Alt-Mario Kart 2003: The Twin Fates

[Rob Dylan]

Toad Toadstool pictured next to some kart.

Welcome, one and all, to Phase Three of Mario Kart! This year sees a whole new raft of regulations, a whole load of driver and team changes, a whole new calendar, and most importantly, a whole new method of running the races. While for 1992-2002 they were run from the Lights to Flag simulation game, we shall now run them from a handy spreadsheet developed by the wonderful Aislabie.

Toad is the defending champion - he took an imperfect BMW to a championship, defeating the dominating pair of SSL drivers in Luigi Mario (whom Toad challenged for the title all the way back in 1992) and 2001 champion Waluigi. It was Toad who came out on top, and now after so many years of trying, is in the #1 kart.

His old rival Waluigi now joins him at BMW, in the same kart no less. New rules - brought in at the last minute to cater for the downfall of Diddy Kong Racing - dictate that each kart must run two drivers, meaning that with six teams, a total 24 drivers will be split between the 12 available karts. Mario is making his triumphant return to Mario Kart after two and a half years of racing altogether, and his first full-time season since 1995. Bowser's son has been promoted from WWR to the BMW team, partnering Mario.

SSL are ready to fight again for the championship, with Para Troopa taking Waluigi's place after his acrimonious exit from BMW last year. Luigi is hungry for that second championship, and not to finish second! Daisy will partner their son Baby Luigi, after a regulations loophole allows him to participate as co-driver.

Mitsuyoshi are looking for glory again after a few seasons with middling machinery and middling performances. Their double world champion Dixie Kong returns on a tight leash after disappointing in 2002. Birdo is gone and replaced by nearlywoman Pipsy Astromouse, who after many years is finally hoping to get her career some stability. Formerly deceased driver Yoshisaur T. Munchakoopas returns to racing after a seven-season absence due to death, and current team owner Redsaurus is his co-driver.

Peachific morphed over the off-season with SBA, putting Funky Kong into the day-to-day running of Peachific and Princess Peach herself acting as team leader. The conglomeration is now called DPRK, and along with Peach and protege Candy Kong, in the second kart Donkey Kong has returned after winning the 2002 DKR season and is ready to fight with the big boys and girls. Birdo is trying to get in on the action from the up-and-coming team, and partners DK.

Koopra Sport had a disappointing 2002, and are looking to be on the recovery for 2003. Both their last year's drivers have been retained, along with the hiring of Koopa Kolorado and the double-act Dribble & Spitz (a busy kart if ever there was one). Last year it wasn't the drivers that were the problem, but the kart - can they challenge this year?

With Kameklaren going bust and having its assets stripped by The Von Sarasaland Group, this leaves Wario Ware Racing as the last team on the grid. And last they were in 2002 - a dismal year with little to show for it. There has been little to no noise coming from the WWR camp over the off-season, except for the momentous news that Wario Jumpman is making a comeback to racing at the age of 41! Whether it will be a successful comeback is another story - he is used to top-tier machinery and no less.


New Rules

• New Points System:
  1st: 10
  2nd: 8
  3rd: 6
  4th: 4
  5th: 3
  6th: 2
  7th: 1
  8th: 0

• All teams to run four drivers in their two karts.

• Points to be split between drivers in the same kart.

• All teams to use Booridgestone tyres.

• Underage drivers allowed so long as they don't drive.

• Drivers have to share equally lead and co-driver duties, with the exception of those driving with children, who will be lead for all 16 rounds and take an added "adult ballast" penalty to take away any potential advantage. However, a maximum number of eight races as lead driver remains in effect for all drivers.

The Grid

Bowser Motor Works

Team Principal: Bowser Koopa.
Notes: Mario Mario and Bowser Koopa Jr. signed for 2003

#1 Toad Toadstool / Wa Luigi
#2 Bowser Koopa Jr. / Mario Mario

Scuderia Sarasaland Squadron Luigier Team (commonly abbreviated to SSL)

Team Principals: Luigi Mario and Daisy von Sarasaland

#3 Luigi Mario / Para Troopa
#4 Daisy von Sarasaland / "Baby" Luigi von Sarasaland

