F1 Rejects Microprose Grand Prix Series: the 2013 season

[dinizintheoven]

In the beginning, there was Microprose Grand Prix. It was launched in 1991. It was revived 20 years later and gave us the F1 Rejects Microprose Grand Prix Series, which was described as "epic". It returned for a second series which was "even more epic".

It's time to start the engines again as 40 cars take to the track for another 16 epic races of epic epicness...

...this time featuring clickable links so the cars can be EVEN BIGGER on your screen!


The F1 Rejects Microprose Grand Prix Series, 2013 season: The teams and drivers (part 1)



GARAGE #1: VIKING RACING




DRIVER: 2. JAN MAGNUSSEN (Denmark)
DRIVER: 3. ÞORVALDUR EINARSSON (Iceland)

CHASSIS: MJØLNER-02
ENGINE: Koenigsegg 2.4l V8, twin supercharged
HOME COUNTRY: Norway
TEAM PRINCIPALS: Odin, Stefan Johansson, Ragnar the Forkbearded

Viking Racing burst onto the F1RMGP scene in 2012, fuelled by Icelandic beer, ancient Norse bloodlust and a desire to treat their rivals on the track the way their ancestors did to the monks at Lindisfarne. And, had it not been for the intervention of Pierluigi Martini at the final race of last season, both titles would have been theirs. As it stands, Viking Racing took only the Constructors' Championship, with Jan Magnussen losing the Drivers' title to the magnificent HWNSNBM. However, the Dane more than proved he had what it takes to challenge right to the end, and has been rightly retained in the lead role, where he is joined again by exceptionally hairy (by F1 standards) Icelandic team mate, Þorvaldur Einarsson - a pole-sitter and race winner in his first season. Last year, this team was a complete unknown. This year, the rest of the grid knows why Viking Racing are at the business end of the grid. They'll be as sharp as their axes, and with the addition of the Regular Ordinary Swedish Meal Time crew as their official banqueting suppliers - with the not-so-secret weapon that is their magic mayonnaise - expect mayhem in the paddock, mayhem in the motorhome, mayhem on the track... and Mayhem on the stereo.



GARAGE #2: FORMULA ONE REJECTS MOTORSPORT




DRIVER: 8. JEAN-DENIS DÉLÉTRAZ (Switzerland)
DRIVER: 9. CHRIS DAGNALL (United Kingdom)

CHASSIS: F1R-13
ENGINE: Life 3.5l arrow-W12, normally aspirated
HOME COUNTRY: Australia
TEAM PRINCIPALS: Jamie McGregor, Enoch Law, HWNSNBM

It shouldn't have worked, should it? But you all know by now, it did. This team has won four of the five trophies available so far - the Constructors' Championship in 2011, plus both Drivers' titles and the 2012 Apertura were won by the legendary HWNSNBM. However, with the Hungarian retiring to give Jamie and Enoch a hand running the team, so that they might be able to make more than three podcasts in a year, there was a vacancy at this top team. After his performances for Toleman last year, the Scunny Scouser himself, Chris Dagnall, was signed soon after the end of the 2012 season. He won four races, which, had it not been for a lack of consistency and the car occasionally letting him down, might even have netted him the title. Now, with a genuine front-running car, along with his sponsorship (and shirt number!) from Scunthorpe United - and the tempting prospect of a year's free popcorn if he should win the Drivers' title, he should be a formidable opponent. In fact, the team are so confident of winning again this year with their new driver, and are even more representative of F1Rejects.com as a whole now, that they've taken to calling themselves "The Firm" after their new acronym (and with a definite nod to what the British Royal Family is sometimes known as). Oh, yes, Jean-Denis Délétraz has been retained despite not exactly covering himself in glory last year...



GARAGE #3: TEAM AMERICA F1! IN YOUR FACE!




DRIVER: 6. SCOTT SPEED (United States of America)
DRIVER: 7. JIMMIE JOHNSON (United States of America)

CHASSIS: USA=#1forever
ENGINE: Dodge 5.7l V8, OHV, normally aspirated
HOME COUNTRY: United States of America
TEAM PRINCIPALS: Peter Windsor, Ken Anderson, Colonel Harland D. Sanders III, Bill Gates, Donald Rumsfeld

America expects to win. At everything, all the time. And when America doesn't win, it's either due to terrorists or communists or people who hate America. So the intense bout of sour grapes on the part of Colonel Sanders (who we now know is a clone of the original founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken using technology originally developed in Nazi Germany) was probably not surprising, but even so, that the Colonel isn't entirely American meant most people thought he'd be the one to walk the plank for the team's slightly lacklustre performance last year, coming third in the standings. Instead, it was Uncle Sam who was sent packing, the way that God and the Pillsbury doughboy had previously been dispatched, and in his place comes Donald Rumsfeld, who knows more about defending America from those dang foreigners than anyone else, having served that role under two different Presidents. Any ideas that President Obama himself should be given the job were turned down because he's a Democrat, and therefore a communist, a Nazi and a terrorist all rolled into one. Driverwise, Scott Speed has kept his job despite visiting the podium only three times last year - at least one of those was a win, whereas the deposed Michael Andretti had two. Speed, though, did not embarrass the team by doing something thoroughly un-American and failing to qualify for the prestigious race at Spa. So as one Indy legend leaves, he is replaced by a driver from that most American of series - NASCAR! So, never mind that Jimmie Johnson is from Librulfornia, who cares that he's never raced single-seaters, it matters not that he is entirely unfamiliar with the concept of turning right, the fact is he's a five-time champion in a series which is overwhelmingly popular with those who vote Republican like proper patriotic, gun-wielding Americans, and that got him the drive. At least, with all that NASCAR experience, the crude Team America F1RMGP car might suit him more than a modern F1 car would...



GARAGE #4: GUINNESS TEAM TOLEMAN




DRIVER: 19. ALLAN McNISH (United Kingdom)
DRIVER: 20. RALPH FIRMAN (Republic of Ireland... allegedly)

CHASSIS: TG213
ENGINE: Renault 2.4l V8, normally aspirated
HOME COUNTRY: United Kingdom
TEAM PRINCIPALS: Ted Toleman, Seamus the Leprechaun

This season could have been so difficult for Toleman, losing their drivers and sponsorship at the end of 2012. They couldn't blame Rrrrrmmmnnn Grrrrjjjjnnn for wanting to make a better crack of it in the real world, but had hoped to hang onto Chris Dagnall. Unfortunately for them, the lure of the seat at F1 Rejects was too much for Daggers to be persuaded to stay, and with HWNSNBM actively involved in the transfer, it had the look of a coronation about it rather than there being anyone else in contention. But Ted Toleman is a resilient man, and has found a couple of new drivers. Allan McNish fled Mastercard Lola after a shocking 2012 season with the sinking team, and was only too pleased to get hold of a competitive car. Meanwhile, the announcement of Ralph Firman as the second driver brought in that much-needed sponsorship from Guinness, who were over the moon to see the first ever Irish driver in F1RMGP. That's even though Firman was born in Norwich and has an accent that's far more at home at the Henley Regatta than in the pubs and hostelries of Dublin. Even so, this is where the Irish support will be, and the sponsors have even painted the car to look like a pint of the black stuff. They couldn't get an Irish engine, but Renault will do fine for another season because that's one less problem for Ted Toleman to sort out. Jordan Grand Prix had a reputation for partying in their day, but the craic this team will have if they can win a race will surely put that in the shade. So it will.



GARAGE #5: SUPER AGURI FORMULA ONE




DRIVER: 4. YUJI IDE (Japan)
DRIVER: 5. MARCO APICELLA (Italy)

CHASSIS: SA13
ENGINE: Honda 2.4l V8, normally aspirated
HOME COUNTRY: Japan
TEAM PRINCIPAL: Aguri Suzuki

Banzai! No need for change at Super Aguri - all is calm on the Eastern front. The team moved up a place last year from sixth to fifth, Yuji Ide scored the team's first win in the opening race at Phoenix, and Marco Apicella proved to be a far more capable team mate than Kazuki Nakajima had ever threatened to be. Honda have ramped up the power in the V8 engine, which is smaller but far more modern than most of the other competitors' engines, so they're at no disadvantage there. Having seen off any challenge from the Toyota engine in the back of the execrable Stefan S-01, Honda will be determined to fight even harder for Japanese honours this season, with Isuzu and HKS joining the party, although they are hardly with frontline teams. And then there's Dome, first in line for a new entry in 2014 if one of the current teams should pack up and go home, which Aguri Suzuki is already concerned about. But in the face of all these potential new rivals, the car looks like it might be very handy and should see off some of the bigger boys this season. And the design is as swirly as it ever was.

[dinizintheoven]

The F1 Rejects Microprose Grand Prix Series, 2013 season: The teams and drivers (part 2)



GARAGE #6: FORTI CORSE... DO BRASIL!




DRIVER: 27. LUCA BADOER (Italy)
DRIVER: 28. ANDREA MONTERMINI (Italy)

CHASSIS: FG06
ENGINE: Ford do Brasil 2.3l inline-4, turbocharged
HOME COUNTRY: Brazil
TEAM PRINCIPAL: Pedro Diniz

Who could have seen that coming? Forti were on the crap side of useless in 2011, and then out of nowhere, burst forwards not just to qualify both cars for every race in 2012 (something only three teams did), not just to score points regularly, but even to win a race! See, that's what can be achieved with an old four-cylinder engine from a pickup truck, if the fuel is right (Petrobras did a fine job with their demon-strength bio-ethanol), if the driver is right (Pedro Diniz deciding to drive it himself was a masterstroke) and if the chassis is right (similar to the step up that the FG03 was over the hateful FG01). To add to this, it's now got a huge turbo whacked on it. All of this must have left Luca Badoer wondering what he had to do to get similar results to his team-mate-plus-boss, but Diniz' stellar efforts in 2012 in conjunction with The Great Numbers Game that followed Viking Racing's promotion to the smallest numbers of all, meant that former Ferrari driver Badoer landed himself with the most famous of all those numbers that ever sat on those red cars. The number 27 will be resplendent in yellow, green, blue and white this season; Badoer will be hoping to do it justice. He, and new team mate Andrea Montermini, freshly evacuated from the limping Fondmetal Team Malaysia, both need a fifth place or two sixths to escape eternal rejectification, and this car should allow them both to do that sooner rather than later.



GARAGE #7: AUTOMOBILES GONFARONAISES SPORTIVES




DRIVER: 17. GABRIELE TARQUINI (Italy)
DRIVER: 18. JOACHIM WINKELHOCK (Germany)

CHASSIS: JH30
ENGINE: MGN 3.5l arrow-W12, normally aspirated
HOME COUNTRY: France
TEAM PRINCIPAL: Henri Julien

Who could have seen that coming, part two? AGS in their original incarnation were tremendously terrible. AGS in their original F1RMGP guise were almost as bad, more often than not failing to make the cut. AGS in 2012 were the revelation of the midfield - the highest placed team not to win a race, but keeping the DNQs down to two and Gabriele Tarquini's sensational third place in front of his home crowd at Monza was something to write home to the shed in Gonfaron about. This year, AGS will be hoping for even more as the MGN W12 has had further time to develop, the Touring Car champions are ever more settled at their new home (or old, given that they both drove the JH23 in F1 in 1989), and the overwhelming sense of national pride that they derived from trouncing the "official" French squad will spur them onwards ever more. That, and there was that season-long rivalry with Scuderia Andrea Coloni, another team that had a sensational rise to the midfield, which they won in the end. This year, Henri Julien aims not just to beat Prost, but also Toleman - given that they're powered by a French engine, he wants AGS to be the highest placed representative of France of the whole grid. It's a testament to how well AGS have done that all they were given to think about over the winter was a potential livery problem caused by Toleman's switch to black - solved by a convenient tie-up with Les Pages Jaunes. They'll never be short of a plumber or plasterer ever again.



GARAGE #8: SCUDERIA ANDREA COLONI




DRIVER: 31. PEDRO CHAVES (Portugal)
DRIVER: 32. PERRY McCARTHY (United Kingdom)

CHASSIS: SAC7
ENGINE: Judd 3.5l V10, normally aspirated
HOME COUNTRY: Italy
TEAM PRINCIPALS: Andrea Sassetti, Enzo Coloni

Take two of the least successful teams in F1 history, who were rock-bottom of the pile in 1991 and 1992 respectively, put them in a blender, and what do you get? Somehow, success which was far greater than anyone could have predicted from the sum of its parts. F1RMGP 2011 looked to be more of the same for both teams, with three cars managing only five starts out of a possible 48, and only one of those was a Coloni. Pooling their resources for 2012, DNQs became the exception rather than the rule, with Pedro Chaves getting on the grid every race, and then pulling off a miraculous third place at that favourite drivers' circuit, Suzuka. All that rallying he's been doing must have done him a power of good. This made Perry McCarthy look like a bit of a deadbeat team mate in comparison, but the one driver who is even balder than Gabriele Tarquini has vowed to come back stronger. This year's car is a bit more Andrea and a bit less Coloni, but the team reverts to the numbers used by Coloni in 1989. That year, Pierre-Henri Raphanel (still marooned at ATS Rial in this series) qualified the #32 Coloni for the only time ever... and three years later, Roberto Moreno dragged his Andrea Moda onto the grid once and once only, never to be seen again. So Monaco is something of a favourite race for this team, but for the rest of the season, their target will be to beat AGS, who overhauled their points total right at the death last year. France versus Italy - who's your money on?



GARAGE #9: MONTEVERDI ONYX GRAND PRIX




DRIVER: 35. FABRIZIO BARBAZZA (Italy)
DRIVER: 36. GREGOR FOITEK (Switzerland)

CHASSIS: ORE-5
ENGINE: HKS 3.5l V12, normally aspirated
HOME COUNTRY: Switzerland
TEAM PRINCIPALS: Bertrand Gachot, a gold-framed and diamond-encrusted picture of Peter Monteverdi, A police mugshot of Jean-Pierre van Rossem

And so the Swiss cuckoo clock continues to be a bit... cuckoo. The occasionally and unexpectedly successful but disastrously disorganised F1 team morphed into its F1RMGP incarnation, never looked like being in genuine danger of dropping off the timesheets but never looking likely to trouble the scorers, until right at the end of the 2011 season. Then, in 2012, in only the second race came Fab Fab's fourth place, which was the first of more points finishes for the team, but they developed a tendency to DNQ more than they had before. Nobody really knew what the problem was, and while they fought valiantly with AGS and SAC for most of the season, they would ultimately end up last of the three. Still, they are determined to go forwards, have found new sponsorship with Swiss watches and have taken a huge amount of funding from that most famous brand of Swiss chocolate which has resulted in the first predominantly purple racing car since... those Silk Cut Jaguars of the late 1980s, maybe? Nobody really knows what will become of them this year, and despite the stability in the driver line-up, the biggest unknown quantity is the new V12 engine, built by the Japanese tuners, HKS. The company is known for its involvement in the D1 Grand Prix series for drifting... at least Monteverdi's new horde of Japanese fans (who aren't supporting Super Aguri) will have some flamboyant drivers to watch.



GARAGE #10: SIMTEK RESEARCH FORMULA ONE




DRIVER: 11. PAUL BELMONDO (France)
DRIVER: 12. TAKI INOUE (Japan)

CHASSIS: S131
ENGINE: Isuzu 3.5l V12, normally aspirated
HOME COUNTRY: United Kingdom
TEAM PRINCIPAL: Nick Wirth

How have the mighty fallen? Simtek's delightful first season of F1RMGP, in which Slim Borgudd scored them a win, was followed with an alarming slide backwards in 2012 that couldn't have been much worse if Taki Inoue had been up to his old tricks that he honed in F1 all those years ago. Instead, the beleagured Japanese managed only one points finish all season, and while Paul Belmondo must have been hoping for a lot more - having jumped into the race-winning seat that Borgudd vacated - he only scored twice. And that the team failed to qualify on five occasions, four of those being double failures in Germany and Australia, meant something had to give. Most of their musical sponsors walked out, those who had generously stayed on for another season even without Slim, and though they've managed to hang onto their drivers, they're another team who have been forced to take the plunge with a new engine manufacturer due to the complete withdrawal of the Ford Cosworth engines - Forti's Ford do Brasil powerplant being a completely separate operation. So, Simtek have teamed up with Isuzu, who have invested huge amounts of yen into their engine and have branded the cars so heavily that they promise to send them hurtling up the grid, and revive Taki Inoue's fortunes for all his fans in Japan (and maybe amongst Hungarian safety car drivers). The only question mark is, with Isuzu and Subaru being two parts of the same company (just ask any Coventry City fan from a few years ago), has this V12 been derived from Carlo Chiti's catastrophically terrible Subaru flat-12 that shot Coloni in the face back in 1990? We will soon see...

[dinizintheoven]

The F1 Rejects Microprose Grand Prix Series, 2013 season: The teams and drivers (part 3)



GARAGE #11: MINARDI FORMULA ONE TEAM




DRIVER: 23. PIERLUIGI MARTINI (Italy)
DRIVER: 24. ESTEBAN TUERO (Argentina)

CHASSIS: PS08
ENGINE: Motori Moderni 1.5l V6, twin turbocharged
HOME COUNTRY: Italy
TEAM PRINCIPALS: Giancarlo Minardi, Paul Stoddart

Into the second half of the paddock we delve, with everyone's favourite Italo-Aussie team that really needed to make some changes after last season, but, in all honesty... hasn't. They're still stuck with the underpowered and fragile Motori Moderni turbo which has not served them particularly well, as the Italian faction of the team don't want Paul Stoddart to get a thumping great Aussie V8 from Ford or Holden. It'd be crude, but as Team America and Monteverdi have showed with their big Yankee blocks, it might just work. Also, trying to remove Pierluigi Martini from the team requires a crowbar so huge that it hasn't been invented yet, so even though Alex Yoong scored all the team's points last year and Martini scored three more DNQs, it's Yoong who leaves the team (having taken the bait dangled in front of him by Tony Fernandes). And so, Martini teams up with the Argentinian prodigal son, Esteban Tuero - seen for one season in F1 when he was barely out of school and then... oblivion. Word is that he couldn't resist the chance to show what he could do in a single-seater series full of reject drivers, but in this car, will he really be able to show it? The nation's cattle farmers will all be watching.



GARAGE #12: MASTERCARD LOLA




DRIVER: 29. PLAMEN KRALEV (Bulgaria)
DRIVER: 30. RICARDO TEIXEIRA (Angola)

CHASSIS: T13/30
ENGINE: Dodge 5.7l V8, OHV, normally aspirated
HOME COUNTRY: United Kingdom
TEAM PRINCIPALS: Eric Broadley, Martin Birrane

Twelfth place in 2012 was revoltingly disappointing for the team which had hoped to banish the nightmare of 1997 once and for all. The Lola chassis was not what you'd call a dog, and the Ford Cosworth engine had a reasonable track record, so where did it all go wrong? Vincenzo Sospiri fluked a couple of ninth places, but that was all they had to shout about as they racked up twenty DNQs - the same number as Prost and EuroBrun, and a lot more than than the three teams directly below them in the standings. Allan McNish failed to qualify for the first ten races of the season and only finished once. Again, what happened? Nobody could find an answer, so nobody could plug the gaping hole in the hull of Lola's sinking ship. And as rats desert the ship, so did their two drivers, so did Pennzoil, so did Ford, but then they were going to anyway. At least they managed to salvage the clattery old Dodge V8s that Monteverdi left in a skip outside their factory, but the American parent company has told them that in maintenance terms they're a million miles behind Team America in their priorities. They've had to rely on a couple of pay drivers as well, as nobody else would touch this team with a barge pole - it is said that even Kazuki Nakajima turned them down! So they've had to go with the Fire King himself, Plamen Kralev, and one of the very few drivers ever to have DNQed in GP2, the Portuguese-but-sometimes-Angolan-when-he-brings-sponsorship driver, Ricardo Teixeira. Kralev said he was bringing sponsorship as well from the Bulgarian gas company Bulgargaz, but it turned out to be a wad of as many 100 lev notes as he could hold in one hand. It is going to be a long, hard slog for this team from here on...



