Alt-Mario Kart 2007: The Year of Scrutiny

[Rob Dylan]

The duo from Spiral Mountain took the world title last year, and with it also started a side project as successful musicians!




There is no stopping the geopolitical entertainment juggernaut that is alt-Mario Kart. 2007 marks the sixteenth season of motor-racing in the Marioverse, and threatens to be a very close battle between a collection of teams at the top, with the bottom teams vying for the scraps. Let's get to it.

News
So yes, 2006. Yoshi got re-elected as MKDA president and lots has changed in the background. Donkey Kong was acquitted of any wrongdoing in his murder of the latter in a Koopa Kingdom court, and the controversy will likely spill over into the early season. Banjo-Kazooie won the championship and were relatively unpolitical in doing so. We had a clear divide building up between the established successful teams and the backmarkers. With the freezing of engine development into the new year, we may be seeing more of the same in the new year, with even more of a tiered order.

DPRK won their first constructors' championship in 2006. Banjo Kazooie and Peach learned mostly from their mistakes the previous year and kept out of trouble. Fast and reliable, B-K especially took five wins and the championship. Peach had only one win but many podiums. Surely both drivers are favourites for this year as well. HOWEVER, no drivers have been signed up for the new year. Will someone poach Banjo?

Finishing second for the third consecutive time, Mitsuyoshi had a titanic battle against its own drivers. Dixie defied the odds yet again after a potential firing and instead came runner-up again, just like her team. Donkey Kong got discovered as his boss's murderer, and was subsequently fired. Lemmy Koopa was amazing, winning two out of his three race appearances for the team, with another cameo for RBR earlier in the season. He will be one of the hottest prizes for 2007.

Behind them are Koopra Sport. Pipsy Astromouse was perhaps the first driver to have a winless title defence season (wrong, it was Waluigi in 2004) and was promptly beaten by Kokkoro Toudou. We kind of already knew that Pipsy was the slower of the two, and her championship was just as much the result of others messing up as her own skill shown. 2006 somewhat righted the balance, although this time when Kokkoro choked it all, she had no teammate to back her up. In spite of her championship, Pipsy seems to be a past prospect, and one wonders how Koopa Troopa - no retired - will fix his line-up this year.

Mario Kart's only French team, Equipe Luigier were the best improved outfit other than DPRK. Their heavy spending for 2006 paid dividends and they went from 8th to 4th. Luigi especially has big spending ambitions and plans to continue this development until the team can win a championship again. The question remains as to whether Waluigi will stay, and if the 39-year-old Luigi still has what it takes to win a race? His wife Daisy von Sarasaland had an embarrassing outing in her own co-run Formula Power Flower. Will she give up the project or try again in the new season?

In fifth place were the former multi world champions Red Bowser Racing. Since their ownership change and rebranding, they have done very little. One win was taken by Bowser Jr., who beat Toad Toadstool in a fair fight. Toad seems to be out of the door and looking for fresh pastures. With development freezing, we imagine the team will have trouble getting back up the order this year.

Behind them is Mario Kart's most successful customer team Koopra Kids. Keeping out of the limelight mostly, Iggy let his brother and Conker drive, and they did just about as well as they had in 2005. With the grid starting to spread out, it was a good job too! However, lineup concerns are at least saved by their Koopa Climax engine staying on board. Conker has been in the news recently with alcohol issues - will this play a part?

With 17 fewer points than the previous year, Project Mario were focussed on other ventures in 2006. Their chassis was uninspiring, and only Mario Mario himself seemed to know how to drive it. Remarkable allegiance was given to Para Troopa, who lasted a whole year despite not doing much. Rookies Kat & Ana were fired early on, and Redsaurus was hired apparently just to spite his former Mitsuyoshi co-owner Yoshi. Mario himself is focussing on his own vanity project: the Mario Invitational Championship, which we assume will be making a return this year.

