F1 Rejects Microprose Grand Prix Series: the 2012 season

[dinizintheoven]

This is probably the last one for a week - I'll be off wandering some time tomorrow. I will leave it to you all to decide where this puts the championship situation...

Round 14: Barcelona, Spain
Saturday, 29 September 2012

THE GRID

Code: Select all

1 –   27 J. Magnussen      Viking         1'28.833
2 –   15 L. Badoer         Forti          1'29.609
3 –   1  HWNSNBM           F1 Rejects     1'29.643
4 –   6  S. Speed          Team America   1'29.725
5 –   2  J-D. Délétraz     F1 Rejects     1'29.987
6 –   5  M. Andretti       Team America   1'30.267
7 –   23 P. Martini        Minardi        1'30.469
8 –   3  M. Apicella       Super Aguri    1'30.922
9 –   19 C. Dagnall        Toleman        1'30.999
10 –  32 T. Inoue          Simtek         1'31.000
11 –  21 P. Ghinzani       Osella         1'31.044
12 –  34 P. Chaves         SAC            1'31.246
13 –  33 P. Belmondo       Simtek         1'31.578

Code: Select all

14 –  28 Þ. Einarsson      Viking         1'31.646
15 –  12 F. Fauzy          FTM            1'31.812
16 –  4  Y. Ide            Super Aguri    1'32.030
17 –  20 R. Grrrrjjjjnnn   Toleman        1'32.101
18 –  29 V. Sospiri        Lola           1'32.148
19 –  16 P. Diniz          Forti          1'32.721
20 –  37 F. Barbazza       Monteverdi     1'32.884
21 –  17 G. Tarquini       AGS            1'32.886
22 –  36 G. Foitek         Monteverdi     1'33.209
23 –  35 P. McCarthy       SAC            1'33.262
24 –  18 J. Winkelhock     AGS            1'33.050
25 –  7  E. Bertaggia      EuroBrun       1'33.263
26 –  14 J. Villeneuve     Stefan         1'33.737

Code: Select all

DNQ – 8  C. Langes         EuroBrun       1'34.026
DNQ – 22 A. Chiesa         Osella         1'34.117
DNQ – 24 A. Yoong          Minardi        1'34.276
DNQ – 26 P. Alliot         Prost          1'34.318
DNQ – 11 A. Montermini     FTM            1'34.399
DNQ – 10 V. Weidler        ATS Rial       1'34.564
DNQ – 25 O. Grouillard     Prost          1'34.640
DNQ – 38 G. Brabham        Life           1'34.777
DNQ – 13 K. Nakajima       Stefan         1'34.894
DNQ – 9  P-H. Raphanel     ATS Rial       1'35.128
DNQ – 30 A. McNish         Lola           1'35.676
DNQ – 39 B. Giacomelli     Life           1'35.714

Magnussen on pole for Viking Racing, HWNSNBM not far behind in third, so it's business as usual at the front... what's this? Luca Badoer must have decided he didn't want his team mate hogging all the glory after a win and a third earlier in the season, and ye gods, he's stuck it on the front row! It's Speed, Délétraz and Andretti next, so no surprises there, certainly there was no repeat of the mishaps that two of them have committed this season. Pierluigi Martini, who has seven DNQs to his name this season, was seen dancing with joy round the paddock having secured seventh spot, and after some of his recent disasters, Taki Inoue figured tenth was none too shabby. Piercarlo Ghinzani was even more pleased with 11th given that his team mate failed to make the cut, yet again. Further down the order, Þorvaldur Einarsson had a face like thunder after managing only 14th, 17th made Rrrrrmmmnn Grrrrjjjjnnn's hair fall flat, and the smile was well and truly wiped from Pedro Diniz' face as he could only manage 19th, mixing it with the likes of Lola and Monteverdi, when Luca Badoer made the front row in the same car. Pedro Chaves was the only driver out of the AGS, Monteverdi and SAC teams, all locked in combat for seventh in the championship, who managed anything other than mediocrity. But while Stefan Grand Prix have been a lot worse than mediocre this season, at least they had something to cheer as Jacques Villeneuve qualified for only the second time this season. Kazuki Nakajima, still yet to start a race, must be wondering why he decided not to protest being given the number 13. At the bottom of the pile, it's double DNQ misery for Prost, ATS Rial and Life, who can all start packing up for the final two flyaway races a day early.


CLASSIFICATION

Code: Select all

1 –   5  M. Andretti       Team America   1h 56'28.046
2 –   19 C. Dagnall        Toleman        1h 56'54.805
3 –   6  S. Speed          Team America   1h 57'28.818
4 –   28 Þ. Einarsson      Viking         1h 57'40.358
5 –   4  Y. Ide            Super Aguri    + 1 lap            
6 –   1  HWNSNBM           F1 Rejects     + 1 lap            
7 –   17 G. Tarquini       AGS            + 1 lap            
8 –   15 L. Badoer         Forti          + 1 lap            
9 –   27 J. Magnussen      Viking         + 1 lap            
10 –  3  M. Apicella       Super Aguri    + 1 lap            
11 –  33 P. Belmondo       Simtek         + 1 lap            
12 –  29 V. Sospiri        Lola           + 1 lap            
13 –  32 T. Inoue          Simtek         + 2 laps

Code: Select all

14 –  23 P. Martini        Minardi        + 2 laps            
15 –  18 J. Winkelhock     AGS            + 2 laps            
16 –  2  J-D. Délétraz     F1 Rejects     + 2 laps            
17 –  7  E. Bertaggia      EuroBrun       + 2 laps            
18 –  20 R. Grrrrjjjjnnn   Toleman        + 2 laps            
19 –  37 F. Barbazza       Monteverdi     + 2 laps            
20 –  14 J. Villeneuve     Stefan         DNF            
21 –  35 P. McCarthy       SAC            DNF            
22 –  34 P. Chaves         SAC            DNF            
23 –  21 P. Ghinzani       Osella         DNF            
24 –  16 P. Diniz          Forti          DNF            
25 –  12 F. Fauzy          FTM            DNF            
26 –  36 G. Foitek         Monteverdi     DNF

That spices things up a bit, doesn't it? It's amazing what that DNQ in Belgium did for Michael Andretti. From somewhere he has summoned up the fire to reproduce his form of 2011 that almost took him to the title, and he's won two out of the last three races. America in yo' face, world, and all that. Don't count Chris Dagnall out either - despite some crazy inconsistency, with seven blank scores, he's been on the podium five times now, and four of those have been wins. And after an anonymous day for the two at the top, HWNSNBM finishing an anonymous sixth and Jan Magnussen a disgruntled ninth, both a lap down, it's all to play for. First and third for Team America put them back up to third for the Constructors' title as well, ahead of Toleman. A fine recovery from Þorvaldur Einarsson meant it wasn't a complete waste of time for Viking in this race, which keeps them well ahead at the front. Yuji Ide and Marco Apicella both managed to score for Super Aguri - they're secure in fifth (at least) for the season. And, dancing the Italian dance of joy on the Saturday afternoon was Gabriele Tarquini - seventh place and eight more points towards AGS' quest for seventh in the championship was a huge relief - coincidentally, that's the eight points that AGS are now clear of Monteverdi by. Reject Of The Race goes to the other team AGS are fighting with for seventh - Scuderia Andrea Coloni, who botched Pedro Chaves' first pit stop, releasing him right into the path of his team mate who had yet to stop, and after a Senna-and-Mansell-esque drag race down the Circuit de Catalunya's main straight, they duly crashed into each other at the end. That has probably condemned them to ninth, given that Chaves could have been in contention for a point or two otherwise. Equally long faces were seen on one side of the F1 Rejects and Toleman garages - nobody could quite work out how Délétraz and Grrrrjjjjnnn were so slow in the race that they ended up two laps down - but perhaps the longest face was that of Zoran Stefanovic, who thought that Jacques Villeneuve might actually bring the hopeless Stefan to the chequered flag, albeit four laps down, when the Toyota engine came over all un-Toyota-like and burst into flames right outside the pit wall. With JV refusing to get anywhere near the inferno in case it set his new hairstyle on fire, the car was burnt to a crisp, and the thought of a rebuilt spare car for Japan means it's likely to be a long trek just for another DNQ.


DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP
Two races left and 50 points are still available: drivers who can still win the title are shown with a star.

Code: Select all

1 –   27 * J. Magnussen      Viking         164
2 –   1  * HWNSNBM           F1 Rejects     153
3 –   5  * M. Andretti       Team America   140
4 –   19 * C. Dagnall        Toleman        136
5 –   28 * Þ. Einarsson      Viking         125
6 –   4  * Y. Ide            Super Aguri    121
7 –   6    S. Speed          Team America   108
8 –   2    J-D. Délétraz     F1 Rejects     97
9 –   20   R. Grrrrjjjjnnn   Toleman        96
10 –  3    M. Apicella       Super Aguri    83
11 –  16   P. Diniz          Forti          70
12 –  15   L. Badoer         Forti          26
13 –  17   G. Tarquini       AGS            23

Code: Select all

14 –  37   F. Barbazza       Monteverdi     19
15 –  34   P. Chaves         SAC            15
16 –  33   P. Belmondo       Simtek         12
17 –  24   A. Yoong          Minardi        10
18 –  18   J. Winkelhock     AGS            6
19 –  29   V. Sospiri        Lola           4
20 –  36   G. Foitek         Monteverdi     2
21 =  39   B. Giacomelli     Life           1
21 =  21   P. Ghinzani       Osella         1
21 =  35   P. McCarthy       SAC            1
21 =  32   T. Inoue          Simtek         1

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP
Two races left and 86 points are still available: teams who can still win the title are shown with a star.