Mitsuyoshi Buntai

Team Principal: Redsaurus R. Bitakoopas

#5 Dixie Kong / Pipsy Astromouse
#6 Yoshisaur T. "Dry Bones" Munchakoopas / Redsaurus R. Bitakoopas

Donkey-Peach Racing Kongection (commonly abbreviated to DPRK)

Team Principal: Peach Toadstool
Technical Director (day-to-day): Funky Kong

#7 Peach Toadstool / Candy Kong
#8 Donkard "Donkey" Kong III / Birdetta Birdo

Koopra Sport

Team Principal: Koopa Troopa

#9 Kokkoro Toudou / Morton Koopa Jr.
#10 Dribble-Spitz / Koopa Kolorado

Wario Ware Racing (commonly abbreviated to WWR)

Team Principal: Wario Jumpman

#11 Wario Jumpman / Larry Koopa
#12 Pauline Williams / Mark Wiggler





The Calendar

Mushroom Cup
1. Luigi Circuit [Mushroom Kingdom]
2. Peach Beach [Isle Delfino]
3. Baby Park [Mushroom Kingdom]
4. Dry Dry Desert [Yoshi's Island]

Flower Cup
5. Mushroom Bridge [Mushroom Kingdom]
6. Mario Circuit [Mushroom Kingdom]
7. Daisy Cruiser [Kingdom of Sarasaland]
8. Waluigi Stadium [Mushroom Kingdom]

Star Cup
9. Sherbet Land [Yoshi's Island]
10. Mushroom City [Mushroom Kingdom]
11. Yoshi Circuit [Yoshi's Island]
12. DK Mountain [Donkey Kong Country]

Special Cup
13. Wario Colosseum [Mushroom Kingdom]
14. Dino Dino Jungle [Yoshi's Island]
15. Bowser’s Castle [Koopa Kingdom]
16. Rainbow Road [Space]


Phase 1 (1992-1995) records
Phase 2 (1996-2002) records

Phase 3 (current) records

[Rob Dylan]

So, before we begin, I would like to do a roll call. We have a variety of users adopting one or two different drivers, occasionally also a team. Things are going to greatly change in terms of roles and power structures here for Phase Three, so I'm going to need people to confirm that they want to participate, and how much they want to do so. Everyone of course has their own level of attachment, commitment, and general activity, so it would be great to have a mix-up of roles perhaps to keep the participation in Alt-Mario Kart at its best.

Please post below your intended participation in the series, whether it is new or continued.

[pestonni]

Continuing with my participation as Iggy Koopa. (Username on discord is pinguini)

[Frentzen127]

Remaining as Redsaurus and managing Dixie if able

[DigitDan7]

I'll be staying on as Koopa Troopa, team owner of Koopra Sport & Kokkoro Toudou's manager.

[novitopoli]

Birdo will continue, alongside her protegé Nicolas Hammerton.

[Nessafox]

Peach - clearly revitalised after taking a break to actually take proper care of Baby Peach - is coming back for more. Candy Kong is expected to stay. Even though Pipsy turned out the more reliably one and Wendy did okayish, the peak perrformance of Candy is esteemed higher.
We'd like Wendy and or Pipsy to stay on reserved duty should Candy get banned or any of the girls gets a season-ending pregnancy.

Additionally Peach would like to point that, as the Saurusus also lay eggs, this should be treated as similar to a season-ending pregnancy. We'll ask Bowser to get to the bottom of the science of this and come to a conclusion.

[kevinbotz]

Para Troopa will continue attempting to fail ever higher upwards.

[NickyDustyOwl]

King Boo shall live on with NickyDustyOwl

[Frogfoot9013]

Mario Mario will be having the Comeback of the Millennium at BMW in Mario Kart.

[Rob Dylan]

MARIO INTERRUPTS ROYAL GETAWAY!

GOOMBA GAZETTE CAPTURES THE MOMENT OF HORROR!


Photographer's note: some size proportions of people in photo may have been affected by the humidity of the inside of Corona Mountain volcano.

It was supposed to be a well-deserved rest for celebrity racing boss BOWSER KOOPA and his current belle royale PRINCESS PEACH TOADSTOOL (Peach's new classy wardrobe is on full display on p. 26-29) as the glamorous couple took to the exotic ISLE DELFINO for their holiday (send in your best captions for this edition's picture competition; the lucky winner will get two free tickets at the luxurious 5-STAR HOTEL DELFINO on the spotless SIRENA BEACH! OFFER EXPIRES AT THE END OF JANUARY) and a bit of peace and quiet from the jet-set life.