Quietly in the background, Birdette Racing have been picking up minor points and doing relatively well. They kept ahead of the promising Crygorti, and avoided the embarrassment of KBM below. However, money will soon be an issue for Birdo if the team cannot score points. What is coming for them?

The aforementioned Crygorti Corse are the newest constructor and hail from Diamond City. They seem to have inspired a whole new generation of young drivers from the micronation, and have bounced back from the disaster of Wario Ware Racing. With lead driver ROB, they seem destined for some kind of success.

Then finally, King Boo Motorsports. In spite of a royal budget, they can't seem to do anything right. They have come some distance from the 2004 kart that wouldn't start, but after two deaths in two years and a recent election loss, there's only upward movement from here, surely. However, what is a Boo to do to keep his team afloat?




New Rules

• There is a planned engine development freeze coming, in order to protect the budgets of the smaller teams.

• Scrutineering is going to be stepped up in full to make sure all teams are correctly following technical and sporting procedures.

The Grid


Red Bowser Racing

Team Principal: Donkey Kong Jr. (Hermann95)

#1 Banjo-Kazooie
#2 Bowser Koopa Jr.


Donkey-Peach Racing Kongection

Team Principal: Peach Toadstool (NessaFox)
Technical Director (day-to-day): Funky Kong (Ducktanian)

#3 Peach Toadstool
#4 Lemmy Koopa


Mitsuyoshi Buntai

Team Principal: Yoshisaur T. Munchakoopas (Javi/Frentzen)

#5 Dixie Kong
#6 Toad Toadstool


Koopra Sport

Team Principal: Koopa Troopa (DigitDan)

#7 Kokkoro Toudou
#8 Pacman Beaneater


Equipe Luigier

Team Principals: Luigi Mario (TCBY)

#9 Waluigi
#10 Luigi Mario


Koopra Kids

Team Principal: Iggy Koopa (Pinguini)

#11 Larry Koopa
#12 Conker T. Squirrel


Project Mario

Team Principal: Mario Mario (Frogfoot9013)

#14 Para Troopa
#15 Donkard Kong III (plus Mario Mario for Rounds 2 and 5)


Birdette Racing

Team Principal: Birdetta Birdo (Novitopoli)

#16 Birdetta Birdo
#17 Toadette


Crygorti Corse

Team Principal: Victor Crygor (Forti)

#18 Robert O. Buddy
#19 Penny Crygor


King Boo Motorsports

Team Principal: King Boo (NickyDustyOwl)

#20 Pipsy Astromouse
#21 Goombella







The Calendar

Mushroom Cup
1. Figure-Eight Circuit [Mushroom Kingdom]
2. Yoshi Falls [Yoshi's Island]
3. Cheep Cheep Beach [Koopa Kingdom]
4. Luigi's Mansion [Mushroom Kingdom]

Flower Cup
5. Desert Hills [Yoshi's Island]
6. Delfino Square [Isle Delfino]
7. Waluigi Pinball [Mushroom Kingdom]
8. Shroom Ridge [Mushroom Kingdom]

Star Cup
9. Bahrain International Circuit [Bahrain]
10. Tick-Tock Clock [Mushroom Kingdom]
11. Mario Circuit [Mushroom Kingdom]
12. Airship Fortress [Koopa Kingdom]

Special Cup
13. Wario Stadium [Wario Land]
14. Peach Gardens [Mushroom Kingdom]
15. Bowser's Castle [Koopa Kingdom]
16. Rainbow Road [Space]


Phase 1 (1992-1995) records
Phase 2 (1996-2002) records

Phase 3 (current) records

[Rob Dylan]

Banjo-Kazooie leaves DPRK for RBR!

For the first time in Mario Kart history, the world champion has left their team and taken the #1 elsewhere. Banjo-Kazooie have decided that their long-term future lies not in DPRK but in the established Red Bowser Racing team. We understand that the 38-year-olds received a very lucrative offer from the Koopa King and DK Jr.