Code: Select all

1 –  * Viking         289
2 –  * F1 Rejects     250
3 –  * Team America   248
4 –  * Toleman        232
5 –  * Super Aguri    204

Code: Select all

6 –    Forti          96
7 –    AGS            29
8 –    Monteverdi     21
9 –    SAC            16
10 –   Simtek         13
11 –   Minardi        10
12 –   Lola           4
13 =   Life           1
13 =   Osella         1

Unrejectified drivers:
Andretti, Speed (USA 11); HWNSNBM (Brazil 11); Inoue (San Marino 11); Ide (Monaco 11); Délétraz (Canada 11); Diniz, Grrrrjjjjnnn (USA 12); Apicella, Barbazza (Brazil 12); Dagnall, Magnussen (San Marino 12); Belmondo (Monaco 12); Einarsson (Mexico 12); Tarquini (Italy 12)

Nearly unrejectified drivers (ongoing):
Montermini, Badoer (1 × 6th)

[dinizintheoven]

All right, I'm back. Wandering is done for a while, and it's time for the climax of the 2012 F1 Rejects Microprose Grand Prix Series! Two races to go, and here's the first, in everyone's favourite figure-of-eight theme park...

Round 15: Suzuka, Japan
Saturday, 20 October 2012

THE GRID

Code: Select all

1 –   19 C. Dagnall        Toleman        1'43.270
2 –   1  HWNSNBM           F1 Rejects     1'43.637
3 –   2  J-D. Délétraz     F1 Rejects     1'44.105
4 –   20 R. Grrrrjjjjnnn   Toleman        1'44.141
5 –   27 J. Magnussen      Viking         1'44.686
6 –   28 Þ. Einarsson      Viking         1'44.862
7 –   16 P. Diniz          Forti          1'44.894
8 –   6  S. Speed          Team America   1'44.929
9 –   34 P. Chaves         SAC            1'45.021
10 –  15 L. Badoer         Forti          1'45.651
11 –  3  M. Apicella       Super Aguri    1'45.685
12 –  24 A. Yoong          Minardi        1'45.770
13 –  5  M. Andretti       Team America   1'45.813

Code: Select all

14 –  11 A. Montermini     FTM            1'46.104
15 –  17 G. Tarquini       AGS            1'46.816
16 –  35 P. McCarthy       SAC            1'46.233
17 –  23 P. Martini        Minardi        1'46.435
18 –  37 F. Barbazza       Monteverdi     1'47.090
19 –  36 G. Foitek         Monteverdi     1'47.194
20 –  32 T. Inoue          Simtek         1'47.804
21 –  21 P. Ghinzani       Osella         1'48.175
22 –  30 A. McNish         Lola           1'48.390
23 –  12 F. Fauzy          FTM            1'48.508
24 –  33 P. Belmondo       Simtek         1'48.562
25 –  4  Y. Ide            Super Aguri    1'48.677
26 –  10 V. Weidler        ATS Rial       1'48.679

Code: Select all

DNQ – 26 P. Alliot         Prost          1'48.688
DNQ – 18 J. Winkelhock     AGS            1'48.888
DNQ – 22 A. Chiesa         Osella         1'48.935
DNQ – 29 V. Sospiri        Lola           1'49.062
DNQ – 25 O. Grouillard     Prost          1'49.350
DNQ – 38 G. Brabham        Life           1'49.387
DNQ – 8  C. Langes         EuroBrun       1'49.762
DNQ – 9  P-H. Raphanel     ATS Rial       1'50.018
DNQ – 39 B. Giacomelli     Life           1'50.191
DNQ – 13 K. Nakajima       Stefan         1'50.684
DNQ – 7  E. Bertaggia      EuroBrun       1'51.013
DNQ – 14 J. Villeneuve     Stefan         1'53.924

Having spent most of his career scrapping in lower-division football with Tranmere Rovers, Rochdale and current Toleman sponsors Scunthorpe United, there was no way Chris Dagnall was going to let this championship depart quite so easily, and he pulled a blinder out of the bag to beat the two F1 Rejects cars and his big-haired team mate for pole on his last attempt. Good on ya, Daggers. Despite being within a gnat's wingspan of the Constructors' title, Viking Racing were a bit off-colour in qualifying, a further half a second back from Rrrrrmmmnnn Grrrrjjjjnnn, although the other title rivals, Team America, didn't exactly set the world on fire either - 8th and 13th, and with Michael Andretti looking after qualifying like a spoilt child who's just had his favourite toy confiscated. The two Pedros, Diniz and Chaves, have every reason to be happy with their performance, as does Andrea Montermini in his usually woefully underperforming Malaysian wagon - in fact, with Fairuz Fauzy also getting on the grid, it's a rare double appearance for FTM. With SAC, Minardi and just the one AGS in midfield, Simtek have slid even further towards the back of the pack, giving Nick Wirth a few more things to think about... but even he won't have quite as many nightmares as Yuji Ide, who came within 11 thousandths of a second of being the first Super Aguri not to qualify this season, and on his and the team's home turf! It was between him, Philippe Alliot and Volker Weidler for the last two slots on the grid - and it was the Frenchman who missed out, with Weidler doing a victory doughnut in front of the ATS Rial garage - qualifying last is like winning a World Championship for them. There always has to be a loser, though - and Weidler's compatriot, Joachim Winkelhock, tasted the bitter pill of DNQ for the first time this year, although as this is only a second failure overall to make the grid for the AGS team, they'll take anything after their previous season. Osella and Lola are the other teams to have only one car on the grid - unusually for Lola, it's Allan McNish - but it's an early bath for Prost, Life, EuroBrun and... who else... Stefan. Jacques Villeneuve must be wondering what he did to deserve being almost three seconds slower than the next position above - he had a massive failure of his Toyota engine in morning practice, and rumours persist that it was replaced with the lazy lump from a crashed Lexus LS400 that was sitting in a nearby scrapyard...


CLASSIFICATION

Code: Select all

1 –   27 J. Magnussen      Viking         1h 49'22.786
2 –   1  HWNSNBM           F1 Rejects     1h 49'33.235
3 –   34 P. Chaves         SAC            1h 49'37.244
4 –   6  S. Speed          Team America   1h 49'38.881
5 –   5  M. Andretti       Team America   1h 49'53.796
6 –   4  Y. Ide            Super Aguri    1h 50'48.762
7 –   2  J-D. Délétraz     F1 Rejects     1h 51'09.806
8 –   28 Þ. Einarsson      Viking         1h 51'11.768
9 –   3  M. Apicella       Super Aguri    1h 51'21.182
10 –  19 C. Dagnall        Toleman        1h 51'28.838
11 –  16 P. Diniz          Forti          1h 51'33.725
12 –  15 L. Badoer         Forti          + 1 lap            
13 –  17 G. Tarquini       AGS            + 1 lap

Code: Select all

14 –  11 A. Montermini     FTM            + 1 lap            
15 –  37 F. Barbazza       Monteverdi     + 1 lap            
16 –  35 P. McCarthy       SAC            + 1 lap            
17 –  33 P. Belmondo       Simtek         + 1 lap            
18 –  36 G. Foitek         Monteverdi     + 1 lap            
19 –  20 R. Grrrrjjjjnnn   Toleman        DNF            
20 –  32 T. Inoue          Simtek         DNF            
21 –  21 P. Ghinzani       Osella         DNF            
22 –  30 A. McNish         Lola           DNF            
23 –  12 F. Fauzy          FTM            DNF            
24 –  24 A. Yoong          Minardi        DNF            
25 –  23 P. Martini        Minardi        DNF            
26 –  10 V. Weidler        ATS Rial       DNF

And as the sun set in the Land Where It Rises, it was all huge smiles and celebrations on the podium. As Jan Magnussen wildly celebrated his second win of the season, Odin himself was there to receive the trophy for the winning constructor, and that of the Constructor's Championship - a truly spectacular achievement for team in their first season of F1RMGP, especially considering Chris Dagnall has won more races than both their drivers combined, but not so surprising when each of the Vikings has only failed to score once. HWNSNBM was happy on the podium as well - Magnussen had the measure of him today, but crucially (as Jonathan Legard would say), that kept him in the hunt for the Drivers' title, even if the Dane is a clear favourite. And third... the whole of Portugal must have erupted into wild celebrations at seeing Pedro Chaves scoop the first even trophy for the combined effort of Scuderia Andrea Coloni, two of the most hopeless teams in F1 history - who said two wrongs don't make a right, eh? Of course, Pedro was only too happy to spray the champagne of what must have seemed like victory for the team, and let us not forget, the champagne of unrejectification!

So what of the others? A fine performance in qualifying couldn't translate to race pace for Chris Dagnall, who must gracefully bow out of the championship hunt, thus saving his personal sponsor a fortune in popcorn. A mysterious figure called Sir Bernard Shekelslike was said to be enraged that the "medal system" that he intended to be in place for the 2012 championship had robbed Daggers of a rightfully deserved Drivers' Championship win now that no other driver can reach four wins this season, and he says he will definitely have it in place for 2013, along with 22 Tilke-drome tracks, all of them in the Middle East where champagne is banned, and with lawnmower engines that run on the tears of squirrels. Michael Andretti also had to leave the championship race, even though a spirited surge to fifth kept him ahead of Daggers for third place in the title race... that's just not enough, though, and an American public that only understands WINNING and BEING FIRST and KICKING ASS! will not like that one bit. Yuji Ide, though, was a relieved man. Whatever form deserted him on the Friday afternoon and brought him to flirt so rashly with not qualifying was well and truly restored for the Saturday, and a banzai drive through the traffic in front of his adoring Japanese fans to sixth will probably count as the drive of his life - even more so than that win in Phoenix. The number twos - Délétraz, Einarsson, Apicella - filled three of the remaining four points places, Daggers took the last one by means of scant consolation for his pole, and Pedro Diniz took no reward at all except being the last driver on the lead lap.