[Excerpts and pictures not included in this cut-out]

However, it wasn't all sun and beaches as, to everyone's embarrassment, former MURDERER MARIO MARLO turned up and ruined it. The red-capped troublemaker turned up grinning an evil grin [picture not included], determined as he was to turn the lovely couple's dream holiday into a NIGHTMARE. Mario has just wormed his way into becoming Bowser's new driver in this year's Mario Kart championship, and this won't make him a very popular man with his new boss. 39 and hailing from Italy, Mario has got out of shape in the last few years [see 11 Jun. 2001 edition], and he hasn't driven in Mario Kart since 1993! Good luck, we say!

[Rob Dylan]

SBA on the way out?

Silly season rumours the other week had Funky Kong planning to sell up the SBA conglomerate as a response to rising participation fees as well as customer payments for the team's engines and tyres. With Donkey Kong III publicly declaring interest to move across the ocean to return to Mario Kart, it seems likely that the two would participate in a joint venture with their powers combined.

Even sillier rumours had Funky entering into a partnership of some kind with Princess Peach Toadstool, but we will hold back on such ideas unless they actually come to the surface in any way.

End of the Line for Kameklaren?

There are similar financial and practical worries for the Kameklaren group. Team principal Kamek Magikoopa has voiced publicly about his intention to retire from motorsport in the very near future, and the massive shuffle in rules for 2003 may accelerate that process. Can the team afford to build a kart that can fit the rules, and do they have the will to do so?

[HawkAussie]

Timber Tiger will be continuing for another round.

[Rob Dylan]

Kameklaren in Purchasing Talks

Substantiated rumours abound that Kameklaren is in the process of selling to a conglomerate originating from the Sarasaland Kingdom. Kamek Magikoopa has been publicly stating his desire to step down from team management and going into retirement on the popular tax haven of Isle Delfino. However, what with rule stipulations regarding interest ownership, along with the exceptionally late time in the period that Magikoopa has chosen to make this sale, has called into question whether it is indeed ever going to happen. We'll keep you updated.

Kameklaren in Liquidation After Mushroom Kingdom Steps In

The story has finally come to the public light regarding Kameklaren's sale. Kamek Magikoopa's attempt to sell the team to a Sarasaland conglomerate was denied by the relevant Koopa Kingdom legal authorities. It is understood that in a desperate attempt to rid himself of his burden, Magikoopa was attempting to undersell the team, which would have put undue control into the hands of actors with bad intentions.

The Koopa Kingdom is run by Bowser Koopa, who also owns the BMW team. While he would surely not want Princess Daisy von Sarasaland owning too great a stake in Mario Kart, he would have a further conflict of interest in his own relationship with Princess Peach Toadstool of the Mushroom Kingdom. Toadstool has been known to be on bad terms with von Sarasaland, so it may be seen as a power move on the part of the royal duo.

Magikoopa made the official announcement yesterday that the team was being put into liquidation, which will sadly put at least five people out of a job. The team punched above its very light weight during the seasons 1997 to 2002, while team owner Kamek even made some excellent drives of his own in a late-career renaissance in the team's debut year. They will be greatly missed.

[Rob Dylan]

SBA follows suit as Dominoes Fall

Team thrown lifeline by Peachific

MarioSport Magazine understands that SBA too has filed for bankruptcy, failing as it has in the last year to keep on top of its finances following a long and difficult patch. Funky Kong, team principal of SBA, has reportedly been in merger talks with Princess Peach Toadstool, which would merge the assets of the SBA team into Peachific, forming a new and joint conglomerate.

The magazine understands that this relationship would fit with Her Highness' long-sought plans to step back from the day-to-day running of the business, and focus on the driving and her children. Funky, who has been a very hands-on team principal, would move into team principal and technical roles, while Peach would remain as Team Leader.

It is understood that Peach, while intending for an all-female lineup at the team, is enticed by the prospect of hiring top talent Donkey Kong, with whom Funky Kong is a close and personal friend. With Peach approaching the later years of her career, she perhaps sees Donkey as a good ambassador to keep the team at the front when the rules change.