DK Pass Removed from Preliminary 2007 Calendar

Mario Kart is set to return to Sakhir for the 2007 Bahrain Grand Prix. MKDA representative Yoshisaur T. Munchakoopas has been lobbying for such a change for many years, saying that such a country deserves a spot on the Mario Kart grid far more than Donkey Kong Country. The idea that this is a direct protest against the Koopa Kingdom's acquitting of Donkey Kong has been denied.

Rumour has it that the Bahrain Grand Prix could be a whopping 10-20 laps long in an experimental new format.

[Rob Dylan]

Signing News

So who else has been signed up? Bowser Jr. has been retained at Red Bowser. Peach Toadstool stays another year at DPRK, with last year's new talent Lemmy Koopa taking Banjo-Kazooie's place. At Mitsuyoshi, Dixie Kong will drive an 11th season with the team, while Toad Toadstool will join her there. Kokkoro Toudou stays at Koopra Sport, but no word of her teammate. Luigier retain their lineup for another year: Luigi Mario and Waluigi. Para Troopa stays at Project Mario, while Donkey Kong III drives alongside him. At the two Yoshi's Island (which DK3 is not allowed to attend), Mario Mario will drive. Birdetta Birdo signs herself up for another year, with Toadette getting a full-time drive with her. R.O.B. was last year's Rookie of the Year and he deservedly stays another year at Crygorti, while Dr. Crygor's granddaughter Penny Crygor makes her debut in the other seat.

Currently, teams are weighing up budgets and contracts. It is understood that Birdette Racing have dropped Hammeronda for customer Mitsuyoshis. Crygorti Corse have also gone the same route and dropped Booridgestones for Yoshihamas.

[Rob Dylan]

Pipsy Astromouse moves to KBM!

Among the many strange line-up changes for the coming season, one of the strangest has just come out that Pipsy Astromouse, 2005 Mario Kart world champion, has signed for King Boo Motorsports with an exclusive #1 positioning at the team. Her teammate will be Goombella, who has been contracted for another year. Meanwhile, the team itself has signed with Hammeronda. Their previous BMW customer contract had run out, and with finances getting tight, King Boo is taking desperate measures for some growth in the coming year.

And speaking of dropping customer contracts, Crygorti Corse are running their own engines in 2007: Crygortis. Let's see what difference this will make in their long-term fortunes.

[Rob Dylan]

Koopra Kids changes to new owners

After a last-minute ditch to rehab, Iggy Koopa has surrendered his ownership of the KK team to the highest bidder, who in this instance was Chunky Kong. With sponsors and drivers all in place for 2007, Chunky has partly renamed the constructor to Koopra Kids Kongsortium (KKK). Business as usual at the team in the short run, but expect a full takeover for 2008.

Otherwise our final driver has been signed: Pacman Beaneater signs up for Koopra Sport in Pipsy's place. That will be a lot of pressure on the novice.

First test to occur hopefully very shortly.

[Rob Dylan]

Pre-Season Testing and Opening Rounds

Two pre-season tests took place this year, with Koopra Sport and Koopra Kids barely making it between them. The first, at Mario Circuit, saw Lemmy Koopa take an excellent fastst position, with the Mitsuyoshis and Luigiers directly behind. Even the Koopra Kids karts were doing really well. Most of the interviews were all over Pacman Beaneater, who makes his debut with Koopra Sport and has a lot of hype behind him. Project Mario were deperately slow at the back, a full second off the pace.

The second test took place in Peach Gardens, and saw both Luigiers crash out into hedges and ruin all their setup development. Toad in the Mitsuyoshi was fastest, with Peach and Kokkoro mere hundredths behind him in terms of pace. Now it was the Crygortis who looked slowest. Nobody could get the hang of where the Luigiers were.

