Grand Prix Rejects

• 1st - 9
  2nd - 6
  3rd - 4
  4th - 3
  5th - 2
  6th - 1

1. Enna-Pergusa (Italy)
2. Imola (Italy)
3. Spa-Francorchamps (Belgium)
4. Halle-Saale-Schleife (Germany)
5. Salzburgring (Austria)
6. Mugello (Italy)
7. Syracuse (Italy)
8. Sanair (Canada)
9. Brainerd (United States)
10. Roebling Road (United States)
11. Mondello Park (Ireland)
12. Kirkistown (United Kingdom)
13. Mantorp (Sweden)
14. Monza (Italy)

• Peter Fossett is an experienced former Formula Two driver coming out of racing retirement, he's likely to be one of the best drivers on the grid.
• Homer Ownputer owns home computer.
• Jean Michel Bastard, owner of the Bastard roofing company.
• Mike Dupp would like to race in the British and Irish races to provide in-race commentary directly to a local pirate radio station.
• Bernard Poulet will bring sponsorship from Benny Chicken, so long as he gets to drive all the North American rounds.

Letter to Dywa orgnaisers wrote: Euskadi Lasterketa wishes to pull out with immediate effect from the Dywa Grand Prix Series, having both proven the superiority of Basque racing talents and not wanting to further risk maiming our future sporting stars in vain. As such, our Dywa GP entry and assets have been sold on to a private buyer

Small corner of the sports section of The Gibraltar Chronicle, c. Jan 1980 wrote: Nightclub Owner Starts Grand Prix Team

Local businessman and personality Richard "Rich" Moneymaker has today announced the formation of a grand prix racing team. The 39yr old Kent-born owner has applied to enter the increasingly infamous Dywa GP series, with drivers yet to be revealed. The series has been recent-[paper crumpled by careless archivist]

This Could Be You wrote: ↑11 Jun 2023, 18:46
Team Name: Rich Moneymaker Racing (GIB)
Drivers: TBA (revolving door enthusiasts feel free to offer drivers)

This Could Be You wrote: ↑11 Jun 2023, 18:46 Drivers: TBA (revolving door enthusiasts feel free to offer drivers)

This Could Be You wrote: ↑11 Jun 2023, 18:46

Letter to Dywa orgnaisers wrote: Euskadi Lasterketa wishes to pull out with immediate effect from the Dywa Grand Prix Series, having both proven the superiority of Basque racing talents and not wanting to further risk maiming our future sporting stars in vain. As such, our Dywa GP entry and assets have been sold on to a private buyer

Small corner of the sports section of The Gibraltar Chronicle, c. Jan 1980 wrote: Nightclub Owner Starts Grand Prix Team

Local businessman and personality Richard "Rich" Moneymaker has today announced the formation of a grand prix racing team. The 39yr old Kent-born owner has applied to enter the increasingly infamous Dywa GP series, with drivers yet to be revealed. The series has been recent-[paper crumpled by careless archivist]

Team Name: Rich Moneymaker Racing (GIB)
Drivers: TBA (revolving door enthusiasts feel free to offer drivers)

Jersey Times wrote:
Off to the races - An Interview with Jersey's Biggest Sports Star.

Racing driver Billy Baker once again sat down with the Jersey Times to talk about his upcoming second season in world motorsports. The 1979 Jersey sportsperson of the year runner up [to the podium! he delivered the trophy - Ed.] will once again be competing in Dywa Grand Prix.

JT: Billy, first of all - congratulations for your two fifth place finishes last season! Did you bring your trophies with you?

BB: Thank you, thank you, very kind. No trophies I'm afraid, the real trophy is the girlfriends you make along the way.

JT: Could you tell us why you only competed in three races last season?

BB: Well, my experience was hampered by the team being Italian...

JT: I see...

BB: ...nothing against Italians, just the commuting took up valuable time that I could've been spending talking to women! So, I had to leave the team.

JT: Weren't you signed on a temporary basis?

BB: That's besides the point.

JT: How do you think this season will fare?

BB: I 've signed with Rich[ard. Ed] Moneymaker racing, a fantastic British team I can really see myself investing in. Really diving in and appreciating it, discussing the curves.....on the track.