The name of this new team conglomerate has not been decided yet. If any members of the public have suggestions, do not hesitate to let us know.

[Rob Dylan]

Princess Peach and Funky Kong Announce the Birth of the DPRK

The merger acquisition of SBA by Peachific has now officially taken place. Funky Kong and Princess Peach Toadstool are official partners, with the former as the day-to-day technical director, and the latter as team leader and overall decision-maker. The team has had a new unveiling of a beautiful pink-and-brown logo, renaming itself as DPRK. We assume D stands for Donkey, P for Peach, R probably for Racing, and K presumably for either Kong or Kart(s).

[Rob Dylan]

New Points System for 2003!

As part of the massive shake-up in rules for 2003, the MIA have announced a new points system. With so many drivers on the grid and such a difficult challenge for the backmarkers to score points, has led to a rethink in how points should be dished out. So, from now on, the series is offering points as follows:

1st: 10
2nd: 8
3rd: 6
4th: 4
5th: 3
6th: 2
7th: 1
8th and below: 0

This means that the maximum number of points available over a season are 160, with a brand-new calendar also planned for Phase 3. More to follow!

[Rob Dylan]

Mario Kart to be a Two-Seater Series from 2003

Increased demand has forced the MIA to allow four-driver teams.


Artist's impression

It's the biggest change in Marioverse motorsport, probably in history. After the democratic overthrow of the military junta in Donkey Kong Country, there is now such a large bounty of drivers seeking work that the MIA has been forced into desperate action to accommodate them all. With Mario Kart operating with sixteen drivers in 2001 and 2002, the series wants to keep as many participants as possible since the dropouts of SBA and Kameklaren. This may prove to be the band-aid that the pinnacle of motorsport needs.

So, from now on each team will still have two karts, but each kart will be a two-seater and run two drivers simultaneously. The points from each race will be divided between the participating drivers finishing in each position. This should be a brilliant way of getting more drivers in the sport, and more variety in the points scorers.

[Rob Dylan]

Various News

Toad signed for BMW through 2004
Perhaps the least surprising news in the silly season so far, BMW have announced a two-year contract extension with defending champion Toad Toadstool, who will bring the #1 back to the BMW team for the first time since 1999. It is understood that his salary rivals even that of the great Wario Jumpman during his halcyon days with the team.

Bowser Jr. promoted to parent team
Bowser Jr., who had a tough debut season in 2002 with the Wario Ware Racing squad, has found himself an early promotion to the parent BMW team (which is run by one of his parents, haha) after the recent announcement of four-driver teams. This means that BMW has already signed up three drivers to its four potential seats, though they have yet to announce who any of their drivers will be partnering.

Luigi and Daisy to Stay at SSL
Luigi Mario, who has recently hinted at a potential retirement, has elected to stay on in Mario Kart for at least another year. The 35-year-old finished runner-up again last season, in a contest that could have seen him win if not for the mid-season controversy involving the death of Professor Elvin Gadd. His wife, princess Daisy von Sarasaland, is also returning to the team. It is understood that von Sarasaland is attempting to install a racing circuit aboard her private yacht in a new blue riband event for the series, in a political attempt to usurp Princess Peach's Royal Raceway track.

Baby Luigi returns to racing (but further behind the wheel)
There have been behind-the-scenes discussions between MKDA president Bowser Koopa and SSSLT as to the interpretation of the rules regarding underage drivers. In 2000, a new rule was put in place barring any drivers under 18 from participating in MIA-run series, but Luigi and Daisy have argued that Baby Luigi should be allowed as a co-driver so long as he does not drive the kart himself. This has been accepted by the MKDA, and it is understood that Baby Luigi and Luigi Sr. will partner one another in the same kart.

[Rob Dylan]

Calendar announced! See the top original post in the thread. There has been a total overhaul of the circuits. Luigi Raceway has been totally renovated and converted into Luigi Circuit, with the tunnel section totally removed. Royal Raceway is off the calendar, while Peach Beach takes its place on Isle Delfino. Daisy has managed to wrangle Daisy Cruiser as an innovative circuit in international waters. The Baby Park drag circuit has been approved for use as well. Mario Circuit has seen similar renovations to Mario Raceway, while Toad's Turnpike has been renamed to Mushroom City and now travels through the city centre. Bowser's Castle is now the only Koopa Kingdom track on the calendar, while Yoshi's Island and the Mushroom Kingdom dominate.



