 L. Badoer       Forti          1'24.836

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14 –   7  J. Johnson      Team America   1'24.885
15 –   17 G. Tarquini     AGS            1'24.928
16 –   26 P. Alliot       Prost          1'25.017
17 –   23 P. Martini      Minardi        1'25.123
18 –   24 E. Tuero        Minardi        1'25.129
19 –   28 A. Montermini   Forti          1'25.303
20 –   35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi     1'25.345
21 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC            1'25.598
22 –   5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri    1'25.681
23 –   37 P-H. Raphanel   ATS Rial       1'25.809
24 –   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun       1'25.931
25 –   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS           1'26.186
26 –   41 V. Sospiri      DAMS           1'26.186

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---------------- DID NOT QUALIFY ----------------
DNQ –  22 A. Chiesa       Osella         1'26.277
DNQ –  15 A. Yoong        FTM            1'26.303
DNQ –  25 O. Grouillard   Prost          1'26.394
DNQ –  13 K. Nakajima     Stefan         1'26.483
DNQ –  21 P. Ghinzani     Osella         1'26.558
DNQ –  39 B. Giacomelli   Life           1'26.779
DNQ –  14 J. Villeneuve   Stefan         1'27.068

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DNQ –  36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi     1'27.532
DNQ –  40 G. Brabham      Life           1'27.536
DNQ –  18 J. Winkelhock   AGS            1'27.703
DNQ –  30 R. Teixeira     Lola           1'28.133
DNQ –  12 T. Inoue        Simtek         1'28.513
DNQ –  16 F. Fauzy        FTM            1'29.014
DNQ –  29 P. Kralev       Lola           no time

There's a championship to be won here, and the scent of that championship has been in Chris Dagnall's nostrils ever since he was hand-picked to be the mighty HWNSNBM's replacement at F1RM. And so, with another superb qualifying performance, Daggers triumphed over rest of the field, giving himself a clear view of the first corner. It's a view he shares with – of all people, Allan McNish; the Tolemans haven't been brilliantly consistent this season, but if ever there was a time to pull that out of the bag, this was it – just to remind Daggers that his old team are still doing OK without him. Jean-Denis Délétraz took the third slot, and beside him... Enrico Bertaggia, fresh from a DNQ in Japan, and also looking to end the season on a high – it can't go much lower than Suzuka, that's for sure. The Vikings didn't to too well; on a day when Jan Magnussen needed to be on top form to get himself the best chance of wresting the championship from Chris Dagnall's grasp (in a way HWNSNBM had done to him the previous year), fifth was not really good enough; he's got his work cut out in the race. Þorvaldur Einarsson would prove to be even more hacked off with eighth. Between the two were Ralph Firman – also going well in the other Toleman – and Yuji Ide, upholding the honour of Super Aguri. Pedro Chaves led the charge for the midfielders, sticking his SAC in ninth, with Scott Speed just behind – an unusually high placing for Team America this year, and the same would apply to Jimmie Johnson in 14th. But if it's unusual you're looking for – can somebody explain how Volker Weidler managed to qualify 12th in his hateful pile of junk that calls itself an ATS Rial? He couldn't, I certainly can't, but both he and Günther Schmidt were absolutely over the moon after two horrific seasons of toil for only Pierre-Henri Raphanel's freak result at Estoril to show for it. As for PHR, he managed 23rd, to make this the first race where two ATS Rials have ever made the grid for the same race. They were reminded, though, that this is only Friday, and the points are handed out tomorrow. Weidler was so strong, though, that even Luca Badoer in the Forti lined up behind him; Andrea Montermini in the other Forti was a mere 19th. Also in the wrong half of the grid was Gabriele Tarquini, back in 15th, and Perry McCarthy was none too happy with 21st. Fabrizio Barbazza in 20th, Marco Apicella in 22nd and Claudio Langes in 24th should also have done better. Two Minardis lined up alongside each other on row nine, and DAMS were line astern on the back row of the grid – amazingly, having recorded the same time to the thousandth. Andrea Chiesa said goodbye to the season the way he'd spent the vast majority of it, by not qualifying; neither did his team-mate, Piercarlo Ghinzani. Notable casualties included Olivier Grouillard in the Prost, Gregor Foitek for Monteverdi, and – right near the rear – Joachim Winkelhock, having an absolute nightmare in the AGS, and Taki Inoue, finishing the season with only Fairuz Fauzy's crippled FTM and the non-running Plamen Kralev behind him. With ATS Rial having celebrated both cars getting in the race, and DAMS' double-start was reasonably rare, the teams to lose two cars were Osella, FTM, Stefan, Life and Lola. And with that, Gary Brabham becomes the second driver (after Kazuki Nakajima) to rack up an entire season of DNQs.



