1980 Dywa GP - Halle Race Report Up!

[Frogfoot9013]

Dywa GP is back and better than ever for another season of the greatest motorsports series ever to exist.

The actual races won't start any time soon; obviously time is needed to set up the carset, and ye need time to confirm entries.

Why?
1979 was a difficult year, but nevertheless a highly successful one for the sport. Despite some minor issues, the season ran more or less faultlessly. To build upon this resounding success, some changes to the calendar have been made. The Eastern Bloc, British and French rounds have been replaced with tours to Ireland and North America, which will surely be even more successful!

What?
The cars for 1980 have been overhauled somewhat. Renzo turbo power, first seen with the Dywa F1 team in 1979, makes its way to Dywa GP, with all the cars utilising the brand-new turbo engines.

When?
Races will be streamed in the GPR Discord server when they are run for ye to come and watch, though there will not be a consistent schedule.

How?
GP2 will be used to make this into reality.
The overall format of weekends will be typical for anything run on GP2.
Races will be around 150km in length.
There will be no limit on the amount of teams that can enter. If there are fifteen or more teams on the entry list, pre-qualifying will be used to determine who goes into qualifying. The bottom fourteen teams in the Teams' Championship will take part in pre-qualifying.

The points system for races is similar to F1's points system at this time, albeit with bonus points.

• 1st - 9
  2nd - 6
  3rd - 4
  4th - 3
  5th - 2
  6th - 1

Pole Position: 1
Fastest Lap: 1

Where?
The calendar (provisional at the moment, dates to be decided later) is as follows:

1. Enna-Pergusa (Italy)
2. Imola (Italy)
3. Spa-Francorchamps (Belgium)
4. Halle-Saale-Schleife (Germany)
5. Salzburgring (Austria)
6. Mugello (Italy)
7. Syracuse (Italy)
8. Sanair (Canada)
9. Brainerd (United States)
10. Roebling Road (United States)
11. Mondello Park (Ireland)
12. Kirkistown (United Kingdom)
13. Mantorp (Sweden)
14. Monza (Italy)

Who?
Ye people of the forum are to compete in this series, as like last time. Those who ran teams in 1979 can continue on with those entries if they want. Same rules apply for drivers as in the previous two years, that is, all drivers must be canon DECs. Each team entry must comprise of a name, a team nationality, and two drivers (along with the nationality of each driver).

Submit yer entries!

Championship results can be found here: https://formularejects.com/wiki/1980_Dy ... ies_season

[Dom_Wings]

Équipe Dywa France, now without its sponsor Vaillante, will be fielding Paul Pott as its lead driver.

The other driver is still unconfirmed, though sources have hinted at Canadian driver "Dom Wings" as a possible addition to the team. Another rumour has former driver and current team principal Tim Floc'h re-entering the series after a one-year absence.

[NickyDustyOwl]

Draco Charibert will enter the 1980 DYWA season with Charibert himself as the #1 driver and British driver Layton Silvester as the #2 driver. Both are due to compete (and hopefully survive) all rounds.

Team Name: Charibert's Racing Squad (Greek)
Driver 1: Draco Charibert (Greek)
Driver 2: Layton Silvester (British)

[Rob Dylan]

Dickenson-Lightley are no more, and their assets have been sold to a Scottish nationalist group who tricked Dickenson at a card game at some inexplicable establishment far away in the Scottish Highlands. Iain MacCampbell is now the contract owner and plans to re-enter the Dywa series in the new year.

It is understood that Barry McKockiner is already on the registrar to drive for the team, but this is unconfirmed. The team name shall be, for now:

Hibernian Eclectic Alumni Ratifying Treaties Dominating Independent Scottish English Autonomous Separate Existences, or HEART DISEASE for short.

It is understood that the team will attempt to gain funding from any terrorist group they meet on the Dywa calendar, and to use the series to draw international attention to their cause.

[kevinbotz]

Blockton Impact will persist for another season, with further details to follow.

[CaptainGetz12]

Team: Racing Team of Friendship Socialist Countries
Driver 1: Carl Gustav Schneider
Driver 2: Nikolai Zorbin

If the sporting body of the USSR demands we withdraw, then Schneider is interested in running the team.