Furthermore, anyone trying to get tickets to Mario Circuit this year are out of luck: the race has already sold out!

[Rob Dylan]

BREAKING NEWS: YOSHI TO MAKE DRAMATIC UNEXPECTED RACING COMEBACK!

The Dead Speak! Exclusive interview with the former race winner as he returns to the grid.


DNA samples show that this is indeed Yoshisaur T. Munchakoopas returned from temporary death.

The answers have been provided. For a long time the death of Professor Elvin Gadd has been deemed an unsolved mystery, with various research ascertaining to the professor's untimely demise as well as the retracted charges made against Mario Mario for the death of Yoshisaur T. Munchakoopas, was all a big mystery to the general public.

However, now we know. E. Gadd had been doing prototype research into the undead, which yielded quite incredible results when, under supervision of his former legal partner Redsaurus, they were able to reanimate the dead rotting corpse of former racing superstar Munchakoopas. The results caused the remaining bones to animate themselves against the laws of physics and all other things holy, and operate as a single living entity. The event scared the professor to death, and as he fell over backwards, he knocked every single piece of research and evidence into the nearby fireplace, where it was burned to a crisp without exception. What a shame, as this means that the event will never be replicated in our lifetimes.

However, after a short recuperation period on Yoshi's Island, Yoshisaur is back in business and ready to race this year. He has submitted to an MIA scrutineering test and has passed with flying colours. He will be the latest of a whole variety of comebacks this year.

Mitsuyoshi has therefore, along with this incredible announcement, put forward its provisional driver line-up for 2003. It is understood that Yoshisaur is back on the grid, along with Redsaurus who makes his first races on track since 1997. In the other kart it is understood that Dixie Kong and Birdetta Birdo will be returning, but those signings remain unconfirmed.

[Rob Dylan]

Contract news:

DPRK get their hands on two new drivers. Donkey Kong makes the much expected move to the team after winning the final Diddy Kong Racing championship. As his new co-pilot, Birdetta Birdo signs a 2003 contract with the team, leaving Mitsuyoshi after four on-and-off seasons with Mitsuyoshi. This will bring an end to the Dixie-Birdo partnership which has been very strong for the green team.

[pasta_maldonado]

Wa Luigi shall return with his new team BMW for 2003.

[Rob Dylan]

Indeed, the BMW steal of 2001 champion Waluigi means for an all-star cast at the team for this coming year. Waluigi signed a two-year deal that keeps him at the team until the end of 2004. With 1998 and 1999 Diddy Kong Racing champion Mario Mario in the #2 kart, this means only Bowser Jr. is without a championship of any kind. Big pressure on the young lad.

Otherwise, there have been abounding rumours that five-time world champion (1994, 1995, 1996, 1997, 1998) Wario Jumpman is going to make a comeback to Mario Kart racing. The 41-year-old is supposedly being encouraged by the powers that be in the MIA over the lucrative financial and marketing benefit such a move would bring to Mario Kart. Just imagine the viewer numbers! Jumpman himself has not yet publicly commented on this matter.

[Rob Dylan]

The rumours are true!

In the biggest piece of Mario Kart news since the previous big news, the sport has saved its biggest comeback for last! Wario Jumpman, 41, is making a comeback to racing, making himself simultaneously team leader and lead driver for Wario Ware Racing. He has not driven full-time since 1999, and since his retirement only made one reappearance behind the wheel during the Wario Stadium event in 2000 (where he took a mighty podium).

Are we about to see a reawakening of the beast? Is Wario going to add to his championships? We shall see.

Further news from the team comes as they hire Pauline Williams for their second seat, along with Larry Koopa who will too be making a full-time comeback since the dissolution of Diddy Kong Racing.

[Rob Dylan]

Almost all the seats are taken. Koopra Sport announces a re-signing of Kokkoro Toudou and Morton Koopa Jr., while Dribble-Spitz and Koopa Kolorado join the team in the second seat.

Para Troopa has been thrown yet another lifeline as he returns to Mario Kart with the SSL team.