Other blanks were scored by Andrea Montermini, who only has one chance left to put Fondmetal Team Malaysia on the scoresheet after a thoroughly miserable season in which they have really defiled the name of the moderately successful Pacific team who they took over; Gabriele Tarquini couldn't score for AGS, Perry McCarthy was miles adrift on a day when his team mate stuck it on the podium, Simtek trundled to mediocrity and one DNF, as did Rrrrrmmmnn Grrrrjjjjnnn, for reasons nobody can fathom. Allan McNish couldn't get to the finish, both Minardis were out within 10 laps, and pity Volker Weidler - his ATS Rial couldn't take the strain of just getting through qualifying, and his gearbox seized in first gear after only three laps. The sound of the screaming revs as he limped back to the pits was matched exactly by Günther Schmidt's rising blood pressure.

It seems unfair to have to appoint a Reject Of The Race - but I'm going to have to give it to Chris Dagnall. I calculate that if he had won the race - and from pole, he should have had a storming chance - with all the others in the same order behind him, the champtionship positions would be: Magnussen 182, HWNSNBM 168, Dagnall 161 - thus keeping him in title contention (and with five wins), and also keeping the Constructors' title alive: Viking 309, F1 Rejects 269, Team America 266 - that mathematically keeps it open, and on countback even Team America could still have won that title (a 1-2 in Australia with Viking not scoring would have seen them ahead, with four wins to Viking's two). But it was not to be, as Daggers could only limp home tenth... not that the Vikings will mind at all.

So, after 15 races of a 16-race season, Viking Racing are Constructors' Champions - unusual, isn't it, for the Constructors' title to be decided first, but it was certainly not unusual to see the Viking motorhome turned into a golden mead hall for a celebration involving roasted pig, busty serving wenches, lots of shouting and gallons upon gallons of Odin's favourite mead, all of which lasted right through the night until all the team personnel collapsed in a heap round about eight in the morning, and had to be scraped off the tarmac outside by some of the grid girls who were waiting obediently for them all to clear off. As some of them started to wake up, some time on the Sunday evening, with the biggest hangover of their lives, they realised that there was still one title to be won... and they had probably a week to shift all their equipment to Adelaide for the season finale. And they'd already missed the scheduled cargo flight...


DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP
One race left and 25 points are still available: it's down to two contenders now!

Code: Select all

1 –   27 * J. Magnussen      Viking         189
2 –   1  * HWNSNBM           F1 Rejects     171
3 –   5    M. Andretti       Team America   150
4 –   19   C. Dagnall        Toleman        137
5 =   28   Þ. Einarsson      Viking         129
5 =   4    Y. Ide            Super Aguri    129
7 –   6    S. Speed          Team America   120
8 –   2    J-D. Délétraz     F1 Rejects     103
9 –   20   R. Grrrrjjjjnnn   Toleman        96
10 –  3    M. Apicella       Super Aguri    85
11 –  16   P. Diniz          Forti          70
12 –  34   P. Chaves         SAC            30
13 –  15   L. Badoer         Forti          26

Code: Select all

14 –  17   G. Tarquini       AGS            23
15 –  37   F. Barbazza       Monteverdi     19
16 –  33   P. Belmondo       Simtek         12
17 –  24   A. Yoong          Minardi        10
18 –  18   J. Winkelhock     AGS            6
19 –  29   V. Sospiri        Lola           4
20 –  36   G. Foitek         Monteverdi     2
21 =  39   B. Giacomelli     Life           1
21 =  21   P. Ghinzani       Osella         1
21 =  35   P. McCarthy       SAC            1
21 =  32   T. Inoue          Simtek         1

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP
One race left, but at over 43 points ahead of the competition, this championship is all over!

Code: Select all

1 –  * Viking         318

Code: Select all

2 –    F1 Rejects     274
3 –    Team America   270
4 –    Toleman        233
5 –    Super Aguri    214
6 –    Forti          96
7 –    SAC            31
8 –    AGS            29
9 –    Monteverdi     21
10 –   Simtek         13
11 –   Minardi        10
12 –   Lola           4
13 =   Life           1
13 =   Osella         1

Unrejectified drivers:
Andretti, Speed (USA 11); HWNSNBM (Brazil 11); Inoue (San Marino 11); Ide (Monaco 11); Délétraz (Canada 11); Diniz, Grrrrjjjjnnn (USA 12); Apicella, Barbazza (Brazil 12); Dagnall, Magnussen (San Marino 12); Belmondo (Monaco 12); Einarsson (Mexico 12); Tarquini (Italy 12); Chaves (Japan 12)

Nearly unrejectified drivers (ongoing):
Montermini, Badoer (1 × 6th)

[DanielPT]

I am still drunk with all the celebrations relating Chaves podium! Hopefully the first of many!

[dinizintheoven]

Round 16: Adelaide, Australia
Saturday, 3 November 2012

THE GRID

Code: Select all

1 –   1  HWNSNBM           F1 Rejects     1'20.912
2 –   27 J. Magnussen      Viking         1'22.360
3 –   19 C. Dagnall        Toleman        1'22.936
4 –   24 A. Yoong          Minardi        1'22.937
5 –   34 P. Chaves         SAC            1'23.021
6 –   2  J-D. Délétraz     F1 Rejects     1'23.026
7 –   20 R. Grrrrjjjjnnn   Toleman        1'23.030
8 –   16 P. Diniz          Forti          1'23.071
9 –   21 P. Ghinzani       Osella         1'23.317
10 –  28 Þ. Einarsson      Viking         1'23.321
11 –  35 P. McCarthy       SAC            1'23.328
12 –  12 F. Fauzy          FTM            1'23.653
13 –  15 L. Badoer         Forti          1'23.912

Code: Select all

14 –  6  S. Speed          Team America   1'24.031
15 –  36 G. Foitek         Monteverdi     1'24.200
16 –  11 A. Montermini     FTM            1'25.099
17 –  4  Y. Ide            Super Aguri    1'25.131
18 –  3  M. Apicella       Super Aguri    1'25.185
19 –  39 B. Giacomelli     Life           1'25.431
20 –  37 F. Barbazza       Monteverdi     1'25.687
21 –  23 P. Martini        Minardi        1'25.756
22 –  5  M. Andretti       Team America   1'26.644
23 –  22 A. Chiesa         Osella         1'26.311
24 –  17 G. Tarquini       AGS            1'26.772
25 –  18 J. Winkelhock     AGS            1'26.988
26 –  38 G. Brabham        Life           1'27.029

Code: Select all

DNQ – 32 T. Inoue          Simtek         1'27.036
DNQ – 29 V. Sospiri        Lola           1'27.153
DNQ – 25 O. Grouillard     Prost          1'27.582
DNQ – 9  P-H. Raphanel     ATS Rial       1'27.616
DNQ – 33 P. Belmondo       Simtek         1'27.795
DNQ – 10 V. Weidler        ATS Rial       1'27.876
DNQ – 7  E. Bertaggia      EuroBrun       1'27.914
DNQ – 26 P. Alliot         Prost          1'28.292
DNQ – 30 A. McNish         Lola           1'28.471
DNQ – 14 J. Villeneuve     Stefan         1'29.772
DNQ – 8  C. Langes         EuroBrun       1'29.984
DNQ – 13 K. Nakajima       Stefan         1'30.984

HWNSNBM, 18 points behind in the championship, knew exactly what he had to do at this race. He and Jan Magnussen had two wins and two seconds each... the Hungarian hero needed at least second place, with Magnussen scoring nothing, to take the title. But, obviously, he needed a win - even with that, Magnussen need only finish sixth to deny him.

So, HWNSNBM started off on the Friday afternoon in tremendous fashion. On a damp track, and what might well have been a sign of things to come, he took to the track sitting only in provisional third place on the grid... and blitzed everyone to record a pole time 1.4 seconds faster than anyone else. Magnussen must have thought he was still hallucinating from the joyous celebrations at Suzuka... he wasn't. Chris Dagnall showed he was again no mug, but only managed to beat off the challenge of Alex Yoong by a thousandth of a second. You could barely fit a Rizla between them. Also still on a high from Suzuka was Pedro Chaves, lining up fifth, and Piercarlo Ghinzani also made an impressive job, qualifying his usually uncompetitive Osella ninth. Half a tenth covered Chaves, Délétraz, Grrrrjjjjnnn and Diniz from fifth to eighth, barely more than a hundredth covered Ghinzani, Einarsson and McCarthy from 9th to 11th, and all this in weather usualluy associated with Spa. Also happy with their performance were Fondmetal Team Malaysia, putting both cars well into the midfield in their last chance to score points this season, and, incredibly, both Lifes managed to get onto the grid after five straight weekends where they've been gone by the end of Friday. Down in the dumps, though, will undoubtedly be Team America - 14th and 22nd is a very poor end to a season which promised so much but fell short again; Super Aguri were none too happy with 17th and 18th, while AGS at least returned to getting both cars on the grid... but in 24th and 25th, behind Andrea Chiesa in the Osella who has racked up nine DNQs this year. Top of the reject pile in qualifying, though, is Simtek - after a year in which they've been on a downward slope from last year's highs, neither car could find the proper setup to get onto the grid, Belmondo the fifth of the non-qualifiers sandwiched between the ATS Rials, which have usually been fighting for dead last with Stefan. The Serbian cars were yet again right at the back, almost three seconds off the pace of 26th spot, Nakajima putting in one last ignominiously awful performance to round off a dismal season where he has been sent packing on the Friday at every single race. The twelve non-qualifiers were the two cars of six teams: EuroBrun, Lola and Prost were the other three teams to be sent home early.