[Aislabie]

Dilbert Racing will be continuing into 1980.

Owner-driver Kruger Dunning will be continuing, and he will be joined by the team's best mechanic, Canada's Peter Prince in the second car.

I also have a small selection of drivers without seats who are looking for teams:

• Peter Fossett is an experienced former Formula Two driver coming out of racing retirement, he's likely to be one of the best drivers on the grid.
• Homer Ownputer owns home computer.
• Jean Michel Bastard, owner of the Bastard roofing company.
• Mike Dupp would like to race in the British and Irish races to provide in-race commentary directly to a local pirate radio station.
• Bernard Poulet will bring sponsorship from Benny Chicken, so long as he gets to drive all the North American rounds.

Edited to include Bastard's company logo, which he would like on the sidepod of his car.


Nino Pilia would like to continue with BDSM if they are returning for another campaign, while "Dave" will be unavailable.

[pasta_maldonado]

Bambini di San Marino will be returning and looking towards Nino Pilia as lead driver.

[Nessafox]

Great Leap Backward will continue its quest against capitalism with talented tank driver, eh racing driver Lena Trosschi! (Hoji Imin and Nicholas Krutzhoff will make their appearances)

[novitopoli]

Nunzio Dunn has apparently found some funding from a legitimate conglomerate of honorable Sicilian businessman to enter Dunn Nunzio Scuderia (DNS) in the upcoming Dywa GP season.

He'll be the team's owner-driver, with the second seat yet to be filled.

[Pinkd56]

DYWA HARD (AUT) will be returning with Peter Krieg and Johannes Gruber.





Scientology superstar "Diane Ettick" is available for teams.

[kevinbotz]

Blockton would like to (re)sign (this iteration of) Diane Ettick.

[This Could Be You]

Euskadi Lasterketa wishes to pull out with immediate effect from the Dywa Grand Prix Series, having both proven the superiority of Basque racing talents and not wanting to further risk maiming our future sporting stars in vain. As such, our Dywa GP entry and assets have been sold on to a private buyer

Nightclub Owner Starts Grand Prix Team

Local businessman and personality Richard "Rich" Moneymaker has today announced the formation of a grand prix racing team. The 39yr old Kent-born owner has applied to enter the increasingly infamous Dywa GP series, with drivers yet to be revealed. The series has been recent-[paper crumpled by careless archivist]

Team Name: Rich Moneymaker Racing (GIB)
Drivers: Peter Fossett (GBR), Billy Baker (JER)

[pasta_maldonado]

Team Name: Rich Moneymaker Racing (GIB)
Drivers: TBA (revolving door enthusiasts feel free to offer drivers)

Jersey's most desirable batchelor Billy Baker is interested in the drive.

[Aislabie]

Drivers: TBA (revolving door enthusiasts feel free to offer drivers)

Peter Fossett would be interested in the drive, but he wants to run a full calendar.

[CaptainGetz12]

Euskadi Lasterketa wishes to pull out with immediate effect from the Dywa Grand Prix Series, having both proven the superiority of Basque racing talents and not wanting to further risk maiming our future sporting stars in vain. As such, our Dywa GP entry and assets have been sold on to a private buyer

Nightclub Owner Starts Grand Prix Team

Local businessman and personality Richard "Rich" Moneymaker has today announced the formation of a grand prix racing team. The 39yr old Kent-born owner has applied to enter the increasingly infamous Dywa GP series, with drivers yet to be revealed. The series has been recent-[paper crumpled by careless archivist]

Team Name: Rich Moneymaker Racing (GIB)
Drivers: TBA (revolving door enthusiasts feel free to offer drivers)

Bern van der Westhouzen is interested in a drive for Rich Moneymaker Racing for 1980. As a supersub driver who scored points on his debut season and a fellow likeminded businessman he thinks he could work well with Mr. Moneymaker.

[florence3099]

Team Name: Friendly Racing

Drivers:

Jean Michel Bastard
TBA

Based in Friendly, West Yorkshire, this outfit has been founded by Barry Fowell, who has funded the team through his career as a moderately successful pigeon fancier. Fowell has so far signed Jean Michel Bastard, who he met after hiring him to build sheds to house his pigeons.