It should be noted now that almost every seat is filled, that each team is required (with the exception of karts holding children) for the drivers to share equally their lead driver duties: eight races each front and back. To account for the weight issue, any adults driving with children will have an "adult ballast" penalty.

[Rob Dylan]

And so the last seat is filled: Mark Wiggler joins Pauline Williams at the back I mean in the final grid slot, #12. A change of seating arrangements at SSL as Baby Luigi moves to partner his mother; Para Troopa joins Luigi in the #3 kart.

[Rob Dylan]

Rounds 1 and 2

Luigi's Circuit was a triumph success as motor-racing returned in its new spreadsheet form. 24 drivers took to 12 karts for the opening weekend of the season. Overcast and rain threatened the event, although it did not come to pass. Peach Toadstool continued her late career renaissance by winning from pole, while defending champion Toad took second as the home hero Luigi slid off the embankment at high speed. He and his co-driver Para Troopa were fine.

The second round of the season took place at Peach Beach on Isle Delfino. Koopa Kolorado shocked the racing world by taking pole (his co-drivers had been on the front row at LC), although a late-race collision with Dixie Kong took him out of that position. Dixie won the race after a dreadful opening round at Peach Beach, while Peach took second and Toad third. Those three were the only finishers, with all other drivers involved in incidents on Sunday's race.

[Rob Dylan]

After two races there was a lot of controversy and a lot of things to complain about.

At SSL, Luigi and Para Troopa didn't seem to be getting along very swimmingly as teammates. Soon enough, after their post-race squabble there were convenient leaks from the team to the gutter press to fuel some good stories:

A "*team insider*" has leaked to the press that Luigi is a spoiled, entitled brat high on his own ego and privilege, and that his perennial inferiority complex when it comes to Mario is fueling the entirely unnecessary risks that he's taking to the detriment of the team.

Para Troopa: "It's always disappointing to hear that sort of language from a fellow competitor, frankly; especially one's own teammate. Still, I've always held Luigi in nothing but the highest professional regard, and I intend to remain a professional myself, irrespective of what my teammate thinks, or says about me."

Over at DPRK, Donkey Kong has had a crisis of self. His start to the season has been very shaky and lacking in the results he has been used to after six seasons of Diddy Kong Racing. Broaching the subject with team boss Princess Peach, he was surprised to her the bluntness of her reply,

Eh, Baby Mario can replace him.

that Baby Mario could replace him if necessary, and proceeded to call her bluff and buy a one-way ticket back to Donkey Kong Country. It is unknown if the story has more weight to it than this, but at the very least Birdo has been promoted to lead driver with Baby Mario in the backseat.


Finally, Bowser Jr. has been complaining to his father backstage that Mario Mario is not proving a very co-operative teammate. Mario has been remarkably quiet since his return to motor-racing, and has done little to no actual driving of the BMW kart. Some commentators are putting this down to a silent protest against BMW's actions that exclude him from racing at his home circuit. Mario may potentially be stirring trouble as much as is possible while remaining in contract.

[Rob Dylan]

Rounds 3 and 4

Baby Park do do do do do-do saw the rash introduction of weapons, known as "items" into the racing sphere. Introduced at the shortest lap of the year, where they could do the most damage in a closed circuit, their introduction created a race with one kart finishing. Luigi got his season into gear finally by actually getting his kart over the line, putting one over his older brother Mario in the process, whom he removed while lapping during the race. There were lots of flames and explosions and motor oil everywhere, but otherwise the event was a complete success and nobody was hurt.

At Dry Dry Desert, the items were available but none were used to any effect. The twisty first sector did little to inspire overtaking, while it was only a few mechanical gremlins and mistakes from the SSL quartet that yielded any excitement to the race. Toad won the race, and therefore the Cup, while the MIA and MKDA agreed to convene to discuss "the item question".

[Rob Dylan]

Off-Cup news is that DK is back to DPRK after a two-race absence. He and Peach appear to have made up.

Round 5 at Mushroom Bridge was a farce of epic proportions, held in the worst conditions MK drivers have ever had to put up with. Kokkoro Toudou stayed out of trouble and managed to win the race in spite of an early overtake by Toad and DK. Everyone else crashed.