CLASSIFICATION

Code: Select all

1 –   1  HWNSNBM           F1 Rejects     2h 01'42.703
2 –   20 R. Grrrrjjjjnnn   Toleman        2h 02'45.867
3 –   2  J-D. Délétraz     F1 Rejects     2h 02'54.887
4 –   5  M. Andretti       Team America   + 1 lap            
5 –   19 C. Dagnall        Toleman        + 1 lap            
6 –   28 Þ. Einarsson      Viking         + 1 lap            
7 –   15 L. Badoer         Forti          + 1 lap            
8 –   17 G. Tarquini       AGS            + 2 laps            
9 –   16 P. Diniz          Forti          + 2 laps            
10 –  24 A. Yoong          Minardi        + 2 laps            
11 –  21 P. Ghinzani       Osella         + 2 laps            
12 –  18 J. Winkelhock     AGS            + 3 laps            
13 –  35 P. McCarthy       SAC            + 3 laps

Code: Select all

14 –  34 P. Chaves         SAC            + 3 laps            
15 –  27 J. Magnussen      Viking         DNF            
16 –  23 P. Martini        Minardi        DNF            
17 –  4  Y. Ide            Super Aguri    DNF            
18 –  11 A. Montermini     FTM            DNF            
19 –  37 F. Barbazza       Monteverdi     DNF            
20 –  36 G. Foitek         Monteverdi     DNF            
21 –  3  M. Apicella       Super Aguri    DNF            
22 –  39 B. Giacomelli     Life           DNF            
23 –  22 A. Chiesa         Osella         DNF            
24 –  38 G. Brabham        Life           DNF            
25 –  6  S. Speed          Team America   DNF            
26 –  12 F. Fauzy          FTM            DNF

On a cold, windy and wet November afternoon in Adelaide - which is spring in Australia, let us not forget - it seemed that the city was temporarily invaded by Hollywood. Were this a film, the script would undoubtedly have read, HWNSNBM wis the race, and fends off the Jan-come-lately title rival who was written in as The Big Bad. But, of course, Magnussen only needed sixth. Still, thought the Dane, that wasn't good enough. After qualifying, HWNSNBM was odds-on to win, and Magnussen could so easily have played that percentage game - although not cutting it quite as fine as Lewis Hamilton at Interlagos in 2008, where he'd won the title, then lost it courtesy of Sebastian Vettel, then won it again on the last corner at the hands of Timo Glock. Not this for Magnussen. For 76 laps, he chased HWNSNBM as if his life depended on it. The title didn't - finishing second, he'd have won it easily. But he wanted to win the title standing on top of the podium. The leading pair came up to lap the Minardi of Pierluigi Martini for the third time. HWNSNBM shot past him on Wakefield Road. Magnussen attempted to go round the outside of the much slower Minardi at turn 6, on the exit of Flinders Street...

AaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!
*** random shrieking in Japanese ***

OH! OOOOOH! OFF! OFF! OFF! IT'S MAGNUSSEN!

CRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!! *** more random shrieking in Japanese ***

Ah! Unfall, mit Magnussen und Martini. Schlecht.

And that, as they say, was that. Magnussen was out, and was left kicking the wall in frustration and rage as Martini ran away from his potential assailant - and also the entire Viking Racing team, who had been known for bouts of berserker rage since 793 and weren't about to stop now. Martini, for his actions on track and utter refusal to face the consequences afterwards, not least having just destroyed the championship race, was given a well-earned Reject Of The Race award. So all Magnussen could do was sit and watch as HWNSNBM cantered to the victory that he had always believed would be his, and with it, he took the Drivers' Championship by seven points. It was over a minute before Rrrrrmmmnn Grrrrjjjjnnn picked his way through the spray to finish second - if only Délétraz could have made up another nine seconds to overhaul him, it would have been a perfect day for F1 Rejects. Except that the Constructors' title had eluded them this year. For Magnussen and the Viking team, though, winning that title in Suzuka two weeks before now seemed a very long time ago, and was something of a hollow victory. HWNSNBM celebrated wildly on the podium, with a specially presented mega-sized bottle of Jacob's Creek's finest fizz that was even bigger than the championship trophy itself. Grrrrjjjjnnn was grinning from ear to ear - he'd failed to finish the past four races, and hadn't been on the podium since Hungary. Better still, his hair was protecting himm from the rain. Délétraz brought a very inconsistent season to a satisfying close at least.

So what of the others? The top three were the only drivers on the lead lap, but considering Michael Andretti's mishaps on the Friday, fourth was about the best he could hope for with a charge through the field that almost saw him throw the car off the road three times - which his team mate had done on the second lap. Chris Dagnall and Þorvaldur Einarsson quietly made their way to a few more points, nowhere near as many as they've both been used to for most of this season, but were chased hard by Luca Badoer... if only he could have overtaken both of them, that'd have been unrejectification straight away, but it was not to be. Tarquini, Diniz and Yoong rounded out the points, the Malaysian being very happy to have done so - points have been rare for Minardi and were a relief for the team given what Martini had done. Tarquini was just happy to have helped his AGS team jump above SAC in the final standings. How the two SACs could have fallen three laps behind, and Winkelhock in the other AGS as well, was anyone's guess - Chaves had been so strong in qualifying, but was heard on the team radio complaining of a complete lack of grip. Also frustrated was Piercarlo Ghinzani - it had been his best shot to take a second point for the season, but in the end, his FA1L mk.III could only manage 11th, so the team finished on only one point for the season. FA1L indeed, but not as much FA1L as Fondmetal Team Malaysia. How the mighty(ish) have fallen, from the reasonable success as Pacific last year to regular DNQs and a blank scoresheet this year. Worse still, Andrea Montermini was running 10th and fending off the stern challenge of Yoong and Ghinzani for that final point when he threw it off the road, and Tony Fernandes threw off his headphones in sheer frustration. It was hardly a day to remember for Super Aguri or Monteverdi either, both cars of both teams failing to finish - the same story applied to Life, but at least they were in the race which had been getting ever more unusual for them by the day.

So where does this leave us? In the same place as it did at the end of the 2011 season. With the same Drivers' Champion. Although a different Constructors' Champion, and a different man who chased HWNSNBM to the end. But the Hungarian legend still rules this series.


DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP - FINAL STANDINGS

Code: Select all

THE CHAMPION
1 –   1    HWNSNBM           F1 Rejects     196

Code: Select all

2 –   27   J. Magnussen      Viking         189
3 –   5    M. Andretti       Team America   162
4 –   19   C. Dagnall        Toleman        147
5 –   28   Þ. Einarsson      Viking         137
6 –   4    Y. Ide            Super Aguri    129
7 –   6    S. Speed          Team America   120
8 –   2    J-D. Délétraz     F1 Rejects     118
9 –   20   R. Grrrrjjjjnnn   Toleman        114
10 –  3    M. Apicella       Super Aguri    85
11 –  16   P. Diniz          Forti          72
12 –  15   L. Badoer         Forti          32
13 –  34   P. Chaves         SAC            30
14 –  17   G. Tarquini       AGS            27

Code: Select all

15 –  37   F. Barbazza       Monteverdi     19
16 –  33   P. Belmondo       Simtek         12
17 –  24   A. Yoong          Minardi        11
18 –  18   J. Winkelhock     AGS            6
19 –  29   V. Sospiri        Lola           4
20 –  36   G. Foitek         Monteverdi     2
21 –  21   P. Ghinzani       Osella         1 (1 × DNQ)
22 –  32   T. Inoue          Simtek         1 (3 × DNQ, best places 10th, 11th, 12th)
23 –  35   P. McCarthy       SAC            1 (3 × DNQ, best places 10th, 11th, 13th)
24 –  39   B. Giacomelli     Life           1 (9 × DNQ)

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP - FINAL STANDINGS

Code: Select all

THE CHAMPIONS
1 –    Viking         326

Code: Select all

2 –    F1 Rejects     314
3 –    Team America   282
4 –    Toleman        261
5 –    Super Aguri    214
6 –    Forti          104
7 –    AGS            33
8 –    SAC            31
9 –    Monteverdi     21
10 –   Simtek         13
11 –   Minardi        11
12 –   Lola           4
13 –   Osella         1 (10 × DNQ)
14 –   Life           1 (12 × DNQ)

Unrejectified drivers:
Andretti, Speed (USA 11); HWNSNBM (Brazil 11); Inoue (San Marino 11); Ide (Monaco 11); Délétraz (Canada 11); Diniz, Grrrrjjjjnnn (USA 12); Apicella, Barbazza (Brazil 12); Dagnall, Magnussen (San Marino 12); Belmondo (Monaco 12); Einarsson (Mexico 12); Tarquini (Italy 12); Chaves (Japan 12)

Nearly unrejectified drivers (ongoing into 2013):
Montermini, Badoer (1 × 6th)

[dinizintheoven]

The Post-Season Press Conference

A press conference has been called by newly re-crowned F1RMGP Champion, HWNSNBM, within ten minutes of leaving the podium... armed, as ever, with his trusty phrasebook. His two team bosses are alongside him. They are all generously soaked in Australian wine. And by that I don't mean lager.


HWNSNBM: "My suitcase is full of spam, and bubble bath."
Translation: "Thank you all for being here, I have a very important announcement to make."

HWNSNBM: "Great tits, honey-bun, I will not need my binoculars to see them."
Translation: "I am very happy to win this race and my second championship."

HWNSNBM: "This helicopter will fly over Dartmoor on Tuesday."
Translation: "And I am announcing my retirement from F1RMGP to help run the team with Jamie and Enoch."

(There are gasps of amazement and more than a little horror from the crowd.)

HWNSNBM: "I am shopping in Ann Summers this evening."
Translation: "I would like to thank the team for their efforts, and we are already thinking of a successor."

(Further gasps.)

Joe Saward (in the crowd): "Hi, I'm Joe Saward, I write for my own blog. HWNSNBM, what has made you..." *clonk* "Ow!"

(A papaya has hit him on the head.)

