Alt-Mario Kart 1996: Sex, Drugs, and Espionage

[Rob Dylan]

While he is not yet dead, Donkard Kong Jr. must be rolling in his hospital bed as he sees what happened to his beloved series. 1995 was a strange and tumultuous year. In some ways it was a welcome breather compared to the madness that hit the series in 1994, although we yet again saw a (possibly) career-ending injury occur close to the end. Nobody seems to like each other, and the MIA are desperately hoping that the new rules bring some much-needed unity and enjoyment out of the sport for its participants.

The new ruleset is going to shake things up when it's announced, and a lot of quite fundamental aspects of the series are going to change. The easiest to understand and follow will be the introduction of a constructor's championship and a new number system. A driver must be part of a two-kart team and they must fight not just for themselves, but for their teams as well. Let's get into what we have so far, eh?

Starting off with the incoming BMW team. The man, the myth, the legend, Mr. Wario Jumpman #1 comes into the brand-new Mario Kart season of 1996 as a two-time world champion! In the off-season he signed a two-year contract with the BMW team to the end of 1997, and he and Bowser seem happy to work with one another for the foreseeable future. The second BMW seat has not yet been filled, and rumours abound as to whether Bowser, the team principal, will drive the kart, or whether he is going to hang up the racing gloves and retire.

Second the #3 and #4 kart, run by Scuderia Mario. While the Marioserati/tani runners had perhaps their best shot at the title since 1992, Mario himself had a very poor season. In the off-season he made the rather controversial decision to fire both of his race-winning teammates, citing the need for "champions" in his team. Going into 1996 he has kept himself as the star driver, alongside Lewis Hammerton, who leaves the Hammer Bros. Racing Team for greener pastures. One wonders how long that relationship will last, and which one of the parties will break the two-year contract first...

Mitsuyoshi Buntai are the third team on the grid. Their principal Yoshisaur T. Munchakoopas was shot in the run-up to the 1995 Special Cup and remains in intensive care. Whether he recovers by the season's start remains to be seen, but in the meantime his representative Redsaurus C. Munchakooper has hired Para Troopa on a 1-year contract alongside team stalwart Peach Toadstool.

PowerStar Koopra Sport had an interesting season, with its star driver Koopa Troopa missing the first Cup and yet almost winning the season as a whole. He has hired the recently-fired Toad as his star driver once again, with himself in the second seat. Getting on in years, Koopa Troopa may be following in the footsteps of his compatriot Bowser in moving towards a more managerial role for the time being.

Koopa's teammate DK III only lasted one year at the team, before being tempted by his cousin Diddy to join the Diddy Kong Racing team for the future. Diddy has had trouble financing and attracting teammates since his team's inception in 1994. However, now with his cousin's massive fortune, he stands to do very well out of the upcoming season.

There has been no news from the Hammer Bros. Racing Team, though we expect Foreman Spike to announce his continued presence in the sport, though with which driver, we do not know yet.

A spreadsheet with all the currently-known deals and contracts is here.

List of Teams and Drivers:
Championship Winning Team by Bowser Motor Works
#1 Wario Jumpman
#2 Bowser Koopa

Marionster Energy Scuderia Mario
#3 Mario Mario
#4 Lewis Hammerton

Mitsuyoshi Buntai
#5 Para Troopa
#6 Peach Toadstool

PowerStar Koopra Sport
#7 Toad Toadstool
#8 Koopa Troopa

Diddy Kong Racing
#9 Donkard Kong III
#10 Diddy Kong

Hammer Bros. Racing Team
#11 Foreman Spike
#12 unfilled

Driver Notes
- Frau Daisy von Sarasaland (Pinkd56) has been forced to take a break from racing after a SEASON-ENDING PREGNANCY during the off-season. She and Luigi Mario are happy to announce that their new baby boy's name is also Luigi.
- Peach Toadstool (NessaFox) is rumoured to also be trying for a baby. Whether she will be able to honour her season-long contract at Mitsuyoshi remains to be seen.
- Luigi Mario (TCBY) does not have a driver for the 1996 season yet, but he remains the most qualified driver not have been picked up yet. Shall BMW keep him for another year, or will this be the trick HBRT need to make some forward progress?
- Kamek Magikoopa (autopilot) is happy and enthusiastic about taking part in the upcoming season if anyone will hire him.
- Birdetto Birdo (autopilot) has been inspired by the career of her countryman Yoshi that she is trying to get herself into professional Mario Kart racing.
- You can totally suggest other drivers if you want one to take part. Just let me know if you want to take over one of the autopiloted ones too.


Calendar
Mushroom Cup
1. Luigi Raceway (Mushroom Kingdom)
2. Moo Moo Farm (Mushroom Kingdom)
3. Koopa Troopa Beach (Koopa Kingdom)
4. Kalimari Desert (Mushroom Kingdom)

Flower Cup
5. Toad's Turnpike (Mushroom Kingdom)
6. Frappe Snowland (Yoshi's Island)
7. Choco Mountain (Yoshi's Island)
8. Mario Raceway (Mushroom Kingdom)

Star Cup
9. Wario Stadium (Mushroom Kingdom)
10. Sherbet Land (Yoshi's Island)
11. Royal Raceway (Mushroom Kingdom)
12. Bowser's Castle (Koopa Kingdom)

Special Cup
13. DK's Jungle Parkway (Donkey Kong Country)
14. Yoshi Valley (Yoshi's Island)
15. Banshee Boardwalk (Yoshi's Island)
16. Rainbow Road (Space)

[Rob Dylan]

So just to clarify in a second post in case you missed it:

Anyone who would like to take over the role of Kamek or Birdo just has to post here or message me on Discord

[Rob Dylan]

And the news comes through that Bowser, after many talks with other drivers to possibly take the second seat at BMW, announces that he will not be retiring after all, and will be driving in (at least) one more season of Mario Kart for 1996! He will take the #2 kart.

[Hammercat42]

Katz Katz News:

We received a very hot fax live from the press:
Hammer Bros. Racing Team renewed their contract with Foreman Spike

Manager Hammercat is happily announcing that the teamwork between the team and Foreman will be continued into the new season of 1996.

With the following news we can share this table with the readers of this tabloid:

AMK-1996 Season
Hammer Bros. Racing Team
Engine: Hammeronda H96
Tyres: SpikeStein SPS-96
Chassis: Unknown Rumours said HB195-B

Drivers
#11 Foreman Spike
#12 unfilled

Manager
Rick Hammercat

I am open for any contract talks for the 2nd seat here.

[Rob Dylan]

Much time has passed over the Winter holiday, and now word is starting to come out about the quality of the six individual teams and their karts. Team owners have all been given sheets related to the quality and funds of their team, and it is going to be up to them very soon as to how they will be spent. The regulations will be known to the team owners, and I will do a full publishing of them when I know them fully myself sorry for the wait coming up to the new season, but I promise it will be worth your while.

[Rob Dylan]

I have also added the calendar.

The MIA are proud to announce that for the foreseeable future, the Mario Kart series will be taking place on a series of permanent race circuits that have been built over recent years. Not only will the circuits be permanent-built, but the aim is for the calendar to remain unchanged for these coming seasons as well. This is aimed to reduce a lot of the politicking that calendar choices caused in previous years. If anything is to occur from now on, it is less politicking...

[Rob Dylan]

First Pre-Season Testing

Well, welcome dear readers to the first pre-season test for the 1996 Mario Kart season. We're here at the very first of some of our totally new permanent purpose built circuits: It's Mario Raceway!



Although it is just for pre-season testing, we expect the crowd to be enormous as their home hero takes to the track in kart #3 today. 11 karts have turned up. BMW, Scuderia Mario, Mitsuyoshi Buntai, Koopra Sport and Diddy Kong Racing have brought the two drivers they intend to start the season with, while HBRT have only come with Foreman Spike, as they have not signalled as to their second driver yet.

11 minutes into the session and Donkey Kong III has the fastest time, driving as he is for his cousin Diddy Kong
his teammate and team owner proceeds to crash his kart at the final turn, bringing out the red flag.



The session gets going again later on. The BMWs were slow to set a time, but Bowser and Wario seem to be trading fastest laps at the front. 41 minutes in and most of the hotlaps are done. Lewis Hammerton is neck-and-neck with his new teammate Mario; that could be a rivalry to watch this year, especially as Mario appears to actually be somewhat competent as a driver due to the RNG. Lots of accidents as the drivers get used to the new karts and a green circuit. Minute 61 and there have been a series of engine failures from the BMW and Scuderia Mario drivers. Having never done more than three consecutive laps, these engines are having trouble taking an all-day practice session clearly.

And there we go: by the end of the day, it's Bowser Koopa, who at the last minute decided to extend his racing career by another season, who goes fastest in the first pre-season testing in 1996. His teammate Wario managed 2nd fastest before crashing early on. The BMWs look very strong. Behind them was Donkey Kong who led the pace of an apparently resurgent DKR. Claiming that he "needs champions", Mario Mario may be disappointed with 6th and 7th in the running, although lots of good testing time was achieved by both drivers. Toad, in his return to Koopra Sport, will be happy with a 4th place, tucking in just ahead of his former teammate Para Troopa in 5th. Troopa seems to be the leading driver at Mitsuyoshi right now, with teammate Peach down in 10th and team leader Yoshi in the hospital. Foreman Spike managed to put his kart a not-dreadful 8th. In top hands that kart could be truly worth something - questions abound as to his 1996 teammate...

