Grand Prix Rejects

http://www.autosport.com/news/grapevine.php/id/81566


Now deleted on Amazon.com


Jacques (effing) Villeneuve could return to making crap Folk albums again this year if the Stefan GP team doesn't sign him up for the F1 Team they haven't got - to gain entry to compete in the 2010 F1 World Championship, PLANET AUTOPASS NEWS has learned.

The baggy old 1997 F1 world champion is understood to have agreed terms to promote another painful grunge/folk crossover album sung in French if the Serbian squad doesn't sign him, even though they still don't have an entry, a technical director, a windtunnel, sponsors, or most importantly a good enough name or logo with which to enter the pinnacle of Motorsport (or even F1)!

Sources close to the team have told PLANET AUTOPASS NEWS that the 38-year-old Canadian would likely be joined by Japanese driver Kazuki Nakajima on piano, with Indian Karun Chandhok serving as a backing singer and lead sitarist.

Chandhok wrote on his Twitter account, however, that nothing had been signed yet and that he would rather "eat his own feet" than appear on the wispy haired whinge pants second failed album in 3 years.

"To clarify, at the moment, I have no gig and I hate Jacques Villeneuve's music anyway!"

Effing Villeneuve has not released an album since 2007, although the Canadian has admitted he was actively seeking an option to return to music and another chance to annoy French Canadians with his peculiar brand of naff music that has a niche appeal smaller than that of the Grand Prix Masters series and with about the same chance of success.

The former Williams, BAR and Renault whinger "has been" is understood to be training in the Austrian Alps (Sound of crap Music anyone?) and has remained actively annoying since leaving grand prix racing - having participated in two Le Mans 24 Hours races for Peugeot, an aborted NASCAR campaign and a duet with Celine Dion that she was too traumatised by to release as a single.

Stefan GP, who has bought the rights to use Toyota's leftover bits for this year, is scheduled to hang around prodding people until they finally give in and give them the grid slot that USF1 are clearly going to forfeit. The team has also sent equipment (including an out of tune folk guitar) to Bahrain and Malaysia in case it doesn't receive an entry and JV has to prove he's not bluffing.

Although the Serbian squad does not have an entry (did we mention that already?), doubts still surround the future of the USF1 and Campos Metalshop projects, both of which are listed in the 2010 line-up but are currently being held hostage by members of a Serbian Government controlled Motorsports Council Junta at their respective Headquarters, both of which have been forcably been put up for sale.

Thankfully, Jacques (effing) Villeneuve was unavailable for comment or indeed a sing-song!


The Hills are Alive with the Sound of Pap!

Maybe Stephan should invest in a mobile studio.

JV will have plenty of time to record during Q2 and Q3, and probably after the first 3 or 4 laps of each race.

Eff that, he can drive for me if it stops any more of that cack being unleashed on the general public.

What a knobhead he looks. Who wants a world champion who does stuff like this? Please tell me this is a pic that someone has stuck JVs (balding) melon on?

coops wrote:What a knobhead he looks. Who wants a world champion who does stuff like this? Please tell me this is a pic that someone has stuck JVs (balding) melon on?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXbiBdWLoDg


Watch & Weep!

Thats just spoilt my Friday.

In Finnish law, there's a crime by the name of "illegal threat"*. This would fit that description perfectly.

*A legal threat would be something that the authorities give

It's not dreadful, it's just very very bland. I'm disappointed, though, I'd have thought he'd be a rocker.

I don't know what could be worse; JV releasing a new album of rubbish folk songs or JV racing for Stefan GP (which would mean I would now have to support Campos).

MinardiFan95 wrote:I don't know what could be worse; JV releasing a new album of rubbish folk songs or JV racing for Stefan GP (which would mean I would now have to support Campos).

What about the possibility of JV teaming up with Ralf?

Now that really would be team to watch!!!!!

FerrariStu wrote:What about the possibility of JV teaming up with Ralf?

Now that really would be team to watch!!!!!

If by "watch" you mean "laugh at" then you're right.

coops wrote:

FerrariStu wrote:What about the possibility of JV teaming up with Ralf?

Now that really would be team to watch!!!!!

If by "watch" you mean "laugh at" then you're right.

a veritable "chuckle Brothers" indeed. More like "Mr Grumpy & Mr Crash".

Stupid Jacques. He's put me in a philosophical dilemma! If Gilles reared his head...

I don't understand some people...

How can even the possibility of JV and half shumacher in the same team not be the greatest F1 Reject news of the year???

kowalski wrote:I don't understand some people...

How can even the possibility of JV and half shumacher in the same team not be the greatest F1 Reject news of the year???

Too many reasons to even begin.

kowalski wrote:I don't understand some people...