Joe Saward: "Who threw that?"

Captain Hammer: "Me. And I am not afraid to admit it!"

(Captain Hammer is "escorted" from the press conference. Joe continues.)

Joe Saward: "HWNSNBM, what has made you decide to retire now rather than defend your title again and go for bigger and better records?"

HWNSNBM: "I... am... legend."
Translation: "I'm better than Vitantonio Liuzzi and you know it. Nobody will ever beat me, I thought I'd give the rest of the grid a chance. Except now, with my brilliant input into the team management, there's actually no hope for anyone else except the man who takes my seat for neat year. What do you mean, it's yours, Jean-Denis? I'll remind you that you failed to qualify in Hungary. My home race, and I had no rear gunner to defend me from the Vikings. That's right, it's permanent number two status for you, boy! We've got someone lined up who's way better. And I'll bet you'd like to know who it is, wouldn't you..."

Mat Coch: "Mat Coch, Pitpass. Can I ask Jamie and Enoch..."

(The muffled rantings of Captain Hammer are heard from behind the fire exit door.)

Mat Coch: "...have you actually signed a new driver for 2013?"

Jamie: "Well, we're talking to him at the moment, mate."

Enoch: "Actually, we're trying to get him to sign a long-term deal, but we haven't quite worked out how much Aussie champagne he wants as a signing-on golden handshake, or whatever you Poms call it."

Jamie: "That's all we can say for now."

(All of a sudden, a football flies in through the door. It knocks over HWNSNBM's glass of papaya juice.)

Voice from outside: "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!"

Jamie: "Chris, you flaming gollah! We were trying to keep that under wraps for a couple of weeks at least!"

Enoch: "I suppose you all know now..."

(Chris Dagnall comes charging into the press conference with his Scunthorpe United shirt over his head, as pioneered by Fabrizio Ravanelli all those years ago.)

Daggers: "He shoots, he scores! And the crowd is going wild on the Scunny Kop!"

Enoch: "Calm down, will you, Chris!"

Daggers: "Ey! Ey! Are you telling me to calm down, calm down?"

Jamie: "He's bringing extra sponsorship to the team as well, so we can entertain a few more guests than we would otherwise do. We want to get a bigger motorhome as well, and with HWNSNBM on board taking control of some of the team business, we might actually have time to do a few more podcasts."

HWNSNBM: "My brother is a secret transsexual."
Translation: "And I promise not to invite the Hungarian mafia to our motorhome. Or Shane Warne. Or Sebastian Vettel and that finger of his. I don't even want to know where it's been."

Enoch: "I think HWNSNBM also forgot to mention Wayne Rooney."

Mat Coch: "Is it true that your new title sponsor for 2013 will continue to offer free popcorn if Daggers wins the title this coming season?"

Jamie: "That's right, mate. In fact, if Sir Bernard Shekelslike had gone through with his crazy 'medals' system he'd have won this year and there'd have been that payout... though we prefer it this way so our man could win. I assure you that we at Formula One Rejects will be doing out utmost to make sure that this man wins the title next year!"

Daggers: "Ey, great!"

Wizzie: "Bathplug!"

Jean-Denis Délétraz: "Merde!"

Jamie, Enoch & Daggers: "Quiet, you."


And so begins the 2012/13 Silly Season...

[FMecha]

A dead heat on the final race between the Vikings and HWNSNBM.

Also, I like the Saward and Hammer reference...

[dinizintheoven]

And, for those of you who want to see how the whole season looks in one easy post...


DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP



CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP



Some (more) silly season news is stirring...

[dinizintheoven]

The 2012 F1RMGP Awards

Infinite Improbability

5. ÞORVALDUR EINARSSON
A creditable first season from the hairy Icelandic rookie. After a slow-ish start in what would prove to be a front-of-the-grid car, he won the sixth race of the season and ended up being the only driver to see the chequered flag in all 16 races, which in turn helped Viking Racing to the Constructor's Championship.

4. CHRIS DAGNALL
Also a rookie to this championship, so it was surprising that Daggers won four races in the season, more than any other driver, in the Toleman which was only good enough for fourth in the Constructors' Championship. Inconsistency was what saw off his Drivers' Championship hopes, and his chances of coming higher in these standings, although those four wins were what convinced the F1 Rejects team to sign him for 2013.

3. PEDRO CHAVES
Absolutely rock bottom in the Coloni last season, along with Perry McCarthy in the Andrea Moda, both only qualifying for one race and finishing 26th and dead last. This year those two drivers found themselves team mates at the merged Scuderia Andrea Coloni... and their fortunes were very different. McCarthy provided all three of SAC's failures to qualify, and managed one point. Chaves rose above all his previous year's troubles, scoring the team's first points in Britain, qualifying in the top ten on a surprising number of occasions and crowning the season with third place in Japan, where he never raced in F1. Some say he is fond of Mateus Rosé, and that he is also quite good at rallying. All we know is, he blew the Black Stig into the weeds.

2. AGS
Fourth from bottom last year, only seven appearances on race day, and of course, no points. One year later, seventh in the Constructors' Championship and a third place at Monza. Only a DNQ each from their two drivers was a blemish on the season's records; AGS take the place in the Infinite Improbability stakes after fending off a strong challenge from Monteverdi and an equally spirited rise up the ranks from Scuderia Andrea Coloni, which was the product of merging two teams.

1. FORTI
Like AGS, but even better. Where did that come from? No, really... in 2011, Forti limped to 17 DNQs out of 32 and never once looked close to the points, 17th their best result. This year, they were one of the three teams that never failed to qualify (Viking and Super Aguri were the others), scored third in Phoenix straight out of the blocks and a win in a bizarre race in Hungary, both at the hands of team principal, Pedro Diniz. Was it Petrobras and their new fuel that did it? Was it the engine mechanics at Ford do Brasil? Or was it Diniz taking the team by the scruff of the neck and driving the car himself driving them up the grid, when Luca Badoer could not match his results? All we know is, it'll feel like the World Championship to them.

Honourable mentions go to HWNSNBM - obviously, he's the champion; Scuderia Andrea Coloni, because nobody expected them to rocket up the standings the way they did, but AGS and Forti had the measure of them on that front; Jan Magnussen, who should have been champion in his first season but fell at the final hurdle; finally, Super Aguri, who despite the protestations of the forum user bearing their name, have gone up one place in the standings, tripled their points total from 2011 and scored a win.


Rejects Of The Season

5. "ALLEZ LES BLEUS!"
French arrogance at its very worst permeated every aspect of the Prost team, from refusing to issue a statement at the beginning of the season to Les Anglais, to decking out their car in more French tobacco sponsorship that ever before, to an even worse season than 2011: dropping from 11th in the Constructors' Championship to 16th, recording only six finished, failing to qualify 20 times as opposed to three, and with eight race weekends finished by the Friday afternoon... all this while being comprehensively trounced by that other French squad from the shed in Gonfaron. This should put Alain Prost's nose even further out of joint than it already was.

4. ALLAN McNISH
The Mastercard Lola was not a completely hopeless car by any means. Sure, it wasn't exactly good, but Vincenzo Sospiri managed to scrape a couple of points finishes out of it, despite missing the Friday cut seven times. McNish, on the other hand, who had actually asked the F1 Rejects management to give him a drive for 2012, promptly joined the Lola team and found himself rock bottom of the timesheets for the first three races. He didn't get to see a Saturday afternoon until Spa, which was his only finish, and he only made two more appearances in the race after that, retiring from both. Not such a braw bricht moonlicht season in this series for Scotland's Le Mans legend.

3. SIMTEK
How the mighty have fallen! In 2011, Simtek had a highly competitive season, coming fourth in the Constructors' Championship and getting a win in San Marino and a third place in Japan courtesy of Slim Borgudd. Unfortunately, as the Swede took his drum kit away with him, the team's fortunes crashed as regularly as Taki Inoue did, the Japanese scoring only one point all season, with Pacific refugee Paul Belmondo probably hoping for much better things in this team when all he could manage was a meagre 12 points - half what he managed with Pacific in 2011. Simtek finished way down in a miserable 10th this season. But talking of Pacific...

2. FONDMETAL TEAM MALAYSIA
...how the not-quite-so-mighty have fallen even further. 43 points and a none-too-shabby seventh in the Constructors' Championship in 2011 tempted Tony Fernandes to abandon his principles he'd formed at Lotus Racing in 2010, and take over Pacific with the intention of renaming them "Lotus Team Pacific". Before the season had even started, everyone on the grid objected, and Fondmetal Team Malaysia was born after a suggestion from the F1 Rejects co-principal, Enoch Law - which he later admitted was a joke. The team found the season about as funny as a case of bubonic plague, stuttering to 14 DNQs, four of which made up two double failures in France and Italy, and only once did they get both cars to the finish, miles away from threatening to score a point. This team should have lurched forwards in the pack with the extra investment - they ended up slamming into reverse.

1. KAZUKI NAKAJIMA
Can it get any worse? After being booted into next week by Yuji Ide at Super Aguri in 2011, with only one points finish and several flirts with a DNQ, Kazuki was sacked and fled to his old pal, Zoran Stefanovic. The Stefan S-02 was an utter lemon, but Reject World Champion Jacques Villeneuve managed to drag it onto the grid twice, whereas the hapless Kazuki became the only driver to miss the cut at every race, never even getting out of the garage at Silverstone, Hungaroring and Spa. The award couldn't go to anyone else, really.

Dishonourable mentions go to: ATS Rial for being so slow and having an awful livery, although to be fair, nothing was really expected of them; Pierre-Henri Raphanel's ill-advised move to that team; the DNQs scored by the frontrunners (Daggers, Grrrrjjjjnnn, Délétraz, Andretti); one point for Life at the first race of the season followed by a slide into rejectdom faster than a fireman on a greasy pole; Perry McCarthy, the Deadbeat Team Mate of the year - just look at his results compared with Pedro Chaves; finally, Pierluigi Martini, for that season-terminating crash in Adelaide.