[Rob Dylan]

Tales from the Demented Photo Gallery


Friends and rivals visiting Yoshi's funeral in Dinosaur Island in 1996


Bowser Jr being abandoned by his father at a petrol station


a Sports Illustrated cover of Wario Jumpman with 5 World Championships

[Rob Dylan]

Flower Cup

The new format continued to be a massive success, as a stormy event at Mushroom Bridge took out almost the entire field from the event. A comeback drive from DK was in vain after a late-race crash with Toad and some other drivers, which allowed Kokkoro Toudou to win her first race of the season. Five winners in five races from five different teams - not bad!

After three successive retirements for Candy, Peach returned to the driving seat and won a quieter Mario Circuit Grand Prix. Her lead in the championship was retaken at Daisy Cruiser, which too saw its own issues after some rather disturbing and inexplicable crashes, not least of Daisy herself, which allowed a relatively easy win for Toad.

At Waluigi Stadium, the home hero dumped his kart in the mud, while many others suffered race-ending crashes from all the jumps and bumps. Another KS win brought the season back to a level of competitiveness not seen since the early 1990s, and Mario Kart is all the better for it.

DK, with yet more crashes and no hope for a championship, decided again to leave to DKC and take the rest of the year off.

[Rob Dylan]

Star Cup

The Star Cup saw a few upheavals, as DPRK focussed all its efforts on Peach, with two new drivers taking up the mantle for the rest of the season in an attempt to get the princess a championship. Mario, after a successful return to racing, immediately ditched BMW and now faces legal action from them. He drives for SSL with his nephew Baby Luigi, while Nic Hammerton makes a surprise return to racing in the Italian's place.

Overall, the Toad/Waluigi combination was able to successfully keep the distance between themselves and Peach, while the Koopra Sports recovered from a poor start to the year with continuous podiums and pole positions, and even wins. They picked up results where others floundered, and it means there are still a few contenders who could surprise in the closing weeks of 2003.

[Rob Dylan]

KOOPAS IN KOURT

The BMW team principal is spending his autumn combatting two court cases at once



Read more on page 378

NOTE: BMW has won a case before it even made it to a potential trial, arguing that Mario Mario breached his contract in his early departure from the team to SSL. Mr. Mario has been ordered by the sporting authorities to abide by his contract, meaning in effect that he is on gardening leave for the next seven races, including into the first three rounds of 2004. As with all Mario Kart decisions, there is no appeal.

LUIGI INSISTS NO CHEATING


Luigi Mario joined the Koopa King in court last week in what is turning into the sporting scandal of the century

NOTE: An anonymous source has passed onto BMW that SSL have got their hands on the team's chassis and engine layouts, and are planning to copy them for this and next season. Bowser is taking the SSL team to court to get down to the bottom of this, and will protest in the case that any evidence is found.

[Rob Dylan]

LUIGI ACQUITTED IN COURT!

Two weeks later

LUIGI GRAVELY INJURED!

TINY KONG ALSO IN HOSPITAL BUT SHE'S LESS FAMOUS!

SSL's disaster season is soon over, as their lead karters are in hospital for the rest of the year. They will need to field a final replacement for Rainbow Road to end this season.

TOAD ALSO IN HOSPITAL!

EATS POISON MUSHROOM!

BMW also in shambles as they replace their defending champion for Rainbow Road. What luck for Peach and Waluigi!

[Rob Dylan]

Waluigi is the 2003 Mario Kart champion!

At a thrilling final race of the year, his direct championship rival Peach Toadstool was taken out by debris on track at the end of the first lap. An incident with Redsaurus saw the stewards get involved, but the 2001 champion was cleared and is now the 2003 champion as well! He is the first driver to win two championships non-consecutively, and also the first to win for two different teams: SSL (2001) and BMW (2003).

BMW themselves win the constructors' championship for the first time since 1998. Bowser Koopa Sr. was co-driving the #1 BMW with Waluigi in the front, ten years to the weekend that he won his 1993 world championship.

The race was sadly marred by the heavy crash of Pipsy Astromouse and 1999-2000 champion Dixie Kong. Both have been heavily injured. It is understood that Dixie will be recovered by the season start of 2004, while Pipsy is not likely to be available until the summer.

Final standings