Koopa Troopa managed only 9th, but had good consistency and lots of laps under his belt

Testing results

[Rob Dylan]

So the new regulations have been declared for the upcoming season. Most things remain the same, with a few key differences in how the series is played.

- Secrecy: team owners are now in full understanding of their finances, driver fitness, and kart upgrades. They now have full control with a budget in upgrading their kart, which nobody else can see. There's going to be a greater degree of privacy as a result (unless you want to break that privacy )
- Upgrade changes: With an effort for sustainability and the long-term, upgrades are now far more expensive and tiered by their worth. Development will be slower than it used to be.
- Engine and Tyre freezes: The current rules state that engines and tyres, provided pre-season, cannot be upgraded mid-season, and instead only on off-seasons. However, the MIA are not married to this rule, and are happy to talk to the MKDA should any need arise.
- Base: along with the regular kart upgrades, each constructor now has a base of operations to work from. This base allows them spending power over the course of the season, and without a properly developed base, their season progress will be slow.
- Depreciation: when RNGs hit the number 10, the component will actually be developed in the wrong direction, and will lose value.
- Numbers and Constructors: with the new constructors system, there will be a constructors' championship that has a direct influence on prize money, with a greater prestige than ever before. Numbers of karts will reflect the 1996-2013 F1 number system.
- No Cup restrictions: while the 1992-1995 seasons were run live on LTF, I will be running the coming seasons step-by-step and race-by-race. This means that you are allowed to swap drivers mid-Cup should you choose.
...and finally...
- Bribes, Extortion and Espionage: Here at Alt-Mario Kart, we're all about fun. If you suggest something to me (probably privately) about any idea, plot or scheme that you have, I am almost certainly happy to follow it and see where ti goes. Politics is what makes this series go round, and the more invested you are in your driver/team, the more fun the series becomes as a result.

[Aislabie]

A statement from Diddy Kong Racing

The new regulations introduced by the MIA have forced costs upwards to an extreme extent for the teams of the MarioKart series. If the MIA doesn't do something about this, there will be no teams left to go racing in this series.

Normally we would have hoped that the MKDA might be able to do something about this situation, but the MIA has taken advantage of the tragic situation surrounding the attack on Yoshiaur Munchakoopas to put these changes into place without the proper oversight they would usually be subject to.

Diddy Kong Racing wishes that its displeasure be noted, and its feedback be acted upon.

[Nessafox]

I honestly have a bit of a feeling that you're changing a bit too much at the same time... i do hope you give then a few seasons of stability because if things change again before i have an idea how it even works, i'll just have to make clueless decisions (basically tanking it )

[Rob Dylan]

DONKEY KONG JUNIOR AWAKENS!


Donkey Kong Jr., pictured during his brief period as a professional tennis player in the early 1990s, has been in a coma for nearly two years after an accident at Donut Plains during the 1994 Mushroom Cup.

It's true. After nearly two years in a television coma, the beloved anthropomorphic ape character has come out of his slumber in his hospital bed in the Mushroom Kingdom hospital. Miraculously well and compos mentis, Kong Jr. said he was ready to get back to normality and real life again.

While the world has been awaiting good news regarding the health of Yoshisaur T. Munchakoopas, whose attempted murder attracted all the headlines in late 1995, it was finally a piece of good news to find that one Mario Kart driver is still healthy and living.

Kong Jr. and his press team announced a conference shortly after his awakening, in order to clarify a few things. When asked about his possible intentions to return to grand prix racing, Kong Jr. denied them unequivocably. 'I've had my time,' the ape says. 'I'm 46 and haven't got out of bed in two years. I'm officially announcing my retirement from grand prix racing.' The stunned press asked him whether he was still intending to attend race weekends to follow the fortunes of his son and nephew, to which he replied that he was leaving their fates in their own hands.

Asked about his imminent future, Kong Jr. said 'Now it is time for me to retire. For the next year or so, don't expect very much news from me. Maybe I'll get back to my old tennis career. Let's see. But what is absolute is that I am not coming back to alt-Mario Kart ever. At least as a driver.'

And everyone clapped.

[Aislabie]

It is with great relief that we welcome a healthy Donkard Kong back into public life following his terrible accident.

I can think of nobody better than Donkard Kong to temporarily take on the duties of an acting MKDA president, only until Yoshiaur Munchakoopas recovers from his injuries.

More importantly, we wish to nominate him as MIA President with immediate effect. He is a racer, a statesman and a leader; he would be exactly the right person to get our sport moving in the right direction again.

@KonkardDong
Remember when Diddy Kong tried to get DK Jr put in as MIA president?

@Anna (Rainbow Road Fangirl)
Yeah but he was no Mario :mario:

[Rob Dylan]

Kong Jr, only recently recovered from a near two-year coma, asks his fans and the Mario Kart community to be patient with his recovery, although he does not deny his possible intention to stand for MKDA or MIA presidency in the future.

[Rob Dylan]

Second and Final Testing

Welcome everyone to the second and final pre-season testing event!



After the heart-warming news about DK Jr's recovery, the teams gather their things together and head to Luigi Raceway for the opening round. A week before the race, it's time to see if the latest upgrades have made a difference to the order at all.

At HBRT we have Kamek Magikoopa, who has been flown in for the first race while the team decide for good who their second driver is going to be. Meaning that the 12-kart grid is totally full. Ironically this means that we are celebrating at Luigi Raceway without Luigi! The 1992 world champion has not found himself a seat for 1996, and the press are debating whether or not he is intending to start his own team or buy out a rival

The weather is clear and dry, as it apparently always is in the Mushroom Kingdom. The early laps come in, with Peach setting a stunning lap before Koopa Troopa hits the tunnel entrance and brings out the red flag. DKR are very slow here, with DK III and Diddy Kong occupying the last two spots. The BMWs eventually rise to the top as we hit 30 minutes - it seems their package has done very well from the new regulations. Currently Foreman Spike is 3rd, meaning that the HBRT is very strong as well. And as I say that, Spike breaks down before the tunnel entrance and brings out another red flag. Like last time, Mario and his new teammate Lewis Hammerton are equal on pace, almost to the thousandth of a second.

70 minutes in now and the BMWs are switching top times. Bowser seems to have made the right decision not to retire so soon, as he puts his kart ahead of teammate and defending champion Wario Jumpman by 0.003 seconds. And so we have the final results from testing:



Bowser Koopa tops both testing days. Peach takes 3rd place for an apparently uplifted Mitsuyoshi. Foreman Spike is showing that HBRT are much improved over the off-season, while supersub teammate Kamek managed a not dreadful 8th, ahead of megatalent Toad Toadstool. Lewis Hammerton and Mario Mario were another two teammates separated by fractions, this time by 0.006 seconds for their best times. Para Troopa didn't give his best performance today, and I'm sure that 7th is not his upper limit of performance. Toad and Koopa will be hoping for upgrades soon, as Koopra Sport seemed to go backwards since a few weeks ago in the first test. DKR will be wondering what good their upgrades did them at all, as they made up the back row - with DK III a full second off the pace, there will be questions asked behind closed doors.

[Rob Dylan]

Round 1 - Luigi Raceway



So we're finally ready for the opening round of the 1996 Mario Kart season, held here at Luigi Raceway. Featuring a fantastic long straight, followed by a series of fast corners that lead through a tunnel, it's the first of our new permanent circuits for the new Mario Kart Formula.

We have 12 drivers today, represented by six teams. For the first time ever, these drivers are also helping their teams fight for the inaugural constructors championship:

- Kart #1 features Wario Jumpman, who has just won the world championship twice in a row. After signing a two year contract with the BMW team, he seems hot on the heels to win a third this year.
- Kart #2 features Bowser Koopa, the 1993 world champion. After off-season rumours of a retirement, the 42-year-old decided to return for at least one more season, and has shown top pace in testing up until now.
- Both drivers represent BMW, who have topped testing in the two sessions this year.

- Kart #3 features Mario Mario, the controversial lead driver and owner of Scuderia Mario. Citing the need for champions, he is fielding a new teammate this year in Lewis Hammerton, and the times between the two are very close.
- Kart #4 features Lewis Hammerton. Leaving HBRT for newer pastures, could this be the break the megatalent needs to make the big leagues in Mario Kart?
- They represent Scuderia Mario in its current form. The two drivers seem neck and neck, so it will be an intra-team fight to watch.

- Kart #5 features Para Troopa. The surprise contender for the 1995 championship, Troopa was dropped by SM and was picked up as lead driver for Mitsuyoshi in Munchakoopas' absence. His pace at the new team will certainly be one to watch.
- Kart #6 features Peach Toadstool. A stalwart of Mitsuyoshi, rumours abound that this will be a part-time season as the princess expects a child soon.
- They represent Mitsuyoshi Buntai, the Yoshi's Island-based team, who are keen as every year to mount a championship challenge through either their drivers or a joint effort.