JT: ....except the team is from Gibraltar?...

BB: All I can say is that I've been promised riches "beyond my wildest dreams" at Moneymaker's club. Care to join?

JT: No

Marcus Blockton wrote:
At a hastily convened 'press conference'.

"Howdy y'all. I'mma here...here to...uh...right, signed a piece o'paper recently...too many pens an' papers recently, y'know how it goes...Max Speed! Great kid, love'em, think he drove for...drove for us last season, did a helluva job before he...right, uh, that. Anywho, he's drivin' for Blockton this season, and he's gonna blow all your butts outta your seats! And we also got the lovely lady who seems to be swappin' faces, the one with the cash from the Sciento-somethin...oh, no paper signed for that yet."

SolaR765 wrote: ↑12 Jun 2023, 04:47 A Monaco team, ran by an established all star in American endurance and open wheel racing, Maurice Ouma (Monaco), and a 20 year old Spanish rising rally talent with Lancia, Pedro Losba. To form MP-GPR (Maurice Pedro-Grand Prix Racing)

The first driver is Qrow Branwen (American), the 20 year old American is a rising and popular talent in the States, known for his laid back and sarcastic demeanor.

The 2nd driver is TBD

Local News wrote: Local businessman Kruger Dunning lands big investor

Local businessman Kruger Dunning, owner and operator of the Dilbert Racing team in the international Dywa Grand Prix series, drunkenly announced today that he has secured a "big-money investment".



"I am delighted to announce a big money investment in Dilbert Racing," Dunning told us from behind a row of empty beer glasses. "My investor is a very wealthy and influential guy, and I am so excited about the future of my team. I can't wait to reveal all of the details as soon as I can."

In further discussion, Dunning explained to us the nature of this investment: the team's investor is a wealthy financier, and the team will undergo a full rebrand to reflect the investment. However, Dunning has signed an agreement that means he is not able to reveal anything further until after the controversial "German" Dywa Grand Prix.

Da News wrote: BATMAN BENZI GONE BUST, WELSH NEWCOMERS JOIN DYWA


David Soufflé's Dywa career ended as soon as it began.

The latest Dywa Grand Prix at the refurbished Spa-Francorchamps saw several life-threatening crashes occur. One such victim was Batman Benzi Racing driver David Soufflé. The Belgian baker’s Dywa-002 fell apart at speed, and he crashed hard into the wall, ruling him out of racing for months. Soufflé’s demands for compensation and the corporation being unable to cover the costs of new chassis sent Batman Benzi under. BBR and Sami Yurekendacar were the first Turkish racers to compete on the international stage, but the Turkish dream is over for now. Insiders suggest that Batman Benzi’s history was always riddled with questionable investments, with Dywa proving to be their last.

In their place rises a new team from Wales, Trefniadaeth Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch Dywa Rasio (TLDR). Owned by a quirky, speed-loving Welshman, the TLDR boss has announced that he’d “let anyone drive our Dywas” but is “particularly looking forward to a ride for Heywood Jablowme”. Well, we now know which team is going to DNPQ for every Dywa race now.

Forti wrote:

Da News wrote: BATMAN BENZI GONE BUST, WELSH NEWCOMERS JOIN DYWA


David Soufflé's Dywa career ended as soon as it began.

The latest Dywa Grand Prix at the refurbished Spa-Francorchamps saw several life-threatening crashes occur. One such victim was Batman Benzi Racing driver David Soufflé. The Belgian baker’s Dywa-002 fell apart at speed, and he crashed hard into the wall, ruling him out of racing for months. Soufflé’s demands for compensation and the corporation being unable to cover the costs of new chassis sent Batman Benzi under. BBR and Sami Yurekendacar were the first Turkish racers to compete on the international stage, but the Turkish dream is over for now. Insiders suggest that Batman Benzi’s history was always riddled with questionable investments, with Dywa proving to be their last.

In their place rises a new team from Wales, Trefniadaeth Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch Dywa Rasio (TLDR). Owned by a quirky, speed-loving Welshman, the TLDR boss has announced that he’d “let anyone drive our Dywas” but is “particularly looking forward to a ride for Heywood Jablowme”. Well, we now know which team is going to DNPQ for every Dywa race now.