GARAGE #13: OSELLA SQUADRA CORSE




DRIVER: 21. PIERCARLO GHINZANI (Italy)
DRIVER: 22. ANDREA CHIESA (Switzerland)

CHASSIS: FA1L mk.IV
ENGINE: Alfa Romeo 3.5l flat-12, normally aspirated
HOME COUNTRY: Italy
TEAM PRINCIPAL: Enzo Osella

Here is another team that desperately needs an injection of cash and talent, both in the driving and design departments. With Lola having such a torrid season in 2012, Osella really should have steamrollered them. But there were two main problems: one, Andrea Chiesa, who racked up a pitifully long string of DNQs and thus took himself out of the running for any points before the race had even started; and two, the Alfa Romeo engine, which would occasionally put Piercarlo Ghinzani in a strong position, only for it to come over all Italian and blast itself to smithereens. Ghinzani managed only one point for tenth place all season, and his lack of results due to the Alfa engine lunching itself with such appalling regularity are the main reason why Chiesa escaped Deadbeat Team Mate Of The Year - why he's been kept on for this season is a complete mystery. In an attempt to show that they're trying to move the team forward, Alfa Romeo have vastly increased their branding on the car (in stark contrast with them running away screaming from being associated with the original FA1L in 1988). This, in combination with the need to move away from a predominantly black livery (Toleman having had first dibs on that, and AGS second) has resulted in an eye-gougingly ugly patchwork of colours that even a blind man would recoil from. There could be grim times ahead.



GARAGE #14: LIFE RACING ENGINES




DRIVER: 39. BRUNO GIACOMELLI (Italy)
DRIVER: 40. GARY BRABHAM (Australia)

CHASSIS: L213
ENGINE: Life 3.5l arrow-W12, normally aspirated
HOME COUNTRY: Italy
TEAM PRINCIPAL: Ernesto Vita

We all know what happened to the original Life team in 1990. But, for the 2011 F1RMGP season, they looked to have found a way round their troubles and were on the way up. On the grid for every race, three points finishes, ain't Life grand. And then, it all came crashing down. Sure, Bruno Giacomelli scored a point for tenth at Phoenix, and then... double DNQ at Brazil, and the house of cards fell down. No more points, tons of retirements and a lot more DNQs including a run of five straight events where they were gone before the end of Friday. Back to the bad old days, then. Possibly it was because the Albanian sponsors weren't paying up their cash? Did it go to the Mafia, and if so, the Italian or Albanian version? There's no way they'll tell. Either way, the Albanian sponsors are still (somehow) on board, with only the slightest hint of Italian flavour from a trattoria in Monza that is running a catering van parked outside the Life motorhome. And those less trustworthy characters who may be watching, must be wondering why the cash that they may or may not have poured into the team has seen them slide ever further way from that other lot at the sharp end of the grid who are using the same engine. Signor Vita might want to watch his back at night...



GARAGE #15: FONDMETAL TEAM MALAYSIA




DRIVER: 15. ALEX YOONG (Malaysia)
DRIVER: 16. FAIRUZ FAUZY (Malaysia)

CHASSIS: FTM130
ENGINE: Proton-Mecachrome 2.3l arrow-W9, triple turbocharged
HOME COUNTRY: Malaysia
TEAM PRINCIPAL: Tony Fernandes

What you sow, Mr Fernandes, so you will reap. Abandoning the idea of building up a team from scratch in favour of taking over another one ("Lotus Team Pacific"... I ask you!) backfired quite spectacularly as Pacific's moderate success in 2011 turned into pointless disaster in 2012. Paul Belmondo at least has the good sense to decamp - albeit to Simtek, who were on the way down - and now, after the 2012 debacle, Andrea Montermini has followed suit and should finally be successful with Forti. With Fairuz Fauzy recruited last year to make the team more Malaysian, that has only increased as Alex Yoong has been coaxed away from an unspectacular but sort-of-rewarding drive with Minardi to join this all-Malaysian team. And, having been told by Renault to shove their team "où il n'ya pas beaucoup de soleil", due to the extreme lack of results, they've even got Malaysian engines now, as well... sort of. At least, they're being developed by Proton, but were bought from the French Mecachrome engineers who had decided the way forward was a W9 layout. This frankly bonkers idea is to the V6 turbo what Life and MGN's W12s are to the V8 - take a 1.5 litre V6, plonk another bank of cylinders on top, add a turbo on each of the three banks, and there you have it. Time will tell if it works or whether it will be a laughing stock; the team are pinning all their hopes on it being the former, seeing as their idea to use the Lotus T127 as the base for the FTM130 should have seen them right at the front, only a disguised HWNSNBM stole the blueprints, sold them to Sir Bernard Shekelslike and used the cash to fund what will undoubtedly be another successful season for The Firm. And that's how the same basic design found its way onto every car in the field...

[dinizintheoven]

The F1 Rejects Microprose Grand Prix Series, 2013 season: The teams and drivers (part 4)



GARAGE #16: ALLEZ LES BLEUS! PROST FORMULE UN




PILOTE: 25. OLIVIER GROUILLARD (France)
PILOTE: 26. PHILIPPE ALLIOT (France)

CHASSIS: AP08
MOTEUR: Peugeot 3.0l V10, normalement aspiré
PAYS DOMICILE: France
PRINCIPAUX D'ÉQUIPE: Professeur Alain Prost, Charles de Gaulle, Napoléon Bonaparte

Pas de points? Impossible!
Vingt fois échouer à qualifier? Mensonges!
Sept abandonnements? Tricheurs!
Meilleur arrivée onzième? Complot contre la République!
NOUS SOMMES LES MEILLEURS!
Champions d'F1RMGP en 2013? OUI!
Arrogant? Nous? NON!
VIVE LA REVOLUTION!
VIVE LA FRANCE!
Et nous dédaignons les autres "Françaises", les... boîtes de stinkyweed...

One day, they will learn. But I suspect today is not that day.



GARAGE #17: EUROBRUN RACING




DRIVER: 33. ENRICO BERTAGGIA (Italy)
DRIVER: 34. CLAUDIO LANGES (Italy)

CHASSIS: ER213
ENGINE: Neotech 3.5l V12, normally aspirated
HOME COUNTRY: Switzerland
TEAM PRINCIPAL: Walter Brun

For EuroBrun, it's more of the same... in more ways than one. For the two seasons of their F1RMGP existence they've never threatened to change their old F1 habits of rarely clearing the qualifying barrier, but as payback for their limp performance, the Series Management has whacked them with hefty numbers in the thirties - it seems that even here, low numbers should be reserved for teams that actually have a chance of being at the front of the grid. So the team is now in the disturbingly familiar setting of fielding cars bearing numbers 33 and 34, and Claudio Langes will need no reminders as to what happened the last time he had that number. Why he and Enrico Bertaggia have signed up for another season of torturously slow laps on a Friday afternoon just for the priviege of being lapped three or four times on the Saturday and that's if they're lucky, I suspect none of us will ever know... but is it better to be a F1RMGP driver than to not be in F1RMGP at all? The only roll of the dice that the team have had is to discard their Judd engine and see what the all-new Neotech V12 engine has to offer, which is seemingly the product of some kind of academic institution as opposed to an actual motor company. Nobody thought to point out that the prospect of powering their cars with an engine that might have been built by engineering undergraduates who were still hung over from a hard night's partying might scupper this team's chances before they'd even begun... or, maybe, they're the hard-working types who would never think of passing a joint round their rooms or staying up beyond ten at night. That's the gamble. Brun, Langes and Bertie had better hope it pays off. The vultures are circling, and Dome are ready to strike.



GARAGE #18: ATS RIAL RACING




DRIVER: 37. PIERRE-HENRI RAPHANEL (France)
DRIVER: 38. VOLKER WEIDLER (Germany)

CHASSIS: ARC-4
ENGINE: Volkswagen 2.9l VR6, TSI
HOME COUNTRY: Germany
TEAM PRINCIPAL: Günther "BÖSE!" Schmidt

Michael Schumacher and Sebastian Vettel may have been flying the flag high for German motorsport for the last 20 years, but nobody seems to have told Günther Schmidt. Knowing everything there is to know about alloy wheels won't get the team far if everything else is a mess, and everything about the gestält entity that is ATS Rial was wrong last year. The team usually duelled with Stefan Grand Prix for the honour of not having the worst car on the grid, and occasionally were so painfully slow as to be passed by stationary objects (Volker Weidler's disastrous outing at Monza was a case in point). So, for the entire season, Plan A would be for both cars to miss the cut by a long way on the Friday, and pack up and go home to the sound of the irascible team boss ranting and raving at anyone in earshot, especially his drivers who were usually powerless to do anything about it. Both are resigned to what is likely to be another season down in the dumps, and losing the venerable old Cosworth engine was an extra pain this team did not need. However, help has arrived in the unlikely form of a Volkswagen VR6 engine, purloined from a fifteen-year-old Golf that Mad Günther crashed into on his way home from a hard day's shouting, and heavily beefed up by emulating VW's own TSI technology - adding a small(ish) supercharger to boost the power at the bottom end of the rev range, then a huge turbo to take over when the supercharger runs out of puff. It might propel the ATS Rials up the grid, or it might shower every car that follows them with shards of shattered cylinder head or gearbox casing. Either way, if these two cars do get on the grid a bit more often, at least the 2013 livery isn't quite as vomit-inducing as the previous incarnation.



GARAGE #19: STEFAN GRAND PRIX




DRIVER: 13. KAZUKI NAKAJIMA (Japan)
DRIVER: 14. JACQUES VILLENEUE (Canada)

CHASSIS: S-03
ENGINE: Toyota 3.0l V12, normally aspirated
HOME COUNTRY: Serbia
TEAM PRINCIPAL: Zoran Stefanovic

Zoran Stefanovic finally got his dream - to run his own F1 team. Or, at least, in the F1RMGP series. And the result? Dead last. 32 entries, two starts, two retirements, and a car so terrifyingly off the pace that not even a F1 World Champion - albeit one who has lost the plot so badly that a Manchester United fan on the Kop would be easier to find - could drag any performance out of it. Unlucky for some, they say, the number 13 is - it certainly was for Kazuki Nakajima who was gone on Friday at every single race, although some would say that's about where his talent was expected to get him. But Stefanovic has refused to quit, and has attempted to wrench the team from the pit of despair they're mired in by obtaining a more powerful engine. Well, actually, he swiped it from the Toyota headquarters while the bigwigs weren't looking - it's the V12 engine that was supposed to power the TF101 hack car, but which was outlawed by the FIA. With no such interference in this series, this could be the answer to the team's horrific lack of pace. Toyota, stung by last year's performance, have noticeably reduced the size of their logo - Stefanovic repaliated by increasing the size of the Serbian crest on the rear wing, and his team logo. That is unlikely to have any effect on the car's pace, though, and it's going to be a monumental battle to qualify again, with being reduced to the kind of mess that Lola are in now the most likely outcome. Brace yourself for another thrashing, Jacques...



GARAGE #20: DRIOT-ARNOUX MOTORSPORT




DRIVER: 41. VINCENZO SOSPIRI (Italy)
DRIVER: 42. STÉPHANE SARRAZIN (France)

CHASSIS: GD-02
ENGINE: Renault 2.4l V8, normally aspirated
HOME COUNTRY: France
TEAM PRINCIPALS: Jean-Paul Driot, René Arnoux

And so we reach the new boys for 2013, in a story that Autosport actually got right. 18 years after the aborted F1 non-entry that was the GD-01, or as the team now refer to it, "the breeze block", DAMS have finally made it to the top category of motorsport. Jean-Paul Driot and René Arnoux have done a marvellous job to get the car ready for this season, and it's quite a looker - with the livery heavily inspired by the GD-01 and the general shape of the car being anything but. They've gathered even more French sponsorship than the legendarily arrogant Prost team, have swiped a French Renault engine from under the noses of Fondmetal Team Malaysia, and have found a willing French driver in the form of Stéphane Sarrazin - that his only F1 experience came in half a Grand Prix in 1999 where he ended up in the wall and spinning off it like a helicopter has not put them off - he is a capable driver in many other forms of motorsport as well. Seeing the writing on the wall at the Lola team that attempted to bring him into F1 and failed him horribly, Vincenzo Sospiri figured that he may as well jump ship to any other drive that was available, and thought DAMS was as good a shot at glory as any other. So, watch this space - you never know, they might pull out a blinder.

[dr-baker]

GARAGE #9: MONTEVERDI ONYX GRAND PRIX




DRIVER: 35. FABRIZIO BARBAZZA (Italy)
DRIVER: 36. GREGOR FOITEK (Switzerland)

With their Milka sponsorship, can we expect to see one of these drivers being dropped mid-season for the utterly rejectful Milka Duno , so a cheesy ad campaign can be launched?

[Barbazza]

It had better not be me! I'm loving the purple.

[Shizuka]

GARAGE #9: MONTEVERDI ONYX GRAND PRIX




DRIVER: 35. FABRIZIO BARBAZZA (Italy)
DRIVER: 36. GREGOR FOITEK (Switzerland)

With their Milka sponsorship, can we expect to see one of these drivers being dropped mid-season for the utterly rejectful Milka Duno , so a cheesy ad campaign can be launched?

You know what's funny? I just had some hazelnut Milka...

[dinizintheoven]

With their Milka sponsorship, can we expect to see one of these drivers being dropped mid-season for the utterly rejectful Milka Duno , so a cheesy ad campaign can be launched?

Non! Non, do you hear me? NON! I would rather go back to jail and share a cell with Ian Huntley than hire her! NON!

After all, Monteverdi are on the lookout for a huge haul of points, not a string of DNQs. Although it is rumoured that (due to all her lovely Venezuelan oil money) she was in line for a drive with Lola before The Fire King got the nod.

And talking of sponsors, it has just occurred to me that three teams are sponsored by French TV channels. That's going to make some interesting TV coverage.

The first race is on its way. Get ready for it!

[Salamander]

The F1 Rejects Microprose Grand Prix Series, 2013 season: The teams and drivers (part 4)



GARAGE #16: ALLEZ LES BLEUS! PROST FORMULE UN




PILOTE: 25. OLIVIER GROUILLARD (France)
PILOTE: 26. PHILIPPE ALLIOT (France)

CHASSIS: AP08
MOTEUR: Peugeot 3.0l V10, normalement aspiré
PAYS DOMICILE: France
PRINCIPAUX D'ÉQUIPE: Professeur Alain Prost, Charles de Gaulle, Napoléon Bonaparte

Pas de points? Impossible!
Vingt fois échouer à qualifier? Mensonges!
Sept abandonnements? Tricheurs!
Meilleur arrivée onzième? Complot contre la République!
NOUS SOMMES LES MEILLEURS!
Champions d'F1RMGP en 2013? OUI!
Arrogant? Nous? NON!
VIVE LA REVOLUTION!
VIVE LA FRANCE!
Et nous dédaignons les autres "Françaises", les... boîtes de stinkyweed...

One day, they will learn. But I suspect today is not that day.

This is officially my favourite team.

[dinizintheoven]

The official calendar

Qualifying on Friday, race on Saturday, nothing to interrupt a good roast dinner on Sunday. The calendar's been juggled around a bit to make travel arrangements a bit easier.

Phoenix, USA: 9 March
Mexico City, Mexico: 23 March
Interlagos, Brazil: 6 April
Imola, not in San Marino: 27 April
Monte Carlo, Monaco: 11 May
Montreal, Canada: 1 June
Magny-Cours, France: 29 June
Silverstone, Great Britain: 13 July
Hockenheim, Germany: 27 July
Hungaroring, Hungary: 10 August
Spa-Francorchamps, Belgium: 24 August
Monza, Italy: 7 September
Estoril, Portugal: 21 September
Barcelona, Spain: 5 October
Suzuka, Japan: 19 October
Adelaide, Australia: 2 November

[dinizintheoven]

And it's nearly time for the 2013 season to kick off! But first of all, we must work out the Apertura seedings. Yes, there is going to be another one held over this year's first four races.

(NA) HWNSNBM - moved upstairs at F1RM
(1) Magnussen
(NA) Andretti - gone back to 'Mericuh!
(2) Dagnall
(3) Einarsson
(4) Ide
(5) Speed
(6) Délétraz
(NA) Grrrrjjjjnnn - back to the real world
(7) Apicella
(NA) Diniz - gone back upstairs where he came from
(8) Badoer
(9) Chaves
(10) Tarquini
(11) Barbazza
(12) Belmondo
(13) Yoong
(14) Winkelhock
(15) Sospiri
(16) Foitek

Right... with that done, it's over to James Walker and Murray Hunt in the commentary box, with expert analysis by Marktin Brundell afterwards. And it's GO! GO! GO!

Round 1: Phoenix, USA
Saturday, 9 March 2013

THE GRID

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1 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking         1'32.643
2 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking         1'33.183
3 –    32 P. McCarthy     SAC            1'33.227
4 –    35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi     1'33.618
5 –    7  J. Johnson      Team America   1'34.446
6 –    8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM           1'34.630
7 –    19 A. McNish       Toleman        1'34.679
8 –    11 P. Belmondo     Simtek         1'34.721
9 –    33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun       1'34.855
10 –   28 A. Montermini   Forti          1'34.900
11 –   17 G. Tarquini     AGS            1'34.940
12 –   6  S. Speed        Team America   1'34.988
13 –   20 R. Firman       Toleman        1'35.072

Code: Select all

14 –   18 J. Winkelhock   AGS            1'35.171
15 –   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun       1'35.427
16 –   36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi     1'35.471
17 –   24 E. Tuero        Minardi        1'35.513
18 –   5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri    1'35.600
19 –   27 L. Badoer       Forti          1'35.777
20 –   26 P. Alliot       Prost          1'35.911
21 –   25 O. Grouillard   Prost          1'35.954
22 –   12 T. Inoue        Simtek         1'36.221
23 –   31 P. Chaves       SAC            1'36.539
24 –   41 V. Sospiri      DAMS           1'36.922
25 –   9  C. Dagnall      F1RM           1'36.932
26 –   4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri    1'37.326

Code: Select all

---------------- DID NOT QUALIFY ----------------
DNQ –  22 A. Chiesa       Osella         1'37.374
DNQ –  23 P. Martini      Minardi        1'37.414
DNQ –  38 V. Weidler      ATS Rial       1'37.416
DNQ –  16 F. Fauzy        FTM            1'37.906
DNQ –  14 J. Villeneuve   Stefan         1'38.068
DNQ –  39 B. Giacomelli   Life           1'38.211
DNQ –  37 P-H. Raphanel   ATS Rial       1'38.652

Code: Select all

DNQ –  40 G. Brabham      Life           1'38.742
DNQ –  29 P. Kralev       Lola           1'38.870
DNQ –  42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS           1'39.126
DNQ –  30 R. Teixeira     Lola           1'39.534
DNQ –  13 K. Nakajima     Stefan         no time
DNQ –  15 A. Yoong        FTM            no time
DNQ –  21 P. Ghinzani     Osella         no time

Business as usual at the front of the grid, then... or is it? The Vikings are there. We expected them to be. Team America are there or there abouts, even if Jimmie Johnson was the higher qualifier, and we weren't expecting that - a great start for the multiple NASCAR champ away from ovals for the first time since he was a nipper But what happened to The Firm? Sure, Jean-Denis Délétraz managed sixth, about average for him last year, but what is Chris Dagnall - their new star signing, don't forget - doing on the back row? There's a disaster if I ever saw one. Instead, the stars of the show up front were Perry McCarthy, finally putting in a performance for SAC that we knew he was capable of last year, Fabrizio Barbazza in the new purple Monteverdi giving HKS a fine start to their engine-building career, and - incredibly - Enrico Bertaggia sticking his EuroBrun in ninth! With Claudio Langes 15th as well, that's none too shabby by their previous standards and the people at HTL Steyr will be very proud of their Neotech engine in the back of that EuroBrun. Allan McNish, the regular non-qualifier of 2012, and rookie Ralph Firman won't be too annoyed at 7th and 13th in the all-new Guinness-sponsored Toleman, Paul Belmondo made a great start to Simtek's rebuilding process (even if Inoue didn't), Esteban Tuero will be rather chuffed to have made it onto the grid in a single seater for the first time in 14 years, and Prost made an excellent start to their season just be qualifying. New boys DAMS at least managed to get one car onto the grid. The big losers, you'd have to say, were Super Aguri - Marco Apicella only managing 18th and Yuji Ide barely making it into last place by the skin of his teeth to keep their DNQ-free record intact... just. I remind you he won this race last year. I've mentioned Chris Dagnall already... he needs me to say no more. Amongst the DNQs, which now require fourteen cars to pack up and go home on the Friday evening, we have one Minardi, one DAMS, and both cars from Osella (that's not gone well), ATS Rial (no surprise there), Stefan (nor there), Life (just like the end of last season), Lola (told you they'd be crap) and FTM. The last of these will be particularly irritating as the team that thought they'd beat everyone this year, and who accidentally provided their design to the rest of the field, are languishing at the back of the pack again, and that Mecachrome W9 isn't looking particularly handy. Certainly not in Alex Yoong's car, where it steadfastly refused to start. Still, could be worse... the Alfa Romeo engine in Piercarlo Ghinzani's Osella spontaneously set itself on fire in the garage. As for Kazuki Nakajima? He went to the Phoenix International Raceway instead. D'oh.