- Kart #7 features Toad Toadstool, another reject from SM. He returned to his old team from 1992-3, and seems to be as rejuvenated as ever to win titles. Can he do it in the current machinery?
- Kart #8 features Koopa Troopa, who in his advanced years is still kicking it with the frontrunners. He remains an unknown as to whether he has produced the goods to bring his team to winning ways again.
- They represent Koopra Sport, who in various guises have been there or thereabouts for many years. The original duo reunited, let's see if their teamwork can bring them good fortune.

- Kart #9 features Donkey Kong III. After a dud of a 1995 season, the ape seems to be much improved in pace over the off-season. Now working with his cousin, let's see if we can expect podiums from the fast-starting DKR.
- Kart #10 features Diddy Kong. Best of the rest last season, his new kart seems to be all over the place in terms of pace - top of the timesheets in one test, bottom in the next.
- They represent DKR, probably the most well-funded team on the grid (according to sources). As said, their pace is everywhere, so they are a dark horse to watch in the opening rounds.

- Kart #11 features Foreman Spike. Hitting the big 4-0, Spike is as determined as ever to succeed with the backmarker HBRT. Have they hit the big time finally? Let's wait and find out.
- Kart #12 features Kamek Magikoopa. The supersub from late 1995 has got himself a one-race contract due to the fact that HBRT haven't got themselves a driver yet. We don't expect much, but we've been surprised before!
- They represent HBRT, the perennial backmarkers during their first two seasons. But who knows, perhaps they have got the new rules sorted out?




So, time for qualifying. It's clear and dry, as it always seems to be in the Mushroom Kingdom. As always, qualifying catches the occasional driver out. This time it is Bowser, who makes an error on the last corner. Peach too makes an error and posts a disappointing time. Wario has a huge lead over the opposition in Q1 right now. DKR and HBRT are the closest teams to him, however.

Q1 Results


Bowser goes out immediately in Q2 and sets a solid time. Donkey Kong III also puts a lap in when it matters, and the DKR team seem very good around here. Peach, while waving at the adoring crowd, makes a slip-up and loses time again. Kamek goes a stunning second! Immediately usurped by Lewis Hammerton. In quali alone, there appears to be a half-second gap between BMW and the rest. Toad can only manage 5th - not what Koopra Sport were wanting. Mario likewise will be disappointed with 7th. Diddy Kong is the next surprise as he takes that coveted second spot. Foreman Spike makes a mistake in the tunnel and sets no time - crucial when he was second-fastest in Q1. We await Wario now, who qualifies second! It's a BMW 1-2 on the grid, with Bowser Koopa scoring pole on his return to racing. It's still a mystery who is second best right now, but it seems to be a cross between DKR and HBRT, with Lewis Hammerton putting himself in the mix.

Q2 Results


Race-day now. It is indeed again clear and dry as always. Qualifying only means so much, and it is about whether the drivers can keep their karts on the track. The drivers are revving their engines - it's a long start-straight with plenty of time for overtakes. The first error is from Wario, who slips up going into the tunnel. Bowser extends his lead while Wario remains on track. Kamek then smashes up his kart from P5 on the tunnel exit. Koopa loses some time in avoiding the wreckage, while Mario makes the dream start, overtaking both his former teammates

Diddy Kong has a bad start, dropping down the order behind his teammate and a fast starting Lewis Hammerton. On the second lap the action calms down, with Wario setting fastest lap and managing to escape from
Hammerton, who had been right on his heels the previous lap. Foreman Spike in last makes a mistake all on his own, dropping even further behind the pack. The third lap again has a total lack of action! It's been one of the most boring Mario Kart races in recent memory. Wario sets a new fastest lap, but Bowser Koopa wins the race from pole. Lewis Hammerton takes a convincing 3rd place, while Donkey Kong III snatches the final point ahead of his teammate.

Race Results


So it's a BMW 1-2 in quali and in the race. Their engine seemed to love the long straights and the fast corners. Bowser is back on form, while most of the other teams are scratching their heads, wondering who is fastest of them all. For the time being, Lewis Hammerton takes the best of the race reputation.

Driver Standings


Constructor Standings

[Rob Dylan]

Round 2 - Moo Moo Farm

We're here at Moo Moo Farm for the second round of the 1996 season. The only oval track on the calendar, this will test the teams and drivers in a totally different way to last week's Luigi Raceway track.



With a total lack of fast corners, it is down to the drivers far more than the engine. Perhaps this is the big one for Mario. Then again, perhaps not. After a one-off appearance for HBRT at Luigi Raceway, Kamek has left the team and been replaced by Birdetta Birdo, who makes her debut here at Moo Moo Farm. Without further ado, let's start the weekend. Qualifying 1 starts and the opening runners are doing fine. Again the BMWs are quickest, while Mario makes a mistake hitting the bridge. The Mitsuyoshis split the SMs with Peach in third place behind the BMWs. Then Toad puts in a really strong lap for 3rd, and what's this? Donkey Kong III puts his kart into second place, 0.001 seconds off the BMW's time - incredible! Birdo puts her kart to 6th, while Diddy Kong makes a small mistake and lands 5th



Q2 now. Mario greatly improves upon his Q1 time, putting himself ahead of both of the Koopas. Lewis Hammerton is two places behind his teammate, while Peach puts in a disappointing time. Birdo goes fastest, a fraction ahead of Mario! Toad goes fastest! Then Wario makes a mistake. He hits a cow and his kart is totalled! This could be crucial Donkey Kong III goes fastest now with a whopping time. The only person now able to beat him is Bowser, who does so! It's another pole for Bowser The Koopa King is delighting in this new formula, but can he keep the kart on track on race day?



Race Day. It's a clear dry day in the Mushroom Kingdom yet again. Donkey Kong III is looking for a debut win here, while there are plenty of drivers hoping to take advantage of only one BMW at the front. The lights go out... and we're off! It's surprisingly clean, except for one accident and that is by race leader Bowser, who bins it in the mud on lap 1! Wario's kart is also very sick after the defending world champion hit a mole. There are overtakes up and down the order. Peach has put in the lap of her career, overtaking five drivers and moving up to 3rd. Birdo likewise gets past Toad (who's had a shocker) and is up to 2nd on debut. Donkey Kong leads. This clean driving is very unexpected - it's not at all how the predictions were expecting It's lap 2 and Toad is continuing to drop down the order, down to 7th now. Diddy Kong hits a wall and still posts the fastest lap woah, I really have no explanation for this hyperreliability. But nothing happens on the last lap and Donkey Kong III wins his first race! Birdo grabs second, while Peach and Mario fill out the rest of the spots. Birdo has had a magnificent debut, and her second is actually the best ever result for HBRT



Drivers Standings


Constructors Standings

[Rob Dylan]

What is going on at Scuderia Mario?

Rumours abound that beloved driver is hanging up the gloves!

After another disappointing weekend at Moo Moo Farm, rumours are coming from the circuit on Monday morning that team owner and star driver Mario Mario has called it quits, perhaps even taking the team with him. The Scuderia equipment and team were left on Sunday evening without direction, and with no Mario to be found. With no comment given by their boss, the personnel simply left the equipment behind at the track. More to follow...

[Frogfoot9013]

I have dealt with many an insult in my years of competition in this series, but nothing as brazen as this. I did not realise it at first, but when crossed the finish line at Moo Moo Farm, I had the horrible realisation that scrutineering had not taken place all Cup. This disregard for drivers' safety was disgraceful on its own, but after the race, I found out that it had been the doing of that conniving Redsaurus. He has been gaining too much power lately, and it is almost too convenient for him; in fact, I suspect that he might even have had a role in rendering Yoshi bedridden and comatose. His actions, and the MIA's tacit approval thereof, is beyond the pale, and for me, it is all a bridge too far. I am withdrawing from Mario Kart with immediate effect, and I shall never race in this series again. Good riddance!

[Kinnikuniverse]

Having been left out like a beggar by the Hammer bros. Team, an infuriated Kamek Magikoopa, still dreaming of being a regular on the mario kart grid, decided to take his destiny in his own hand and found Kameklaren Automotive, and he will make it the greatest team in history!

Unfortunately, he had neither the money, nor the manpower needed to do that. And so, he had to save whatever money he gained from his job, stol...i mean, "borrowed" money from his family, friends and the Toadstool Deposit Bank and set up his workshop at Whompking, in Northwest Toadsurrey, and hired exactly 3 shy guys to help him run the team and build and Develop the Kameklaren KP4/1, made out of whatever spare parts they could find of old discontinued karts from previous seasons.

Finally, Kamek made a deal with contacts he knew from french manufacturers Boogatti to scrap together an engine to fit into the KP4/1. Not a good engine, an engine to fit the kart.

Entry: Kamek Magikoopa
Team name: Kameklaren Automotive
Kart: Kameklaren KP4/1
Engine: Boogatti T-P0T

Kamek also makes a deal with his Majesty King Bob-omb to be his teammate in exchange for LOADSAMONE.

[Rob Dylan]

SCRAMBLE OVER REMAINS OF SCUDERIA MARIO!

As Mario leaves series in fury, investors and drivers look to pick up the scraps

It was a shock to the Mushroom Kingdom and therefore the world when it was confirmed a few days ago that motorsport superstar Mario Mario is indeed leaving the Mario Kart series for good. Citing a jaded reaction to what he sees as the "politics" enveloping the series, he wants nothing more to do with his team.