How can even the possibility of JV and half shumacher in the same team not be the greatest F1 Reject news of the year???

OMG that's brilliant! How did I miss that pun for all those years?

I'm deffo nicking that!

FerrariStu wrote:

kowalski wrote:I don't understand some people...

How can even the possibility of JV and half shumacher in the same team not be the greatest F1 Reject news of the year???

OMG that's brilliant! How did I miss that pun for all those years?

I'm deffo nicking that!

Good luck finding somewhere relevant to use it.

LMAO!

FerrariStu wrote:The team has also sent equipment (including an out of tune folk guitar) to Bahrain and Malaysia in case it doesn't receive an entry and JV has to prove he's not bluffing.

At this stage, the smile turned to laughter. Not for the first time, colleagues surrounding me think I am crazy.

To be honest, I want Jacques back.

With the rate of old drivers coming back to the series, we should soon hear that Jan Lammers has been confirmed as Campos' second driver.

Nuppiz wrote:With the rate of old drivers coming back to the series, we should soon hear that Jan Lammers has been confirmed as Campos' second driver.

Screw Lammers, I just heard that Stirling Moss has decided that he wants one more shot on the drivers title, and has signed at Campos. (Oxymoron as those expressions are...)

kowalski wrote:half schumacher

I think he'd take that as a compliment. Being half as good as Michael Schumacher is something Ralf would love to be.

DonTirri wrote:

Nuppiz wrote:With the rate of old drivers coming back to the series, we should soon hear that Jan Lammers has been confirmed as Campos' second driver.

Screw Lammers, I just heard that Stirling Moss has decided that he wants one more shot on the drivers title, and has signed at Campos. (Oxymoron as those expressions are...)

".... of course the cars in those days were much harder to drive as they didn't have anti-lock brakes, power steering, or even steering wheels blah blah etc. etc."

Sir Stirling Moss

Nuppiz wrote:With the rate of old drivers coming back to the series, we should soon hear that Jan Lammers has been confirmed as Campos' second driver.

Its only a matter of time until Mansell tests a Lotus.

Am I the only one who actually likes the songs Jacques sings?

Myrvold wrote:Am I the only one who actually likes the songs Jacques sings?

Jacques probably does.

Myrvold wrote:Am I the only one who actually likes the songs Jacques sings?

Don't worry, you are not alone in your insanity *digital brofist*.

Klon wrote:

Myrvold wrote:Am I the only one who actually likes the songs Jacques sings?

Don't worry, you are not alone in your insanity *digital brofist*.

*Digital Punchintheface*

coops wrote:

Nuppiz wrote:With the rate of old drivers coming back to the series, we should soon hear that Jan Lammers has been confirmed as Campos' second driver.

Its only a matter of time until Mansell tests a Lotus.

I think Alan Jones needs a bit of extra cash, he'll probably want to join in on the fun too.

It will be like watching OAP's queue up on a monday morning at a post office.

kostas22 wrote:

Klon wrote:

Myrvold wrote:Am I the only one who actually likes the songs Jacques sings?

Don't worry, you are not alone in your insanity *digital brofist*.

*Digital Punchintheface*

Agreed.

F1 Rejects is a bro-free zone.

thehemogoblin wrote:Agreed.

F1 Rejects is a bra-free zone.

Fixed.

No woman on the internet remember?

Valrys wrote:

thehemogoblin wrote:Agreed.

F1 Rejects is a bra-free zone.

Fixed.

No woman on the internet remember?

When Alianora La Canta gets done kicking your ass, post pictures of the damage.

thehemogoblin wrote:

Valrys wrote:

thehemogoblin wrote:Agreed.

F1 Rejects is a bra-free zone.

Fixed.
No woman on the internet remember?

When Alianora La Canta gets done kicking your ass, post pictures of the damage.

And then go Waris, dresda and watka. Not a huge amount of him will remain...

Lauda was seen having a seat fitting at USF1 according to a source close to me......

WeirdKerr wrote:Lauda was seen having a seat fitting at USF1 according to a source close to me......

Would said source be a modified publicocrap meter?

i fell asleep and dreamed it......

Phoenix wrote:And then go Waris, dresda and watka. Not a huge amount of him will remain...

Ahem. Watka was a male the last time I checked.

Nuppiz wrote:

Phoenix wrote:And then go Waris, dresda and watka. Not a huge amount of him will remain...

Ahem. Watka was a male the last time I checked.

Nuppiz the Looker.

Jv threatens to release a new album... HWNSNBM kill me now

JV is old grey and bald. Saying that we have now Schumacher (possibly both brothers!) De La Rossa and now J.V. F1 should have 2 classes. Young and Old.