CLASSIFICATION

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1 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti          81   2h 16'23.982
2 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking         81   2h 16'39.744
3 –    6  S. Speed        Team America   81   2h 17'10.543
4 –    5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri    80   + 1 lap            
5 –    17 G. Tarquini     AGS            80   + 1 lap            
6 –    34 C. Langes       EuroBrun       80   + 1 lap            
7 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking         80   + 1 lap            
8 –    26 P. Alliot       Prost          80   + 1 lap            
9 –    11 P. Belmondo     Simtek         80   + 1 lap            
10 –   25 O. Grouillard   Prost          80   + 1 lap            
11 –   9  C. Dagnall      F1RM           79   + 2 laps            
12 –   20 R. Firman       Toleman        79   + 2 laps            
13 –   12 T. Inoue        Simtek         79   + 2 laps

Code: Select all

14 –   31 P. Chaves       SAC            79   + 2 laps            
15 –   7  J. Johnson      Team America   79   + 2 laps            
16 –   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun       79   + 2 laps            
17 –   41 V. Sospiri      DAMS           79   + 2 laps            
18 –   35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi     79   + 2 laps            
19 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC            77   + 4 laps            
20 –   18 J. Winkelhock   AGS            69   transmission            
21 –   28 A. Montermini   Forti          51   overheating            
22 –   36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi     48   engine            
23 –   8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM           47   electrics            
24 –   4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri    30   suspension            
25 –   19 A. McNish       Toleman        15   overheating            
26 –   24 E. Tuero        Minardi        14   spun off

And the Brazilians in the crowd are going ab...so...lutely... ECSTATIC! So are the Forti team! So is Pedro Diniz! So are the people at Ford do Brasil! But most of all, bouncing around like a lunatic, with all the dreadful memories of the Nürburgring and those two outings for Ferrari forgotten, is Luca Badoer! An amazing race from the Italian, who sliced his way through the field like a razor across an emo's wrists, and with a couple of inspired calls from the team on where to pit, out there he was in front at the end, despite being hunted down at a furious pace by a raging Viking in the last few laps... but Badoer was too far ahead. Þorvaldur Einarsson and Scott Speed were the only cars left on the lead lap, Marco Apicella being passed right at the death, though he had done a superb job for Super Aguri from the position he started in. Jan Magnussen would be disappointed at the end, Gabriele Tarquini would be satisfied, but absolutely over the moon and in with the Forti team in wild celebrations - Claudio Langes and EuroBrun! His first points, their first points, Neotech's first points, even a step towards unrejectification! They'll be drinking a lot of Jägermeister in the paddock, that's for sure. A word for Isuzu, as well, with two points on the board courtesy of Paul Belmondo in the Simtek - and let's not forget the Prosts. Two miserable seasons endured by the team, no points, plenty of DNQs - until now, with a double points finish! Olivier Grouillard had to use all his blocking techniques to fend off Chris Dagnall in the much faster F1RM car; respite came on the final lap when Luca Badoer came up behind them both, out came the blue flags, and Badoer wedged himself between the two as they crossed the finish line. Daggers was annoyed, but after taking far too long to hack through the field he really had nobody to blame but himself. Spare a thought for the fallen, though. Perry McCarthy spent three entire laps in the pits after a wildly spinning Esteban Tuero sliced his rear wing clean off - the Argentinian retired on the spot, taking Reject Of The Race in the process, while SAC changed the wing and had an extended test session. Jimmie Johnson found the right-angled corners hard going on more than one lap, and sank through the field like a stone. Ralph Firman had a bit of rust to shake off as well, and neither could Fabrizio Barbazza cash in on his stunning qualifying as his HKS engine started to misfire. He was lucky, though... Gregor Foitek's blew up completely, so there are some teething troubles for HKS to sort out. And the final word to the legendary Phoenix heat; it claimed the scalps of Andrea Montermini and Allan McNish, whose cars were left by the side of the track in clouds of steam. Monty, at least, will have been glad to have escaped his fate at Fondmetal Team Malaysia, and at least has the stunning performance of his new team-mate as a benchmark for what he will need to live up to.



DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP

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1 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti           25
2 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking          18
3 –    6  S. Speed        Team America    15
4 –    5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri     12
5 –    17 G. Tarquini     AGS             10
6 –    34 C. Langes       EuroBrun        8
7 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking          6
8 –    26 P. Alliot       Prost           4
9 –    11 P. Belmondo     Simtek          2
10 –   25 O. Grouillard   Prost           1

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP

Code: Select all

1 –   Forti          25
2 –   Viking         24
3 –   Team America   15
4 –   Super Aguri    12
5 –   AGS            10
6 –   EuroBrun       8
7 –   Prost          5
8 –   Simtek         2

APERTURA: FIRST ROUND

(1) Magnussen (7th) v (16) Foitek (DNF)
(2) Dagnall (11th) v (15) Sospiri (17th)
(3) Einarsson (2nd) v (14) Winkelhock (DNF)
(4) Ide (DNF) v (13) Yoong (DNQ)
(5) Speed (3rd) v (12) Belmondo (9th)
(6) Délétraz (DNF, 47 laps) v (11) Barbazza (18th)
(7) Apicella (4th) v (10) Tarquini (5th)
(8) Badoer (1st) v (9) Chaves (14th)

Quarter Finals line-up:
(1) Magnussen v (9) Chaves
(2) Dagnall v (7) Apicella
(3) Einarsson v (11) Barbazza
(4) Ide v (5) Speed

[SuperAguri]

What an exciting start to the seasonm if only there was live streamed footage of the race and of Luca Badoer jumping up and down on the podium. I can hear Murray going "Badoer, comes through the final corner with Einarsson and Speed desperately trying to find a way past, there is Apicella and it looks like he will be lapped, I shall be quiet until badoer crosses the finish line as I do not want to be the messenger of death, but he does cross the finish line, Badoer winnnnnns the American GP at Phoenix, he wil be very happy with that, Einarsson and Speed complete the podium and Apicella despite being lapped comes in 4th" with Hunt going "What a fantastic start to the season.",

Glad that my predictions for engines have come through, now I have three teams to support. Super Aguri, the Monteverdi (HKS) and Simtek (Isuzu) Can't wait for Dome to come onto the scene

(4) Ide (DNF) v (13) Yoong (DNQ) was the best result, bet some of the finishers esp Tarquini that were knocked out were happy about that

Although surely the Dodge 5.7l V8 is breaking some displacement rules, or at least the teams running it should be making a lot more pit stops...

Driver of the race must be Badoer for his great 19th to win

[dinizintheoven]

Glad that my predictions for engines have come through, now I have three teams to support. Super Aguri, the Monteverdi (HKS) and Simtek (Isuzu) Can't wait for Dome to come onto the scene

...keep an eye on that one. Dome may be doing some testing in a hack car. The choice of engine is likely to be what causes the delay, because with four Japanese engines available (don't forget the Toyota V12 being used to no effect by Stefan), they're going to have to make sure of getting the right choice.

(4) Ide (DNF) v (13) Yoong (DNQ) was the best result, bet some of the finishers esp Tarquini that were knocked out were happy about that

There was an event last season where one DNQ beat another by virtue of having DNQed by less of a margin to the 26th qualifier than the other...

Although surely the Dodge 5.7l V8 is breaking some displacement rules, or at least the teams running it should be making a lot more pit stops...

That's because there are no regulations, in effect. USGP (as they were) and Dodge announced what they'd be doing to the Series Management ahead of the 2011 season, supplying a big, lazy pushrod V8 that produces almost the same amount of power as a modern Honda V8 half its size (e.g the one used to little effect by Messrs Button and Barrichello in 2007-08); when the Series Management had stopped laughing and picked themselves up off the floor, they said "yes, of course you can use this engine..."

...somehow, though, it worked - and of course, Monteverdi got wind of that for the 2012 season knowing it had always been the original team's intention to run a Chrysler V8. This only required them to change the badge. Now Lola have got their hands on it, and you can see what good it has done them...

[SuperAguri]

Surely Dome would use a Mugen or Honda based engine? Or maybe Mitsubishi will enter the fray?

What is the Team America car made of? Polystyrene blocks, balsa wood and unicorn tears? Simple physics would show that the Team America car would have to stop at least twice as much due to the fuel being burnt off, a large fuel tank would add seconds to the time...

[dinizintheoven]

Round 2: Mexico City, Mexico
Saturday, 23 March 2013

THE GRID

Code: Select all

1 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM           1'25.244
2 –    19 A. McNish       Toleman        1'25.726
3 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking         1'25.876
4 –    4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri    1'26.008
5 –    8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM           1'26.233
6 –    5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri    1'26.422
7 –    20 R. Firman       Toleman        1'26.423
8 –    28 A. Montermini   Forti          1'26.494
9 –    36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi     1'26.908
10 –   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun       1'27.226
11 –   27 L. Badoer       Forti          1'27.412
12 –   31 P. Chaves       SAC            1'27.543
13 –   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek         1'27.717

Code: Select all

14 –   17 G. Tarquini     AGS            1'28.045
15 –   26 P. Alliot       Prost          1'28.130
16 –   23 P. Martini      Minardi        1'28.231
17 –   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun       1'28.270
18 –   2  J. Magnussen    Viking         1'28.234
19 –   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS           1'28.680
20 –   6  S. Speed        Team America   1'28.950
21 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC            1'28.951
22 –   7  J. Johnson      Team America   1'29.309
23 –   35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi     1'29.443
24 –   24 E. Tuero        Minardi        1'29.544
25 –   14 J. Villeneuve   Stefan         1'29.667
26 –   16 F. Fauzy        FTM            1'29.763

Code: Select all

---------------- DID NOT QUALIFY ----------------
DNQ –  18 J. Winkelhock   AGS            1'29.979
DNQ –  22 A. Chiesa       Osella         1'29.982
DNQ –  38 V. Weidler      ATS Rial       1'30.076
DNQ –  15 A. Yoong        FTM            1'30.173
DNQ –  25 O. Grouillard   Prost          1'30.337
DNQ –  21 P. Ghinzani     Osella         1'30.479
DNQ –  13 K. Nakajima     Stefan         1'30.488

Code: Select all

DNQ –  37 P-H. Raphanel   ATS Rial       1'30.491
DNQ –  39 B. Giacomelli   Life           1'30.666
DNQ –  30 R. Teixeira     Lola           1'30.708
DNQ –  41 V. Sospiri      DAMS           1'30.980
DNQ –  29 P. Kralev       Lola           1'31.524
DNQ –  12 T. Inoue        Simtek         1'31.659
DNQ –  40 G. Brabham      Life           1'31.669

F1 Rejects, Viking Racing, Toleman and Super Aguri up the front again. Anything unusual about that? Only the bizarre lack of performance from almost-champion Jan Magnussen, who had an inexplicable off-day and ended up 18th. Other than that it was situation normal at the front, Chris Dagnall taking the pole from what is certainly Allan McNish's best qualifying performance in this championship - not hard given last year's machinery. After the highs of Phoenix, Forti might be a bit miffed at 8th and 11th, but certainly not miffed were Gregor Foitek, blasting his Monteverdi team-mate into the weeds for once, and Enrico Bertaggia, not used to putting a EuroBrun in tenth - although what Claudio Langes proved in Phoenix is that there's a lot more speed in this car than there's ever been before, so maybe we shouldn't be so surprised. It's the likes of SAC, Simtek, AGS and Prost in the midfield - although three of those have only one car on the grid; Jan Magnussen has already been mentioned, and he was joined in having a terrible day by Team America; 20th and 22nd for a front-running team? What's going on there? Maybe they and their paymasters are uncomfortable at being in Mexico. At the back, though, Esteban Tuero ensured Minardi would get both cars on the grid, Fairuz Fauzy made it in by two tenths of a second, and it's party time in Serbia - Jacques Villeneuve dragged his Stefan onto the grid! First of the non-qualifiers and thoroughly fed up with his day's work was Joachim Winkelhock, who does not expect to be in such a jam, but at least he can be less incensed with his DNQ than Taki Inoue, who was so slow that he only had Gary Brabham in the Life behind him! He blamed the new Isuzu engine, but Paul Belmondo had already used it to get in the top half of the grid. No excuses, Taki. Other teams who lost one car were FTM, Prost, Stefan (although at least Kazuki Nakajima turned up this time...) and DAMS - this time it was Vincenzo Sospiri's turn to fall, but they'll get there eventually. But it's thank you and goodnight to Osella, ATS Rial, Life and Lola who will all take no further part in this weekend.



CLASSIFICATION

Code: Select all

1 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking         69   1h 42'48.746
2 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM           69   1h 43'04.683
3 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking         69   1h 43'23.737
4 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti          69   1h 43'25.540
5 –    17 G. Tarquini     AGS            69   1h 43'34.496
6 –    33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun       69   1h 43'52.170
7 –    34 C. Langes       EuroBrun       69   1h 43'52.258
8 –    5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri    69   1h 44'23.667
9 –    4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri    68   + 1 lap
10 –   8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM           68   + 1 lap
11 –   26 P. Alliot       Prost          68   + 1 lap
12 –   19 A. McNish       Toleman        68   + 1 lap
13 –   31 P. Chaves       SAC            68   + 1 lap

Code: Select all

14 –   28 A. Montermini   Forti          68   + 1 lap
15 –   6  S. Speed        Team America   68   + 1 lap
16 –   7  J. Johnson      Team America   67   + 2 laps
17 –   35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi     67   + 2 laps
18 –   20 R. Firman       Toleman        67   + 2 laps
19 –   24 E. Tuero        Minardi        67   + 2 laps
20 –   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS           67   + 2 laps
21 –   16 F. Fauzy        FTM            66   + 3 laps
22 –   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek         66   + 3 laps
23 –   14 J. Villeneuve   Stefan         65   + 4 laps
24 –   36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi     48   engine
25 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC            47   chassis
26 –   23 P. Martini      Minardi        34   spun off

All right, Daggers, so you've put the near-DNQ in Phoenix behind you, but behind you is where you should have looked! Þorvaldur Einarsson jumped out from behind the Scunny Scouser at the lights, and was off into the distance before you could say "hairier than a troll" for what was a thoroughly deserved almost-lights-to-flag victory. Daggers did at least manage to hold off the other Viking, though - Jan Magnussen reversed his poor form in qualifying to scythe through the field and take third, passing Luca Badoer on the last lap. 18 points for Daggers (and a measly one for Délétraz) opens F1RM's account for the year - but the Vikings have already taken a healthy lead that looks very ominous for the rest of the year. AGS have made a superb start as well with Gabriele Tarquini coming in fifth again, but if Phoenix was a huge cause for celebration then we'll need a crowbar to separate the EuroBrun team from a whole crate of tequila! This was their first ever double points finish, coming in 6th and 7th, almost crossing the limne together, which puts Enrico Bertaggia a step towards unrejectification and the team on an almost unthinkable 22 points - third in the Constructors' Championship! They even beat both Super Aguris by half a minute - which we only saw because Þorvaldur Einarsson slowed at the finish line, allowing Marco Apicella to unlap himself (when he really didn't want to). Prost miss out on points this time, with the sole car driven by Philippe Alliot; behind him, Allan McNish, who was caught napping off the start line even worse than Chris Dagnall was, and steadily sank through the field to convert a front row grid slot into no points and a lap down. Ralph Firman couldn't do any better, and these may be tough times ahead for Toleman, as feared in the pre-season analysis. McNish escapes Reject Of The Race, though - that goes to Team America who were lacklustre in qualifying, and absolutely nowhere in the race. Have the mighty fallen? Consider that Scott Speed made the podium in his home race, that really puts their sudden slump into perspective. At least Toleman haven't fallen so far. Further back, a salute must go to Stéphane Sarrazin, driving his first race in the new DAMS - he managed to bring the car home in 20th place, three laps down, and Jacques Villeneuve somehow managed to get the perilously slow Stefan to the finish line - which is their first finish, and they've had a whole season of trying...



DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP

Code: Select all

1 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking          43
2 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti           37
3 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking          21
4 –    17 G. Tarquini     AGS             20
5 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM            18
6 –    5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri     16
7 –    6  S. Speed        Team America    15
8 –    34 C. Langes       EuroBrun        14
9 –    33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun        8
10 –   26 P. Alliot       Prost           4
11 =   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek          2
11 =   4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri     2

Code: Select all

13 =   25 O. Grouillard   Prost           1
13 =   8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM            1

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP

Code: Select all

1 –   Viking         64
2 –   Forti          37
3 –   EuroBrun       22
4 –   AGS            20
5 –   F1RM           19
6 –   Super Aguri    18
7 –   Team America   15
8 –   Prost          5
9 –   Simtek         2

APERTURA: QUARTER FINALS

(1) Magnussen (3rd) v (8) Badoer (4th) - corrected! Cheers to DanielPT...
(2) Dagnall (2nd) v (7) Apicella (8th)
(3) Einarsson (1st) v (11) Barbazza (17th)
(4) Ide (9th) v (5) Speed (15th)

Semi Finals line-up:
(1) Magnussen v (4) Ide
(2) Dagnall v (3) Einarsson

[DanielPT]

(1) Magnussen (3rd) v (9) Chaves (13th)

It is true that the semi-final line-up is still the same, but nevertheless Chaves lost in the first round against Badoer.

(8) Badoer (1st) v (9) Chaves (14th)

[dinizintheoven]

Well spotted! Good job that mistake wasn't allowed to propagate... fixed it, now.

[DanielPT]

Well spotted! Good job that mistake wasn't allowed to propagate... fixed it, now.

I still have preferred to have Chaves as a winner!

It looks like SAC is more or less in the same position as last year. Hopefully, they can obtain that odd result!

[TomWazzleshaw]

*Waves Scunthorpe United flags and blows airhorn*

He better win the championship this year. I don't want this popcorn for much longer

[dinizintheoven]

*Waves Scunthorpe United flags and blows airhorn*

Daggers has been scoring for The Iron recently as well. Pity they're only equalisers or consolation goals at the moment... 20th in the division, I know it's only August (for another day) but we will not stand for a second successive relegation! Or it'll be a week's worth of vuvuzela concertos for the lot of them!

[dinizintheoven]

...and now, to drown out that infernal droning...