Dywa GP Official Communique wrote: David Souffle is disqualified from the Spa-Francorchamps race for bringing the good name of the Dywa Grand Prix Series into disrepute. Additionally, he is banned from the Dywa Grand Prix Series for life, without possibility of appeal. Furthermore, for their own part in bringing the sport's name into disrepute, Batman Benzi Racing are to be excluded from the championship.

The Sun wrote: MOTOR RACING GRAND PRIX SCANDAL
by Sue Jawhard (Undercover Reporter)


Jawhard rounds a corner under the pseudonym "Jill Scott"

It's not every day that a humble journalist is lucky enough to drive a Formula One car, but when they do you can assume they generally have more fun than "Jill Scott" this past weekend in East Germany.

The Formula One expert noted for her expertise on the Luton-based B&S Fabrications Formula One squad became aware of the series during a recent romantic rendezvous with current Osella racer Luciano Sighinolfi, with whom Jawhard had first become close during his time with the B&S Fabrications team. Prior to his Formula One career, the Italian had driven in the Dywa Grand Prix series believing that it might prepare him for fully-fledged Grand Prix racing.

Scarcely able to believe his stories of death, corruption and international communism, this intrepid journalist had to take the opportunity to find out for herself - and what she found would be enough to turn the stomach of any red-blooded sports fan.

The series itself is into its third year, bankrolled by business associates of the enigmatic Renzo Bizzari, a sharply dressed Sicilian with sunglasses and a dream of his own personal motor racing fiefdom. In the Dywa Grand Prix series, he has exactly that - and much like a Medieval fief, people die all the time but the show must go on.

He doesn't care who he does business with to do it: the race that this author competed in calls itself the "German Grand Prix" but is held at a racetrack in deepest darkest East Germany, and the team with which this author was able to secure a race drive is called "Heart Disease". It is not a good team: when assessing whether this author would be eligible for the drive, they never once enquired about driving ability: instead, they were most interested in whether the author would be prepared to race under the Scottish saltire!

This author has never travelled further north than Newport Pagnell Services, because really what is there in the world that Milton Keynes doesn't have to offer? But despite that, this author raced as officially Scottish and nobody questioned it.

Curiously, not all of the teams are running the same cars despite the series claiming to ensure that every team is equipped from the same stock of vehicles. There were three front-running teams that seemed to have far more power than the rest of the field. I worry for them because if there's one thing you don't want, it's to be going faster when your car disintegrates.

And your car will disintegrate. They all do. I've seen a car pull over at less than 10 miles an hour and just have the axle fall off. It's no wonder people have died racing in this series.

At least 12 people have died here by this author's best estimates, ranging from professional racers all the way down to an elderly French goat farmer who was apparently executed in an organised crime hit that took place on the grounds of a race that he was supposed to have taken part in - I say "supposed to" because a different person took part in the next two races claiming to be that same driver.

Indeed, while this author was able to escape from the "German Grand Prix" unscathed, two others were not so lucky. An experienced Russian driver called Nikolai Zorbin suffered an injury, but worse still was when fellow debutant Yu Shiting, from China, had a crash where his car split in half coming down the straight at 150 mph, and then the front half with the driver in speared straight into the wall, driver first.

Yu Shiting will not race again. Yu Shiting will not walk again. Yu Shiting has not woken up yet. But the race must go on.


The moment Yu Shiting's racing career ended.

Worst of all, this author had to retire her car when it had been a near certainty that she would finish in the top six and record Championship points in her first ever motor racing experience. The Renzo engine breaks very easily.

But the series keeps on coming, and money keeps on coming into the series. A young American team owner by the name of Kruger Dunning told this author that he had recently secured a huge investment into his team by visionary American financier Bernie Madoff. The team will become "Madoff Racing", but that change was delayed until the Salzburg race because Madoff was concerned that it would damage his reputation if a team he owned was competing with Communists.

That team owner also offered this author the opportunity of a race drive for his new team, but this author knew better: even though the lap times show that Sue Jawhard was good enough to hang in with the international superstars, it would not be appropriate. Not with an exposé coming out with the author's name on it.

Coverage of the motor racing scandal continues on page 46.

For a profile of Bernie Madoff, see page 27.