[pasta_maldonado]

Off to the races - An Interview with Jersey's Biggest Sports Star.

Racing driver Billy Baker once again sat down with the Jersey Times to talk about his upcoming second season in world motorsports. The 1979 Jersey sportsperson of the year runner up [to the podium! he delivered the trophy - Ed.] will once again be competing in Dywa Grand Prix.

JT: Billy, first of all - congratulations for your two fifth place finishes last season! Did you bring your trophies with you?

BB: Thank you, thank you, very kind. No trophies I'm afraid, the real trophy is the girlfriends you make along the way.

JT: Could you tell us why you only competed in three races last season?

BB: Well, my experience was hampered by the team being Italian...

JT: I see...

BB: ...nothing against Italians, just the commuting took up valuable time that I could've been spending talking to women! So, I had to leave the team.

JT: Weren't you signed on a temporary basis?

BB: That's besides the point.

JT: How do you think this season will fare?

BB: I 've signed with Rich[ard. Ed] Moneymaker racing, a fantastic British team I can really see myself investing in. Really diving in and appreciating it, discussing the curves.....on the track.

JT: ....except the team is from Gibraltar?...

BB: All I can say is that I've been promised riches "beyond my wildest dreams" at Moneymaker's club. Care to join?

JT: No

[Solana7]

A Monaco team, ran by an established all star in American endurance and open wheel racing, Maurice Ouma (Monaco), and a 20 year old Spanish rising rally talent with Lancia, Pedro Losba. To form MP-GPR (Maurice Pedro-Grand Prix Racing)

The first driver is Qrow Branwen (American), the 20 year old American is a rising and popular talent in the States, known for his laid back and sarcastic demeanor.

The 2nd driver is TBD

[Forti]

Turkish-registered Batman Benzi Racing would like to enter Dywa GP to promote their parent company, Batman Benzi, an oil company operating in Batman, Turkey. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Batman,_Turkey).
Driving for them will be:
Sami Yurekendacar (Turkey), also hailing from Batman, and a moderately successful racer in the Balkans whose career has been funded by Batman Benzi. (born 8 March 1958)
Miloš Ovtapase (Yugoslavia), is one of Sami’s best buddies. This Italo-Slovenian member of Auto Moto Club Skofje Loka met him in the Balkan motorsport scene. Miloš' friendship with Sami has landed him a drive with the team, similarly to how Patrick Lemarie got his BAR testing role. (born 10 July 1957)
This logo should be on the car:

(Yes, I’m fully confident that Batman Benzi Racing and its parent company will face legal challenges over the usage of the Batman name upon international exposure.)

[kevinbotz]

At a hastily convened 'press conference'.

"Howdy y'all. I'mma here...here to...uh...right, signed a piece o'paper recently...too many pens an' papers recently, y'know how it goes...Max Speed! Great kid, love'em, think he drove for...drove for us last season, did a helluva job before he...right, uh, that. Anywho, he's drivin' for Blockton this season, and he's gonna blow all your butts outta your seats! And we also got the lovely lady who seems to be swappin' faces, the one with the cash from the Sciento-somethin...oh, no paper signed for that yet."

Blockton Impact has signed Max Speed for the upcoming 1980 season, and is awaiting a response from representatives of the Church of Scientology for Diane Ettick's services.

[Kinnikuniverse]

Macchina Automobili Giorgio Armani will return, with Stefano Spaghetti staying onboard and, as his new teammate, former Italian Formula 3 regular Giuseppe Rigatoni.

[Rob Dylan]

HEART DISEASE have reportedly signed Dywa journeyman Barry McKockiner. They are currently also trying to weasel their way out of paying the entry fee on a technicality, and would recommend that all other teams do the same thing.

[Solana7]

A Monaco team, ran by an established all star in American endurance and open wheel racing, Maurice Ouma (Monaco), and a 20 year old Spanish rising rally talent with Lancia, Pedro Losba. To form MP-GPR (Maurice Pedro-Grand Prix Racing)

The first driver is Qrow Branwen (American), the 20 year old American is a rising and popular talent in the States, known for his laid back and sarcastic demeanor.