CLASSIFICATION

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1 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking         81   2h 02'42.581
2 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM           81   2h 03'06.083
3 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking         81   2h 03'23.779
4 –    31 P. Chaves       SAC            80   + 1 lap
5 –    8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM           80   + 1 lap
6 –    35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi     80   + 1 lap
7 –    17 G. Tarquini     AGS            80   + 1 lap
8 –    6  S. Speed        Team America   80   + 1 lap
9 –    24 E. Tuero        Minardi        80   + 1 lap
10 –   38 V. Weidler      ATS Rial       79   + 2 laps
11 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC            79   + 2 laps
12 –   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS           79   + 2 laps
13 –   37 P-H. Raphanel   ATS Rial       79   + 2 laps

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14 –   7  J. Johnson      Team America   79   + 2 laps
15 –   4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri    78   + 3 laps
16 –   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun       78   + 3 laps
17 –   23 P. Martini      Minardi        78   + 3 laps
18 –   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun       78   + 3 laps
19 –   41 V. Sospiri      DAMS           77   + 4 laps
20 –   26 P. Alliot       Prost          77   + 4 laps
21 –   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek         65   engine
22 –   19 A. McNish       Toleman        46   crash
23 –   28 A. Montermini   Forti          30   transmission
24 –   20 R. Firman       Toleman        18   transmission
25 –   27 L. Badoer       Forti          13   engine
26 –   5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri    6    engine

What a way to end a championship.

Before we do anything else, though, let us review what was going on behind the leaders. I call your attention to Pedro Chaves making the finest possible finish that he could under the circumstances of the three cars that went charging off ahead of him – taking fourth, he ensured that SAC not only beat AGS, but even snapped at the rear of Toleman – not bad for a team that floundered right at the back of the pecking order in 2011. I draw your attention also to Jean-Denis Délétraz, who willingly gave up his winning streak to aid his team-mate wherever he could, and ended up embroiled in that battle with Chaves for Best Of The Rest. Fabrizio Barbazza got involved as well, and held off Gabriele Tarquini, thus sealing AGS' reversal of fortunes from last year as regards their rivalry with SAC. What of Scott Speed? Points have been annoyingly hard to come by for Team America, who have fallen so far this year. Esteban Tuero pulled out a near-miracle to score Minardi's first points of the season in the final race, and... it was no fluke, Friday, was it? Volker Weidler willingly steered his ATS Rial to the final points place, ahead of so many cars which have been faster all season. So he may have been lapped twice, but this was a brilliant day for the struggling German team, and this time it was definitely on merit – this was no race of massive attrition.

What of those who finished out the points? Perry McCarthy will be kicking himself that he couldn't beat Volker Weidler to the line in a car that was immensely superior, and Stéphane Sarrazin was also less than happy that he couldn't haul himself into the points – had he done so, DAMS and ATS Rial would have tied on four points, with DAMS fairly obviously ahead due to their far better qualification record – 13 DNQs as opposed to 26 for the Germans. Jimmie Johnson could only manage 13th – but even that was better than where Yuji Ide ended up; 14th, three laps down in a front-running car, and with no apparent problems? Considering that Marco Apicella's engine exploded after only six laps, Reject Of The Race can quite rightfully be awarded to Super Aguri – not just for the performance, but also in anticipation of Aguri Suzuki's incessant whining about being sabotaged. Seeing this possibility a mile off, no sooner had Apicella's car had been returned to the pits than the Series Management sent his car immediately to scrutineering, where the officials scoured the car for any trace of filled pastry products – meat pies, apple pies, Cornish pasties, Belgian buns, jam doughnuts – and there was nothing. Meanwhile, with Pierluigi Martini the meat in a EuroBrun sandwich (and not in a pie), the Swiss team rounded off the three-lapped runners, with Vincenzo Sospiri and a particularly unhappy Philippe Alliot finishing four laps down. As for the retirements; one we've already mentioned, but it was a rotten end to the season for both Toleman and Forti, neither car making it to the end of the race and with Allan McNish stuffing it into the wall on Flinders Street after a particularly badly misjudged overtaking manoeuvre. Paul Belmondo, in the sole Simtek, was the other entrant not to make the finish. I suppose with those five (and Apicella) all out, the fact that the retirements were all cars that might be expected to be ahead of ATS Rial were the reason that Volker Weidler was able to score points... but don't tell Günther Schmidt that, he's too busy leading the celebrations.