But why now? Former race winner Donkey Kong Jr spoke to us earlier today, claiming that "Mario has said time and time again that he wants winners. He's obviously poured his heart and soul into this season and the team aren't good enough. I'm not sure I wouldn't do the same."

The people most affected are of course his team members. Unpaid and not told about their bosses actions, they now scrabble with a benefactor to get their kart to Koopa Troopa Beach in time for round 3 while investors pick up the rubble left in Mario's wake to get it back afloat and properly. It's dark days ahead for Scuderia Mario, but there's hope around the corner, maybe.

[Rob Dylan]

The MIA are happy to hear of the interest from Kamek Magikoopa in starting his own team and adding to the prestige of the series. The veteran prewar driver will be more than welcome on the grid, although race organisers are a little sceptical of the timeframe Magikoopa intends to make the grid, considering his lack of funds and management expertise.

Remnants of Scuderia Mario too late for the weekend!

Lewis Hammerton has been working tirelessly the last few days along with investors (rumoured to be Mitsuyoshi representatives) to get Scuderia Mario's karts to the next round at Koopa Troopa Beach. News coming from the circuit is sad, as it seems the skeleton staff were unable to get either kart to the circuit before the race weekend begins.

In other news, it seems that the investors are interested in placing untested driver Bluesaurus' R. Bitakoopas in the second seat, which analysts believe points to Mitsuyoshi investment.

We await to see whether the Scuderia can make the final round of the Cup.

[Rob Dylan]

Round 3 - Koopa Troopa Beach

Welcome all! The biggest news is that Mario Mario has left the Scuderia Mario team, leaving it with not enough resources to make the upcoming round. Lewis Hammerton, in spite of his best efforts, will not make the race. The fans at Koopa Troopa Beach will not be refunded their tickets should they choose to ask, though I imagine they're more Koopa fans than Mario fans here. The attendance at Kalimari Desert may not be great.

While the media promised a variety of drivers for Mario's old seat, the MIA can confirm that the driver who was entered by SM's current floating investor was a mysterious driver called Bluesaurus R. Bitakoopas. He, like Hammerton, will be registered as a DNA. There are no other driver changes: Birdo stays with HBRT.



While neither Para nor Kooper are in with a shot of winning right now, the Koopa King Bowser has taken two poles from two, and will be wanting to impress the home fans here today to cement a possible lead in the championship - shall this be glory or embarrassment for BMW? Let's see.

Wario Jumpman is fastest in practice. As far as I know this is the first session he has topped this season so far. The BMWs are leading, but again not by a huge amount. Lots of twisty turns here at Koopa Troopa Beach, unlike Luigi Raceway which exposed the dominance of the team's engine.

Q1 now. Early laps are strong, except for Donkey Kong III who crashes out in an attempt to boost over the giant rock. Birdo hits a crab and also loses some valuable time. Wario leads another BMW 1-2, with Diddy Kong bringing up the best of the rest.

Q2 now. No mistakes as DK III does a stonker lap to jump up the order. He outpaces both Mitsuyoshis
then the HBRT duo come out with a 1-2, Birdo fastest. Birdo seems to have been a godsend for the HBRT team. Diddy Kong splits the HBRTs, Bowser attempts the tunnel shortcut, fails, and sets no time at all! Again at the crucial moment, Bowser bins it. But the real surprise is that defending champion Wario only goes second fastest! Birdo takes pole. It's the first pole for her, in only her second race, and the first pole for HBRT.



Race day now. Can Bowser perform any heroics from last place? if you haven't noticed, all three Koopas are occupying the last three spots on the grid... ROTR for the Koopas, unless one of them can grab a point. Will this race be as dull as the previous ones? Shall we see some proper attrition? or will Birdo drive off into the sunset? The lights go out...

There's mistakes all round! First out is Bowser, who makes contact with the big rock and won't get that started again. Peach attempts the tunnel shortcut and smashes the kart to pieces. Then the real magic happens. Koopa and Toad, reunited as teammates this season, smash into each other and they're both out!


*Note: the stewards looked into the incident and decided no investigation was necessary.

Diddy Kong and Wario both hit the same crab and are both out. We have four runners going into the second lap. Will this be red-flagged? The second lap is without incident, with Foreman Spike doing the impossible and setting fastest lap! Para Troopa is in dead last, but at least is in the points for the home crowd. Last lap now - unbelievable: it's an HBRT 1-2! Birdo leads Foreman Spike home to victory. This was unexpected to say the least, given the pace HBRT showed at Luigi Raceway.



The only four finishers score the points. The championship leader keeps his kart on track and takes third place
which is valuable considering how this championship has gone. We expected a fast BMW, but their reliability has been just dreadful.

Driver standings after three rounds


Constructor standings after three rounds

[Rob Dylan]

Round 4 - Kalimari Desert

Good news for this round. The remnants of Scuderia Mario have managed to get themselves going again and make it to the Kalimari Desert Round. Their kart, whatever the build quality, will be driven by the persistent Lewis Hammerton and Bluesaurus R. Bitakoopas. Birdo's one-race deal continues for this round. The 38-year-old Bluesaurus will be one to watch as the debutant on the grid!



So here we are at Kalimari Desert - one of the less popular tourist destinations in the Mushroom Kingdom. The Mario Kart organisers couldn't get the local trains to stop running, so they are going ahead with the race with the trains still going - the drivers will simply have to avoid the train if they are near it. Well let's all say hello to our debutant Bluesaurus R. Bitakoopas, let's see if he measures up to Birdo. Speaking of Birdo, she could be the first driver to win a Cup without taking part in every race

Q1 time. The Scuderia Marios are quite slow today - understandable given their parts shortages and the probably scrapping of their kart for their investors' pockets. They're over a second behind the BMWs. Lewis Hammerton crashes around the back straight and sets no time. No other major accidents except for DK III after he gets clipped by the train.

Q2 now and Para Troopa having a shocker of a round. He's 0.2 seconds behind Hammerton already
even Bitakoopas is ahead. Meanwhile Foreman Spike sets an early good time for HBRT. Birdo makes a mistake!
Possibly her first mistake of her career. Toad hits the train and sets the slowest time. Birdo sets no time at all. Donkey Kong III and Diddy Kong blast out top lap times that gets them 1st and 3rd respectively, then Bowser Koopa comes along and takes first. Only Wario to go now. Wario is second! Bowser takes the third pole in four races. HBRT are in 4th and 12th respectively - it's another BMW front row.



Race day now. The pundits are lining up to see if BMW can hold this lead they have. It's a clear dry day. It's a very long start straight, so lots of passing expected. They're off! The train passing causes all sorts of carnage: DK III, Peach, Bluesaurus and Birdo are all caught out by it. Peach and Bluesaurus get hit by the train directly and are out of the race. DK and Birdo continue. Birdo makes it past the camera car, while Koopa overtakes Diddy Kong for 5th. Second lap and Bowser sets a fastest lap to boost away from the competition. Basically nothing else happens. Final lap now: Para Troopa makes a big mistake - on the back straight he goes straight into the slow-down gravel. 5 seconds have been lost and he's now way at the back. Toad and Birdo pass. Otherwise Bowser scores yet another fastest lap to dominate the race and take victory! It's finally a race BMW were wanting. Donkey Kong III kept a strong third place to maintain his position as a main title rival this season,
and Foreman Spike deserves credit for picking up a point. Lewis Hammerton drove an admirable race to get 7th in a kart with three wheels.



Bowser wins the Cup and leads the standings after 4 rounds! Under the circumstances and the commentary, mostly by rivals who shall remain nameless, the Koopa king was "past it", but now it seems he may have another title in him. His teammate Wario Jumpman has been underwhelming and lacking pace compared to normal. Does he have the motivation to take a third title?

Donkey Kong III was a breakout star, becoming the youngest ever Mario Kart winner and scoring in every single round. His teammate Diddy will be greatly disappointing with zero points in four races. Yhe HBRTs were fantastic, with late call-up Birdo taking a win in her second race. Foreman Spike wasn't so far off the pace as normal either. The Scuderia Marios had a tough time, and it won't likely get easier soon. Hammerton has been more than good, although the quality of Bluesaurus is as yet undefined. The Mitsuyoshis, widely believed to be the investors in keeping Scuderia Mario afloat while stripping their assets, will also be disappointed with such few points results. Koopra Sport leaves the Mushroom Cup totally pointless, with usual star driver last place and with a best result of 7th. Questions will be asked I'm sure.

Driver Standings


Constructor Standings

[Rob Dylan]

Yoshisaur T. Munchakoopas 1962-1996



It is with great regret that this newspaper announces the death of Munchakoopas, the beloved and highly successful anthropomorphic dinosaur and motorsport driver. At the age of 34, he has been taken too soon from the racing world, having succumbed to injuries in hospital sustained from a gunshot wound dating back to late last year.

Yoshisaur Tamerlane Munchakoopas was a much-beloved driver whose greatest care was for the safety of his comrades on the racing circuit. After great success in founding his own Mitsuyoshi team, he competed for the world championship in the first two seasons of Alt-Mario Kart. Following the dreadful accident of Donkey Kong Jr in early 1994, he was pivotal in reviving the Mario Kart Drivers' Association to provide safety to the teams and drivers. A successful campaign based on promises to improve safety and checks saw him elected as its first modern representative.