The 2nd driver is TBD

MP-GPR has hired Jacques Clouseau for the 2nd seat. (Was approved by frogfoot9013)

[florence3099]

Friendly Racing would like to sign Mike Dupp for a full season as their second driver.

[Rob Dylan]

Along with Barry McKockiner (who I think is signed up but I'm not actually sure!), HEART DISEASE have struggled to find a suitable second driver who fits the bill in terms of his staunch fight for Scottish liberation. Therefore, team owner Iain MacCampbell has announced that he himself shall drive the second car - oh goody!

[Nessafox]

More specificness: Trosschi and imin will will start the season. Krutzhoff will do at least the German, Austrian and Swedish races. Who's gonna make place for Krutzhoff will depend on points/pace.

[novitopoli]

Dunn Nunzio Scuderia (DNS) proudly announces the signing of Finnish driver Edvard "Eddy" Marin (DOB: 22 Dec 1956). Eddy Marin is a former rally driver with impeccable race craft, as well as a very close associate of owner-driver Nunzio Dunn.

[Forti]

Batman Benzi executives held a meeting and agreed that they need more carney- excuse me, more financial backing to offset the costs of entering Dywa. Ovtapase’s experience with Italian circuits is helpful, but the plan is for Miloš Ovtapase to share his seat with well-backed drivers in the number 54 car. Here's their tentative list, which could become much longer.

Mike Pfinger (born 31 May 1944, from East Germany), a former East German F3 champion. Has backing from ASS Altenburger and will do the East German race.
Walter Andreas Nikolai Karl Erich Rudolf Franz Otto Konrad Stefan Michael Alexander Siegfried Harald Heisenberg (born 20 January 1948), who is associated with the Wienerwald restaurant chain and will race in Salzburg.
David Souffle (born 14 November 1949), a bakery owner with a large stache. Will race at Spa.
Bobson Dugnutt (born 6 September 1942), a baseball champion whose life mission is to play in every sport in existence. Gibs emone from the family donut business, and will do the North American races.
Harry O’Lynch (born 25 September 1958), an Aurora F1 Series regular and the uncle of future Jordan tester Connor O’Lynch. Backed by Northern Bank Ltd and will do the British/Irish races.
NM Kjlili (born 16 May 1946, full name Nikolaus Mikkel Kjlili), a Finnish rally driver with Nokia monies. Will do the Mantorp Park race.

[FalconCapelli]

There is a new team in the town! The rich businessman Alessandro Conti decides to enter the prestigious Dywa GP after founding his team which is called Scuderia Disperazione (it is called Disperazione because before he is being a rich man, he had a poor and miserable life) Conti hired two new and unknown drivers.

italian Stefano Tapfer (DOB 07.04.1957) along with Austrian Karl Wurz (DOB 24.05.1955) signed a long term contract for driving the team. While they are relatively a new comer to this series, Conti reassuringly believes that they ll become a full force in long tern.

[Frogfoot9013]

Right, an update for the first time in a good while.
The series will be commencing rather shortly.
Firstly, an RNG that was done a while ago but not posted to the forums.

In 1979 in F1, Renzo Engineering designed a turbo engine, breaking Renault's monopoly on the concept. It has been decided that this engine will see use in Dywa GP in 1980, but there is no guarantee that they will be able to supply these to every single team on the grid.
This RNG will determine the amount of teams Renzo will be able to supply with new turbos at the start of the season.
The maximum potential number will actually be higher than the amount of teams entered on the grid, for reasons.

1-19: number of teams to be permitted.
3! There shall be three Enhanced teams in Dywa GP for 1980.

Now, to decide the three teams. An RNG for each team shall be run, in the order of where each team finished in the Teams' Championship in 1979, with new teams following after. Each team has a 50/50 chance of being selected.

First up, Equipe Dywa Floc'h.
1-50: ya
51-100: nann
96! Absolutely not!

Next, Macchina Automobili Giorgio Armani:
1-50: si
51-100: no
15! The first team to run turbos has been decided.

Following this, Great Leap Backward:
1-50: yes
51-100: no
9! Great Leap Backward takes a Great Leap Forward by receiving turbos!