[dinizintheoven]

Silly Season News

A fine day to exit?

Rrrrrmmmmnnn Grrrrjjjjnnn has become the next driver to announce his departure from F1RMGP. He has decided that his real racing career is actually taking off properly after the lows of his 2009 F1 disaster, and his future is better spent there. This comes as a shock to the beleagured Toleman team, who were hoping to hang on to him as their lead driver for 2013. Chris Dagnall has departed for the F1 Rejects team, taking his sponsorship from Scunthorpe United with him. What will Toleman do in 2013? Already, several drivers have expressed their interest: Allan McNish, after enduring a torrid season with Mastercard Lola; Perry McCarthy, rumoured to be fed up of playing second fiddle to Pedro Chaves at SAC; Ben Collins, who we all know was his replacement as The Stig; triple F1 World Champion, Jackie Stewart (no, seriously); Paul Belmondo, still sore after the rough deal Simtek gave him; there's even talk that Ralf Schumacher might come back just to unrejectify himself.

Never give up...

Zoran Stefanovic refuses to pull out of F1RMGP 2013 despite every indication that it is a good idea to do so, before he further trashes his own reputation and that of his drivers. It is alleged that Stefan Grand Prix has obtained the Toyota V12 engine that was going to run (and race) in the 2001 TF101 Formula One car before the FIA restricted the teams to V10 engines. Nobody knows quite how Stefan managed this, except possibly by picking it up from a skip outside the defunct F1 team's Cologne HQ, and commissioning some Chinese engine designers to clone it. Chinese cloning has, after all, worked very well for the F1 Rejects team, but whether this can lift Stefan off the bottom of the pile next year remains to be seen.

Trouble brewing in America

Michael Schumacher, Lewis Hamilton, Nelson Piquet Jr, Flavio Briatore, Mike Coughlan, Nigel Stepney, Pat Symonds, can you hear me? You've all taken one hell of a beating in the perfidery stakes. Colonel Harland D. Sanders, one of the principals of Team America F1, has launched a bid to have every other team retrospectively disqualified from the 2012 F1RMGP season on the grounds that they are not American. "Now y'all listen here," came a statement from Col. Sanders. "'Mericuh is the greatest country in the world, and y'all don't agree with that, y'all shouldn't even be living. 'Mericuh always wins at everything, 'specially in 'Nam. And as y'all know, there can only be a true World Series if only 'Mericuh gets to compete. So we's saying that it ain't fair if 'Merican drivers ain't winnin' at this series, and all those other teams are crap-ass Euro-pean pinko commies. 'Cept those little fellas with slitty eyes, what's they called again... Super Ay-guri? What'n the hell's they doin' buildin' a car anyways..."

Col. Sanders was stopped before he could dig himself into any more of a hole. His comments have been thoroughly condemned by the rest of the F1RMGP teams, while his drivers, Michael Andretti and Scott Speed, could only try to hide away in embarrassment. Still, though, Col. Sanders intends to press ahead with his idea that all the other terams should be disqualified for not being American, and after further being accused of "sour grapes" by no less than the F1 Rejects management, the Colonel has introduced "the sour grape salad wrap" on the Kentucky Fried Chicken menu as an attempt to make his institution look marginally less unhealthy than it is.

More news on this hot potato (pulped, dried, reconstituted and turned into French... no... FREEDOM FRIES!) as it happens.

[dinizintheoven]

More Silly Season News

My work here is done...

...says Pedro Diniz, who Herculean efforts to yank the Forti team up the table by driving the car himself were rewarded with a podium in the opening race and a win later. So, the fantastically rich Brazilian is moving back upstairs to concentrate on running the team again - leaving another race seat available that would never have been competitive two years ago but is now. Here's hoping it stays that way, at least.

Chicken-in-a-basket case

The words of Colonel Sanders continue to echo round the close season to the sound of howls of derision from absolutely everyone else, who say he should retire and go back to butchering chickens instead of trying to dip his fingers in the 11 secret herbs and spices (seven of which are garlic) of F1RMGP. The other teams may have reason to celebrate; doubts are being cast on the lineage of the Colonel which means so much to him and the team he runs... more on this as it breaks.

The numbers game

With reigning champion HWNSNBM choosing to retire at the end of the season, the numbering system for the 2013 teams has had a bit of a shake-up. Had he stayed, there would have been no changes, but as the number 1 cannot be used for this season, and with Viking Racing taking the Constructors' Championship, they are sent to the head of the field - with the numbers 2 and 3. Even this series isn't so rejectful that one of the cars trundles around with a zero on it. This means there's had to be changes at the front. Super Aguri and Team America have had to be moved to 4/5 and 6/7, so at least they keep one of their numbers from 2012; F1 Rejects move to 8/9, so that Chris Dagnall can host the same number on his car as he'd be wearing on the football field, and this in turn means that EuroBrun and ATS Rial have been kicked to the end of the field to join the other reject teams in the thirties. Most interestingly, the hallowed 27/28 slot that has been occupied by Ferrari and Viking Racing has been awarded to... Forti, as a reward for winning Imfinite Improbabilty Drive of the Season. The full line-up is as follows:

The full line-up:
2/3 Viking Racing - Constructors' Champions
4/5 Super Aguri - widely expected that Yuji Ide stays as 4
6/7 Team America
8/9 F1 Rejects - Chris Dagnall plays with no.9 for Scunthorpe...
10 not used
11/12 Simtek - reflecting the F1 team's move to this slot in 1995
13/14 Stefan GP - another season with the number 13, because nobody else wanted it
15/16 Fondmetal Team Malaysia - back where they were as Pacific in 2011
17/18 AGS
19/20 Toleman
21/22 Osella
23/24 Minardi
25/26 Prost
27/28 Forti - rewarded for their 2012 performance, with Luca Badoer getting a "proper" Ferrari number after the 2009 debacle
29/30 Mastercard Lola
31/32 Scuderia Andrea Coloni - back where Coloni were in 1989
33/34 EuroBrun - back where they were in 1990 (and technically, 1989 if they'd had two cars)
35/36 Monteverdi - back where they were in 1990, though it's not much of a move
37/38 ATS Rial - almost where Rial were in 1989
39/40 Life - imagine 1990 with two cars... no, I can't either

[SuperAguri]

Silly season in full swing?)

Japanese racing team Dome who repeatedly tried to enter a car in F1 and always failed have hinted that they are ready to enter the F1R 2013 season. A spokesperson said "We want to enter F1, but then we find we never have enough money to fill the car up let alone enter 2 cars for the whole season. However a mystery driver has opened up his chequebook and may allow us to run at least 1 and and a half cars for the season.".

Spanish team, Bravo España has also reached our ears as they have bought a chassis from a team and will update it heavily to full within the rules, some big names are involved including Adrian Campos so they could make a surprise showing on the grid next season.

The French racing team DAMS have also hinted at an entry, although there is some doubt if they have the money for a race, let alone a season.

We are not sure of the engine for these cars but three engine suppliers who tested engines back in the 90s have sprung up, including Japanese truck company Isuzu, Japanese engine tuner HKS and lastly the Austrian engine designers Neotech, all of which have designed V12 engines. There is strong interest in these engines as some of the back of the grid teams want to ditch their gutless V8 engines and in the case of Life, their W12 engine.

[dinizintheoven]

Silly season in full swing?)
The French racing team DAMS have also hinted at an entry, although there is some doubt if they have the money for a race, let alone a season.

Sacre Bleu! We 'ave been found out!

'Owever did zey know?

Maybe, was Inspector Clouseau?

Get ze tarpaulins! 'Ide ze GD-02!

Oui, René, we do not want Le Professeur copying us...

What is 'e doing, anyway?

Never mind what 'e is doing...

But 'e is bringing great shame to La République with ze crap performance of 'is team!

I mean... Olivier Grouillard? Who would drive alongside that... imbécile?

*death stare*

Ah, oui, I 'ave forgotten.

Now is not ze time for ze fight, Jean-Paul. We 'ave ze car, we need some drivers.

But 'oo will want to drive wiz ze number 41?

...Yannick Dalmas? Monsieur Winkel'ock?

Non, we cannot get ze German away from Les Autres Françaises. You know, from... ze shed.

I 'ave an idea. I will phone ze team that has ze car zat is total, 'ow you say, bouchon de bain.

*dialling*

Bonjour, monsieur *CRACKLE CRACKLE CRACKLE*, 'ow are you today... oui, I am sorry, ze line is very *CRACKLE CRACKLE*... can we of ze new DAMS team make you ze offer zat you will not refuse... *CRACKLE CRACKLE CRACKLE CRACKLE* what is zat? *CRACKLE* you say oui? Fantastique?

*hangs up*

It is done, mon ami!

Ah, formidable! Now we will put Monsieur Prost's grand-nez ever further out of ze joint!

VIVE LA FRANCE!

DAMS are coming. They've even signed a driver. Want to know who it is? Stay tuned to this frequency. Meanwhile, in Japan... news filters through to Minoru Hayashi that the French team has grabbed the 20th slot in the 2013 F1RMGP season.

AaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! *commits seppuku*

[dinizintheoven]

We are not sure of the engine for these cars but three engine suppliers who tested engines back in the 90s have sprung up, including Japanese truck company Isuzu, Japanese engine tuner HKS and lastly the Austrian engine designers Neotech, all of which have designed V12 engines. There is strong interest in these engines as some of the back of the grid teams want to ditch their gutless V8 engines and in the case of Life, their W12 engine.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh! René! We 'ave forgotten ze engine!