While his own personal results on track suffered in the following two seasons, Munchakoopas was universally loved for his stringent efforts alongside the MIA to put in strict scrutineering on participants before they were to take part in Cups. His relentless campaigning saw a great improvement in the quality of build materials, especially for tyres. He held his head high in spite of accusations of corruption and doping, both of which he denied vigorously.

Then tragedy struck. A rogue gunman with no motivation ruthlessly shot Munchakoopas in broad daylight in the autumn of 1995. This event shocked the racing world, and thoughts and prayers were with him and his family over the most recent months. However, shortly after the conclusion of the 1996 Mushroom Cup, Munchakoopas succumbed to his wounds and died. With no family, his assets now belong to his legal representative Redsaurus C. Koopamuncher.

[Rob Dylan]

1996 MKDA Election

While the racing world reels from the quite convenient timing of Yoshisaur's death, the MKDA now needs to elect a new representative. This is perhaps the most important job in the Mario Kart universe, so take it deadly seriously

Let me know either here or on Discord whether you would like to stand in the MKDA election. Anyone who has driven in Mario Kart since the last four seasons can stand or vote. This therefore includes even Donkey Kong Jr., but excludes Mario Mario, who is the only active or non-active driver not a part of the MKDA.

Once we know everyone's intentions, we can get the election done right away. It'll be done the same as last time. If there's no majority vote, we'll limit it to the top two candidates and do a final vote. Good luck everyone


Currently announced candidates:
Diddy Kong
Toad Toadstool
Bluesaurus R. Bitakoopas
Luigi Mario
Bowser Koopa

[Hammercat42]

Katzen News Paper: Early Season Goes Hamtastic

The owner of HBRT Rick Hammercat is very happy with the happening in his team, with Foreman Spike and Birdetta Birdo they finally scoring points and even more.

As Rick said: "The early gamble with Hammeronda engines and SpikeStein tyres go very well even with the current set of rules, we may need to save some money for the next season but we also may invest our current budget on the car of this season".

Further he said: "We still are free to sign a titelsponsor for the remaining season or for the next season, but nothing could avoid the use of "Bros. F(r)ondMetal" on our car" while he smirks.

Other news and Rumours:

Rick Hammercat offered Birdetta Birdo an expansion of his current contract for another year, the paddock is whispering that Spike may sign his next stap in his career: Retirement as driver and a full job as Team Principal under the wing of owner Rick.

If this happens the new bird on the block named "Birdo" would be their #1 driver for the 1997 season.
We will keep the readers up to date soon!
-
Katzen News

Ongoing updates:

+1 Aero on both cars (6 coins total)
+1 grip on both cars (4 coins total)
Total spend: 10 coins, remaining: 7 coins

[Rob Dylan]

Luigi elected as MKDA representative!



It's official! After a difficult election in which almost all candidates shared the same percentage of votes, one candidate came a vote ahead. In the light of these results, Luigi, being that candidate, is now officially the new MKDA representative for the coming two years!

On a campaign of centrism and compromise, the 1992 champion is hoping to calm tensions between the different parties within the sport, and to present a united front that puts safety and co-operation foremost. However, tensions have already started, with new Mitsuyoshi head Redsaurus C. Koopamuncher calling the Mario brother's election an outrage, committed at the worst possible time when the killer of Yoshisaur Munchakoopas still remains at large. It's going to be a hard road ahead for Luigi, as being the MKDA representative is not an easy job.

Investigation into Munchakoopas' Death Opens


Above: Redsaurus C. Koopamuncher, pictured here with possible murderer Mario Mario as a method of discrediting his arguments.

In Mario Kart news today, the MIA and MKDA have announced the official opening of an enquiry, presumably with the co-operation of the Mushroom Kingdom police, to ascertain the identity of Yoshisaur T. Munchakoopas' killer. The race winner and former MKDA representative was shot to death in late 1995, and as of yet no official work has been done to solve this murder case.

However, shortly after the election of new MKDA representative Luigi Mario, he and the MIA are presenting a united front to placate the loud complaints of Mitsuyoshi owner Redsaurus C. Koopamuncher.

I've got nothing to hide. Luigi's got nothing to hide. The MIA's got nothing to hide. I've always been straight with Luigi. I trust the team. The team has always been straight with me. Luigi trusts me. He's got nothing to hide. He's always been straight with me. And that's the end of it.

Whether the opening of this official enquiry, which will at the very least take place over the duration of the Flower Cup, will actually please anyone interested in knowing the results, is another thing entirely. We await with bated breath.

[Rob Dylan]

Round 5 - Toad's Turnpike

Welcome one and all to Round 5 of the 1996 Mario Kart season, here at Toad's Turnpike.



This will be a fascinating race, what with all the news you've been hearing over recent weeks, and not least due to the sheer danger the drivers face today: public roads at rush hour - no restrictions, just pure racing. Other news includes the recent election of Luigi Mario to the position of MKDA representative. Before the race, Luigi voiced safety concerns regarding the race ahead, and attempted in vain to convince team owners to agree to a shared insurance scheme. Whether this idea is expanded and improved upon in coming races, we wait to see. Luigi himself was also in the news because he makes his comeback this weekend after missing the Mushroom Cup. Citing a sabbatical, the Mario brother is driving at least the coming race for Mitsuyoshi in the absence of the heavily-pregnant Peach.

Other contractual news is that Birdo has signed on for the rest of 1996. And I think the last bit of news to tell is the appearance this race weekend of Kameklaren, and their showrunning for the Mushroom Kingdom crowd. Kamek Magikoopa, who himself was racing only a few weeks ago for HBRT, is desirious to get himself and his business partner King Bobomb into Mario Kart by any means necessary. Initially setting the Flower Cup as their starting date, they were dissuaded by the MIA and encouraged instead to do some showrunning in practice. For obvious reasons, their times around the track will not be announced.

Now, onto the race weekend. Q1 begins. BMWs set the opening laps. Bowser clips a car on his hotlap but still qualifies ahead of Wario. Both Scuderia Mario drivers make minor mistakes on their laps too. Bluesaurus ahead of Hammerton by default. Few drivers without incident here. Toad makes a clean lap and qualifies 4th. Koopa, his teammate, makes a mistake up the hill, but it was off-camera so we didn't see the cause of the accident. No time for him, but DK III posts a clear time ahead of his rivals to take 3rd and best of the rest. He is immediately beaten by Diddy Kong, who posts a great lap. Birdo in the HBRT can only manage 5th, while Foreman Spike sets no time after getting squashed from behind for going too slow.

Now we're onto Q2, the one that really matters. It's fast out of the gate for Foreman Spike: his time beats both Scuderia Marios and Para Troopa, the latter of which is having a horrid qualifying. Toad beats Spike's time though. Luigi is a full half second ahead of Para Troopa today: a great comeback so far. Birdo is less than a tenth off of Toad's time, but still behind. It seems that Birdo hit a truck on her hot-lap, which slowed her time a little. DKR pace is nowhere in Q2: no mistakes from either driver, but they can only manage 5th and 6th. Wario, the first of the BMWs, grabs first place. Only Bowser left. Bowser makes a mistake going down the hill and doesn't set a time! Bowser does seem to have a thing for critical qualifying errors. He will start the race last. Wario is therefore on pole, his first of 1996. With such a dangerous track, who knows the order we'll see tomorrow?



Race Day now. As always it's a clear dry day. The drivers are lined up. And they're off! It's carnage around the first lap as the drivers attempt to avoid civilians trucks and whatnot. Lewis Hammerton is the immediate first retirement, hitting a truck and smashing up that poor Scuderia Mario kart to bits. In an attempt to avoid the backmarker wreckage, Bowser too hits the same truck. Both drivers seem furious as they rush out of the way of passing motorists. Not as furious as the DKR drivers will be. There doesn't seem to be enough oomph to get their karts up the hill on the main straight. Both Donkey and Diddy Kong are stuck and will have to retire! Further up the field, both HBRT drivers are in trouble. Foreman Spike gets hit directly by a car and is out of the race. Birdo goes totally off-line and lets an on-form Luigi straight past. As the race goes by (and it's a long race - over two minutes!), other drivers get caught out. Koopa Troopa in particular goes out when he can't keep out of harm's way. That means that it's as plain sailing as possible for Wario Jumpman, the defending champion, who wins the race!



It's a fantastic result in particular for Toad and Koopra Sport. the team have been pointless so far, and a solid 2nd will boost morale. Luigi on his comeback manages 3rd to keep Mitsuyoshi competitive, while Birdo takes the final point, pushing Luigi for position all the way.

Updated Driver Standings


Updated Constructor Standings


The medical personnel are on scene. it's a RNG medical miracle, but all the crashed drivers are physically safe and unharmed. To end on a random fact: his race for Mitsuyoshi means that, in five seasons, Luigi has driven for four teams. I don't think any other driver comes close.

[Frogfoot9013]

Yoshi is still the President [of the MKDA], in my eyes.

[Rob Dylan]

Round 6 - Frappe Snowland

Round 6 of the 1996 Mario Kart season is starting, here at the freezing Frappe Snowland. This is our first race of the season on Yoshi's Island, and indeed a gigantic statue has been erected on the edge of the track in memory of the late great Munchakoopas.