Round 1 at the Figure Eight Circuit saw Peach take pole for the second consecutive race (after Rainbow Road last year). Waluigi yet again crashed out, while Pipsy fluffed up her lap to start at the back too. Otherwise, the home crowd had Toad in second place to cheer on too. The race itself was very scrappy, with a lot of collisions and crashing - Bowser Jr. got disqualified overall for being in so many incidents. Peach took advantage of the intra-Mitsuyoshi squabble and won easily, her teammate Lemmy only seventh after a poor start. Banjo-Kazooie showed that RBR weren't such a bad investment after all, coming fourth ahead of the Koopra Sports adn teh Koopra Kids. Both Luigiers crashed out, leaving question marks as to their pace.

The second round took place at Yoshi Falls, where Penny Crygor (granddaughter of Dr. Victor Crygor) failed to qualify for the second time. Waluigi crashed out of Q1 again and Pipsy also failed to escape the opening section. In the final runs, Lemmy was unable to get up to speed, and Peach was P4. On pole were the Mitsuyoshi of Toad with Dixie Kong second next to him. Kokkoro third and Luigi P5 showed the pace of their chief rivals. In the race, it was Dixie Kong's turn to lose out at the start, and she fell behind a fast-starting Peach for the rest of the race. Meanwhile, Lemmy and others got caught at the start in the midfield, while Birdo got an excellent start to fight for P4 against Luigi. Their late-race collision was the talk of the grand prix, and saw Luigi out at the last minute. Pipsy recovered to a P7 finish, but this was nullified by her penalty by the stewards for an offence at Figure Eight.

[Rob Dylan]

Rounds 3 and 4

The early steamrolling by Mitsuyoshi died away quite significantly in the latter half of the Mushroom Cup. When just about every major player had crashes on a wild Saturday qualifying day, Bowser Jr. took pole and won a very close race ahead of Conker T. Squirrel, who took all the plaudits and the surprise from the pundits. Peach was able to significantly extend her championship with a distant third over Toad and Dixie, the latter of whom was 6th and the former out of the points. Luigi especially was pressed by the... press, when he had started the season with three consecutive retirements. Penny Crygor went from DNQing to almost scoring points. Banjo-Kazooie kept the resurgent RBR doing well in 5th, while Para took Project Mario's first points of the year.

Luigi's driving went from bad to worse at his home circuit. While Conker took even more excitement with a pole position, Luigi was midfield at best. In the second lap, he hit the chandelier and dropped all the way to the back and finished last. The race was most noted for Conker's crash at the first corner, which allowed Dixie Kong to win quite a close contest ahead of Kokkoro Toudou, who after many a bad race seems to have come good again. Lemmy also came good by finishing third and ahead of his teammate. Now all of sudden the shoe is on the other foot - Peach loses a point to her own teammate. Will it be the teammates who decide all of this? Goombella took her first ever points down in 7th - a welcome break for a struggling KBM.

[NickyDustyOwl]

Dear Mario Kart fans

It's true. King Boo Motorsports is in a....not so good state. I've tried and I've tried REALLY hard to get this team going....but these damned team owners think they're SO powerful catering to themselves instead of the smaller teams. It just makes me SICK!

So we here at King Boo Motorsports have decided that the best way to solve this is by having you, yes you, the fans have an opportunity to help fund the King Boo Motorsports operation!

For just [Insert Mario Kart currency amount here], you will not only being helping the King Boo Motorsports operations, but you will also be invited to the rest of the Mario Kart season with private reserve seats! Oh yes! Its true! Really true!

Also with your donation, you will recieve a custom poster that says " Mario Mario eats corn the long way " on it!

So please, don't wait another second! go to www.kingboomotorsport.com/donate to show how much you love the King Boo Motorsports team!

King King Boo

[Rob Dylan]

Testing, NC Races and Round 5

Testing was a quiet affair, with Luigier, RBR, DPRK, and Mitsuyoshi the only teams to turn up and try to improve their machinery. Around Moo Moo Farm Luigier both ended up crashing out or their karts failed early on in the session, so one wonders what information they got from it all. The non-championship round occurred at Luigi Raceway, and it was quite a dominant win from one Conker T. Squirrel, who took pole and fastest lap to boot. He managed to hold off Kokkoro Toudou in expert fashion, while Donkey Kong had something of a comeback to take a decent third place. Conker became the first person to ever win two non-championship races, as well as the first to win two NC races at the same venue (in this case Luigi Circuit).