Now, for Blockton Impact:
1-50: yes
51-100: no
25! The final turbos have been selected for a team.

This concludes the RNG.

[Frogfoot9013]

After a long wait, the 1980 Dywa Grand Prix series is finally underway, with a record-breaking number of finishers for the season-opener.

PRE-QUALIFYING REPORT
The first pre-qualifying session of the year saw slightly reduced pressure on drivers, as only one driver from each team needed to set a competitive time for the team to progress, now that aggregate time had been done away with. However, this was not enough for some teams. Some of the many new teams were not entirely prepared for this - out of the twenty-eight cars in pre-qualifying, eight failed to set any time at all. Neither of MPGPR's cars were able to get fired up to set any time at all during the session, which undoubtedly angered driver Jacques Clouseau, with his eyes firmly set on the championship. Aside from MPGPR, newcomers HEART-DISEASE failed to escape pre-qualifying.



QUALIFYING REPORT
Max Speed took his first pole position, and turbo cars monopolised the first two rows, a sign of things to come. Technical problems were again widespread - 17 of the 28 cars only ran in one of the two sessions. Johannes Gruber was unable to set a time in either session and failed to qualify altogether. Alongside Krieg, newcomer Karl Wurz failed to qualify.



RACE REPORT
Hoji Imin took what must have been the most unconvincing win by over a minute ever seen in motorsport. Despite numerous spins and off-track excursions, by dint of being the sole turbo to go the whole race distance, the car's pace was such that he still had almost a minute and a half of a lead from second-placed Nino Pilia. A more capable drive and he could easily have lapped the entire field. Nunzio Dunn completed the podium in his first outing as an owner-driver, followed by Billy Baker and Nikolai Zorbin.

FINAL CLASSIFICATION



FASTEST LAPS


Drive of the Day: Peter Prince - points on debut surely indicates that this driver will rapidly rise through the ranks of motorsport.
Reject of the Race: Sami Yurekendacar - despite being the fastest non-turbo driver over a single lap on race day, he did not cover himself in glory with his repeated off-track excursions and collisions.

INJURY REPORT
There were two major crashes that occurred in the season-opener.

Firstly, Giuseppe Rigatoni.
He suffered a severe collision at a high-speed part of the track.

1-15: somehow just a concussion (will race at next round, with reduced stats)
16-30: misses two races (back for Halle)
31-50: misses six races (back for Sanair)
51-75: out for rest of season
76-100: second RNG

72! Rigatoni is out for the rest of the season. His replacement by Marco Tortellini has been noted.

Secondly, Stefan Tapfer.
He crashed in similar fashion to Rigatoni. Thus, the same permutations shall be used.
89! This does not bode well.

A second RNG with the following permutations shall be run:
1-33: out for rest of season and first half of 1981
34-66: Career is over
67-99: Death
100:

1! Tapfer yet lives. In any case, he too is out for the rest of the season. His replacement by Shota Kakhaberidze has been noted.

[Frogfoot9013]

This was meant to have been done ages ago but better late than never.

PRE-QUALIFYING REPORT



QUALIFYING REPORT



RACE REPORT

FINAL CLASSIFICATION



FASTEST LAPS


Drive of the Day: Max Speed's Engine - A spectacular victory with the engine catching fire as the car crossed the line.
Reject of the Race: Friendly Racing - Spins for days.



INJURY REPORT
A number of serious accidents occurred in this race.

Firstly, Paul Pott had a major crash at Tamburello on the first lap.


1-15: somehow just a concussion (will race at next round, with reduced stats)
16-30: misses two races (back for Salzburgring)
31-50: misses five races (back for Sanair)
51-75: out for rest of season
76-100: second RNG
25! Paul Pott will miss Spa and Halle. His replacement by Bern van der Westhouzen has been noted.


Next, Sami Yurekendacar.
He had a crash at rather high speed near Rivazza, but scrubbed off a lot of speed before impact with barriers, luckily.
1-33: unharmed
34-66: concussion (reduced stats for next round)
67-83: misses one race (back for Spa)
84-100: misses three races (back for Mugello)
4! He is just fine.

Lastly, Eddy Marin.
He crashed at high speed at Piratella, and his car also came apart.