Round 3: Interlagos, Brazil
Saturday, 6 April 2013

THE GRID

Code: Select all

1 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking         1'24.461
2 –    5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri    1'25.037
3 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking         1'26.129
4 –    25 O. Grouillard   Prost          1'26.173
5 –    18 J. Winkelhock   AGS            1'26.292
6 –    17 G. Tarquini     AGS            1'26.917
7 –    12 T. Inoue        Simtek         1'27.507
8 –    20 R. Firman       Toleman        1'27.590
9 –    11 P. Belmondo     Simtek         1'27.625
10 –   41 V. Sospiri      DAMS           1'27.721
11 –   35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi     1'27.755
12 –   9  C. Dagnall      F1RM           1'27.970
13 –   13 K. Nakajima     Stefan         1'28.102

Code: Select all

14 –   27 L. Badoer       Forti          1'28.134
15 –   4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri    1'28.142
16 –   8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM           1'28.222
17 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC            1'28.430
18 –   26 P. Alliot       Prost          1'28.605
19 –   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS           1'28.645
20 –   6  S. Speed        Team America   1'28.932
21 –   28 A. Montermini   Forti          1'29.144
22 –   7  J. Johnson      Team America   1'29.270
23 –   15 A. Yoong        FTM            1'29.604
24 –   29 P. Kralev       Lola           1'29.649
25 –   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun       1'29.860
26 –   16 F. Fauzy        FTM            1'30.064

Code: Select all

---------------- DID NOT QUALIFY ----------------
DNQ –  19 A. McNish       Toleman        1'30.186
DNQ –  14 J. Villeneuve   Stefan         1'30.519
DNQ –  31 P. Chaves       SAC            1'30.659
DNQ –  33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun       1'30.813
DNQ –  36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi     1'30.982
DNQ –  30 R. Teixeira     Lola           1'31.116
DNQ –  39 B. Giacomelli   Life           1'31.529

Code: Select all

DNQ –  23 P. Martini      Minardi        1'31.576
DNQ –  37 P-H. Raphanel   ATS Rial       1'31.903
DNQ –  38 V. Weidler      ATS Rial       1'31.936
DNQ –  22 A. Chiesa       Osella         1'32.324
DNQ –  21 P. Ghinzani     Osella         1'32.524
DNQ –  24 E. Tuero        Minardi        1'32.539
DNQ –  40 G. Brabham      Life           no time

Maggie, the One-Corner Wonder and the Thunder God in first, second and third. Boring. Let's cut straight to the juicy bit: no, your eyes do not deceive you, that is Kazuki Nakajima, not just making his first appearance on the grid since he drove (badly) for Super Aguri in 2011, that is him putting in the best qualifying performance ever for a Stefan... making the top half of the grid! He's even got Chris Dagnall just in front of him! Nobody else could bring themselves to believe it either, least of all the Stefan team's biggest rival, Günther Schmidt. It was said that his howls of protest could be heard from Buenos Aires, and his red face lit up the evening sky... in between German obscenities could be made out something about an illegal nitrous kit. Explain, then, how Jacques Villeneuve was so far back and missed the chance to have two Stefans on the grid, then, Günther! Back to the job in hand... Olivier Grouillard, Joachim Winkelhock and Taki Inoue answered their critics in fine style, bouncing back from DNQs in Mexico to line up fourth, fifth and seventh respectively - Smokin' Jo was happy to have his bald team-mate behind him. Paul Belmondo managed ninth, to show the world that Simtek might be on the right track again. Yuji Ide had another horrow show, dropping to 15th, and the Fortis weren't much better - 14th and 21st for the team that won the first race? What's gone on there? Sandwiching Andrea Montermini, it was a case of déjà vu for Team America, Speed and Johnson again lining up 20th and 22nd for the second race in succession. DAMS had reason to celebrate, getting both cars onto the grid, as did FTM, and look - there's the Fire King making his first race start for Lola, in 24th. But... it was back down to earth with a bang for EuroBrun, Langes barely scraping onto the grid and Enrico Bertaggia not making it at all after his Neotech engine misfired. Gregor Foitek was back to his bad old ways again, and Pedro Chaves dropped out on a Friday for the first time since driving the old Coloni in 2011. The biggest loser of them all, though, was Allan McNish - qualifying second in Mexico, something went horribly wrong... maybe the team put Guinness in the fuel tank? That's the only explanation I can come up with for him failing to qualify, something he was all too familiar with at Lola last year. Seeing a Lola on the grid instead of him did not go down well with the Scottish Le Mans winner. Minardi, Life, ATS Rial and Osella lost both cars - the last three of those have yet to get onto the grid in 2013.



CLASSIFICATION

Code: Select all

1 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM           71   1h 56'58.890
2 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking         71   1h 57'27.377
3 –    4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri    71   1h 57'28.763
4 –    5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri    71   1h 57'42.865
5 –    26 P. Alliot       Prost          71   1h 58'07.305
6 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti          71   1h 58'10.698
7 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking         70   + 1 lap   
8 –    7  J. Johnson      Team America   70   + 1 lap            
9 –    28 A. Montermini   Forti          70   + 1 lap            
10 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC            70   + 1 lap            
11 –   20 R. Firman       Toleman        70   + 1 lap            
12 –   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek         69   + 2 laps            
13 –   6  S. Speed        Team America   69   + 2 laps

Code: Select all

14 –   17 G. Tarquini     AGS            69   + 2 laps            
15 –   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS           69   + 2 laps            
16 –   25 O. Grouillard   Prost          69   + 2 laps            
17 –   13 K. Nakajima     Stefan         69   + 2 laps            
18 –   41 V. Sospiri      DAMS           69   + 2 laps            
19 –   16 F. Fauzy        FTM            68   + 3 laps            
20 –   35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi     68   + 3 laps            
21 –   12 T. Inoue        Simtek         68   + 3 laps            
22 –   18 J. Winkelhock   AGS            60   transmission            
23 –   29 P. Kralev       Lola           58   transmission            
24 –   8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM           41   electrical            
25 –   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun       27   chassis            
26 –   15 A. Yoong        FTM            18   crash

Under a pale grey sky, Daggers shall arise! As the rain tipped down in São Paulo, the Scunny Scouser got his 2013 campaign off to a proper start, winning in fine style, and even finding time at the end to cheekily lap Þorvaldur Einarsson in revenge for Mexico. The Viking charge this time was taken up by Jan Magnussen, but far from challenging Daggers for the lead, he had to watch his mirrors as Yuji Ide hacked through the field like a trained samurai and swarmed over the back of the Dane's gearbox for the second half of the race - just stopping short of any banzai moves that would end both their races, as Marco Apicella kept watch from behind. Further wild celebrations came from Prost, popping champagne as if they'd won the championship, as Philippe Alliot finished fifth and took a giant stride towards unrejectification - something that Andrea Montermini, in the Forti, thought he might have done by now. He bagged his first points of the season, but ninth was not enough to satisfy him, nor was sixth for Luca Badoer, not after Phoenix. Jimmie Johnson looked pleased with himself at a job well done, collecting his first points in F1RMGP - but the glory days of 2011, where the team formerly known as USGP led the way for most of the season, look a long way gone now. Frustrated were Ralph Firman in the sole Toleman, who couldn't get past Perry McCarthy for the final points place thus still keeping Toleman on a blank this year, and Jean-Denis Délétraz, who was running seventh and doing a fine job of holding off a marauding Icelander swarming all over him, when all the electrics in his car failed at once and he was left banging his fists on the steering wheel in a display of anger that would have made Günther Schmidt proud. Those three who qualified so much better than they'd expected found it didn't last; Olivier Grouillard ended up lapped twice, Taki Inoue three times and dead last, whereas Joachim Winkelhock's gearbox jammed in first after a late tyre change. Also suffering gearbox problems was Plamen Kralev, who was annoyed not to finish, having been given what everyone thinks will be a rare opportunity to do so. Kazuki Nakajima, though, made it to the flag in fine style, two laps down, but with Vincenzo Sospiri in the far faster DAMS behind him, and a whole lap ahead of three other cars. DAMS were at least relieved to make their first ever double finish. Finally, EuroBrun's weekend of humble pie was completed on lap 28 when Claudio Langes retired with chassis damage caused by Alex Yoong using him as a brake earlier in the race, in very slippery conditions where he should have known better - and for that, the Malaysian gets a deserved Reject of the Race.



DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP

Code: Select all

1 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking          49
2 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti           45
3 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM            43
4 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking          39
5 –    5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri     28
6 –    17 G. Tarquini     AGS             20
7 –    4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri     17
8 –    6  S. Speed        Team America    15
9 =    26 P. Alliot       Prost           14
9 =    34 C. Langes       EuroBrun        14
11 –   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun        8
12 –   7  J. Johnson      Team America    4

Code: Select all

13 =   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek          2
13 =   28 A. Montermini   Forti           2
15 =   8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM            1
15 =   25 O. Grouillard   Prost           1
15 =   32 P. McCarthy     SAC             1

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP

Code: Select all

1 –   Viking         88
2 –   Forti          47
3 –   Super Aguri    45
4 –   F1RM           44
5 –   EuroBrun       22
6 –   AGS            20
7 –   Team America   19
8 –   Prost          15
9 –   Simtek         2
10 –  SAC            1

APERTURA: SEMI FINALS

(1) Magnussen (2nd) v (4) Ide (3rd)
(2) Dagnall (1st) v (3) Einarsson (7th)

Magnussen versus Dagnall in the Final...

[tommykl]

I now know how to pronounce Þorvaldur

[dinizintheoven]

I now know how to pronounce Þorvaldur

And to think I could have told you that at the beginning of the 2012 season, if only you'd asked...

Was "the Thunder God" a clue? And no, he is nothing to do with Gene Simmons, before anyone asks.

[dinizintheoven]

....to the European season!

Round 4: Imola, 60 miles NW of San Marino
Saturday, 27 April 2013

THE GRID

Code: Select all

1 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM           1'28.628
2 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking         1'28.954
3 –    28 A. Montermini   Forti          1'28.997
4 –    19 A. McNish       Toleman        1'30.338
5 –    8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM           1'30.825
6 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking         1'31.476
7 –    20 R. Firman       Toleman        1'31.519
8 –    5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri    1'31.677
9 –    6  S. Speed        Team America   1'31.876
10 –   27 L. Badoer       Forti          1'32.084
11 –   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun       1'32.164
12 –   4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri    1'32.379
13 –   23 P. Martini      Minardi        1'32.409

Code: Select all

14 –   31 P. Chaves       SAC            1'32.546
15 –   35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi     1'32.662
16 –   17 G. Tarquini     AGS            1'32.690
17 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC            1'32.744
18 –   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS           1'32.771
19 –   25 O. Grouillard   Prost          1'32.932
20 –   15 A. Yoong        FTM            1'33.278
21 –   41 V. Sospiri      DAMS           1'33.317
22 –   36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi     1'33.389
23 –   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun       1'33.640
24 –   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek         1'33.424
25 –   7  J. Johnson      Team America   1'33.512
26 –   29 P. Kralev       Lola           1'33.877

Code: Select all

---------------- DID NOT QUALIFY ----------------
DNQ –  37 P-H. Raphanel   ATS Rial       1'33.917
DNQ –  40 G. Brabham      Life           1'34.004
DNQ –  18 J. Winkelhock   AGS            1'34.202
DNQ –  21 P. Ghinzani     Osella         1'34.254
DNQ –  16 F. Fauzy        FTM            1'34.335
DNQ –  12 T. Inoue        Simtek         1'34.440
DNQ –  26 P. Alliot       Prost          1'34.535

Code: Select all

DNQ –  24 E. Tuero        Minardi        1'34.897
DNQ –  38 V. Weidler      ATS Rial       1'34.945
DNQ –  14 J. Villeneuve   Stefan         1'35.380
DNQ –  22 A. Chiesa       Osella         1'35.463
DNQ –  13 K. Nakajima     Stefan         1'36.077
DNQ –  39 B. Giacomelli   Life           no time
DNQ –  30 R. Teixeira     Lola           no time

Yes! That's vot I'm talking about! The Firm's at the top again, but Chris Dagnall fortunately resisted the urge to give the field "The Finger". Jan Magnussen and, incredibly, Andrea Montermini were hunting him down for pole position, all three drivers getting under the 1'29 barrier when nobody else could break 1'30. Allan McNish was the best of the rest, Délétraz, Einarsson and Firman behind him, ensuring six of the top seven were from the nominal top three teams - although Forti really have something to say about that now. There was nobody that could really be called an interloper in the top ten, though another superb performance from Enrico Bertaggia saw him line up 11th and Pierluigi Martini was incredibly chuffed with 13th after a torrid opening to the season. SAC, Monteverdi, AGS and DAMS blocked up the midfield - although, again, Joachim Winkelhock fell foul of the cut-off point... has he been smoking something else this year? It's even worse news for Jimmie Johnson, though, as he was forced to share the back row of the grid with, of all people, Plamen Kralev - who just swiped the final grid slot from under the noses of PHR and Gary Brabham, neither of whom have made it into the race yet this year, although it might be finally looking like getting onto the grid for both teams is just round the corner. It was a wretched qualifying session for Simtek, though, with Paul Belmondo only just making the cut and Taki Inoue again missing it by a mile - as did Philippe Alliot, who was sent crashing back down to earth after his recent heroics. AGS, FTM, Simtek, Minardi, Lola and Prost all lost one car in qualifying, with double-DNQ misery for ATS Rial, Osella, Life and Stefan - who, between them all, have only two race starts out of a possible 16. They're all going to need to turn the wick up - and quickly.



CLASSIFICATION

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1 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM           61   1h 45'15.865
2 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking         61   1h 45'18.327
3 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking         61   1h 45'24.308
4 –    4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri    61   1h 45'35.602
5 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti          61   1h 46'02.347
6 –    20 R. Firman       Toleman        61   1h 46'14.894
7 –    25 O. Grouillard   Prost          61   1h 46'17.579
8 –    5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri    61   1h 46'18.662
9 –    17 G. Tarquini     AGS            61   1h 46'24.459
10 –   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS           61   1h 46'48.478
11 –   19 A. McNish       Toleman        60   + 1 lap            
12 –   6  S. Speed        Team America   60   + 1 lap            
13 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC            60   + 1 lap            

Code: Select all

14 –   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun       60   + 1 lap
15 –   31 P. Chaves       SAC            59   + 2 laps
16 –   41 V. Sospiri      DAMS           59   + 2 laps
17 –   36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi     59   + 2 laps
18 –   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek         59   + 2 laps
19 –   35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi     59   + 2 laps
20 –   23 P. Martini      Minardi        47   crash
21 –   29 P. Kralev       Lola           45   engine
22 –   28 A. Montermini   Forti          42   crash
23 –   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun       12   electrical
24 –   15 A. Yoong        FTM            7    electrical
25 –   8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM           2    crash
DNS –  7  J. Johnson      Team America   0    transmission

Come rain, come shine, there's no stopping Chris Dagnall at the moment! Second in Mexico then two wins in succession has put him top of the Drivers' Championship and put that less-than-satisfying opening to the season well behind him... as well as securing the 2013 Apertura in the best possible way, winning the race with his rival behind him. Again he was chased by two axe-wielding Vikings, but resisted everything Jan Magnussen could throw at him and the Dane dropped back with a couple of laps to go. Yuji Ide and Luca Badoer were best of the rest - and now, even if his win in Phoenix had been discounted, the Italian would have unrejectified himself the hard way by now. Super Aguri are ahead in the Constructors' title race, though, mainly due to Andrea Montermini throwing his car off the road at Piratella on lap 43 - Pierluigi Martini followed at the same corner five laps later, and Montermini was lucky that his car had been moved by then or it'd have been a complete write-off. But his misfortune was Ralph Firman's gain - promoted to sixth, that is where he stayed to score his and Toleman's first points of the season, and move a step closer to unrejectification. Olivier Grouillard salvaged a lot of pride for Prost, coming in seventh, but the biggest cheers came from the far end of the pitlane, where Stéphane Sarrazin scored the first point for DAMS. Allan McNish and Scott Speed just missed out - but Speed was far more fortunate than his team-mate, who never got off the line when his driveshaft broke when he tried to put the car in gear at the start. The team really did not see the funny side and have vowed never again to let a fat man in Alabama build the transmission system. It was a fairly miserable afternoon for SAC, Monteverdi and EuroBrun as well, none of them ever getting close to a points position; Claudio Langes was forced to park in the garage with so much electrical trouble that his hair was standing on end. Alex Yoong had suffered a similar fate in the sole FTM in the race after only seven laps. But the Reject Of The Race award can only go to one man: Jean-Denis Délétraz. On a day where Chris Dagnall monstered the entire field and put himself top of the Drivers' Championship, Délétraz binned it into the wall at Tamburello on the third lap, but had already dropped to 14th and was going so slowly that serious injury was never likely. He had to walk back to the pits to face a couple of very angry Aussies and a former team-mate hurling Hungarian insults at him... not that Daggers cared. He's on top of the world.



DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP

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1 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM            68
2 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking          64
3 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking          57
4 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti           55
5 –    5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri     32
6 –    4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri     29
7 –    17 G. Tarquini     AGS             22
8 –    6  S. Speed        Team America    15
9 =    26 P. Alliot       Prost           14
9 =    34 C. Langes       EuroBrun        14
11 =   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun        8
11 =   20 R. Firman       Toleman         8
13 –   25 O. Grouillard   Prost           7

Code: Select all

14 –   7  J. Johnson      Team America    4
15 =   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek          2
15 =   28 A. Montermini   Forti           2
17 =   8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM            1
17 =   32 P. McCarthy     SAC             1
17 =   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS            1

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP

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1 –   Viking         121
2 –   F1RM           69
3 –   Super Aguri    61
4 –   Forti          57
5 =   EuroBrun       22
5 =   AGS            22
7 –   Prost          21
8 –   Team America   19
9 –   Toleman        8
10 –  Simtek         2
11 =  SAC            1
11 =  DAMS           1

APERTURA: FINAL

(1) Magnussen (2nd) v (2) Dagnall (1st)

First trophy of the season to Daggers, and so, that's five out of the available six trophies so far in F1RMGP have gone to The Firm!

[dinizintheoven]

Right! Time to close off the streets of Monaco, and simulate riding a bike round your living room, for the chance to stand in front of Prince Albert for a minute or so.

Round 5: Monte Carlo, Monaco
Saturday, 11 May 2013

THE GRID

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1 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM           1'32.577
2 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking         1'34.123
3 –    31 P. Chaves       SAC            1'34.461
4 –    8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM           1'34.670
5 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking         1'34.715
6 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti          1'34.802
7 –    32 P. McCarthy     SAC            1'35.130
8 –    5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri    1'35.180
9 –    35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi     1'35.307
10 –   19 A. McNish       Toleman        1'35.471
11 –   28 A. Montermini   Forti          1'35.562
12 –   4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri    1'35.641
13 –   12 T. Inoue        Simtek         1'35.890

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14 –   18 J. Winkelhock   AGS            1'36.102
15 –   26 P. Alliot       Prost          1'36.142
16 –   29 P. Kralev       Lola           1'36.193
17 –   20 R. Firman       Toleman        1'36.222
18 –   36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi     1'36.354
19 –   6  S. Speed        Team America   1'36.485
20 –   14 J. Villeneuve   Stefan         1'36.558
21 –   37 P-H. Raphanel   ATS Rial       1'36.771
22 –   23 P. Martini      Minardi        1'36.850
23 –   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun       1'36.854
24 –   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS           1'36.859
25 –   7  J. Johnson      Team America   1'36.980
26 –   17 G. Tarquini     AGS            1'36.985

Code: Select all

---------------- DID NOT QUALIFY ----------------
DNQ –  11 P. Belmondo     Simtek         1'37.014
DNQ –  33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun       1'37.016
DNQ –  25 O. Grouillard   Prost          1'37.696
DNQ –  41 V. Sospiri      DAMS           1'37.988
DNQ –  38 V. Weidler      ATS Rial       1'38.027
DNQ –  24 E. Tuero        Minardi        1'38.106
DNQ –  39 B. Giacomelli   Life           1'38.209

Code: Select all

DNQ –  15 A. Yoong        FTM            1'38.700
DNQ –  16 F. Fauzy        FTM            1'38.985
DNQ –  22 A. Chiesa       Osella         1'39.434
DNQ –  13 K. Nakajima     Stefan         no time
DNQ –  21 P. Ghinzani     Osella         no time
DNQ –  30 R. Teixeira     Lola           no time
DNQ –  40 G. Brabham      Life           no time

And still he strides on. Daggers seems to be invincible in qualifying at the moment, and let's not forget - he dropped the ball and DNQed here last year. The rest of the pack was left speechless as pole time looked set to be the first of five drivers - which was the top two teams from last season plus an incredible Pedro Chaves - who would break the 1'34 mark. Daggers did... and smashed it. One and a half seconds faster than everyone else - Senna would have been proud of that. Pedro didn't care, though - after that horrible DNQ in Brazil, this was his time in the limelight. Team-mate Perry McCarthy didn't do too shabbily either, hauling his SAC up to seventh - see, I always said this team likes Monaco! Super Aguri and Forti were there or there abouts, Taki Inoue put some recent troubles behind him to stick the Simtek in 13th, and Joachim Winkelhock comprehensively thrashed his team-mate, lining up 14th. Tarquini, meanwhile, scraped onto the grid at the 59th minute of the 11th hour, having had a miserable qualifying; he shares the back row of the grid with Jimmie Johnson, who was never expected to do well at Monaco. Further notable performances in the second half came from Plamen Kralev, who must have been wondering what he was doing up there in 16th ahead of Ralph Firman's Toleman, and in 20th and 21st - look, there's a Stefan and an ATS Rial on the grid in the same race! Better still, it's ATS Rial's first start this year, Pierre-Henri Raphanel finally putting a lap together, but he'll be annoyed that he couldn't beat Jacques Villeneuve in the rival team. With some unfamiliar faces lining up to start the race, some regulars must depart - and this time, it's Paul Belmondo, Enrico Bertaggia, Olivier Grouillard, and Vincenzo Sospiri who have to drop out. Only three teams are on their way home on the Friday, though - FTM, Osella and Life; these last two still have to make the grid even once this year. Not that one of the DNQs had any chance of taking part, anyway: Nakajima, Ghinzani, Teixeira and Brabham were all involved in a multi-car pile-up in free practice, and none of them could get their cars fixed in time for qualifying. Ricardo Teixeira's mechanics, though, didn't bother trying to do any repairs, knowing that it would be a complete waste of time...