Round 5 took place in the Desert Hills of Yoshi's Island. The biggest news of the weekend came before the race, when protesters held up the tour bus of Equipe Luigier instead of the intended Project Mario. None of the team personnel were able to make it to the event in time to be registered, meaning that both Luigi and Waluigi were marked as DNA. Luigi had been hoping to use the Flower Cup as a potential comeback Cup to get his season back in order, and this latest setback has not helped that.

Kokkoro took an excellent pole when most of the frontrunners fell back or crashed out during the Saturday sessions. She had a good start, while defending champion Banjo Kazooie crashed out early. An unforced error from Kokkoro took herself out at the banked corners, which allowed Dixie Kong to zoom into a lead she never relinquished. Peach was second and could have attacked, but thought better of it. The rest of the coverage saw Larry Koopa finally come into his own with an excellent third place for KKK. A terrible start for Toad saw him struggle back up the order to an eventual 6th, behind fifth-placed Larry. The other notable embarrassment came when Pacman Beaneater knocked himself out at the exact same corner his teammate Kokkoro did. He still has no points.

After the race, Dixie Kong took the lead in the championship for the first time since 2000! We've been saying for a while that this could be her last chance to win a third title, and how dramatic it would be should she succeed.

Then, the major news came out. Conker T. Squirrel was found to have irregular samples between R5 and the Mushroom Cup. As a result of these indiscrepancies, the squirrel was given a four-race ban including the in-season event. He will be allowed to return to the grid for Round 10. It is understood that he may have been illegally benefitting in pace from these characteristics.

[Rob Dylan]

Rounds 6 and 7

There was a big turnaround in fortunes for two of the major teams in these next rounds. Koopra Sport and Equipe Luigier finally got their act together and started competing properly and without incident. Of the two Luigier drivers, it was Luigi himself who was able to take a solid podium at Delfino Square just behind Kokkoro Toudou, who took her first win of the year. The race's most notable incidents included when the defending champion Banjo-Kazooie hit the statue fountain, just as Waluigi did as well. Otherwise it was a straightforward affair. Lemmy Koopa's involvement in Banjo-Kazooie's crash earned him a race ban, during which he was replaced by Wendy O. Koopa, his older sister.

Before this race, Pipsy Astromouse had left KBM by mutual consent to drive in the Koopra Kids kart for Conker's off-races. King Boo took the reins of his own kart instead.

At Waluigi Pinball, it was a surprisingly not crazy affair. Luigi took pole when Kokkoro crashed out of Q3. The latter managed to worm her way all the way up to third, hounding Luigi for the lead for the final lap, but to no avail. Pacman came third in both this and the previous race, ending his own points duck. Luigi's win was his first in over four years, and I think the crowd were just about universally pleased for him to see such a result. All this switch-up in team pace has sent shockwaves to the championship hunt, as Dixie and Peach were each scoring midfield points instead of their usual podiums. Peach retook the lead, then lost it again by one point to Dixie going into Round 8. Close stuff!

After this race, Goombella also announced her departure by mutual consent from KBM. She was replaced by Wiz Pig.

[Rob Dylan]

Round 8

Shroom Ridge was a little bit of a move back to normality. Wiz Pig and Penny Crygor failed to qualify, and Toad dominated the whole weekend. After many races struggling behind Dixie, in this race he came into his own and at least showed some promise that he might still challenge for the title. Peach was an early retirement, and Dixie only had to finish in the middle points to again retake her championship lead. Kokkoro finished third after starting not too much further back, and Koopra Sport have quietly turned themselves into contenders yet again by the mid-season. Luigier were fast again, but this time it was Waluigi who took the podium. About 87% of the team's total points have been scored in the last three races. Lemmy Koopa wasn't too terrible on his return, and took a decent fourth, even if DPRK are probably expecting more.