Oui, Jean-Paul, I am on ze case now, I will make sure it is French! *dialling* 'Ello, zat is *CRACKLE CRACKLE CRACKLE*... Merde! What is wrong wiz zis phone... oui, we are looking for powerful F1 engines..."

And while there are teams looking to ditch their gutless engines, Autosport haven't got it quite right. Stefan Grand Prix we already know about, but all the others are keeping their plans well and truly under wraps. Except Forti; they've declared their intention to stick with their four-pot wonder and see if it brings the same good results in 2013, and maybe beyond.

[SuperAguri]

DAMS and Dome confirm entries?


News reaches us that both the french DAMS and the Japanese Dome teams have submitted their enteries to the F!RMGPS for 2013. DAMS said "'Ah, non, no F1 entry.. ha ha ha, those inglish and their jokes, ha ha ha." and a call to Dome went like this "Well 3rd time lucky?".

After the poor efforts of some of the teams, a more professional approach by the DAMS and Dome team might be what the series needs.

Yet another engine company?


Although DAMS do not need a french engine to be fast, they do have strong links with Renault, although it is known that Renault do not want to be part of F1RMGPS. However Moteurs Guy Negré have announced their W12 engine, although the W12 engine does offer advantages, no engine has been tested to show it matches the power of a V8, let alone a V12. Guy Negré has said that the engine has solved some of the problems that Life motors had and that their engine should be fast and they have signed up a new team. Although an insider said "Yes it is fast, but it blows up more times then an American soldier trying to find a target...."

[dinizintheoven]

What is Autosport talking about? Our engines powered AGS to the podium! And the car only had five retirements all season...

It is true! Renault 'ave no part in F1RMGP now, or ever. Yes, is the Renault badge on the Toleman engine, but, someone 'as drawn ze diamond on wiz ze black marker. Really is, 'ow you say... Lotus engine. Oui, Lotus. Quoi? Qu'est-ce que vous dites, imbécile? Lotus, ce n'est pas le Toyota! Ah, non, not ze Lotus, is... Proton! And also, non. We will not be supplying engines to DAMS for 2013. Non, absolutely not. 'Ey, Dany. Did zat sound convincing?

Other mumblings and jumblings have come from Ernesto Vita, who still has no idea after two years how the tweaked Life W12s that power the F1 Rejects team can be so much better than his own in-house effort, and also from Günther Schmidt, who is just ranting and raving in German about nothing in particular. A spokesman for Isuzu refused to comment on his company's plans for the 2013 season.

[SuperAguri]

An apology

We would like to apologise to Guy Nègre for printing a year old press release, we have sacked the work experience boy who found the article and the drunk sub editor who was on his 8th scotch of the day. The Editor apologises whole heartedly for not picking this up but he was too busy with one of the PR girlies from the Stefan GP team, who showed him that the car was being built and the engine is big and powerful with a lot of torque.

New engines testing the water?


Renault who are sort of in F1 but not really with the Toleman team running a rebadge old Renault engine but wanted the badge of Renault that they drew it in with a marker pen and some tip-ex have secretly tested a W9 engine in the back of a old Prost. Although the engine is slow and wheezy, they will be fitting a Turbo and hopefully will be offering the engine for sale under the Supertec brand.

Ferrari boffins also showed off a Flat 2 engine, yes that is right a 2 clynider engine that will have a lot of Torque to get throught the slow corners very quickly. It is not known if the engine will be used in the F1RMGPS but it does look like a nice engine.

General Motors have also tested a 165 degree V12 engine, however it is not likely to replace the Dodge V8 used by Team America F1 as it is not a V8, but it could find it's way into the back of a car.

[dinizintheoven]

Silly Season News - direct from the series organisation

Lola's sinking ship

Three press releases have been issued at the same time. Allan McNish has signed for Toleman, as was widely expected despite a horribly rejectful 2012 season; René Arnoux confirms that the driver he called on his crackly line was Vincenzo Sospiri; Ford have withdrawn their Cosworth V8 from the F1RMGP series. What links those three press releases? Lola. The team now have an empty shell with no drivers and no powerplant; nevertheless, Eric Broadley and Martin Birrane have vowed to replace them all and continue...

But if they don't...

...then don't count on the Dome team to replace them for 2013. Having learned the lessons of the three all-new F1 teams for 2010, Dome have decided to test relentlessly throughout 2013 in readiness for the 2014 season, banking on at least one team to drop out at the end of that year. It seems that the suicide of Minoru Hayashi was all faked and he had one of those plastic knives that collapses on itself, as well as a lot of fake blood capsules. Dome's target for 2014 is to beat Super Aguri straight out of the blocks, and their first engine tests in their old 1996 F1 prototype chassis may be happening at the Fuji Speedway very shortly...

Start your engines! If you've got one...

Other than Lola, Simtek and ATS Rial have also been left without an engine deal. However, it's not as if they're short of options; the Isuzu, Neotech and HKS V12s are all looking for a car to sit in the back of, as is the frankly bonkers Mecachrome (as opposed to Supertec) triple-turbo W9. Also, don't discount the idea of MGN supplying their W12 to a second team. Ferrari have come clean that they were trolling with the flat-2 engine, although they have not completely ruled out scaling up the Fiat TwinAir V-twin in case of draconian environmental restrictions on the F1RMGP series. Harry Schell, who ran a JAP V-twin at the Monaco Grand Prix in 1950, was unavaible for comment due to being dead for over half a century. Definitely not trolling are Forti; Ford do Brasil have said that although they are sticking with their trusty inline-4 for 2013, they'll whack a turbo on it and see what happens. It could win the first six races of the season, or it could blow up spectacularly. Watch this space.

Also at Toleman...

Ted Toleman has announced his team are definitely sticking with the Renault V8 engine that served them so well in 2012, and that there are negotiations underway with a second driver and a new title sponsor - under no circumstances will either of those be announced until the beginning of the 2013 season.

[dinizintheoven]

Yet more Silly Season News

And Atlantis Falls...

The riddle over how Colonel Hardland D. Sanders could possibly be running Team America has been solved, and it makes uneasy reading for everyone involved.

The original Colonel Harland D. Sanders was born in the good ole' US of A in 1890, started what would become Kentucky Fried Chicken in 1930, and died in 1980. Unlike Messrs. Ferrari, Villeneuve (senior, obviously) and Hunt, he was not in Motor Racing Valhalla to be recalled for a season. He had a son, Harland Sanders Junior, who died in infancy; he had two further daughters, but neither of those could easily pass themselves off as their more famous dad. So the story has been revealed, after the defeat of Nazi Germany in 1945, many resources and technologies of the regime came under the control of the United States, such as the Volkswagen Beetle and the rocketry necessary to put Neil Armstrong and co on the moon. What has so far never been revealed is that the Nazis had been working on the ability to clone humans - the idea being that after the "inevitable" (cough) victory, Hitler could be cloned so that as he became older and weaker, there would be a new Hitler in place to take over who was exactly the same as the last one... which, if you think about it, is even worse than what the Kim dynasty has got going in North Korea. By 1945, the technology had been sufficiently developed so that the Führer could be cloned on his 60th birthday in 1949, and by the time he was 80, his 20-year-old successor would be ready to take over. At least, that was the plan, and fortunately for all of us, it never happened. Instead, the US government had their hands on the cloning technology, and despite great swathes of the country being terrified of any technological and intellectual advancement beyond what was brought on the Mayflower (read: "the Southern states"), scientists at MIT had perfected the cloning process by 1953 - a full 43 years before Dolly The Sheep. So the American bigwigs decided this would be a useful process to preserve the Great American Icons; amongst those who were first to be cloned were Walt Disney, John Wayne, Charlton Heston and... Colonel Harland D. Sanders. John F. Kennedy was also suggested by his supporters in the early 1960s, but was turned down on the grounds of being a "commie pinko liberal commie and did we mention he's a commie". As it goes, the "birth" - or should we say laboratory creation - of the clone who should be known as Colonel Harland D. Sanders III, happened in 1965 in Kentucky, to the sound of lots of locals brandishing guns angrily because they distrusted anything even vaguely scientific. But either way, Harland III grew up as normally as it's possible to grow up in Kentucky, and by the age of 25, around the 100th anniversary of the birth of his "grandfather", his hair started turning white and he developed an unnatural tendency to wear a white suit and a bolo tie. The locals hailed the resurrection of their iconic Colonel as a miracle, spent all day in their local church, and worshipped him as the Second Coming. And it is this Colonel Harland D. Sanders who, at the age of 46, became team vice-principal of US Grand Prix Engineering. It was he who oversaw the transition to the name of Team America, and after two seasons of almost winning but not quite, it is he who attempted to denounce the other teams as being too un-American to be worthy of winning anything and they should be disqualified for it.

Naturally, the F1RMGP Series organisers have taken a very dim view on this situation. The original Team Vice-Principal as nominated by United States Grand Prix Engineering at the beginning of the 2011 season was Colonel Harland D. Sanders (1890-1980) and not Colonel Harland D. Sanders III (1965-present) whose very existence was supposed to be an official government secret just as much as Area 51 is. Col. Sanders III absolutely refuses to resign from his position at Team America, but no sooner had his secret been revealed than his protest against the other teams was completely rejected. And so, HWNSNBM remains the Drivers' Champion for the 2012 F1RMGP season, Viking Racing remain the Constructors' Champions, Michael Andretti is still listed as a DNQ for the race in Belgium, and everything else remains as it ever was.

It has, however, cost Andretti his place in next year's championship. Had Col. Sanders III's protest been upheld, with all the other drivers being retrospectively disqualified from every session including qualifying, that DNQ would also have been overturned, as he would have qualified second beind Scott Speed, and finished second in the race. Having finished ahead of Speed in 12 out of the 16 races last season, Andretti would have been champion as well as having that embarrassing blot removed from his record. But, somewhat obviously to everyone else, it was not to be, and he has stormed off in a huff and gone BACK TO 'MERICUH where he (and his son) can win everything going, or at least if he doesn't, an American will. And so, Team America have a race seat going for the 2013 season... although, other nationalities need not apply, and that includes you as well, José Maria López.