1-15: somehow just a concussion (will race at next round, with reduced stats)
16-30: misses two races (back for Salzburgring)
31-50: misses five races (back for Sanair)
51-75: out for rest of season
76-100: second RNG

76! This does not bode well.

Second RNG permutations:
1-33: out for rest of season and first half of 1981
34-66: Career is over
67-99: Death
100: :mosley:

77! F

[Nessafox]

Krutzhoff will take Trosschi's place for the Halle race.

[Aislabie]

Local businessman Kruger Dunning lands big investor

Local businessman Kruger Dunning, owner and operator of the Dilbert Racing team in the international Dywa Grand Prix series, drunkenly announced today that he has secured a "big-money investment".



"I am delighted to announce a big money investment in Dilbert Racing," Dunning told us from behind a row of empty beer glasses. "My investor is a very wealthy and influential guy, and I am so excited about the future of my team. I can't wait to reveal all of the details as soon as I can."

In further discussion, Dunning explained to us the nature of this investment: the team's investor is a wealthy financier, and the team will undergo a full rebrand to reflect the investment. However, Dunning has signed an agreement that means he is not able to reveal anything further until after the controversial "German" Dywa Grand Prix.

[Forti]

BATMAN BENZI GONE BUST, WELSH NEWCOMERS JOIN DYWA


David Soufflé's Dywa career ended as soon as it began.

The latest Dywa Grand Prix at the refurbished Spa-Francorchamps saw several life-threatening crashes occur. One such victim was Batman Benzi Racing driver David Soufflé. The Belgian baker’s Dywa-002 fell apart at speed, and he crashed hard into the wall, ruling him out of racing for months. Soufflé’s demands for compensation and the corporation being unable to cover the costs of new chassis sent Batman Benzi under. BBR and Sami Yurekendacar were the first Turkish racers to compete on the international stage, but the Turkish dream is over for now. Insiders suggest that Batman Benzi’s history was always riddled with questionable investments, with Dywa proving to be their last.

In their place rises a new team from Wales, Trefniadaeth Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch Dywa Rasio (TLDR). Owned by a quirky, speed-loving Welshman, the TLDR boss has announced that he’d “let anyone drive our Dywas” but is “particularly looking forward to a ride for Heywood Jablowme”. Well, we now know which team is going to DNPQ for every Dywa race now.

Sami Yurekendacar and Milos Ovtapase are now free agents, and are waiting for offers.

TLDR will hire Heywood Jablowme for the remainder of the season. The second driver, for the German GP at least, will be Mike Pfinger, previously slated for a one-off with Batman Benzi.

[Frogfoot9013]

The first ever visit by a major open-wheeled racing championship to the overhauled, state-of-the-art Spa-Francorchamps circuit was certainly eventful

PRE-QUALIFYING REPORT
There was only one name people were talking about after pre-qualifying: Max Speed. He certainly lived up to his name, setting a blistering 2:25 lap which was 1.7 seconds faster than second-placed Spaghetti. Aside from that, there was one question on others' minds: where had the Charibert team gone? They were literally nowhere to be seen all weekend, and never turned up for the event! As a result, only one team failed to pre-qualify at this round, and the unfortunate ones were HEART-DISEASE, who did so for the second time in three races.



QUALIFYING REPORT
Max Speed once again shone in qualifying, though his lead over the rest of the field was less conspicuous now that Hoji Imin and Great Leap Backward competed in this session. Nevertheless, the best of the rest, once more Stefano Spaghetti, was still 1.6 seconds adrift of Speed's time. Debutant Marcin Paulauskas failed to qualify, as did Peter Prince.



RACE REPORT
Two drivers dominated most of the race: Hoji Imin and Stefano Spaghetti. Max Speed, despite being the fastest car on track, was forced to pit early for damage, and later retired from the race after his car disintegrated during an extremely low-speed spin. Elsewhere, the race was marred by a number of high-speed accidents, most notably involving debutant David Souffle at Eau Rouge and the enigmatic "Dom Wings" at Pouhon. In the end, neither Imin nor Spaghetti would finish the race, both suffering late-race technical problems, though they still picked up some points. This resulted in Peter Krieg finally winning his first career race, and taking the championship lead with it. Giuseppe Gasperoni finished a distant second, catpulting his team into the lead of the Team's Championship. Mike Dupp scored Friendly Racing's first points with a third-place finish, and Billy Baker finished fourth for the second time in three races.