What it means overall is that Dixie leads the championship from Peach, while Kokkoro Toad and even Luigi look like potential outside contenders with all the eight races still to go. Banjo-Kazooie is glad to have his 2008 contract already set up, because his whole year has greatly unravelled.

[Frogfoot9013]

I am very pleased with the suspension of Conker T. Squirrel from Mario Kart for his devious cheating with performance-enhancing drugs. However, the punishment did not go far enough. Conker should be permanently banned from all MIA events forever. Remember, he was caught using an illegal kart in the 1997 Diddy Kong Racing championship, and was rightly excluded from the championship. The MIA should remember this cheat's past record. This isn't his first transgression, and unless he is permanently banned from Mario Kart, it will not be his last!

[Rob Dylan]

Mid-Season Events

While the talk of the town is all about the upcoming football match being organised among Mario Kart's top brass, we can now look back on the summer month's racing and testing events.

Firstly, there was a testing session reserved only for DPRK, as they were the only team to do upgrades. Then, at Frappe Snowland the other nine teams engaged in a 17-kart non-championship race which saw Larry Koopa surprisingly beat all the opposition from an ambitious pole position. Dixie Kong pulled herself up to second, while Kokkoro Toudou continued her recent strong form in third.

Then, the FPF season started. The permanent racing drivers for 2007 will be Daisy von Sarasaland (the series organiser), Mark Wiggler, Wendy O. Koopa, Candy Kong, Koops van Petalburg, Estela Rosalina (debuting), and Nic Hammerton. The cameo slots for the opening two rounds were filled by the Luigier drivers: Waluigi drove at Baby Park and Luigi drove at Luigi Circuit.

After the first two rounds, Daisy came into her own with two excellent runs and 16 points. Mark Wiggler and Candy Kong are the main opposition mostly due to their two finishing spots putting them up the standings. The main moment so far of the season has been when heads were turned to Rosalina, who took an excellent second place at Luigi Circuit. Waluigi showed he still has it when he won at Baby Park quite decisively.

[Rob Dylan]

Round 9 - Bahrain

The hottest time of the year saw us race at Bahrain for the second time in Mario Kart history, after a 15-year break. Lemmy Koopa finally broke his qualifying duck and took his maiden pole. However, the race being run to 10 laps absolutely destroyed the drivers', meaning that pit strategies varied entirely by the driver. Just about every lap saw around 5 drivers pit, and while Luigi and Larry and Lemmy took the lead on occasion, we also had moments when it looked like Mario or King Boo might meme their way into a podium.

In the end, most of the drivers who made it that far completely misjudged their fuel strategies. We had three finishers! In third place, the eternally third Pacman Beaneater. In second, the king of controversy King Boo. Winning, taking his first victory since 2003: Waluigi!

The whole farce was deemed to be legitimate in spite of some attempts by the MKDA representative to annul its outcome. However, the results stand.

[Rob Dylan]

FPF Rounds 4-6

As we move into the autumn, the junior series gets ever more exciting. For the Frappe Snowland round, Yoshi substituted his new apprentice Yellowsaurus in place of two-time world champion Dixie Kong. Dixie is probably too valuable to her manager to be allowed off the leash that easily, especially after recovering from her 2003 Rainbow Road injury.

Anyway, Yellowsaurus did extraordinarily well. He took pole and won the damn event. Koops' first podium along with Wiggler taking third were all heavily overshadowed, and there appears to be a new young Yoshi on the racing scene!