So what of the other teams?

It can at least be revealed that Simtek will use the Isuzu V12 engine in 2013, in the hope of returning their fortunes to those of two years before. Dome will be keeping an eye on their progress, as well as that of Super Aguri and Stefan (yeah, right) as they look to pick the correct engine for their potential 2014 entry - legend has it the upcoming 2013 hack car will be built to accommodate as many engines as possible, even the bizarre Mecachrome W9, if it really comes to that.

Meanwhile, the cash-strapped ATS Rial team have had an idea that might just save their bacon. While driving back from a Hockenheim testing session in a fit of his usual rage after both his cars had been painfully slow again, Günther Schmidt crashed his Mercedes (fitted with ATS wheels, of course!) into a VW Golf VR6, writing off both cars. He has now swiped the wrecked Golf from under the noses of the insurance company, taken lots of pictures of the engine, printed them out and enlarged them in a photocopier. He reckons the resultant 3.something litre VR6 will make an excellent F1 engine, and is thinking of following the lead of Viking Racing and adding a supercharger. Time will tell if it works.

DAMS have also signed their second driver, but they're not saying who he is yet, only that he has amazing reject potential.

[dinizintheoven]

Stop that season! It's far too silly!

More engine trouble...?

Carlos Ghosn's deranged attempts to hide his company's willing participation in F1RMGP by invoking the name of Proton have made the Malaysian company sit up and pay attention. As Renault have insisted that they will only supply two teams, at least one of which must be French (Jean-Paul Driot and René Arnoux were strangely silent at this point), it is widely rumoured that Proton have stepped in to save Fondmetal Team Malaysia from an embarrassing tie-up with an uncompetitive engine supplier. But not even the combined might of Murray Walker, Joe Saward and Senior Grand Prix Analyst Enoch Law could come up with any reason for Proton's decision to buy the Mecachrome W9 as the basis for their efforts. They have promised to throw all of Petronas' money at the project in an attempt to develop it to the point where it renders all other engines obsolete, but they'll have a job... the engine has been dropped into the FTM129 chassis for testing, and with all three turbos at maximum boost, the engine produces as much power as the Alfa Romeo flat-12 in the back of the Osella. But still, say Proton, Osella scored points last year and FTM didn't, so it's a step up already. Is it?

EuroBrun have also ditched their Judd V10, throwing their chips in with the Austrian Neotech company, and their upstart V12, thinking they can't possibly go much further backwards than the last two seasons. Günther Schmidt and Zoran Stefanovic might have something to say about that. Meanwhile, Lola are still without an engine deal, after they refused to design a chassis around a 12-cylinder engine, ruling out HKS as their supplier, as well as Isuzu, Neotech, Alfa Romeo, Life, MGN and Toyota. At this stage, they're getting desperate, and an approach to ATS Rial to outsource their supercharged VR6 was scuppered by Herr Schmidt himself and his horde of enormous Rottweilers.

The driver merry-go-round

Forti have been looking for a second driver to partner Luca Badoer in what is looking like a front-line drive for 2013 in the newly turbocharged Forti. Andrea Montermini, finally disgusted at the prospect of driving with a barely tested engine with a bonkers configuration, released himself from his contract and signed for the Brazilian team that he drove for in F1, and released himself also from the misery of sitting out the race on a Saturday afternoon. Meanwhile, Lola still haven't signed any drivers, Toleman and DAMS still won't say who they've signed, but news filters through from the ever-defiant Team America that they have found the perfect replacement for Michael Andretti. And he is...


...


...


...


...


wait for it...


...


...


...


...


no, really, wait for it...


...


...


...


...


JIMMIE JOHNSON.

NASCAR champ gon' kick all yo' asses! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

[SuperAguri]

As soon as he is faced with a right turn, he'll get confused and crash.

[dr-baker]

As soon as he is faced with a right turn, he'll get confused and crash.

No, it won't be quite like that. Every 90-degree right, he will turn 270-degrees to the left. Sorted!

[dinizintheoven]

As soon as he is faced with a right turn, he'll get confused and crash.

Reportedly, nobody at Team America thought that Ol' Jimmie's lack of experience in single-seaters and road courses was a problem. Still, at least he gets to start the 2013 season at his home race...

"What do y'all mean Phoenix ain't no oval?"

[dinizintheoven]

More freshly roasted news clippings straight from the oven

News from the Alps...

The bigwigs at Chrysler are reported to have said "we ain't developin' no engine for no crap-ass Euro-series, we got a company to rebuild! Hey, Mr O-bama, give us some of your commie librul government cash!" - completely forgetting that they are supplying an American team competing in a world series with races in the USA and Canada. Affected by this is the Monteverdi team, who have canned their Dodge V8 OHV engine in favour of taking the plunge with V12 power from the Japanese speciality tuners, HKS. Rumours that this is Carlo Chiti's old Subaru flat-12 bent into a V shape are completely unsubstantiated; HKS say it should be powerful enough to get Monteverdi challenging for podium positions. Meanwhile, over at EuroBrun, some light has been shed on their mysterious Austrian V12 engine, built by HTL Steyr but carrying the Neotech brand name. Unfortunately, the press release is in German, and EuroBrun's entire staff were too busy to translate it, being concerned with the pressing matter of finding some sponsors or facing the prospect of another revoltingly uncompetitive season.

Meanwhile, in Norfolk... the first of the 2013 cars breaks its cover!



(Success! I can make clickable images on this board. I am feeling very pleased with myself. So are Tony Fernandes and Mike Gascoyne...)

TF: "Hey, Mike, great job you've done there!"
MG: "Who'd have thought it could be so easy? The T127 might have been drawn on the back of a fag packet and cobbled together in a few days, but it's finally going to pay off!"
TF: "You mean... that's a recycled T127?"
MG: "It is, all I've done is taken off those last few silly flippy bits that we all thought were banned but weren't, gave the sidepods a bit of a trim, and Bob's your uncle!"
TF: "Actually, my uncle was called Faisal..."
MG: "Figure of speech, Tony!"
TF: "But do you really think it can win?"
MG: "Think about it; last year, someone left the plans for the Dallara GP2/08 lying around, next thing we know, all the cars look like it!"
TF: "I know, I had a look at them myself. And photocopied them for good measure."
MG: "The way I see it is, if that basic shape turns up again, we've got them all covered. It'll be a five-year-old GP2 car with a Formula 1 engine in the back, versus us with a three-year-old model that wasn't brilliantly fast but was at least a Formula 1 car in the first place!"
TF: "Right, I'd better find someone to drive it. Fairuz says he'll stay with us..."
MG: "What about Alex Yoong? He had some great races with Minardi last year."
TF: "But will he sign for us? We scored nothing last year... but I'll see if I can talk him into it."
MG: "With this car, tell him we'll be up the front and we'll trounce the competition in their old nails!"
(TF goes off to call Alex Yoong and see if he's interested in a drive with FTM. MG calls him back.)
MG: "Tony!"
TF: "What? I'm busy!"
MG: "I need to have another look at the blueprints for the car again. Have you seen them? I thought I put them in this drawer..."
TF: "Actually, I had a call the other day from a junior designer, who wants to join our team and learn from the best."
MG: "...who's this? I'm sure I'd have heard of him."
TF: "He didn't give his name. But, he had this odd habit of talking in bawdy chat-up lines."
MG: "How'd he ever pass his engineering exam?"
TF: No, really, he showed me a photo of his certificate. Even if it didn't seem to have a name on it. Or at least I couldn't read it."
MG: "...and did he have an odd, slightly Eastern European accent?"
TF: "I think he tried to say he was from Transylvania..."
MG: "...and did he have a mole on his top lip?"
TF: "...actually, yes!"
MG: "You know who that was, don't you?"
TF: "..."

TF & MG (realising what this means for the upcoming season): "OH... BATHPLUG!"

[dinizintheoven]

The F1RMGP Departure Lounge

Those who have left the series in 2011...




And those who left in 2012...




(Translation: "my mugshot gallery works, whether the images are hosted on my site or f1rejects.com...")

[dinizintheoven]

If it ain't broke...

...then don't fix it. Unless you're the Viking Racing team, in which case: "if it ain't broke, throw something at it." The team have just announced their catering staff for the 2013 season, and with several hundred Viking-sized appetites to satisfy, they've appointed the only people capable of being up to the job.

This lot.

Enjoy the ride.

[advent]

Hey Guy's Im Advent! Love this thread so much, I have to ask. Are people allowed to submit a team they would like to enter for the 2013? Would be nice to see how well teams that we'd have to run could do!! As I already have a idea for my team =]

Great Work, I love what you've done.

Regards Advent.

[tommykl]

Hey Guy's Im Advent! Love this thread so much, I have to ask. Are people allowed to submit a team they would like to enter for the 2013? Would be nice to see how well teams that we'd have to run could do!! As I already have a idea for my team =]

Great Work, I love what you've done.

Regards Advent.

There's already a thread for the 2013 season, and sadly we're not allowed to enter.

[advent]

Will there/ could there be a series we could enter?

Advent.

[tommykl]

Will there/ could there be a series we could enter?

Advent.

There are multiple series you can enter, just look for the right threads
Also, go to the HWNSNBM forum and introduce yourself in the stickied thread!

[dinizintheoven]

You could always... drop in a "Rumours section" at the end of the 2013 season, which will be either confirmed or denied by the Series Management. That's how DAMS, Neotech, Isuzu, HKS and the ludicrous Proton-Mechachrome W9 engine all ended up on the grid... and Dome are already lurking in the shadows.

And now, 2013 is GO! GO! GO!