CLASSIFICATION

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1 –    31 P. Chaves       SAC            78   2h 12'57.621
2 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking         78   2h 13'00.066
3 –    20 R. Firman       Toleman        78   2h 13'00.486
4 –    4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri    78   2h 13'53.048
5 –    26 P. Alliot       Prost          78   2h 13'55.273
6 –    12 T. Inoue        Simtek         78   2h 13'59.986
7 –    18 J. Winkelhock   AGS            78   2h 14'47.503
8 –    7  J. Johnson      Team America   78   2h 14'48.513
9 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM           77   + 1 lap            
10 –   5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri    77   + 1 lap            
11 –   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS           77   + 1 lap            
12 –   35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi     77   + 1 lap            
13 –   14 J. Villeneuve   Stefan         77   + 1 lap            

Code: Select all

14 –   8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM           76   + 2 laps
15 –   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun       76   + 2 laps
16 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC            76   + 2 laps
17 –   36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi     76   + 2 laps
18 –   37 P-H. Raphanel   ATS Rial       75   + 3 laps
19 –   23 P. Martini      Minardi        66   engine
20 –   28 A. Montermini   Forti          61   engine
21 –   27 L. Badoer       Forti          57   crash
22 –   19 A. McNish       Toleman        53   engine
23 –   3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking         36   transmission
24 –   6  S. Speed        Team America   19   transmission
25 –   17 G. Tarquini     AGS            11   suspension
26 –   29 P. Kralev       Lola           10   chassis

Did I say Scuderia Andrea Coloni like racing at Monaco? They do now! As if PHR and Roberto Moreno getting onto the grid in 1989 and 1992 respectively for the component teams wasn't good enough already, this result must surely be the very special gold flakes on top of the icing on the cake which is the finest cake anyone has ever tasted. Pedro Chaves danced around on the podium as if he'd just been made King Of The World - which, in F1RMGP terms, he had. Andrea Sassetti and Enzo Coloni hugged each other as if they were a newly-married couple, and even Perry McCarthy raised a smile, having taken the entire grid's share of bad luck to finish two laps down in a car he now knew was capable of victory. In the end, you might say Pedro was lucky. Having jumped Chris Dagnall and Jan Magnussen at the start, he was fending them both off for most of the race, making his car as wide as a Peterbilt truck round the treacherously narrow streets. Daggers fell away as a shard of carbon fibre from the smashed Forti of Luca Badoer shredded his right rear tyre and he lost a lap crawling back to the pits. Magnussen continued to hound the SAC, though, just was distracted by the charge of Ralph Firman who could also smell a first F1RMGP victory, and in the end the Dane was defending from the rear rather than trying to attack for the win. Firman was third in the end, and hence unrejectified himself in one go - as did Philippe Alliot, who collected his second fifth place of the season and that's enough to escape! In a Prost! Andrea Montermini was also in the hunt, until his Brazilian four-pot cried enough and exploded in Casino Square. Also cursing his luck was Þorvaldur Einarsson who was left with a box full of neutrals on lap 37 - amazingly, that's his first ever retirement in his 21st race! Allan McNish should also have been a contender for a huge haul of points, but he too fell victim to an engine failure, smoke billowing from his Renault engine after 53 laps. Pierluigi Martini's fragile turbo engine also gave up, not that he was ever in any contention, Gabriele Tarquini's effort to avoid a DNQ was all in vain as his suspension shattered, and Plamen Kralev still couldn't get the Lola home at the third attempt - the chassis has all the structural rigidity of bog paper. A note to some of the positives, though; Jimmie Johnson, thought to be about as capable round the streets of Monaco as a small child on roller skates, kept his head and finished eighth; Chris Dagnall's afternoon wasn't completely wasted as he scooped two points, and Taki Inoue's sixth place finish will do him a power of good. Out of the points but bringing the car home safely were PHR, even if he was three laps down and dead last, but a round of applause for Jacques Villeneuve - 13th, one lap down in the terrible Stefan, is worth a World Championship to that team - especially being a lap ahead of Jean-Denis Délétraz in the front-running F1RM car. See, JV is not completely useless.

So, what of Reject Of The Race? It can only go to one man. Not only was he the only driver to lose his head and stuff it into the wall when all around people were keeping theirs, the rubbish from his crash robbed Chris Dagnall of the chance of a hat-trick of wins - he of all people would have been most likely to force his way past Pedro Chaves in the end. Luca Badoer, the award is yours.



DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP

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1 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking          75
2 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM            70
3 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking          64
4 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti           55
5 –    4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri     41
6 –    5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri     33
7 –    31 P. Chaves       SAC             25
8 –    26 P. Alliot       Prost           24
9 –    20 R. Firman       Toleman         23
10 –   17 G. Tarquini     AGS             22
11 –   6  S. Speed        Team America    15
12 –   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun        14

Code: Select all

13 =   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun        8
13 =   7  J. Johnson      Team America    8
13 =   12 T. Inoue        Simtek          8
16 –   25 O. Grouillard   Prost           7
17 –   18 J. Winkelhock   AGS             6
18 =   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek          2
18 =   28 A. Montermini   Forti           2
20 =   8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM            1
20 =   32 P. McCarthy     SAC             1
20 =   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS            1

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP

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1 –   Viking         139
2 –   Super Aguri    74
3 –   F1RM           71
4 –   Forti          57
5 –   Prost          31
6 –   AGS            28
7 –   SAC            26
8 =   Team America   23
8 =   Toleman        23
10 –  EuroBrun       22
11 –  Simtek         10
12 –  DAMS           1

WHO'S UNREJECTIFIED?

Speed (USA 11); Inoue (San Marino 11); Ide (Monaco 11); Délétraz (Canada 11); Apicella & Barbazza (Brazil 12); Magnussen & Dagnall (San Marino 12); Belmondo (Monaco 12); Einarsson (Mexico 12); Tarquini (Italy 12); Chaves (Japan 12); Badoer (USA 13); Firman & Alliot (Monaco 13).

Also, consider this: the two Lola refugees from 2012 - Allan McNish and Vincenzo Sospiri - both joined teams with wildly varying pedigrees. McNish went to Toleman, a team with five wins on the board. Sospiri went to DAMS, a completely new team for 2013. McNish was expected to get the better deal by far. Five races into the season, and neither has scored a point yet. What are the odds on Sospiri coming out on top?

Andrea Montermini scored 19 points for Pacific (now suffering horribly in the guise of FTM) in 2011. By the fifth race of 2011, he had already gained the sixth place (and eight points) that is still his only step towards unrejectification. This year, in a vastly superior car, at this stage he has scored a total of... two points. Two.

[DanielPT]

VICTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[dinizintheoven]

Mid-season news: "where'd he come from?"

Günther Schmidt has called a press conference. Rumours fly as to what he is going to do. Will he be resigning? Will the plug be pulled on ATS Rial after what is looking like a second miserable season? Or is he just here to have an enormous rant for the sake of it? Joe Saward asks the first question.

Joe Saward: "So, Herr Schmidt. I wonder if the poor performance of your team can be put down to the fact that you are, are you not, dead."
Günther Schmidt: "Nein."
JS: "Nein to what? That you are not dead?"
GS: "Nein that the team's performance is nothing to do with the fact that I am dead."
JS: "So you are definitely dead?"
GS: "Ja."
JS: "So how are you here, then?"
Eyes turn to Colonel Harland D. Sanders, who has also attended the press conference. Everyone knows now how he came to be here. Suddenly, a nasal voice is heard from outside...
Nasal voice: "Perhaps I can explain..."
A man in a green bri-nylon suit, with flared nostrils, enters the room. He has a prominent 'H' on his head.
Arnold Rimmer: "You all thought Red Dwarf was a sci-fi comedy, didn't you? Not quite. That was an elaborate ruse to put you all off the scent. Remember how, in series 1, there is a shaving scene with a calendar on the wall that says 2077? And then, in series 7, which none of you watched, Lister's birth date is given as 2155? And before that, he's described himself as an enlightened 23rd-century guy when he's clearly not reached 45 years old yet? Smoke and mirrors. It was all designed to deceive. Red Dwarf was actually a documentary series, we just wanted to make it look like it was a 1980s sci-fi sitcom. I mean, nobody had done a sci-fi sitcom before, wasn't that the clue? Hologram projection technology had been prototyped by 1984 and perfected by 1987, in time for filming of the first series. Hard light was developed in 1992 while we were filming series 5 - we were still trialling it then, or we'd have brought it in earlier. And this, people, explains our German friend here. He is a hard light hologram. Like me."
GS: "See? It is all true."
GS wipes some make-up off his forehead, revealing a prominent 'H'.
JS: "I have a few more questions, though. How come you went for the hologram treatment, rather than the cloning technology that was used for... you know, him."
Eyes turn again to Colonel Sanders...
GS: "You know, Herr Saward... that technology was originally developed by the Nazis. I am German, and I have a few issues with that, whereas in the part of America that Colonel Sanders is from... they do not."
Colonel Sanders: "Now, y'all look here..."
He jabs a finger at GS. The crowd get him to back down.
GS: "...and we still carry the shame of the Nazis and the fact that this man can be allowed to run a team after his origins... it makes me SO VERY ANGRY! AAAAAARRRGHHH! I AM ANGRY!"
GS rants and raves for a while. The crowd wait for him to calm down. Colonel Sanders has left the building. Eventually...
GS: "...so, ja, the only option was this hologram projection. And it allows me to retain all of my memory and personality from my life."
Everyone in the crowd: "WE KNOW!"
JS: "...but there's something I also need clearing up. If you have been recreated as a hologram, then why couldn't Peter Monteverdi also do the same?"
GS: "Their team did not think to do so, and besides they have Bertrand Gachot to run the team, and Jean-Pierre van Rossem when he is released from jail. And now as I am here there is no chance for Herr Monteverdi to return, because the F1RMGP central computer can only sustain one hologram."
JS: "...so what's he doing here, then?"
Everyone turns to Arnold Rimmer, and he disappears in a puff of logic. Actually, it's more of an instant "bzzzip" than a puff, but Douglas Adams would be proud. Maybe I will ask his hologram projection what he thought of me re-using his analogy...

[dinizintheoven]

Their interest aroused by the revelations of one Arnold Judas Rimmer, Sir Bernard Shekelslike is called to a second press conference to explain the hologrammatic drivers' simulation further.

Joe Saward: "Sir Bernard, in light of the testimony of that bloke with the flared nostrils, how exactly do you explain the presence of three deceased personnel in the 2011 F1RMGP season?"
SBS: "It's obvious, isn't it? They were all hard light holograms."
JS: "But the hologrammatic Günther Schmidt said the computer could only sustain one, causing the disappearance of Mr Rimmer."
SBS: "How do you think Captain Bri-Nylon got here in the first place? He was using the Hologram Projection Unit's spare capacity."
JS: "But... that does not explain why Mr Schmidt thinks there can only be one hologram at a time?"
SBS: "I'll have you know that while his funeral was taking place, I ransacked his house and swiped a few valuables that were used to pay off the Rial F1 team's debts to my organisation - debts that were outstanding for all those years, and you can imagine how much interest that racked up... what I found wouldn't even pay that off. But I did find the complete eight series of Red Dwarf in there. That's where he got his information, and once he got it into his head that he could be revived to run a third racing team, he had it written into his will. That's the team he's running now. And he had that clause specifically because he thought he was that important that he could strut around as the only hologrammatic team boss in the paddock and lord it over everyone else knowing full well that his hard light body was damn near impenetrable and even the Ionian Nerve Grip wouldn't knock him out. What he didn't know is that hologram technology has moved on a bit since Mr Rimmer's days of the late 1980s, and a 2010s supercomputer can generate three holograms at once. Running UNIX, of course, so it can properly multi-task and won't crash. That's how I got those three legends back for the first season, and how the Projection Unit works is that it has room for one team boss and two drivers. But the strings I had to pull to get them here! I have to licence those dead drivers and bosses, and former F1 World Champions and those who should have been World Champion don't come cheap, you know. I had to borrow money from one of Tallulah's failing businesses in Paraguay and deprive my darling Darciella of three pairs of expensive shoes. My little princess, she cried for weeks, and all this was just so I could buy the licence to run Messrs. Ferrari, Villeneuve and Hunt for one season! I'd have kept them on if I could..."
Distant rumblings of discontent can be heard from the Viking Racing garage. We all know why they were brought here in the first place...
SBS: "...but no, as it turns out, I'm not made of money..."
Snorts of disbelief are now echoing round the press conference.
SBS: "...I mean, do you know how complicated it was to get James Hunt? Somehow, Tony Fernandes bought the rights to James Hunt's hologrammatic data disc from David Hunt as well as the Lotus name, or so he says, and he effectively held me to ransom over it. I knew I had to get James Hunt in the series, but then I've got Tony threatening to take me to court for a million billion Malaysian ringgit - I don't even know how much that is! - if I don't agree to hand him one of the 2011 teams or at least let him buy it for a derisory sum. How do you think Keith Wiggins feels about this? One minute he's got a successful team in this series, the next, he's history and all their results have gone down the swanee as well. And after all this I couldn't let my Hologram Projection Unit go to waste for a year while my bank account recovered, but I looked through Forix's databanks for a team boss who would only cost 75p and a packet of Rolos - there were quite a few, but in the end I went with Günther Schmidt because I thought his regular verbal explosions would give us a few laughs at least."
JS: "This just leaves one question unanswered. When Mr Schmidt told Mr Rimmer that the Hologram Projection Unit could only sustain one hologram, even though it can actually take three, why did that cause him to disappear?"
Distant voice from outside: "I think I can answer that..."
A bald man with glasses and a white beard enters.
Terry Pratchett: "Discworld Logic, that's what it is - in Discworld, if enough people believe something to be true, it will become true. Not knowing any different, and firmly believing that the Hologram Projection Unit could only sustain one hologram as it does on Red Dwarf, Mr Rimmer vanished as soon as he realised that he was a second hologram which, according to his rules, cannot happen, even though in this reality, it can."
Random adenoidal voice from the crowd: "So in the episode Me², how did the Hologram Projection Unit manage to sustain two holograms on board Red Dwarf there? Eh?"
TP: "Why the bathplug are you asking me? You should ask..."
A man with a wooden leg limps into the room.
Doug Naylor: "Er... it worked because... Holly can sustain two holograms if both are the same person! It's not so much load on the system. That's what it is."
Adenoidal voice: "Mr Naylor... with Mr Pratchett explaining Discworld logic to us, does that mean if you wish really hard for your leg to grow back, it will?"
DN: "Er... let's see..."
He scrunches his face up really hard. To his surprise, he grows a new leg. It appears in place of his prosthetic leg, which flies off into the crowd and hits Joe Saward firmly on the head.
Captain Hammer: "Ha! That's for all your blogging about Vitantonio Liuzzi and how great he is! Serves you right!"
Vitantonio Liuzzi enters, in his Hispania Racing overalls, clutching a trophy that says "Italian Grand Prix Winner 2011".
VL: "Eh, shaddappa you face! I am brilliant, see?
Captain Hammer looks at him, barely believing what he is seeing. Everyone else in the crowd can barely believe it either. Maybe he signed for Red Bull while we weren't looking and forgot to change his overalls? Or maybe... several people's heads explode as if they'd just been served lobster with ketchup all over it.
JS: (whispering to VL:) "All right, how did you do that? What's the secret?"
VL: "You see, in the Disc world, I believe I am the winner of the Grand Prix at Monza... oh, si, and the Hispania mechanics have put, how you say, nitrous kit on the car for the straights."
All of a sudden, there is a ripping noise like a needle being thrust violently over an old vinyl record, and the scene cuts to a General in his office.
General: "STOP THAT! IT'S FAR TOO SILLY! I mean, Hispania winning a Grand Prix..."
That same adenoidal voice as before: "Wait a minute, aren't you Graham Chapman?"
General (GC): "Yes!"
Adenoidal voice: "I thought you were dead!"
SBS: "He's a hologram that I just loaded in specifically for this scene!"
Adenoidal voice: "Is that in place of Arnold Rimmer or alongside him?"
GS: "So, haf ve got three holograms or two? And must I tell my drivers they are being replaced by Arnold Rimmer and Graham Chapman?"
HWNSNBM enters, with his phrasebook.
HWNSNBM: "Good evening, gorgeous, my briefcase is full of spam..."
Jan Magnussen, Þorvaldur Einarsson, Ragnar the Forkbearded and Stefan Johansson all enter at once, sit at a table and start singing boisterously.
JM, ÞE, RTF & SJ: "Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, LOVELY SPAM! WONDERFUL SPAM!"
More heads explode. Terry Pratchett has forgotten why he is in the press conference, but wishes very hard that he could remember, and does. Doug Naylor has magically learned to tap-dance and is bench-testing his new leg. Vitantonio Liuzzi is drinking champagne out of his trophy. Captain Hammer believes very firmly that VL had no right to that trophy, and it disappears, dumping champagne all over VL's trousers. Stefan Johansson believes that he should have won the San Marino Grand Prix in 1985, and the trophy magically appears in his hands. About a hundred tins of Spam appear on the table that the Vikings are sitting round. For no particular reason, a teenager wanders into the room.
GS: "Vot in the name of the plug of the bath is happening now..."
tommykl: "So, Sir Bernard, will you let me run Lella Lombardi in the Women's European Cup next year? How much to sub-licence her data disc?"
SBS fumbles around on an iPhone which hasn't been released to the general public yet. He is searching Forix's Hologram Database.
SBS: "A bag of Wizzie's popcorn, and two bags of Belgian chips with fritsaus. Does that sound like a good deal?"
Noel Edmonds enters.
NE: "A bag of Wizzie's popcorn, and two bags of Belgian chips with fritsaus. Deal or no deal?"
The last few heads in the press conference explode... and all that was left was silence.

[Shadaza]

[quote="dinizintheoven"][/quote]

What on Earth did I just read?

[the Masked Lapwing]

Those were quite possibly the greatest posts ever!

[dinizintheoven]

What on Earth did I just read?

You read the full story of how Enzo Ferrari, Gilles Villeneuve, James Hunt, Günther Schmidt and now Lella Lombardi as well became involved in F1RMGP. Also, recently, Waris was confused about how the first three were able to participate despite being dead. This should clear everything up.

[Nessafox]

We should make a movie out of this.

Poor people, going to a movie thinking it will be about F1 - which it actually is - and than seeing a complicated science fiction story.



I actually hope people over 1000 years will consider F1 rejects alternative championships as a reliable source for what actually hapenned 1000 years ago
And the conspiracy-theories claiming these things never hapenned. F1 rejects forum is the new bible.