These two races were followed up by Koopa Beach and Choco Mountain. At the former, Rosalina impressed further by winning her maiden race from pole position. Most crucially, her rivals Mark Wiggler and Daisy both fell to the back. We also saw Pipsy Astromouse take a part-time role in the series in place of Wendy O. Koopa, who had not been able to finish a single race. Nic Hammerton lost his place to Goombella. At Choco Mountain, both Rosalina and Daisy crashed out at their various parts, while the cameoing Morton Koopa got shoved out of pole position and into the tunnel wall.

With two races to go, the top five are all super close, and while Rosalina holds the current advantage, we could get a further surprise or two in the coming rounds.

[Rob Dylan]

FPF Rounds 7-8

Mushroom Bridge saw the surprise comeback from Wario Jumpman to cameo! He finished fourth with fastest lap this time, but still a good showing. There were almost no incidents or retirements here, and Mark Wiggler took second place from pole to shoot himself up to the championship lead. Rosalina's fifth place put her five points behind Wiggler, while Daisy's retirement took her out of the championship entirely.

The final round was therefore for three drivers to win. Redsaurus, returning to racing this year, took pole position and fastest lap, but it was 2005 Mario Kart champion Pipsy Astromouse who won in an epic overtake through the shortcut at Yoshi Circuit. Wiggler crashing out from third place left the whole thing open, and Rosalina was fifth and Candy Kong was sixth. Rosalina did not let her competitor through, and the result was that the closer Candy was unable to overhaul her Australian rival's points. She lost the championship to Mark Wiggler on countback.

[Rob Dylan]

Mario Kart Rounds 10-12

There was one clear dominator for the rest of the Star Cup. When the meme Grand Prix of Bahrain was over and the dust had settled, Dixie Kong set herself into an excellent rhythm to take three consecutive victories. Her teammate Toad had held the upper hand all qualifying, until he was pipped by fractions at Tick Tock Clock. Dixie held on to win, and her teammate was later penalised for a previous infraction. Even when Toad did take pole at Mario Circuit, he was beaten on track by Dixie yet again. Then, when Peach got her act together to take pole at Airship Fortress, she was shoved into the wall by Dixie and the pro-Yoshi stewards ruled no action.

All this means is that with four races to go, Dixie has it all but sewn up. Kokkoro and Peach have checked out, and Koopra Sport especially have been dire since the Flower Cup. Luigier have been competitive but not enough; Red Bowser and Koopra Kids are only operating one-driver teams apparently. Lemmy did admittedly take second place on merit at Airship Fortress, after another inherited second at Tick Tock Clock. He's leaving it until late in the season, but he is finally where DPRK are probably expecting him to be.

Other unexpected moments came when King Boo took a great seventh place at Mario Circuit. This overshadowed Donkey Kong's fifth place for Project Mario, which at least put him ahead of his teammate in the standings by default.

Five drivers remain in it. However, with four races to go, Dixie only needs a second place to win this championship.

[Rob Dylan]

Mark Wiggler signs for Red Bowser!

That's right! The Australian winner of the 2007 Formula Power Flower championship has been snapped up by Red Bowser to pilot one of their cars in 2008 on a 1+1 deal. It is unknown as of yet whether the team are going to drop:

- the overpaid defending world champion hiding outside the top ten of the championship with no podiums.
- the son of the CEO with a win and three times the points of his teammate and a genuine shot at runner-up by year-end

[Rob Dylan]

Mario Kart Special Cup

Koopra Sport were the only team to test between Cups, and it did them no good whatsoever. Dixie Kong took her (sort-of) fourth consecutive victory at Mushroom Bridge, and then won again at Wario Stadium to take the championship. Four+one consecutive wins is unheard of in Mario Kart. She took the rest of the season off, as her performance dropped off following this, and allowed a rejuvenated Toad to take three wins and almost catch her in the standings. Peach at least scored some points to retain 3rd, but even her teammate Lemmy was doing better enough to almost catch her at the end. The mess of "best of the rest" drivers meant that Waluigi, Bowser Jr., and Larry were all in the mass of opposition too.

