dinizintheoven wrote:BlindCaveSalamander wrote:Meanwhile, I've picked up Earthbound again... if any of that sounds even vaguely interesting to you, and you have a SNES (or an emulator), then get this game - you will not regret it. I haven't even gotten to the really insane bits yet.
Yes. Yes it does. Sayonara Minecraft (which has just gone a bit... strange), I think I've just lost another week...
And so, having got past all the madness that BCS just told us all about on page 6, picture this:
The year is 2014. Sebastian Vettel has turned up at the British Grand Prix with the number 1 on his car, again, only his car is an HRT. Somehow they managed to magic the cash out of thin air to stay in F1 after 2012, and when Vettel was
sacked at the end of 2013 for winning his fourth championship in a row, he chose to sign for them. His team-mate is Fernando Alonso, who saw a move away from Ferrari to a Spanish team as a promotion, having discovered nationalism during the 2013 season and rebelled against his Italian employers. Lewis Hamilton has retired to go banger racing in Essex, Bernie has been replaced with a clone of himself thus ensuring the empire will run for another 80 years, and the clone has married Bernie's ex-wife, you know, the really tall one from Eastern Europe. F1 coverage in England is now exclusively on Channel 5 and HWNSNBM is doing the commentary in Hungarian, aided and abetted by Chanoch Nissany, in Hebrew. Paul Stoddart is driving for Red Bull, and Nigel Mansell's quip that Williams could put a puppet in the FW15C and it would still win has been tested, as one FW36 is actually being driven by a puppet, which records a lap time a second faster than Bruno Senna. Felipe Massa, driving for Ferrari, is on pole by five seconds, ahead of Timo Glock, still driving for Marussia, who haven't improved, it's just that everyone else has got a lot worse, including Massa's team-mate, Carmen Jordá. Massa loses the race after getting the "Fernando is faster than you" team order... from HRT, and is given a special blue flag which orders his to drop behind. Glock wins the race, and the champagne is sprayed first. Only it isn't champagne because, in deference to Marussia's Yorkshire roots, they spray cans of John Smith's bitter. Glock and John Booth are presented with their trophies by Prince William, who then unzips his mask, revealing himself to be a shape-shifting lizard. Grabbing the microphone from appointed interviewer Jacky Ickx, he bellows at the crowd. "AND YOU NEVER KNEW DAVID ICKE WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG! NOW TREMBLE BEFORE THE POWER OF THE MIGHTY REPTILIANS, PUNY EARTHLINGS! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA *cough* *choke* *splutter*" Meanwhile, the duck was ninth.
Now, having pictured this, you're still no closer to the madness that is apparent while trying to complete part four of Earthbound. At the moment, I am in a strange, dark facsimile of the current city, where everything is lit up in neon like a strip joint, only my character - who I've called Bob - is about eight years old and is trying to recapture his lost girlfriend, at least his mum thinks she's his girlfriend, even though they're nowhere near old enough to know what that means. For accompaniment Bob has a nerdy kid called Colin, with inch-thick glasses dressed like Little Lord Fauntleroy who is a dab hand with a spanner and a rocket made out of plastic drinks bottles. Bob and Colin are having to fend off exploding petrol pumps, fire hydrants, and pieces of abstract art; the previous encounters with were with animated guitars, old LP records and scalding hot cups of coffee. And, bizarrest of all, the people in this strange, darkened outpost all talk like they're - ooh, astonishing sod ape - in an episode? of
Jam. Jam ja jaaaaaa jaammm ammm am am (etc etc etc...)
I think I will need to spend a lot of time in a padded cell with the lights off after this one. Chris Morris would be proud.