News going into this race is that Lewis Hammerton, star driver of the Scuderia Mario team, has lost his job (at least temporarily) after his retirement from Toad's Turnpike. It seems the new management were keen to be rid of him and replace him with someone else. Behind the scenes, Hammerton has won the legal battle against his former employer Mario Mario, who is still in refuge in Italy. It is believed that a fee of up to 60 coins is owed by the Italian to Mr Hammerton. Hammerton has been replaced for the Frappe Snowland race by recently-born Prince Luigi von Sarasaland, known in the paddock as Baby Luigi due to his resemblance to his father. Baby Luigi, a baby, drove in practice but was so far off the laptimes that he was not allowed by the authorities to race at the venue. He will be put down as a DNQ.

11 runners in this race, therefore, which promises to be packed with excitement. Whereas Toad's Turnpike was cursed with traffic problems and artificial dangers, here it is the natural dangers that face the drivers. They have never raced in sub-zero temperatures, and snow threatens to fall at any moment. How will the drivers deal with this?

It's time for Q1. It's overcast and freezing at the start of the session. Wario can't navigate the first sector and abandons his lap. Bowser therefore sets the benchmark time. With changing temperatures and conditions, Para Troopa takes advantage and actually beats the fellow Koopa's time? Toad does the same, putting in a stonker of a lap. Koopa almost falls in the river at the wooden bridge, but holds it. Not so lucky is DK III, who plunges himself straight off the bridge and into the icy cold river. They won't get that kart out any time soon, and the Kong is out of qualifying. Diddy Kong's lap is crap and puts the DKR ahead of only the Scuderia Mario. Foreman Spike qualifies right behind Bowser - what can Birdo do? It's worse! Toad tops Q1 in a very topsy-turvy session.



Q2 now. Wario comes out first and immediately puts a time that would have been fastest in Q1. He means business. Koopa really can't handle the first sector. He fluffs up his lap and sets no time at all. Birdo does the same - the first sector is windy and tricky, especially when the track is slippery and cold. Luigi does a mega lap to take 2nd overall. Bowser goes out and the weather looks to be clearing up. He beats Wario's time by 0.003 seconds! What can Para and Toad do? The former takes 4th, just behind Luigi. The latter takes 3rd and best of the rest. Another good session for Toad, and a return to form for Para. Bowser takes yet another pole in 1996.



Just looked it up. The most poles Bowser has ever got in a season was 5, in 1994. He could quite easily match and beat that record this year.

Race Day now. Let's see if Bowser is going to do one of his trademark "binning it on the first lap". BMWs on the front row, Toad in 3rd. It's a warmer clear day on race day, which might favour the front-runners. Lights are out, and we are go! They all get through the first sector ok. Para Troopa gets past Luigi as they both pass the giant Yoshi statue. As the field make their way into the main open area, Toad smashes head-first into a snowman and is immediately out. It's not until the final snow tunnel at the end where the excitement really starts, though
Bluesaurus and Koopa both slide straight into the wall at the sharp left-hand turn. Both are running still but Bluesaurus' kart is very damaged. Can he make it to the end?

In spite of his accident, Koopa boosts through the final sector and past DK III. Foreman Spike very nearly slips into the river, but avoids an icy finish to his race. His kart also looks to be in pieces. And who's that going into first place? It's Wario! Leaving the tunnel and over the bridge, Wario takes the lead from Bowser. (somehow, in spite of LTF's usual antics, absolutely nothing else happens). Wario wins DK III finishes behind the camera car
it's a BMW 1-2 and a Mitsuyoshi 3-4 - the latter's first double points finish.

Race Results


Updated Driver Standings


Updated Constructor Standings


HBRT and DKR both pointless this round. DK III probably ROTR, for finishing behind the camera car when he was a championship contender after the Mushroom Cup.

[Rob Dylan]

Round 7 - Choco Mountain

Welcome one and all, to Round 7 of the 1996 Mario Kart season, held here at the sunny Choco Mountain!



It's the second round of a double header on Yoshi's Island, before we end the Cup next week at Mario Raceway. There's been yet more driver line-up changes in the meantime: Baby Luigi has been fired after failing to qualify for the Frappe Snowland round. In his place, the mysterious benefactor of Scuderia Mario has put in his place King Bobomb, after Lewis Hammerton refused to return to the team. Instead, Hammerton has been offered a seat at DKR by the frustrated Diddy Kong, who has yet to score any points in 1996. He believes that Hammerton would be better off in his kart than himself. Let's see how both these changes shake up pace on the grid.

Time for Q1. And it immediately starts madly: Wario Jumpman, who has just won the previous two rounds, smashes his kart off one of the chocolate curves and is completely out. There's no way they'll repair that in time for Q2. Bowser therefore sets the pace, again around a second ahead of the Scuderia Marios. Wario isn't the only driver to make mistakes, as debutant King Bobomb slips off the high ground and into the chocolate river. The Mitsuyoshis and Toad put in good times to be best of the rest. Koopa messes up going through the chocolate tunnel. Hammerton at his new team, in spite of a slip-up halfway round, outqualifies DK III in Q1. The HBRTs come out and Birdo gets a very close second. Bowser therefore fastest in Q1!



Q2 time now. Koopa puts in a monster lap early. this could be very good for him. Not many mistakes this time around. Hammerton makes a mistake and is last at the moment. That's because driving standards are a lot stronger here right now. Toad beats Koopa by fractions of a second. It's a KoopraSport 1-2 right now, and Birdo manages only 4th. These times are super close.



Bowser fluffs it up again! the BMW pair seem to have a great deal of trouble keeping that kart on track. Toad takes pole! Toad's first pole since, funnily enough, Choco Land last season. KoopraSport's first pole since Koopa Troopa Beach last season. This could be a big turnaround in fortunes for the team after a difficult Mushroom Cup.



Race Day now. It's a clear bright day as it so often is. The karts are all lined up, and they're off! Absolute carnage on the first lap! In the first sector both Para Troopa and DK III make mistakes scraping the wall and losing time. Bowser makes an amazing start, overtaking King Bobomb and his teammate Wario and showing great pace. Para Troopa, with his reduced pace in a broken kart, makes contact with Bluesaurus! Both drivers are out of the race! The stewards will take a look at that after the race.*

It goes from bad to worse for Mitsuyoshi as they all get to the second sector. Luigi slips off the high ground, which has been so dangerous for drivers this weekend. He's straight in the chocolate river and out of the race. Lewis Hammerton then gets past Birdo on track. It's hard to keep track of everything. Final sector. Passing the falling boulders, one lands directly on Foreman Spike and crushes his kart! Then one lands on race-leader Toad. Toad is also out! Panicking to avoid, new race leader boost straight into the flat chocolate wall and totals his kart. Both KoopraSport drivers are out in an instant! In spite of his earlier mess-up, DK III takes the lead. Hammerton in 2nd makes it a DKR 1-2 all of a sudden.

Lap 2 and there are only six runners left. Make that five as Birdo boosts into the chocolate wall and is also out! Bowser Koopa, keen to avenge his poor qualifying, posts the fastest lap and is in 3rd place, right behind Lewis Hammerton. Final lap now. King Bobomb is sitting in 4th right now on his debut. Could he score the first points for Scuderia Mario since their downfall? Bowser continues to hound Hammerton, and it works! Hammerton hits a banana in his anxiety and slides straight into the wall. Bowser up to second and heading for the leader. But DK III is just too far away. Bowser posts fastest lap but it's the Kong who takes victory for the second time this season! In third on the rostrum is debutant King Bobomb, who must be absolutely chuffed with his result. The Scuderia Mario team are jumping with joy at this news. Wario takes a very quiet and uneventful 4th after all of that. He is the last runner.

Race Results


There's going to be a lot of happy people leaving Choco Mountain tonight, but also a lot of unhappy ones. Both KoopraSport drivers and Lewis Hammerton threw away good results. Hammerton and DKR will likely be very pleased at the former's pace for his new team. DK III, however, with that win, puts himself right back in championship contention.

Updated Driver Standings


Updated Constructor Standings


*The stewards deemed no investigation necessary.

[Rob Dylan]

Round 8 - Mario Raceway



Ok, welcome one and all to Round 8 of the 1996 Mario Kart season! Following this race we will have reached the halfway mark of the year - some well-deserved rest for our commentators and organisers as much as the drivers. Thankfully, for the first time all year, there are no lineup changes between races. Mario Raceway is a circuit that the drivers have tested on and is not difficult, so we expect a calm and sensible race here today.

Time for Q1. Wario does a mega time and beats Bowser by 0.3 seconds round the track. No mistakes from either driver, so maybe Jumpman has brought his A-game this time. Speaking of mistakes, King Bobomb smashes into the side of the giant warp pipe. His final time is 2.4 seconds off the fastest time that poor Scuderia Mario kart is so battered and bruised that it'll be a miracle if it lasts the season Toad beats Bowser and goes 2nd. KoopraSports somehow doing really well again here, although Koopa himself is 0.8 seconds off his teammate... Hammerton is the fastest of the two DKR runners. This rivalry looks like it will be fun to watch for the rest of the year. Nothing too exciting happens over the course of the session.