But the biggest celebrations of all... it should be obvious where they are.

Here's how it panned out. Chris Dagnall held the lead for 19 laps as Jan Magnussen hacked his way through the initial traffic, with Délétraz doing his damndest to hold him up. As the Dane passed Daggers on lap 20 with an almost insanely daring move at the Roundabout hairpin, it was still all to play for. Magnussen did what he had to do and stormed off up the road. Délétraz, meanwhile, had a new job to do – ruin Þorvaldur Einarsson's race, which he did for a while. On lap 56, though, the Icelander made a carbon copy of Magnussen's overtaking move earlier in the race, giving Délétraz the worst case of déjà vu since his 1994 ten-laps-down horror show, and dispatched Pedro Chaves within the space of the rest of the lap. More than a minute behind Chris Dagnall, Þorvaldur turned up the wick, knowing that passing Daggers would hand Jan Magnussen the championship that had been so creully denied to him in 2012. For lap after lap, the Thundergod carved chunks out of Daggers' lead, swatting backmarkers aside as if they were flies, and even managing to take four seconds out of that lead on lap 72. It was always likely to be a futile chase to actually pass the Scunny Scouser, so enormous had his lead been, but Viking Racing's plan was very clear: frighten Daggers off the road.

After two hours of racing, Jan Magnussen took the chequered flag for a victory.

But Daggers refused to be intimidated, even in the face of a very hairy Viking bearing down on him with Norse bloodlust ripping through his veins. He hung on to take second place.

And with that, Chris Dagnall took the Drivers' Championship... by ONE POINT.

Seeing the title swiped away from him for the second year in succession, Magnussen was magnanimous despite the bitter taste of defeat, and both he and his legions of fans were dignified in a way that Felipe Massa's fans in 2008 most definitely weren't. Daggers and the two Vikings sprayed the champagne as only they could – after all, between them all, they'd cleaned up again. Viking Racing won the Constructors' Championship for the second season running, but when the number 1 returned to the cars next season, it would be the man standing between the Vikings who would have it.

So ends another thrilling F1RMGP season, and I think there is only one thing I have left to say.

I WANT MY FREE POPCORN, WIZZIE!

I WANT MY FREE POPCORN!



DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP

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1 –  * 9  C. Dagnall      F1RM            224

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2 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking          223
3 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking          191
4 –    8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM            143
5 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti           142
6 –    4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri     86
7 –    28 A. Montermini   Forti           71 (DNQ × 0)
8 –    5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri     71 (DNQ × 2)
9 –    31 P. Chaves       SAC             63
10 –   17 G. Tarquini     AGS             59

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11 –   20 R. Firman       Toleman         55
12 –   19 A. McNish       Toleman         41
13 –   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun        38
14 –   26 P. Alliot       Prost           36
15 –   35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi      32
16 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC             27
17 –   6  S. Speed        Team America    25
18 –   18 J. Winkelhock   AGS             22
19 –   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek          12 (DNQ × 1)
20 –   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun        12 (DNQ × 3)

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21 –   12 T. Inoue        Simtek          9
22 –   7  J. Johnson      Team America    8 (DNQ × 3)
23 –   25 O. Grouillard   Prost           8 (DNQ × 5)
24 –   36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi      8 (DNQ × 6)
25 –   37 P-H. Raphanel   ATS Rial        4
26 –   24 E. Tuero        Minardi         2 (DNQ × 5)
27 –   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS            2 (DNQ × 6)
28 –   41 V. Sospiri      DAMS            1 (DNQ × 7)
29 –   38 V. Weidler      ATS Rial        1 (DNQ × 14)

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP

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1 – * Viking         414

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2 –   F1RM           367
3 –   Forti          213
4 –   Super Aguri    157
5 –   Toleman        96
6 –   SAC            90
7 –   AGS            81
8 –   EuroBrun       50
9 –   Prost          44
10 –  Monteverdi     40

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11 –  Team America   33
12 –  Simtek         21
13 –  ATS Rial       5
14 –  DAMS           3
15 –  Minardi        2