[dinizintheoven]

Round 6: Montreal, Canada, eh!
Saturday, 1 June 2013

THE GRID

Code: Select all

1 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking         1'27.760
2 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM           1'27.798
3 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking         1'28.257
4 –    8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM           1'28.439
5 –    17 G. Tarquini     AGS            1'29.475
6 –    19 A. McNish       Toleman        1'29.754
7 –    31 P. Chaves       SAC            1'29.885
8 –    28 A. Montermini   Forti          1'30.111
9 –    35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi     1'30.247
10 –   27 L. Badoer       Forti          1'30.248
11 –   20 R. Firman       Toleman        1'30.472
12 –   26 P. Alliot       Prost          1'30.474
13 –   18 J. Winkelhock   AGS            1'30.600

Code: Select all

14 –   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek         1'30.649
15 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC            1'30.905
16 –   5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri    1'31.414
17 –   41 V. Sospiri      DAMS           1'31.641
18 –   36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi     1'31.868
19 –   12 T. Inoue        Simtek         1'31.917
20 –   4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri    1'32.044
21 –   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun       1'32.134
22 –   6  S. Speed        Team America   1'32.182
23 –   16 F. Fauzy        FTM            1'32.270
24 –   21 P. Ghinzani     Osella         1'32.373
25 –   25 O. Grouillard   Prost          1'32.398
26 –   24 E. Tuero        Minardi        1'32.632

Code: Select all

---------------- DID NOT QUALIFY ----------------
DNQ –  7  J. Johnson      Team America   1'32.716
DNQ –  34 C. Langes       EuroBrun       1'32.724
DNQ –  15 A. Yoong        FTM            1'32.770
DNQ –  23 P. Martini      Minardi        1'33.762
DNQ –  29 P. Kralev       Lola           1'33.851
DNQ –  13 K. Nakajima     Stefan         1'33.892
DNQ –  39 B. Giacomelli   Life           1'33.950

Code: Select all

DNQ –  42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS           1'34.435
DNQ –  38 V. Weidler      ATS Rial       1'34.792
DNQ –  37 P-H. Raphanel   ATS Rial       1'35.383
DNQ –  40 G. Brabham      Life           1'35.424
DNQ –  14 J. Villeneuve   Stefan         1'35.564
DNQ –  22 A. Chiesa       Osella         1'35.565
DNQ –  30 R. Teixeira     Lola           no time

Qualifying so far this year has been the Magnussen and Dagnall show (two and three poles, respectively) but today, they both had to move over for Þorvaldur Einarsson to put his hairy face ahead of both of them. If there was one consolation for Daggers, it was that he was still on the front row, and for once could rely on Jean-Denis Délétraz to be his wingman in a way that he really hadn't been so far this season. Gabriele Tarquini was best of the rest in the ever-improving AGS; both their cars appeared in the top half of the grid, which could also be said about Forti and Toleman - no real surprises there, except maybe that it was Andrea Montermini who was the lead Forti. Philippe Alliot again managed to haul his Prost into contention for points, as did Fabrizio Barbazza - ninth for Monteverdi, the team which everyone thought would have perormed better than they have so far. Pedro Chaves, in seventh, was still on a high from his sensational win in Monaco. Further down the grid were the second SAC and Monteverdi cars of Perry McCarthy and Gregor Foitek, with two Simteks, the lone DAMS of Vincenzo Sospiri and a couple of dejected Super Aguris amongst them. Olivier Grouillard was down in the dumps in 25th, ahead of Esteban Tuero, back on the grid for the first time since Mexico, but probably the most furiously annoyed team of all were Team America. Since Scott Speed's podium in Phoenix, they've been noticeably on the slide all year... towards an ignominious exit on the Friday for Jimmie Johnson. Oh, Jimmie. You should have driven on this circuit in the Nationwide Cup, then you might have had a chance! Not that that did any good for Jacques Villeneuve - his Stefan was so reticent that he was only a thousandth of a second away from being the slowest time of all (not counting Ricardo Teixeira, who again failed to even get out the garage). Even Kazuki Nakajime managed to record a time a second and a half faster, not that it would get him anywhere near the cut-off point. Claudio Langes also tasted the bitter pill of DNQ for the first time this season, but considering he only qualified for four races in 2011 and three in 2012, he shouldn't be too annoyed this time. Plamen Kralev, Alex Yoong, Pierluigi Martini and Andrea Chiesa also missed the cut, but fortunately for Osella, Piercarlo Ghinzani managed to drag his car onto the 24th grid slot. It's an early flight back to Europe for Life, Lola, ATS Rial and Stefan.



CLASSIFICATION

Code: Select all

1 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM           69   1h 54'10.015
2 –    28 A. Montermini   Forti          69   1h 55'24.834
3 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking         69   1h 55'33.213
4 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking         68   + 1 lap            
5 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti          68   + 1 lap            
6 –    36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi     68   + 1 lap            
7 –    32 P. McCarthy     SAC            67   + 2 laps            
8 –    33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun       67   + 2 laps            
9 –    19 A. McNish       Toleman        67   + 2 laps            
10 –   41 V. Sospiri      DAMS           66   + 3 laps            
11 –   12 T. Inoue        Simtek         66   + 3 laps            
12 –   31 P. Chaves       SAC            64   crash            
13 –   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek         64   transmission

Code: Select all

14 –   5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri    63   electrical
15 –   17 G. Tarquini     AGS            62   crash
16 –   25 O. Grouillard   Prost          58   engine
17 –   35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi     55   bodywork
18 –   16 F. Fauzy        FTM            51   crash
19 –   20 R. Firman       Toleman        39   suspension
20 –   26 P. Alliot       Prost          37   transmission
21 –   8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM           34   electrical
22 –   4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri    24   engine
23 –   24 E. Tuero        Minardi        21   crash
24 –   18 J. Winkelhock   AGS            14   transmission
25 –   6  S. Speed        Team America   1    engine
DNS –  21 P. Ghinzani     Osella         0    engine

As they say in Québec: malheureusement, il pleut. In fact, il pleut so hard that the Series Management were genuinely worried that they start might have to be delayed. But, determined that the show should go on even though the crowd could barely see anything, Chris Dagnall and the two Vikings took the executive decision on behalf of everyone else that since Scunthorpe and Scandinavia both see their fair share of rain, if they were OK, so was everyone else. Daggers nudged out Þorvaldur Einarsson at Island Hairpin and that was that... he was off into the distance, unhindered by any spray. The Vikings suffered from an irrational call to go onto slicks far too early as the track dried out later, and even these balls-of-steel Scandinavians couldn't find anywhere near enough grip. By that time, they had both been monstered by a charging Andrea Montermini, stung by recent criticism that he should have unrejectified himself by now; he did just that, and even started to close up on the determined Dagnall in the last few laps, but that was too little, too late. Montermini celebrated on the podium like a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders, though. The hairy Icelander eventually fell back into the clutches of Luca Badoer, but held off the Italian for fourth, even if the two of them both had to be courteous enough to let Daggers through on the last-but-one lap and stop fighting for a while; Þorvaldur eventually prevailed. Their battle had been three ways until near the end, though, right up to the point where Pedro Chaves misjudged the final chicane and was sent hurtling into the Wall Of Champions - a fate which had earlier befallen Gabriele Tarquini. Omens for the future, maybe? Elsewhere, other than these two, there had been carnage on this notorious car-breaking circuit - which the likes of Gregor Foitek, Perry McCarthy, Enrico Bertaggia and Allan McNish had carefully picked their way through to pick up some useful points; McNish may have been dissatisfied with ninth, but at least he'd finally scored. Vincenzo Sospiri also opened his account for DAMS, and Taki Inoue, in 11th, was the only other classified finisher.

So what of the retirements? Marco Apicella and Jean-Denis Délétraz had both found their electrical systems playing up in the terribly wet conditions, Esteban Tuero ran straight on at the Old Pits Hairpin and drive straight into the armco in front of him, Fairuz Fauzy splattered his FTM into the wall, bounced off it, hit Fabrizio Barbazza in the sidepod and the big-haired Italian had to retire four laps later, Ralph Firman's suspension spontaneously collapsed, Paul Belmondo, Philippe Alliot and Joachim Winkelhock had their gearboxes break, and Olivier Grouillard, Yuji Ide and Scott Speed were all followed down the back straight by a plume of white smoke - Speed after only one lap, completing a miserable weekend for Team America - couple that with Jimmie Johnson's catastrophic qualifying failure and that's a well-deserved Reject Of The Race for them. Spare a thought for Piercarlo Ghinzani, though - that was supposed to be Osella's first start of the season, and his Alfa Romeo engine seized on the formation lap, causing him to miss the start. He might not get many chances at this rate.



DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP

Code: Select all

1 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM            95
2 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking          90
3 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking          76
4 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti           65
5 –    4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri     41
6 –    5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri     33
7 –    31 P. Chaves       SAC             25
8 –    26 P. Alliot       Prost           24
9 –    20 R. Firman       Toleman         23
10 –   17 G. Tarquini     AGS             22
11 –   28 A. Montermini   Forti           20
12 –   6  S. Speed        Team America    15
13 –   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun        14

Code: Select all

14 –   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun        12
15 =   7  J. Johnson      Team America    8
15 =   12 T. Inoue        Simtek          8
15 =   36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi      8
18 =   25 O. Grouillard   Prost           7
18 =   32 P. McCarthy     SAC             7
20 –   18 J. Winkelhock   AGS             6
21 =   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek          2
21 =   19 A. McNish       Toleman         2
23 =   8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM            1
23 =   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS            1
24 =   41 V. Sospiri      DAMS            1

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP

Code: Select all

1 –   Viking         166
2 –   F1RM           96
3 –   Forti          85
4 –   Super Aguri    74
5 –   SAC            32
6 –   Prost          31
7 –   AGS            28
8 –   EuroBrun       26
9 –   Toleman        25
10 –  Team America   23
11 –  Simtek         10
12 –  Monteverdi     8
13 –  DAMS           2

ADDITIONAL NOTE

Six races into the season, Pedro Chaves is doing a very good impression of Jean-Pierre Jabouille. Can he keep it up for the whole year?

[dinizintheoven]

...no, Alain, I will not be writing this report in French to keep you and your team happy!

Round 7: Magny-Cours, France
Saturday, 29 June 2013

THE GRID

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1 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti          1'23.433
2 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking         1'23.533
3 –    20 R. Firman       Toleman        1'23.677
4 –    19 A. McNish       Toleman        1'23.844
5 –    8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM           1'23.873
6 –    5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri    1'24.041
7 –    15 A. Yoong        FTM            1'24.862
8 –    24 E. Tuero        Minardi        1'24.900
9 –    35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi     1'24.943
10 –   3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking         1'25.106
11 –   9  C. Dagnall      F1RM           1'25.188
12 –   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun       1'25.225
13 –   4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri    1'25.425

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14 –   28 A. Montermini   Forti          1'25.475
15 –   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun       1'25.554
16 –   12 T. Inoue        Simtek         1'25.590
17 –   7  J. Johnson      Team America   1'25.594
18 –   23 P. Martini      Minardi        1'25.671
19 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC            1'25.677
20 –   25 O. Grouillard   Prost          1'25.872
21 –   36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi     1'25.883
22 –   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek         1'25.883
23 –   17 G. Tarquini     AGS            1'26.005
24 –   21 P. Ghinzani     Osella         1'26.616
25 –   39 B. Giacomelli   Life           1'26.698
26 –   18 J. Winkelhock   AGS            1'26.942

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---------------- DID NOT QUALIFY ----------------
DNQ –  38 V. Weidler      ATS Rial       1'26.980
DNQ –  31 P. Chaves       SAC            1'26.987
DNQ –  22 A. Chiesa       Osella         1'27.015
DNQ –  14 J. Villeneuve   Stefan         1'27.142
DNQ –  6  S. Speed        Team America   1'27.153
DNQ –  16 F. Fauzy        FTM            1'27.308
DNQ –  26 P. Alliot       Prost          1'27.351

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DNQ –  40 G. Brabham      Life           1'27.432
DNQ –  42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS           1'27.839
DNQ –  30 R. Teixeira     Lola           1'27.839
DNQ –  37 P-H. Raphanel   ATS Rial       1'28.081
DNQ –  13 K. Nakajima     Stefan         1'28.824
DNQ –  29 P. Kralev       Lola           no time
DNQ –  41 V. Sospiri      DAMS           no time

Back in Europe, and it's a shock for the leading teams, as Viking and F1RM were both given a kicking by Luca Badoer in the Forti, scoring his first pole position in this series. Jan Magnussen may have put a Viking on the front row, but few were expecting a second-row lockout from the Tolemans, who haven't so far this year been quite the force they once were - still, Ted Toleman will have something to smile about. Jean-Denis Délétraz salvaged a bit of pride for F1RM, Marco Apicella led the charge for Super Aguri who had both cars in the top half of the grid, furrowed brows were seen on the faces of the other drivers for Viking and F1RM, but utterly delighted with a superb performance were Alex Yoong, putting in a performance for FTM that hadn't been seen since the Pacific days, Esteban Tuero doing a fine job for Minardi, Fabrizio Barbazza bringing the good times back to Monteverdi, and the two EuroBruns - putting some recent difficulties behind them, although 12th and 15th places aren't exactly a big surprise now. Further down the grid, we find the likes of Inoue, Johnson, Martini and McCarthy, some of whom would be expected to be higher up; the two AGS cars have been used to far better Fridays than they had this time, and Joachim Winkelhock did not like barely qualifying by the skin of his teeth. Piercarlo Ghinzani started his second race in succession, while Bruno Giacomelli finally brought a Life to the grid for the first time this year. Winkelhock was beaten by both of them, but in the first of the two DNQs who only just didn't make it - one was Volker Weidler in the snail-like ATS Rial, who was annoyed that he couldn't claim a huge personal victory, but the other was the mighty scalp of Monaco race winner Pedro Chaves, dropping off the grid for the second time this year! The other notable failure was Scott Speed, who has never failed to qualify before in F1RMGP, but with that Team America chassis now showing its age, it was only going to be a matter of time. Amongst the other DNQs were no real surprises, except maybe that DAMS were completely knocked out on the Friday - they've managed to get at least one car in every race so far this year. Stéphane Sarrazin managed exactly the same time (to the thousandth) as Ricardo Teixeira - he won't like that! (Incidentally, the same happened to Gregor Foitek and Paul Belmondo, but both were well into the race - Foitek took the higher placing due to setting his time first.) Lola driver Plamen Kralev and former Lola driver Vincenzo Sospiri were the unlucky two that could not even get a single lap in this time.



CLASSIFICATION

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1 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking         72   1h 47'39.153
2 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking         72   1h 48'08.073
3 –    8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM           72   1h 48'48.096
4 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM           72   1h 48'53.706
5 –    28 A. Montermini   Forti          72   1h 49'08.595
6 –    34 C. Langes       EuroBrun       71   + 1 lap            
7 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti          71   + 1 lap            
8 –    20 R. Firman       Toleman        71   + 1 lap            
9 –    35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi     71   + 1 lap            
10 –   12 T. Inoue        Simtek         71   + 1 lap            
11 –   24 E. Tuero        Minardi        71   + 1 lap            
12 –   19 A. McNish       Toleman        71   + 1 lap            
13 –   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun       71   + 1 lap

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14 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC            70   + 2 laps
15 –   7  J. Johnson      Team America   70   + 2 laps
16 –   36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi     70   + 2 laps
17 –   25 O. Grouillard   Prost          70   + 2 laps
18 –   39 B. Giacomelli   Life           70   + 2 laps
19 –   17 G. Tarquini     AGS            69   + 3 laps
20 –   18 J. Winkelhock   AGS            69   + 3 laps
21 –   15 A. Yoong        FTM            42   turbo
22 –   23 P. Martini      Minardi        26   spun off
23 –   21 P. Ghinzani     Osella         20   spun off
24 –   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek         19   spun off
25 –   4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri    19   spun off
26 –   5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri    17   engine

I will start, if I may, with Reject Of The Race. No, I will not be so cheap as to give it to Scott Speed for the Friday disaster - the deserved recipient is Marco Apicella. Sure, he couldn't do anything about his engine blowing up, but he could have had the common courtesy to pull off the track and not choose to park off the end of the Adelaide hairpin, having just dumped a load of oil on the straight leading up to it. The first victim, within two laps, was his team-mate, Yuji Ide; Paul Belmondo followed him within a few seconds, and Ghinzani and Martini were also sent on a one-way helicopter trip to DNF-ville. As the cars all hit each other, the crane operators were picking bits of broken F1RMGP car off the Adelaide run-off area for half an hour after the carnage.

But through all the mayhem sailed the Vikings (when, a thousand years ago, they'd have been causing it). What had started so well for Luca Badoer unfolded into a benefit gig for the Vikings, Jan Magnussen leading Þorvaldur Einarsson home for the team's first ever one-two - and that's only the second time it's been done in F1RMGP, after Team America did so at Monza last year. F1RM took third and fourth, with Jean-Denis Délétraz ahead - you could say there are no team orders, or Chris Dagnall would have been told to pass - but Délétraz needed that podium to get his season properly back on track, as he'd only scored one point up to now, and Daggers already has three wins. Such was the pace of the rampaging Vikings that Andrea Montermini, in fifth, was the last driver left on the lead lap; even pole-sitter Luca Badoer could not keep up, and he was beaten for sixth by... Claudio Langes! That's two sixths for him now, could it be that this 2013 EuroBrun with its Neotech engine gets him to unrejectification that absolutely nobody was expecting? Talking of those who were stars in qualifying from the midfield-to-backmarker teams, those hopes and dreams of huge points ended in various states of disrepair - only Fabrizio Barbazza could score, taking two points for ninth - Esteban Tuero dropped all the way to eleventh, being beaten for the final point by Taki Inoue, Enrico Bertaggia couldn't make it a double-score for EuroBrun, and Alex Yoong became the first victim of the season of a blown turbo. See, I always knew that W9 engine might be trouble.

The Tolemans, after their stellar qualifying performance, couldn't keep pace with the rest, even if Ralph Firman managed to salvage eighth place and four points. Perry McCarthy couldn't bring a smile to SAC in the race; he was lapped twice, as was Jimmie Johnson, completing a miserable race weekend for Team America. They might have to get used to that. But at least there was something of a smile in the Life garage; their car may be an absolute shed, but at least Bruno Giacomelli managed to bring it to the chequered flag, and with both AGSs behind him at that. That, one Prost in the race to zero effect and DAMS shutting up shop on Friday evening meant it was an utterly terrible race for the French in France. And the only French speaker to score points was Swiss.



DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP

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1 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking          115
2 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM            107
3 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking          94
4 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti           71
5 –    4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri     41
6 –    5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri     33
7 –    28 A. Montermini   Forti           30
8 –    20 R. Firman       Toleman         27
9 –    31 P. Chaves       SAC             25
10 –   26 P. Alliot       Prost           24
11 =   17 G. Tarquini     AGS             22
11 =   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun        22
13 –   8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM            16

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14 –   6  S. Speed        Team America    15
15 –   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun        12
16 –   12 T. Inoue        Simtek          9
17 =   7  J. Johnson      Team America    8
17 =   36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi      8
19 =   25 O. Grouillard   Prost           7
19 =   32 P. McCarthy     SAC             7
21 –   18 J. Winkelhock   AGS             6
22 =   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek          2
22 =   19 A. McNish       Toleman         2
22 =   35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi      2
25 =   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS            1
25 =   41 V. Sospiri      DAMS            1

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP

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1 –   Viking         209
2 –   F1RM           123
3 –   Forti          101
4 –   Super Aguri    74
5 –   EuroBrun       34
6 –   SAC            32
7 –   Prost          31
8 –   Toleman        29
9 –   AGS            28
10 –  Team America   23
11 –  Simtek         11
12 –  Monteverdi     10
13 –  DAMS           2

[dinizintheoven]

Britain, Britain, Britain. We've had hot water since 1974, we invented the insurance claim form, and our teenagers will stab you in the face for fun! Today we hold a motor race in our great nation, and not all the cars are Citroën Saxos!