Q2 now. Bobomb beats his Q1 time by a second! But it's still much slower than the competition. Again no real mistakes so far. Koopa does a much better lap this time around, just ahead of both Mitsuyoshis. Donkey Kong III goes fastest. Foreman Spike is mega close, only 0.003 seconds off the time. Lewis Hammerton is fastest! Only a few runners left. Birdo disappoints: only 6th. Bowser goes fastest! can he make it 5 poles this year? Toad can't do it, going 5th now. disappointing from the guy. It's a BMW pole, but Bowser or Wario? Wario - just! Less than a tenth of a second in it. His second pole of the Cup and of the season. So the championship leaders fight it out on race day together again - DK III in 4th place. It's a bit Noah's Ark out here on qualifying day.



Race Day now. The stands are a little quieter than they would normally be, what with the absence of Mario
the home hero is apparently somewhere in Italy. let's see how the BMWs bathplug this one up. Drivers are in place - we are go! It's an exciting first lap! Going into the first corner, we have a repeat collision - it's the KoopraSport drivers hitting one another again both drivers have kept the karts on the road with some damage.* Who knows if that is terminal though - it's a long race here at nearly 2 minutes and 15 seconds. The BMWs race out and hold station in first and second. Para Troopa has a deathmatch for PNowhere with Birdo and passes her.
Way at the back, Bluesaurus has a dreadful start and gets caught behind the camera car!

As the drivers go into sector 2, King Bobomb gets caught in the gravel trap - he's out! A bad first lap for Scuderia Mario. Into the final sector, and it's the giant warp pipe that catches out some drivers. Toad, who has had an interesting 30 seconds, green shells Luigi from behind and knocks him into the side of the warp pipe. Luigi is out and he's furious! Foreman Spike also gets a red shell and cripples Donkey Kong III's kart. The championship challenger grinds to a halt at the end of the warp pipe.

Lap 2 now and Bowser is flying. He is gaining very quickly on Wario and is looking to pass him. The camera car makes a mistake on the back straight, spooking Bluesaurus into binning it into one of the giant mushrooms! Bluesaurus is out and probably glad of it. Final lap now - can Bowser get past his teammate? Bowser posts fastest lap going into the end of the race. He's still flying and grabbing tenths off Wario. "And what is the camera car doing?" asks our commentator, as Lakitu goes onto the grass on the back straight for the second lap in succession The camera car then runs out of fuel and is out Birdo, in attempting to reignite the fight between herself and Para Troopa, completely fluffs up the left-hand hill corner and loses a lot of time - she's in dead last now. Bowser posts the fastest lap again on the final lap, but it's Wario who wins the race!

Formation finish for the BMW runners, with Lewis Hammerton bringing his DKR home in 3rd place for some valuable points (the first for the cursed kart (or maybe Diddy was just shite )). Foreman Spike gets a point for HBRT, who must be very disappointed with their Flower Cup. Unsurprisingly with three wins and a 4th, Wario wins the Flower Cup! He breaks the points record to boot! 28 points in one Cup.

Race Results


Updated Driver Standings


Updated Constructor Standings



*After the race, Toad was penalised and put to the back of the race classification.

[Rob Dylan]

MARIO FOUND GUILTY! ROYAL CONSORT NOW FUGITIVE!

Mushroom Kingdom police and MIA discover Munchakoopas' true killer!


Have you seen this man? Can you help?


It was a major news story this morning, if not a surprising one, that the joint commission of the MKDA, the MIA and the Mushroom Kingdom legal authorities have finished their report and discovered that the assassination made on the late Yoshisaur T. Munchakoopas was carried out by none other than former race winner and fan favourite Mario Mario. According to the report, Mario, who is currently hiding at an unknown whereabouts in Italy, was found to have unwavering evidence "beyond reasonable doubt" that he was responsible for the murder. This motivation has come from his known hatred and comments made against the former MKDA representative, as well as his highly suspicious actions following the murder.

There can be no doubt in our minds that Mr. Mario has abused his position as prince consort to the Toadstool Royal Family and carried out a murder in the open public for his own sporting gain. This kind of action is reprehensible, and we will do whatever we can to bring Mr. Mario to justice.

The Mushroom Kingdom authorities are currently negotiating with the Italian government to form an extradition treaty to bring Mario home to justice. The MIA have issued Mario with a lifetime ban from any and all Mushroom Kingdom racing events, which effectively cuts the Italian off from his livelihood. Whether these sanctions will be effective remains to be seen.

The Toadstool royal family, including Princess Peach, have yet to comment on this incredible news. It is understood that Peach has recently given birth to the couple's child, and the royal family were probably hoping to share happier news.

[Rob Dylan]

PROTESTS ROCK TOADSTOOL CASTLE!

Angry Mario fans claim that their hero is innocent!



Mario Mario is nothing if not popular. Since the verdict came through damning the Italian race-winner of a murder charge, hordes of fans and admirers have crowded outside Toadstool Castle, the current residence of much of the Mushroom Kingdom royal family, and where Princess Peach is currently believed to be residing. They claim that Mario was "framed" for these actions and that the evidence is not strong enough to indict him with such a charge.

However, among these protesters were also a few skinheads and people carrying anti-royal placards, and so the Mushroom Kingdom police quickly came in armoured cars with tear gas and arrested the lot of them.

PRINCESS PEACH HAS SON!

The neighbouring Mushroom Kingdom has finally received some good news this summer, as royal line is secured.

It is not often that the Koopa Kingdom takes a huge interest in Mushroom Kingdom affairs, but this is one big exception. Princess Peach has given birth to a baby son, securing the line for herself and her family. However, that is only a tiny part of the story. The father, Mario Mario, is currently on the run in Italy with the Mushroom Kingdom authorities asking for his head. Further to that, Peach and the royal family themselves have come out with a grand symbolic gesture: they have named the baby Mario! (It's a boy, by the way) It's one hell of a gutsy move for the family to name a new child after a charged murderer, but we'll see how it plays out for them.


Artist's impression of how the baby looks



BOWSER'S CASTLE SELLS OUT IN RECORD TIME



As the summer break comes to its end, the reigning BMW team are the homecoming kings and queens for the upcoming Star Cup! Wario Stadium, where ever popular double-world champion goes to celebrate his first ever racetrack, is going to make its debut in a few weeks' time. With the fewer number of Koopa Kingdom tracks this year, and with King Bowser himself with a solid chance of winning this year's championship, Bowser's Castle is sold out. Fingers are crossed here that we have a great fight for the 1996 title. God bless Mario Kart!

[Frogfoot9013]

Following the reports that the Mushroom Kingdom is in talks with the Italian government to have me extradited for a crime I did not commit, I have relocated to Belgrade, FR Yugoslavia, where I shall escape all the politics that have brought ruin upon my life and career, and where I shall prepare for my next ambitious ventures.

[Rob Dylan]

Round 9 - Wario Stadium

Welcome, one and all, to the first* night race of Mario Kart history! *not including the 1992 Sakhir non-championship race and Toad's Turnpike which is more like an early evening race. The attendance is massive here tonight. For the first time ever we're at the new purpose-built Wario Stadium! A stadium designed by and built for the double world champion, who goes into the race this weekend as first in the drivers' standings. The crowd are hoping that the home hero extends his advantage, and after breaking the Cup record last time out, there's good reason to have faith.



It's going to be hard on the tyres, and a lap longer than anything any Mario Kart driver has ever experienced. The crowd are getting a treat tonight, as the race could be upward of four minutes. With all the news happening off-track, I can say that this race will hopefully bring people's minds back to the racing. Kameklaren showed up on Friday to do glory runs in their in-development kart. Driver-owner Kamek Magikoopa turned up to do interviews and laps in front of the eager crowd. While King Bobomb is signed up for 1997, he is currently signed on a short-term contract at Scuderia Mario for the time being. Therefore, Kamek has signed up rookie Mark Wiggler to take part in the action with him.

Q1 begins. The BMWs set times, and Bowser is 0.6 seconds faster than his teammate! No noticeable mistakes from either driver, but the Scuderia Marios are very slow: King Bobomb is an unfortunate 3.6 seconds off the pace. At such a high-speed track, the gap between the BMWs and the rest is only accentuated. mighty important! Ok so the Mitsuyoshis go out and Para is much quicker - Luigi scrapes the wall in the big right-hand bend. Toad jumps in front of both Mitsuyoshis, proving that he is the one of the top qualifiers of our age. His teammate Koopa misses the giant jump completely, drops 20 metres and totals the kart. no more qualifying for him. Donkey Kong III likewise has trouble on the jump and it costs him over a second on landing. Lewis Hammerton takes 3rd place! Hammerton's time gets topped by a very on-form Foreman Spike. Then Birdo goes third! Could this be a comeback race for Birdo, who so nearly won the Mushroom Cup? Q1 results:



Q2 time now. This time the roles are reversed at Scuderia Mario. It's Bluesaurus who makes a mistake and loses a second. King Bobomb outqualifies his teammate. Luigi does a convincing lap, only to be pipped by a tiniest of margins by his teammate and again by Donkey Kong III. Lewis Hammerton can't outpace DK III, though there's thousandths of a second in it. Toad separates the DKRs from the Mitsuyoshis. Foreman Spike can't beat Toad's time. Birdo does, but it's slower than the DKR duo! HBRT beaten in Q2. Now it's just the BMWs to go. Wario goes fastest, unsurprisingly - the crowd cheer! then Bowser beats it! Bowser's on pole. The BMW duo are fastest again, though who knows what mistakes will be made on Sunday. It's a massive pole margin for Bowser. If he can keep the kart on the road, it will be an immense victory on the cards. Q2 results:



Race Day now. While it started to cool down a significant amount towards the end of qualifying, the temperature is back to normal on race day. The moon is out and it's a clear night. The karts are lined up on the grid, and they are go go go!

it was a long start straight, and the drivers were particularly aggressive at the start. King Bobomb got a good start immediately and started fighting with Para Troopa. The latter went spinning around in the bumpy motocross bit and suffered damage - quickly recovered his place and he's back on track. Koopa Troopa also got a magnificent start: over the course of the opening lap, he overtook the camera car, Bluesaurus, Bobomb, Para Troopa, and Foreman Spike. Luigi, in the midfield, also made massive gains, overtaking up to P6 past a slow starting Toad.