FINAL CLASSIFICATION


Drive of the Day: Peter Krieg - Finally wins his first race, taking care of his car and bringing it home in one piece, unlike his rivals
Reject of the Race: David Souffle - See below

FASTEST LAPS



INJURY REPORT
A number of high-speed crashes occurred in this race.

Firstly, Firstly, David Souffle.
He crashed at high speed entering Eau Rouge after his car broke up during cornering.


1-50: misses 7 races
51-75: out for season
76-100: second RNG
28! Souffle has been injured, but he will race again—or will he?

Next, Peter Fossett.
He broke down and aggressively steered into an Armco barrier.
1-33: no injury
34-66: concussion (reduced stats at Halle, more severe injury RNGs)
67-99: minor injury - misses one race
100: more severe injury - misses three races
11! He's fine.

Lastly, the enigmatic "Dom Wings".
He suffered a massive crash at Pouhon.


1-33 - misses 3 races
34-66 - misses 7 races
67-80 - out for season
81-100 - second RNG
83! This does not bode well.

Second RNG Permutations:
1-33 - out for season and first half of 1981
34-66 - career ending injury
67-99 - death
100:
33! This is as close to a career-ender as a crash could be, and a long road to recovery lies ahead of the Czechoslovakian emigre.

ADDITIONAL NOTES

BATMAN BENZI GONE BUST, WELSH NEWCOMERS JOIN DYWA


David Soufflé's Dywa career ended as soon as it began.

The latest Dywa Grand Prix at the refurbished Spa-Francorchamps saw several life-threatening crashes occur. One such victim was Batman Benzi Racing driver David Soufflé. The Belgian baker’s Dywa-002 fell apart at speed, and he crashed hard into the wall, ruling him out of racing for months. Soufflé’s demands for compensation and the corporation being unable to cover the costs of new chassis sent Batman Benzi under. BBR and Sami Yurekendacar were the first Turkish racers to compete on the international stage, but the Turkish dream is over for now. Insiders suggest that Batman Benzi’s history was always riddled with questionable investments, with Dywa proving to be their last.

In their place rises a new team from Wales, Trefniadaeth Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch Dywa Rasio (TLDR). Owned by a quirky, speed-loving Welshman, the TLDR boss has announced that he’d “let anyone drive our Dywas” but is “particularly looking forward to a ride for Heywood Jablowme”. Well, we now know which team is going to DNPQ for every Dywa race now.

David Souffle is disqualified from the Spa-Francorchamps race for bringing the good name of the Dywa Grand Prix Series into disrepute. Additionally, he is banned from the Dywa Grand Prix Series for life, without possibility of appeal. Furthermore, for their own part in bringing the sport's name into disrepute, Batman Benzi Racing are to be excluded from the championship.

[Frogfoot9013]

The long-overdue race report for the Dywa GP round at the Halle-Saale-Schleife is here, the race featuring the closest finish in Dywa GP history!

PRE-QUALIFYING REPORT



QUALIFYING REPORT



RACE REPORT

FINAL CLASSIFICATION


Drive of the Day: Jill Scott - a true one-hit wonder, almost scoring points in her one and only race.
Reject of the Race: the German Democratic Republic - local drivers did not impress at the Halle-Saale-Schleife.

FASTEST LAPS



INJURY REPORT
A number of heavy crashes occurred during the race:

Firstly, Nikolai Zorbin.



1-25 - Out for one race
26-50 - Out for three races
51-75 - Out for rest for season
75-100 - Second RNG

41! He is out for three races. His replacement by Dominik Nowak has been noted.

Secondly, Yu Shiting. Yu crashed at over 100mph and the car disintegrated.

1-50 out for season
51-100 Second RNG

13! Yu's replacement by team principal Tim Floc'h has been noted.

ADDITIONAL NOTES

Jill Scott has departed H.E.A.R.T. D.I.S.E.A.S.E., effective immediately. Her replacement by the returning Earl of Sandwich has been noted.