Round 8: Silverstone, Great Britain
Saturday, 13 July 2013

THE GRID

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1 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking         1'29.192
2 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti          1'29.523
3 –    35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi     1'30.448
4 –    8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM           1'30.457
5 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking         1'30.866
6 –    5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri    1'31.492
7 –    24 E. Tuero        Minardi        1'31.586
8 –    6  S. Speed        Team America   1'31.790
9 –    25 O. Grouillard   Prost          1'31.962
10 –   31 P. Chaves       SAC            1'32.053
11 –   28 A. Montermini   Forti          1'32.087
12 –   19 A. McNish       Toleman        1'32.123
13 –   9  C. Dagnall      F1RM           1'32.141

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14 –   20 R. Firman       Toleman        1'32.377
15 –   26 P. Alliot       Prost          1'32.723
16 –   7  J. Johnson      Team America   1'32.757
17 –   17 G. Tarquini     AGS            1'32.796
18 –   15 A. Yoong        FTM            1'32.800
19 –   18 J. Winkelhock   AGS            1'33.009
20 –   12 T. Inoue        Simtek         1'33.140
21 –   21 P. Ghinzani     Osella         1'33.398
22 –   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek         1'33.601
23 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC            1'33.608
24 –   36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi     1'33.639
25 –   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS           1'33.647
26 –   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun       1'33.768

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---------------- DID NOT QUALIFY ----------------
DNQ –  29 P. Kralev       Lola           1'33.980
DNQ –  34 C. Langes       EuroBrun       1'34.066
DNQ –  4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri    1'34.113
DNQ –  14 J. Villeneuve   Stefan         1'34.268
DNQ –  22 A. Chiesa       Osella         1'34.273
DNQ –  16 F. Fauzy        FTM            1'34.491
DNQ –  13 K. Nakajima     Stefan         1'34.686

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DNQ –  30 R. Teixeira     Lola           1'34.779
DNQ –  41 V. Sospiri      DAMS           1'34.872
DNQ –  39 B. Giacomelli   Life           1'35.201
DNQ –  23 P. Martini      Minardi        1'35.498
DNQ –  37 P-H. Raphanel   ATS Rial       1'35.835
DNQ –  38 V. Weidler      ATS Rial       no time
DNQ –  40 G. Brabham      Life           no time

On an unusually sunny day in the Northamptonshire countryside, homeboy Chris Dagnall dropped the ball. The man with three wins on the board this season when everyone else could only manage one at most should not be half way down the grid, but that's where he is. It was left to Þorvaldur Einarsson to scoop the Friday glory for Viking, with Jan Magnussen not too far away in fifth; Luca Badoer took second to keep up his superb qualifying form. Nobody expected Jean-Denis Délétraz to be F1RM's main challenger, but even fewer expected Fabrizio Barbazza to stick his big hair amongst them all in third. Other top-drawer performances came from Esteban Tuero in seventh, proving that his French qualifying was no fluke, Olivier Grouillard made ninth in the ever-improving Prost, and Scott Speed and Pedro Chaves put their recent troubles behind them to take top ten positions. Allan McNish and Ralph Firman were none too chuffed with 12th and 14th, Jimmie Johnson is still hovering in the wrong end of the grid, and though AGS were disappointed to be only 17th and 19th, at least they were not flirting wildly with non-qualification this time. Alex Yoong kept the flag flying for FTM, even if it's only at half-mast, both Simteks continue to struggle, Piercarlo Ghinzano made it to the grid again, and Stéphane Sarrazin just scraped onto the grid for DAMS. It was a terrible day at the office for EuroBrun, though - they can't get any consistency. Enrico Bertaggia at leats made the last grid slot, but after his sixth place at Magny-Cours, Claudio Langes was this time sent packing on the Friday. Most depressed of all, though, was Yuji Ide - his lengthy streak of good luck that runs right back to the formation of F1RMGP ran out, and a disastrous performance saw him and Super Aguri rack up their first black mark of DNQ. As for the rest: Plamen Kralev was unlucky not to knock Bertaggia off the end of the grid, but that's still a double-DNQ for Lola, as it also was for Stefan, Life and ATS Rial. Osella, FTM, DAMS and Minardi were the other teams to lose one car.



CLASSIFICATION

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1 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking         59   1h 36'54.968
2 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM           59   1h 36'58.534
3 –    19 A. McNish       Toleman        59   1h 37'09.867
4 –    32 P. McCarthy     SAC            59   1h 37'10.428
5 –    26 P. Alliot       Prost          59   1h 37'34.549
6 –    17 G. Tarquini     AGS            59   1h 37'42.481
7 –    20 R. Firman       Toleman        58   + 1 lap            
8 –    8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM           58   + 1 lap            
9 –    18 J. Winkelhock   AGS            58   + 1 lap            
10 –   28 A. Montermini   Forti          58   + 1 lap            
11 –   25 O. Grouillard   Prost          58   + 1 lap            
12 –   27 L. Badoer       Forti          58   + 1 lap            
13 –   5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri    58   + 1 lap            

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14 –   35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi     58   + 1 lap
15 –   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS           58   + 1 lap
16 –   36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi     58   + 1 lap
17 –   3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking         58   + 1 lap
18 –   7  J. Johnson      Team America   57   + 2 laps
19 –   24 E. Tuero        Minardi        57   + 2 laps
20 –   15 A. Yoong        FTM            57   + 2 laps
21 –   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun       57   + 2 laps
22 –   6  S. Speed        Team America   56   + 3 laps
23 –   31 P. Chaves       SAC            56   + 3 laps
24 –   21 P. Ghinzani     Osella         53   transmission
25 –   12 T. Inoue        Simtek         53   crash
26 –   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek         15   engine

After 53 laps of this race, it was looking like another benefit gig for the Vikings. And then came Taki Inoue. With Þorvaldur Einarsson and Jan Magnussen leading, holding off Chris Dagnall who had made a spirited drive through the field, the Simtek driver moved aside to be lapped (again). He moved too far, slid off the road, into the wall on the pit straight, bounced off it and rammed into the side of the Icelander's car. Þorvaldur was hurling some choice Icelandic obscenities over the radio as he limped round an entire lap with a broken front wing and destroyed front tyre. He emerged from the pits just behind his team mate, two laps down - Magnussen let Þorvaldur unlap himself (once) but it was too late for any points. So the Dane took the win, with Chris Dagnall hanging onto his gearbox until right at the end when he slowed to wave at his admiring fans round Woodcote. No Mansell-esque cock-ups for him, though. Most delighted of the three drivers on the podium, though, was Allan McNish - as he sprayed the champagne, all the frustrations of the nightmare season with Lola and the frustrating start to this year melted away, and it was just like being at Le Mans again - well, almost, he hadn't won, it just felt like it. With that result he unrejectified himself instantly, as did Perry McCarthy, who also felt that extra second's advantage that the home crowd seemed to provide, using it to maximum effect to drive to fourth. Had things turned out a bit differently, Philippe Alliot's fifth place would have also meant unrejectification - but he'd already done it back in Monaco. Ralph Firman picked up more useful points for Toleman, and AGS had a double points finish as well - although McCarthy's result meant they fell another two points behind their Italian rivals. Jean-Denis Délétraz was disappointed with ninth, but not nearly as much as Fabrizio Barbazza was with 14th - he'd been well into the points until his HKS engine started misfiring, and he was lucky to make the finish. Forti should have done better than just one measly point for Andrea Montermini - Luca Badoer was just slow, there were no problems with his car. Marco Apicella could do very little in the sole Super Aguri - it was a lone fight out there. Again, Esteban Tuero failed to convert an excellent qualifying into a haul of points - as with Badoer, he just lost the plot on race day. The EuroBruns were disappointing all weekend, only Bertaggia making it into the race and the last of the double-lapped finishers was not where he wanted to be, and the less said about Team America's performance the better. Ditto Pedro Chaves, although in his defence he too had a puncture caused by bits of broken Viking front wing that meant a slow lap and a late tyre change to put him so far down. After Paul Belmondo's engine had given up the ghost after only 15 laps, Inoue had a lot to anwer for, crashing out and compromising two other races. So, let's add up the evidence: Ide, Super Aguri, Inoue, Isuzu, HKS, and the ever non-qualifying Kazuki Nakajima and his Toyota engine that I almost forgot... Reject Of The Race is awarded to the Japanese contingent on a day of shame and dishonour for their country. They'd better improve at Hockenheim or someone may be committing seppuku, and don't forget there's a Dome team waiting in the wings, waiting to fill any gaps in the entry list...



DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP

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1 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking          140
2 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM            125
3 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking          94
4 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti           71
5 –    4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri     41
6 –    26 P. Alliot       Prost           34
7 =    5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri     33
7 =    20 R. Firman       Toleman         33
9 –    28 A. Montermini   Forti           31
10 –   17 G. Tarquini     AGS             30
11 –   31 P. Chaves       SAC             25
12 –   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun        22
13 –   8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM            20

Code: Select all

14 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC             19
15 –   19 A. McNish       Toleman         17
16 –   6  S. Speed        Team America    15
17 –   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun        12
18 –   12 T. Inoue        Simtek          9
19 =   7  J. Johnson      Team America    8
19 =   36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi      8
19 =   18 J. Winkelhock   AGS             8
22 –   25 O. Grouillard   Prost           7
23 =   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek          2
23 =   35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi      2
25 =   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS            1
25 =   41 V. Sospiri      DAMS            1

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP

Code: Select all

1 –   Viking         234
2 –   F1RM           145
3 –   Forti          102
4 –   Super Aguri    74
5 –   Toleman        50
6 –   SAC            44
7 –   Prost          41
8 –   AGS            38
9 –   EuroBrun       34
10 –  Team America   23
11 –  Simtek         11
12 –  Monteverdi     10
13 –  DAMS           2

[SuperAguri]

Surely some mistake, Yuji Ide would not be that slow. I think that there was a mistake made somewhere, maybe someone put the wrong transponder in the wrong car. I think there was a conspiracy against the Japanese somewhere...

[dinizintheoven]

Surely some mistake, Yuji Ide would not be that slow.

Now there's something I never thought I'd hear... away from the F1RMGP fantasy world, at least!

I think that there was a mistake made somewhere, maybe someone put the wrong transponder in the wrong car. I think there was a conspiracy against the Japanese somewhere...

Tinfoil hats! Tinfoil hats for everyone!

One thing never to forget is that F1RMGP cars have a very wide performance band. It's not like F1, where six seconds covers first to last but the grid slots are dictated almost entirely by the raw pace of the car, even the minutest performance disadvantage meaning that car is totally certain to not get pole or a front row, and you know it's always Red Bull at the front, always McLaren and Ferrari just behind, always Mercededs behind them, always FTM, then Virgin, then Hispania in that order at the back. F1RMGP really isn't like that - and the fact is, Yuji Ide dropped the ball quite seriously. It's happened to other top drivers in the series - look at the previous two seasons' results. And unlike F1, where screwing up means joining the three second-year teams at the back of the grid and blasting past them on the first lap, screwing up in F1RMGP means it's sayonara on Friday evening.

It is also not unknown for a car that fails to qualify in one race to take pole and the win in the next. And, of course, vice versa.

[dinizintheoven]

Round 9: Hockenheim, Germany
Saturday, 27 July 2013

THE GRID

Code: Select all

1 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM           1'45.924
2 –    8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM           1'46.341
3 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking         1'46.500
4 –    4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri    1'46.716
5 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking         1'46.724
6 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti          1'46.976
7 –    19 A. McNish       Toleman        1'47.859
8 –    26 P. Alliot       Prost          1'48.108
9 –    28 A. Montermini   Forti          1'48.194
10 –   5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri    1'48.312
11 –   18 J. Winkelhock   AGS            1'48.571
12 –   31 P. Chaves       SAC            1'48.619
13 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC            1'48.789

Code: Select all

14 –   17 G. Tarquini     AGS            1'48.834
15 –   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun       1'48.908
16 –   37 P-H. Raphanel   ATS Rial       1'49.036
17 –   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun       1'49.339
18 –   7  J. Johnson      Team America   1'49.623
19 –   20 R. Firman       Toleman        1'49.874
20 –   21 P. Ghinzani     Osella         1'49.931
21 –   24 E. Tuero        Minardi        1'50.004
22 –   35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi     1'50.125
23 –   12 T. Inoue        Simtek         1'50.215
24 –   6  S. Speed        Team America   1'50.342
25 –   23 P. Martini      Minardi        1'50.350
26 –   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek         1'50.543

Code: Select all

---------------- DID NOT QUALIFY ----------------
DNQ –  42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS           1'50.600
DNQ –  25 O. Grouillard   Prost          1'50.724
DNQ –  15 A. Yoong        FTM            1'50.804
DNQ –  36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi     1'50.806
DNQ –  38 V. Weidler      ATS Rial       1'51.261
DNQ –  41 V. Sospiri      DAMS           1'51.394
DNQ –  22 A. Chiesa       Osella         1'51.516

Code: Select all

DNQ –  14 J. Villeneuve   Stefan         1'51.689
DNQ –  40 G. Brabham      Life           1'52.324
DNQ –  30 R. Teixeira     Lola           1'52.912
DNQ –  13 K. Nakajima     Stefan         1'53.198
DNQ –  39 B. Giacomelli   Life           1'53.375
DNQ –  29 P. Kralev       Lola           1'54.093
DNQ –  16 F. Fauzy        FTM            1'54.509

Pole for Daggers! F1RM and Viking up the front, and amongst them - Yuji Ide, in fourth, proving there'll be no more of that silliness at Silverstone. Marco Apicella joins his team-mate in the top ten, the Fortis put themselves in the mix as well, with Allan McNish in the Toleman - and another outstanding Friday for Philippe Alliot in the Prost! AGS and SAC lock out the next two rows, which means 15th is the best Enrico Bertaggia could hope for in the EuroBrun. But what's that alongside him, in a EuroBrun sandwich? It's a lesser spotted ATS Rial in the hands of Pierre-Henri Raphanel! There's something you don't see every day after qualifying, usually they're on the way home, but on the team's home circuit, they've done the business... by their standards. Jimmie Johnson leads the charge for Team America... in 18th place, just ahead of a very miffed Ralph Firman and a very pleased (to be on the grid) Piercarlo Ghinzani. Minardi just about hauled both cars onto the grid, Scott Speed won't be too happy to be between them, and Simtek... they're at the back again. That's still better than Monteverdi, though - they had to turn their gold-framed picture of their Great Leader to face the wall as Fabrizio Barbazza made a mess of his hot lap, ending up 22nd, and Gregor Foitek missed the cut completely. Olivier Grouillard also had a dreadful day, as did both DAMS cars and Volker Weidler - although for him in the ATS Rial it's merely an average day. Andrea Chiesa still can't make it onto the grid - and the final seven all come from double-DNQ teams. Alex Yoong was the third fatest (or least slow) non-qualifier, then those final seven places were occupied by the Lifes, Lolas and Stefans, with Fairuz Fauzy absolutely dead last.



CLASSIFICATION

Code: Select all

1 –    28 A. Montermini   Forti          45   1h 25'01.050
2 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti          45   1h 25'56.150
3 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking         45   1h 26'00.772
4 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking         45   1h 26'20.699
5 –    4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri    45   1h 26'21.719
6 –    8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM           45   1h 26'24.560
7 –    5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri    45   1h 26'30.262
8 –    11 P. Belmondo     Simtek         45   1h 27'12.063
9 –    20 R. Firman       Toleman        45   1h 27'48.206
10 –   9  C. Dagnall      F1RM           44   + 1 lap            
11 –   26 P. Alliot       Prost          44   + 1 lap            
12 –   19 A. McNish       Toleman        44   + 1 lap            
13 –   12 T. Inoue        Simtek         44   + 1 lap

Code: Select all

14 –   31 P. Chaves       SAC            44   + 1 lap
15 –   7  J. Johnson      Team America   44   + 1 lap
16 –   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun       44   + 1 lap
17 –   18 J. Winkelhock   AGS            44   + 1 lap
18 –   23 P. Martini      Minardi        44   + 1 lap
19 –   6  S. Speed        Team America   44   + 1 lap
20 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC            44   + 1 lap
21 –   35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi     44   + 1 lap
22 –   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun       43   + 2 laps
23 –   37 P-H. Raphanel   ATS Rial       43   + 2 laps
24 –   21 P. Ghinzani     Osella         42   + 3 laps
25 –   17 G. Tarquini     AGS            32   electrical
26 –   24 E. Tuero        Minardi        0    transmission

Some say the Forti only has a four-pot engine, Some say it has turbo lag. All we know is, on the right day, in the right conditions, it can be brutally effective. And today was that day. Their qualifying may not have set the world on fire, but on race day, once they were off the start and round the corner, through the field they hacked, and the combination of Brazilian ethanol and turbo power was irresistible. Few would have predicted it would be Andrea Montermini taking the eventual victory, though - and his utter delight showed on the podium, where his team-mate was only too happy to help him celebrate. Luca Badoer had been hounding Montermini all the way, until a spark plug worked itself loose within sight of the flag, and he ended up crusing the last couple of laps. So far ahead were the Fortis that Badoer still did not lose a place to Jan Magnussen, who joined the Italians on the podium. Þorvaldur Einarsson eventually finished second, fending off Yuji Ide who still felt he had a point to prove after Silverstone, with Jean-Denis Délétraz and Marco Apicella not far behind. Paul Belmondo finally scored himself some more points - his first since Phoenix - and Ralph Firman was the last of the unlapped finishers. So what happened to Chris Dagnall? He couldn't stop getting it wrong all day. He managed to spin three times, once at each chicane, the third of these needing a nose change, and all this added up to a miserable afternoon where Andrea Montermini crept up behind him and banzaied him into lapped-dom within sight of the chequered flag. Philippe Alliot was miles away, so there was little chance of him taking the last point. Six drivers in six teams fought tooth and nail over a meaningless 12th place; Allan McNish came out on top of those, but you'd have thought Jimmie Johnson should have been in with a shout seeing as there's a bit more oval=ness to Hockenheim than any other circuit. Then again, it is clockwise. Scott Speed, Perry McCarthy and Fab Fab rounded out the once-lapped drivers; on EuroBrun's form for some of this season at least, Enrico Bertaggia should be rather annoyed with being two laps down and with the ATS Rial of Pierre-Henri Raphanel breathing down his neck. Piercarlo Ghinzanio trundled in last, three laps down, in the dreadfully slow Osella; only two cars retired, those of Gabriele Tarquini, who had French electrical gremlins, and Esteban Tuero, whose gearbox disintegrated almost as soon as he'd got off the line.

There isn't a really strong candidate for Reject Of The Race - Chris Dagnall was dangerously close to it for falling through the field the way he did, but I'll give it to Scott Speed for his sheer lack of it. Pathetic in qualifying, mediocre in the race, it seems as though after his start to the season, with a podium in Phoenix, he's slowly giving up as the geriatric technology underneath him loses ever more distance to the competition.



DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP

Code: Select all

1 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking          155
2 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM            126
3 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking          106
4 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti           89
5 –    28 A. Montermini   Forti           56
6 –    4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri     51
7 –    5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri     39
8 –    20 R. Firman       Toleman         35
9 –    26 P. Alliot       Prost           34
10 –   17 G. Tarquini     AGS             30
11 –   8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM            28
12 –   31 P. Chaves       SAC             25
13 –   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun        22

Code: Select all

14 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC             19
15 –   19 A. McNish       Toleman         17
16 –   6  S. Speed        Team America    15
17 –   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun        12
18 –   12 T. Inoue        Simtek          9
19 =   7  J. Johnson      Team America    8
19 =   36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi      8
19 =   18 J. Winkelhock   AGS             8
22 –   25 O. Grouillard   Prost           7
23 –   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek          6
24 –   35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi      2
25 =   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS            1
25 =   41 V. Sospiri      DAMS            1

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP

Code: Select all

1 –   Viking         261
2 –   F1RM           154
3 –   Forti          145
4 –   Super Aguri    90
5 –   Toleman        52
6 –   SAC            44
7 –   Prost          41
8 –   AGS            38
9 –   EuroBrun       34
10 –  Team America   23
11 –  Simtek         15
12 –  Monteverdi     10
13 –  DAMS           2

[dinizintheoven]

Round 10: Budapest, Hungary
Saturday, 10 August 2013

THE GRID

Code: Select all

1 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM           1'26.585
2 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking         1'27.207
3 –    25 O. Grouillard   Prost          1'27.788
4 –    35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi     1'27.982
5 –    8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM           1'28.147
6 –    19 A. McNish       Toleman        1'28.182
7 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking         1'28.399
8 –    4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri    1'28.639
9 –    28 A. Montermini   Forti          1'28.678
10 –   17 G. Tarquini     AGS            1'28.973
11 –   14 J. Villeneuve   Stefan         1'29.047
12 –   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek         1'29.093
13 –   12 T. Inoue        Simtek         1'29.078

Code: Select all

14 –   18 J. Winkelhock   AGS            1'29.116
15 –   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun       1'29.376
16 –   38 V. Weidler      ATS Rial       1'29.413
17 –   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun       1'29.532
18 –   23 P. Martini      Minardi        1'29.564
19 –   36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi     1'29.698
20 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC            1'29.775
21 –   30 R. Teixeira     Lola           1'29.986
22 –   6  S. Speed        Team America   1'30.027
23 –   26 P. Alliot       Prost          1'30.143
24 –   27 L. Badoer       Forti          1'30.146
25 –   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS           1'30.276
26 –   20 R. Firman       Toleman        1'30.513

Code: Select all

---------------- DID NOT QUALIFY ----------------
DNQ –  24 E. Tuero        Minardi        1'30.584
DNQ –  41 V. Sospiri      DAMS           1'30.832
DNQ –  39 B. Giacomelli   Life           1'31.007
DNQ –  5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri    1'31.042
DNQ –  22 A. Chiesa       Osella         1'31.038
DNQ –  16 F. Fauzy        FTM            1'31.128
DNQ –  40 G. Brabham      Life           1'31.338

Code: Select all

DNQ –  7  J. Johnson      Team America   1'31.407
DNQ –  37 P-H. Raphanel   ATS Rial       1'31.536
DNQ –  21 P. Ghinzani     Osella         1'31.616
DNQ –  31 P. Chaves       SAC            1'31.736
DNQ –  13 K. Nakajima     Stefan         1'32.799
DNQ –  29 P. Kralev       Lola           1'33.977
DNQ –  15 A. Yoong        FTM            no time

Pole for Daggers... again! That's his fifth of the season now, and it's surprise that it should come at the Hungaroring, that circuit that everyone says is really boring but always throws up some interesting surprises. A Viking on the front row is nothing out of the ordinary, but... Olivier Grouillard in third? Who could have seen that coming? I know the Prost has been improving, but usually it's Philippe Alliot who gets the job done - and he's down in 23rd. Likewise, Fabrizio Barbazza in fourth? Well done, Prost and Monteverdi, and well done Jean-Denis Délétraz for vanquishing the horrible memories of his DNQ last year. McNish, Magnussen (maybe a bit low down), Ide, Montermini, Tarquini, nothing unexpected there... Jacques Villeneuve? In a Stefan? Yes, you saw it right. It is alleged, possibly out of jealousy by some of Stefan's back-of-the-grid rivals that Zoran Stefanovic decided to experiment with his cars' fuel - apparently he was seen dumping an entire can of Redex into JV's fuel tank, leaving Kazuki Nakajima's car untouched as the control. And you can see the difference it's made, and also there are no rules to outlaw it. So behind the flouncing Canuck line up the two Simteks, Smokin' Jo and a couple of EuroBrun with... what's this between them... it's Volker Weidler! Welcome to the grid for the first time this year. And, it seems, anything Stefan can do, ATS Rial can do to counter it, and Günther Schmidt obligingly turned up the boost on Volker's turbo. He didn't do the same for PHR, and you can see what happened there. So, what of the rest? There's still one more surprise to come. Because, amongst those last few stragglers, in there in 21st place - Ricardo Teixeira, making his first appearance of the season, which means that Sir Bernard Shekelslike has lost the bet he made with Eric Broadley that the sometime-Angolan would fail to qualify at all 16 races this year. Apparently, it was for a couple of million dollars... but Sir Bernie is a wily old scrote and didn't say which country's dollars they were... anyway, I digress. Scott Speed languishing in 22nd (behind Teixeira!) is something we're used to now, but Luca Badoer only getting to 24th is something we are not used to - it's not 2011 any more - and Ralph Firman shouldn't be perched on the last row of the grid, either. For all these surprises, there must be fall guys... look at them, sitting in the garages with faces like they've been drinking battery acid up the nose. Marco Apicella has never dropped off the grid - until now. Jimmie Johnson has done it once already this year... and has now repeated that feat. But Pedro Chaves? This man won in Monaco. He won. And now, having failed to score in any other round, he's racked up his third DNQ of the season. I've alluded to it before, but there's going to be a special "Jean-Pierre Jabouille" award for him if his only score comes from that win. And to finish: it's Life, Osella and FTM who are packing up and going home early. Minardi, DAMS, Super Aguri, Team America, ATS Rial, SAC, Stefan and Lola are the eight teams to lose one car. There are only two drivers left who have yet to qualify for a race this year: Osella's Andrea Chiesa, and Life's Gary Brabham.



CLASSIFICATION

Code: Select all

1 –    4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri    77   2h 15'59.423
2 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking         77   2h 16'36.669
3 –    8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM           77   2h 17'32.235
4 –    34 C. Langes       EuroBrun       76   + 1 lap            
5 –    35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi     76   + 1 lap            
6 –    17 G. Tarquini     AGS            76   + 1 lap            
7 –    19 A. McNish       Toleman        76   + 1 lap            
8 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking         76   + 1 lap            
9 –    28 A. Montermini   Forti          76   + 1 lap            
10 –   25 O. Grouillard   Prost          76   + 1 lap            
11 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC            76   + 1 lap            
12 –   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek         76   + 1 lap            
13 –   9  C. Dagnall      F1RM           76   + 1 lap            

Code: Select all

14 –   26 P. Alliot       Prost          75   + 2 laps
15 –   6  S. Speed        Team America   75   + 2 laps
16 –   14 J. Villeneuve   Stefan         75   + 2 laps
17 –   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun       75   + 2 laps
18 –   20 R. Firman       Toleman        75   + 2 laps
19 –   30 R. Teixeira     Lola           74   + 3 laps
20 –   23 P. Martini      Minardi        74   + 3 laps
21 –   36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi     67   crash
22 –   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS           63   crash
23 –   27 L. Badoer       Forti          50   crash
24 –   12 T. Inoue        Simtek         44   transmission
25 –   38 V. Weidler      ATS Rial       19   transmission
26 –   18 J. Winkelhock   AGS            17   engine

And on race day... down came the rain. Initially, it rained lightly. Come lap 48, it bucketed down, and amongst those caught out was the utterly-luckless-on-Saturdays-at-the-moment Chris Dagnall. He left it too late to go onto the full wet tyres, slithered off the track, bent his rear wing and lost two laps in the pits getting it changed. That he managed to put in the drive of his life to unlap himself once was an act of a man possessed... but it was all in vain as he ultimately squandered his pole position for a 13th place finish. Barely believing his luck was Yuji Ide, who had been chasing him hard at the time, and he made exactly the right pit call - which ended in wild celebration as he and the Super Aguri team celebrated their second win, to add to the one in Phoenix last year. Having had one DNQ for each driver since then and with their fortunes looking to be on the slide, this was exactly what they all needed. Experienced with the sudden change of weather was Þorbaldur Einarsson, who sailed (almost literally) to second place, and Jean-Denis Délétraz completely exorcised the memories of last year, taking the final podium place. But if Super Aguri were celebrating hard, then fourth place for Claudio Langes at EuroBrun was equally welcomed, the team all jumping up and down in excitement as Langes took the result that saw him unrejectified - and he would have done it all in one go enev without those two sixth places earlier in the year. Fab Fab kept his big hair dry, and took a well-deserved fifth after a testing season, although not quite in the same league as what he'd suffered at the bad old version of AGS in 2011. Jan Magnussen, Andrea Montermini and Olivier Grouillard took the minor points; for Magnussen, it was the end of a run of eight consecutive podiums, but he's still well in the lead in the Drivers' Championship. Grouillard had hoped for more, but on this day, anything could have happened. Perry McCarthy and Paul Belmondo considered themselves unlucky to miss out on points.

Amongst the two-and-three-lappers were Jacques Villeneuve in the Stefan, giving Scott Speed a run for his money in the end, even if it was only for 15th and 16th places; Ralph Firman had a rotten afternoon, and Ricardo Teixeira at least brought the car home for Lola's first finish this season (Plamen Kralev tried three times and failed three times) through the dreadful weather, even if he was three laps adrift. Joachim Winkelhock was the first retirement with engine trouble - something which is becoming all too familiar to AGS this year, and which Guy Nègre might want to look into; Volker Weidler's gearbox screamed enough after only 19 laps (hey, Günther, maybe it was a bit too much extra boost?); Taki Inoue suffered the same fate later on; finally, the weather caught out Luca Badoer, Stéphane Sarrazin and Gregor Foitek. But I saved Reject Of The Race until last. Pierluigi Martini wasn't caught out by the weather - he was just slow. So slow, in fact, that he was beaten to the line by a man making his first ever F1RMGP start in a car that is known to be catastrophically awful. He deserved it.



DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP

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1 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking          159
2 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM            126
3 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking          124
4 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti           89
5 –    4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri     76
6 –    28 A. Montermini   Forti           58
7 –    8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM            43
8 –    5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri     39
9 –    17 G. Tarquini     AGS             38
10 –   20 R. Firman       Toleman         35
11 =   26 P. Alliot       Prost           34
11 =   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun        22
13 –   31 P. Chaves       SAC             25

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14 –   19 A. McNish       Toleman         23
15 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC             19
16 –   6  S. Speed        Team America    15
17 =   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun        12
17 =   35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi      12
19 –   12 T. Inoue        Simtek          9
20 =   7  J. Johnson      Team America    8
20 =   36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi      8
20 =   18 J. Winkelhock   AGS             8
20 =   25 O. Grouillard   Prost           8
24 –   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek          6
25 =   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS            1
25 =   41 V. Sospiri      DAMS            1

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP

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1 –   Viking         283
2 –   F1RM           169
3 –   Forti          147
4 –   Super Aguri    115
5 –   Toleman        58
6 =   AGS            46
6 =   EuroBrun       46
8 –   SAC            44
9 –   Prost          42
10 –  Team America   23
11 –  Monteverdi     20
12 –  Simtek         15
13 –  DAMS           2

[dinizintheoven]

Right, the mid-season break (well, actually, the I'm Out Going To Four Different Gigs In Four Different Cities In A Week break) is over, and the championship can resume. Are you all perched on the edges of your seats? It's time for a blast through the forests at Everyone's Favourite Circuit™!

Round 11: Spa-Francorchamps, Belgium
Saturday, 24 August 2013

THE GRID

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1 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking         1'59.492
2 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti          1'59.996
3 –    8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM           2'00.830
4 –    5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri    2'00.948
5 –    2  J. Magnussen    Viking         2'01.161
6 –    35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi     2'01.200
7 –    4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri    2'01.313
8 –    28 A. Montermini   Forti          2'01.411
9 –    19 A. McNish       Toleman        2'02.036
10 –   20 R. Firman       Toleman        2'02.170
11 –   6  S. Speed        Team America   2'02.707
12 –   9  C. Dagnall      F1RM           2'02.750
13 –   41 V. Sospiri      DAMS           2'03.071

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14 –   12 T. Inoue        Simtek         2'03.123
15 –   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS           2'03.126
16 –   34 C. Langes       EuroBrun       2'03.462
17 –   26 P. Alliot       Prost          2'03.786
18 –   17 G. Tarquini     AGS            2'04.168
19 –   25 O. Grouillard   Prost          2'04.257
20 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC            2'04.383
21 –   7  J. Johnson      Team America   2'04.667
22 –   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek         2'04.675
23 –   24 E. Tuero        Minardi        2'04.762
24 –   18 J. Winkelhock   AGS            2'04.794
25 –   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun       2'04.914
26 –   21 P. Ghinzani     Osella         2'04.962

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---------------- DID NOT QUALIFY ----------------
DNQ –  22 A. Chiesa       Osella         2'04.975
DNQ –  14 J. Villeneuve   Stefan         2'05.098
DNQ –  23 P. Martini      Minardi        2'05.166
DNQ –  31 P. Chaves       SAC            2'05.627
DNQ –  15 A. Yoong        FTM            2'05.718
DNQ –  40 G. Brabham      Life           2'06.010
DNQ –  13 K. Nakajima     Stefan         2'06.171

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DNQ –  38 V. Weidler      ATS Rial       2'06.342
DNQ –  37 P-H. Raphanel   ATS Rial       2'06.383
DNQ –  16 F. Fauzy        FTM            2'06.506
DNQ –  29 P. Kralev       Lola           2'07.549
DNQ –  36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi     2'07.561
DNQ –  30 R. Teixeira     Lola           2'07.682
DNQ –  39 B. Giacomelli   Life           2'09.231

There may not be any forests in Iceland, but Þorvaldur Einarsson certainly felt at home in the Ardennes (with no accent, says tommykl, and he should know, being Belgian), blasting just about everyone in the field into next week - only Luca Badoer, sharing the front row with him, put up enough of a challenge to record a time under two minutes. Jean-Denis Délétraz was the main challenger for F1RM, when it really should have been Chris Dagnall, who is languishing in 12th. Have they swapped cars or something? Marco Apicella, in fourth, made up superbly for dropping the ball in Hungary - and also up there, amongst the Vikings, Super Aguris, Fortis and Tolemans, appeared a delighted Fabrizio Barbazza - not for the first time this year. He'll be hoping he can keep it up in the race this time, though. Also overjoyed with their performance were Vincenzo Sospiri and Stéphane Sarrazin - both about half way up the field for the best Friday DAMS have had this year, and that ends a run of four DNQs for Vinnie. Further down the field, AGS look to have slid backwards into the clutches of the midfielders - 18th and 24th is very disappointing for them, but nowhere near as much as 20th is for Perry McCarthy... in the sole SAC to make the grid. EuroBrun are like the Grand Old Duke Of York - when they're up, they're up, and when they're down, they're down, and it looks like a down-day for them with Enrico Bertaggia getting a scare at the end of the session to end up only six tenths from a DNQ. The most exciting battle was between the Osellas - 13 thousandths separated them, but it turned out to be the difference between Piercarlo Ghinzani lining up for the race on Saturday and Andrea Chiesa sitting it out, as he has done at every race meeting this year. We're getting used to seeing the same teams fail to qualify race in, race out - Stefan, ATS Rial, Life, Lola, FTM - but there were snarls from SAC and Pedro Chaves after his second successive DNQ - what has happened to him? It's as if he's really lost the plot after that win in Monaco. In fact, I'd say that's worthy of Reject Of The Race before the race has even started. And Gregor Foitek - that's his third miss of the season, in a car that his team-mate has stuck in fourth place, and has made the grid every time this year. The final word, though, goes to Bruno Giacomelli - dead last in the Life, and a second and a half adrift of everyone else - as well as missing the cut by over four seconds. It's like 1990 all over again - almost.


CLASSIFICATION

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1 –    3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking         44   1h 35'28.117
2 –    9  C. Dagnall      F1RM           44   1h 36'25.163
3 –    8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM           44   1h 36'31.201
4 –    20 R. Firman       Toleman        44   1h 36'54.634
5 –    27 L. Badoer       Forti          44   1h 37'34.286
6 –    32 P. McCarthy     SAC            43   + 1 lap            
7 –    6  S. Speed        Team America   43   + 1 lap            
8 –    34 C. Langes       EuroBrun       43   + 1 lap            
9 –    19 A. McNish       Toleman        43   + 1 lap            
10 –   5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri    43   + 1 lap            
11 –   28 A. Montermini   Forti          43   + 1 lap            
12 –   2  J. Magnussen    Viking         43   + 1 lap            
13 –   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun       43   + 1 lap            

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14 –   18 J. Winkelhock   AGS            43   + 1 lap
15 –   21 P. Ghinzani     Osella         43   + 1 lap
16 –   25 O. Grouillard   Prost          43   + 1 lap
17 –   12 T. Inoue        Simtek         43   + 1 lap
18 –   7  J. Johnson      Team America   43   + 1 lap
19 –   41 V. Sospiri      DAMS           43   + 1 lap
20 –   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS           42   + 2 laps
21 –   24 E. Tuero        Minardi        42   electrical
22 –   35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi     38   overheating
23 –   4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri    29   engine
24 –   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek         19   engine
25 –   26 P. Alliot       Prost          18   engine
26 –   17 G. Tarquini     AGS            9    electrical

Now, that's unusual: a bright and sunny day at Spa! Not particularly unusual was the way Þorvaldur Einarsson tore away from the lights, power-slid round La Source, wrung Eau Rouge's neck and left the rest of the field for dead. So determined was he to record his second win of the season - and it had been a long time since Mexico - that there really was no stopping him. Neither was there any stopping Chris Dagnall, as he chopped his way through the field to finish second - a minute behing the rampaging Icelander, admittedly, but those 18 points were like gold dust on a day where title rival Jan Magnussen had an unexplained nightmare and became the last driver this year to fall off the scoresheet. Jean-Denis Délétraz took third for F1RM, but with the Vikings still over 100 points ahead in the Constructors' Championship, it could be too little, too late - his one point in the first six races has a lot to do with that. Ralph Firman and Luca Badoer stayed on the lead lap; Perry McCarthy won't be too annoyed to have been lapped, because sixth place and eight points was a useful boost for the beleagured SAC team and took the pressure off their lead driver... for a while, anyway. Finally, Scott Speed scored some more points for Team America - it's been the roughest of rough patches for them since his podium on home soil, but for Claudio Langes, scoring hasn't been out of the ordinary this year and he's done so again. Jan Magnussen must be wondering how all these others managed to get ahead of him, and also why Enrico Bertaggia spent the last lap swarming all over his gearbox. Further down the order, Piercarlo Ghinzani scored his best result of the season - Osella are still a mile away from scoring, but it's only his second finish and that he has done so is all that matters to the team right now. Jimmie Johnson could barely handle the challenge of the Spa circuit and ended up 18th, while DAMS were frustrated that they could not make more of their qualifying positions. They crossed the line, almost line astern - except for the Viking between them, Þorvaldur Einarsson having lapped Stéphane Sarrazin for the second time at the Bus Stop. And so to the retirements; Esteban Tuero had to park it within sight of the flag with electrical gremlins, which had already seen to Gabriele Tarquini much earlier in the race - he's lost quite a few points that way this year, and the engineers at Gonfaron will need to raise their game to avoid them losing championship places to SAC, EuroBrun and Prost. Big-Haired Fab's Monteverdi had to pull into the pits belching clouds of steam, and Yuji Ide, Taki Inoue and Philippe Alliot all had to deal with exploding engines that the Spa circuit had pushed to breaking point.



DRIVERS' CHAMPIONSHIP
Five races and 125 points are left to be won. Drivers with a mathematical chance of the championship are shown with a star.

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1 –  * 2  J. Magnussen    Viking          159
2 –  * 3  Þ. Einarsson    Viking          149
3 –  * 9  C. Dagnall      F1RM            144
4 –  * 27 L. Badoer       Forti           99
5 –  * 4  Y. Ide          Super Aguri     76
6 =  * 28 A. Montermini   Forti           58
6 =  * 8  J-D. Délétraz   F1RM            58
8 –  * 20 R. Firman       Toleman         47
9 –  * 5  M. Apicella     Super Aguri     40
10 = * 17 G. Tarquini     AGS             38
10 = * 34 C. Langes       EuroBrun        38
12 – * 26 P. Alliot       Prost           34
13 –   32 P. McCarthy     SAC             27

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14 =   31 P. Chaves       SAC             25
14 =   19 A. McNish       Toleman         25
16 –   6  S. Speed        Team America    21
17 =   33 E. Bertaggia    EuroBrun        12
17 =   35 F. Barbazza     Monteverdi      12
19 –   12 T. Inoue        Simtek          9
20 =   7  J. Johnson      Team America    8
20 =   36 G. Foitek       Monteverdi      8
20 =   18 J. Winkelhock   AGS             8
20 =   25 O. Grouillard   Prost           8
24 –   11 P. Belmondo     Simtek          6
25 =   42 S. Sarrazin     DAMS            1
25 =   41 V. Sospiri      DAMS            1

CONSTRUCTORS' CHAMPIONSHIP
Five races and 215 points are left to be won. Teams with a mathematical chance of the championship are shown with a star.

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1 – * Viking         308
2 – * F1RM           202
3 – * Forti          157
4 – * Super Aguri    116
5 –   Toleman        72
6 –   SAC            52
7 –   EuroBrun       50
8 –   AGS            46
9 –   Prost          42
10 –  Team America   29
11 –  Monteverdi     20
12 –  Simtek         15
13 –  DAMS           2