Further back, Donkey Kong took five more points and Wiz Pig even qualified for Rainbow Road! Crygorti ended the season with no points, and there was a 45-point gap between Koopra Sport and KBM behind! Pacman and Toadette were disqualified for repeated collisions at Rainbow Road.

Final 2007 Mario Kart Standings

[Rob Dylan]

2007 Mario Invitational Championship

Pandemonium occurred already in the first race of Mario's accursed championship this year. After a lights-to-flag victory at Donut Plains, he roared into the championship lead ahead of former proteges Kat & Ana. His own son, meanwhile, span off at the last corner on lap 3 and did multiple somersaults, breaking every bone in his body. Baby Mario's career is officially finished at the age of just 11.

Frosty Village and Dino Dino Jungle went ahead without major incidents, although Kat & Ana were mysteriously disqualified when they started catching Mario's lead at the latter event in which the reigning champion crashed out.

At Hot Top Volcano there were so many retirements (coincidentally including Mario Mario's) that the red flags were waved on lap 3 and half points awarded. Mario Mario took a third place on the podium next to the only two actual legal finishers Petey Piranha and C. Lakitu. Meanwhile, Redsaurus dropped his kart into the lava and boiled to death. RIP 1972-2007.

[Rob Dylan]

2007 Mario Kart Awards Season

The Terminal Lucidity award is given to Wiz Pig, who right before his imposed retirement, somehow qualified for the most difficult race of the year at Rainbow Road

The Sophomore Slump award is given to Robert O. Buddy, who went from Rookie of the Year in 2006 to pointless in 2007. In spite of qualifying for every race (10 more times than his teammate), Penny still outdid him in the year-end table, just by being there when it counts.

The Continuously Failing Upwards award is given to Para Troopa, who after doing nothing in a backmarker kart for a whole year, has been promoted to team manager and above even Mario Mario! He has become the first driver to write up their 2008 contract as well. Good job!

The Reject of the Year award goes to Pipsy Astromouse, who only two years after winning her championship, got dumped by Koopra Sport, signed by the most toxic team on the grid, lasted five races there before mutually ending her contract, and even with a much better Koopra Kids kart managed null points in all her attempts. While some might argue her FPF win at Yoshi Circuit should redeem her somewhat, why was she even in FPF? It's quite the fall from grace.

The The Junior System Works award goes to Toadette, who after years of subbing, finally got a full season and actually did really well. The FPF has fulfilled its purpose if this can happen every year, and Mark Wiggler's signing for Red Bowser makes that seem like it is the case

The Lucky Bastard of the Year award goes to King Boo, who by default took a second place at the farcical Bahrain Grand Prix. This one finish bumped his team two places higher in the standings than it deserved to be. For his continued lack of grace, we commend him.

The Mood Swing award goes to Equipe Luigier, who decided that if they weren't going to be comepting for a win, they wouldn't turn up that weekend. Luigi and Waluigi (who was admittedly a little more consistent) seemed to be driving an entirely different kart week to week, and the team's third place overall seems more down to the drivers than an indication of whatever overall speed Luigier has as a package.

The Eternal Chokester award goes to Kokkoro Toudou, who for the third consecutive season completely fluffs up any chance at competition in the second half of the year

The Rising Star award goes to Bowser Jr., who showed that 2006 was not a fluke. He roundly defeated the defending world champion just a year after beating Toad, and he is now undisputed number 1 at Red Bowser. In a good kart, he seems entirely capable of winning championships.

The Hang Up the Keys award goes to Peach Toadstool, who shirked her responsibility as the lead opposition to Mitsuyoshi by finishing a whopping seven consecutive times outside of the points. It was a choke in the vein of Toad in 1992, and that is not a feat to be compared to.

Finally, the Driver of the Year award goes to Larry Koopa, who outdrove that Koopra Kids kart every single race, had an impressive run of finishes, and was so consistently fast and domineering that he could genuinely have taken third in the championship this year. Any team principal with an ounce of sense will try to nab him for 2008.