[Aislabie]

MOTOR RACING GRAND PRIX SCANDAL
by Sue Jawhard (Undercover Reporter)


Jawhard rounds a corner under the pseudonym "Jill Scott"

It's not every day that a humble journalist is lucky enough to drive a Formula One car, but when they do you can assume they generally have more fun than "Jill Scott" this past weekend in East Germany.

The Formula One expert noted for her expertise on the Luton-based B&S Fabrications Formula One squad became aware of the series during a recent romantic rendezvous with current Osella racer Luciano Sighinolfi, with whom Jawhard had first become close during his time with the B&S Fabrications team. Prior to his Formula One career, the Italian had driven in the Dywa Grand Prix series believing that it might prepare him for fully-fledged Grand Prix racing.

Scarcely able to believe his stories of death, corruption and international communism, this intrepid journalist had to take the opportunity to find out for herself - and what she found would be enough to turn the stomach of any red-blooded sports fan.

The series itself is into its third year, bankrolled by business associates of the enigmatic Renzo Bizzari, a sharply dressed Sicilian with sunglasses and a dream of his own personal motor racing fiefdom. In the Dywa Grand Prix series, he has exactly that - and much like a Medieval fief, people die all the time but the show must go on.

He doesn't care who he does business with to do it: the race that this author competed in calls itself the "German Grand Prix" but is held at a racetrack in deepest darkest East Germany, and the team with which this author was able to secure a race drive is called "Heart Disease". It is not a good team: when assessing whether this author would be eligible for the drive, they never once enquired about driving ability: instead, they were most interested in whether the author would be prepared to race under the Scottish saltire!

This author has never travelled further north than Newport Pagnell Services, because really what is there in the world that Milton Keynes doesn't have to offer? But despite that, this author raced as officially Scottish and nobody questioned it.

Curiously, not all of the teams are running the same cars despite the series claiming to ensure that every team is equipped from the same stock of vehicles. There were three front-running teams that seemed to have far more power than the rest of the field. I worry for them because if there's one thing you don't want, it's to be going faster when your car disintegrates.

And your car will disintegrate. They all do. I've seen a car pull over at less than 10 miles an hour and just have the axle fall off. It's no wonder people have died racing in this series.

At least 12 people have died here by this author's best estimates, ranging from professional racers all the way down to an elderly French goat farmer who was apparently executed in an organised crime hit that took place on the grounds of a race that he was supposed to have taken part in - I say "supposed to" because a different person took part in the next two races claiming to be that same driver.

Indeed, while this author was able to escape from the "German Grand Prix" unscathed, two others were not so lucky. An experienced Russian driver called Nikolai Zorbin suffered an injury, but worse still was when fellow debutant Yu Shiting, from China, had a crash where his car split in half coming down the straight at 150 mph, and then the front half with the driver in speared straight into the wall, driver first.

Yu Shiting will not race again. Yu Shiting will not walk again. Yu Shiting has not woken up yet. But the race must go on.


The moment Yu Shiting's racing career ended.

Worst of all, this author had to retire her car when it had been a near certainty that she would finish in the top six and record Championship points in her first ever motor racing experience. The Renzo engine breaks very easily.

But the series keeps on coming, and money keeps on coming into the series. A young American team owner by the name of Kruger Dunning told this author that he had recently secured a huge investment into his team by visionary American financier Bernie Madoff. The team will become "Madoff Racing", but that change was delayed until the Salzburg race because Madoff was concerned that it would damage his reputation if a team he owned was competing with Communists.

That team owner also offered this author the opportunity of a race drive for his new team, but this author knew better: even though the lap times show that Sue Jawhard was good enough to hang in with the international superstars, it would not be appropriate. Not with an exposé coming out with the author's name on it.

Coverage of the motor racing scandal continues on page 46.

For a profile of Bernie Madoff, see page 27.

TL;DR - Sue Jawhard has penned an exposé of Dywa GP at the same time as word leaks that Dilbert Racing will now be known as Madoff Racing thanks to a new investor.

[Rob Dylan]

Let's just hope to God that this wasn't posted in The Scottish Sun.