When it came to the giant right-handed 180-degree bend, all the front-runners took it too deep and too quickly. DK III attempted to crowd out Wario and both totally missed the corner at full speed. Both karts smashed into the wall and were out. Bowser, unable to avoid the double wreckage as he took the corner, also suffered damage and was soon out. Birdo, who had nothing to do with this ruckus, got spooked and slowed down too much. Her kart got stuck in the mud and wouldn't get going again. An amateur move, but this is her first season. So the top 4 in the championship going in, are currently the only retirements.

The race is now being led by Lewis Hammerton! The new DKR hire is leading his first ever laps (i think). Luigi is second, while Toad and Koopa are third and fourth. Lap 2 here we come. Lewis Hammerton, with all the road he needs in front of him, boosts away with the fastest lap. Koopa gets caught out again at the big bump, and Foreman Spike simply outdrags him into 4th place. The tyre deg is getting stronger as the race comes to its end
Hammerton makes a mistake in the first sector and damages his kart. Is this fatal? Toad is pushing Luigi for second place. As they go into the final sector, Koopa Troopa again screws up at the giant jump - falling the aforementioned 25 metres, he crashes and probably breaks his spinal cord, but he's ok! his kart is not and he is out of the race.

His kart is in tatters, but somehow Lewis Hammerton drags it across the line to take his debut win in alt-Mario Kart! Luigi and Toad are neck and neck across the line. It's a photo finish as Luigi defends his position by thousands of a second. Spike was behind them. That was shaping up to be an amazing fight. Seven finishers of the original 12.

It's going to be a really happy podium. All three on the rostrum have done a sterling job in their machinery. The crowd won't be so pleased that their home hero is out, but at least he leaves this race as championship leader. And a first time winner is always nice.

Race Results


Updated Driver Standings


Updated Constructor Standings

[Rob Dylan]

Round 10 - Sherbet Land

Welcome one and all to Round 10 of the 1996 Mario Kart Season. We're here at sunny, freezing Sherbet Land!



This barren wasteland will provide an exciting spectacle for sure, being sub-zero temperatures and with a track entirely made of ice. The only news since Wario Stadium is that the fans booed DK III out of the country basically, after the Kong was in their eyes responsible for the retirement of their home hero Wario. King Bobomb has fulfilled his three-race contract and now Daisy von Sarasaland makes her first appearance in 1996 for Scuderia Mario. Seeing as she is one of the two buyers of the team, it seems natural that she can take a look first-hand at the mess. This race and Frappe Snowland are apparently proof that Yoshi's Island is in the southern hemisphere: it's late summer in the Mushroom Kingdom, but frozen ice in Yoshi's Island.

Q1 time. BMWs fastest, no mistakes. Daisy just edges out teammate Bluesaurus. Para Troopa bumps into a stalactite in the cave. No time set, he'll need to get that repaired for Q2. Toad again sets early best of the rest times. DK III pips him by 0.001 seconds! Unbelievably close. Lewis Hammerton qualifies ahead of DK III, making it a DKR second row. Disappointing for the HBRTs, only 7th and 8th. A poor lap from Birdo sees her behind her teammate.

Q2 now. Para Troopa gets a time in this time, but it's not very strong. He's so slow that the Scuderia Marios are on his pace. Bluesaurus is ahead! That will embarrass the Mitsuyoshi team. The HBRTs come out and set relatively decent times again. This time Birdo is faster. Luigi adds to the disappointment of Mitsuyoshi and can't beat them. Toad does, however, by a fraction of a second. DK III doesn't! Disaster for the Kong, he slips up on the ice and bumps straight into the ice wall. No time for him. Is championship pressure going to his head? Disappointing for Lewis Hammerton too. his best time is only good enough for P6. Bowser puts down the gauntlet and goes fastest. Only Wario left. Wario hits the ice wall too! This is crucial No lap time for the defending champion and championship leader. Bowser takes a second pole this Cup.

Qualifying Results


Toad is alongside Bowser on the front row. KoopraSport desperately need those points if their lead driver can deliver on race day. Speaking of race day, it's Race Day here at Sherbet Land! It's bloody freezing outside. We'll see how the drivers' stamina holds up under these conditions.

The lights are out, and it's go go go! It's another wild and manic lap 1. Wario and DK III were amazing off the start-line: the former overtakes five karts on his way up the order. Some drivers in the midfield had a lot of trouble getting their karts up to heat in the cold. Para Troopa especially loses a lot of time on the main straights, and it's caused disaster! Both Mitsuyoshi drivers hit one another but both are still running. Luigi's kart is doing much worse, to put it mildly. As karts are overtaking up and down the order, Bluesaurus runs out of momentum and his kart stutters to a halt before even getting to the cave. Toad scrapes the tunnel wall upon entry. Lewis Hammerton hits a stalagmite himself but is still going with a damaged kart. And that's about it for the first lap. Luigi has dropped to last after that collision, while the camera car has crashed in a flaming wreckage trying to avoid it.

Lap 2 now and Bowser is running very fast extend a small gap on Toad. Toad is keeping with him though, and any mistake from either will be punished. On the ice outside, Daisy von Sarasaland loses traction completely. Her kart too stutters to a halt. Only the SM karts are out. The fastest kart out there is Wario. he's in 7th and desperate to get a point. Final lap now. Wario is absolutely flying, but Birdo is putting up the defence of her life. Meanwhile up front, it happens yet again! Toad crashes out of a comfortable P2 position! He slips on the ice and flies straight into Vanilla Lake. As they enter the cave, it's now Foreman Spike at a distance behind race-leader Bowser. But what's this? Birdo, in a desperate defence against Wario, hits a cave wall and a tyre falls off. She's out and the field go by. Wario is flying and now going for Lewis Hammerton, but the race isn't long enough for Wario, as Bowser crosses the line in dominating fashion to win at Sherbet Land! The surprise finisher is Koopa Troopa, who unlike his teammate managed to keep the kart on track for 3 minutes and 2 seconds. He takes a podium and his maiden points this year! Last race's winner Lewis Hammerton keeps Wario behind him to take the final point. Wario does a blistering fastest lap - this was his race to win with that kind of pace.

Updated Driver Standings


Bowser takes the championship lead once more. With rumours abounding as to an imminent retirement, could this be the Koopa King's last shot at glory?

Updated Constructor Standings

[Rob Dylan]

Round 11 - Royal Raceway

Welcome one and all to Round 11 of the 1996 Alt-Mario Kart season! We're back in the Mushroom Kingdom at the all-new Royal Raceway. Princess Peach has thrown a wild party for all the press and beautiful people. The new track goes on public roads and even goes right past Toadstool Castle itself. Quite glamorous, they're hoping that this track will soon become a "jewel in the crown" like Rainbow Road. Apparently in an attempt to copy Wario Stadium, this track ALSO has a really giant jump that the drivers don't want to mess up. Misjudging that will put a driver in the lake. No driver changes since the previous race.



Q1 time. So the BMWs both get out safely. Other than the main straight this track is a little slower, so we don't expect the BMW advantage to be too massive. Scuderia Marios slowest again, but Bluesaurus particularly so. Daisy outqualifies him by 0.6 seconds. The Mitsuyoshis are about equal on pace. Then Toad comes along and beats Bowser's time! Another great quali lap from Toad, but will he back it up throughout the weekend? No mistakes, it's been a clean session here. DK III led the two DKR karts. Foreman Spike was a little slow, and Birdo managed 5th to split the DKRs. A largely uneventful Q1, with Wario leading on pace.

Q2 now. The weather's cooling down here later in the day. It catches Daisy out! She slips off the track and loses masses of time. Doesn't bother setting a lap. A string of P1s. Foreman Spike goes fastest, then Para, then Koopa, then Luigi. Times are plummeting. Lewis Hammerton makes a small error on his run and loses out to Luigi by inches. Birdo getting only P4, that will disappoint the HBRTs. Far more disappointing is DK III, whose time is inexplicably slow! Third last with that time. Bowser comes along and does a time that's 0.6s faster than old rival Luigi. Toad disappoints and only manages 4th. Only Wario to go now. Wario goes second! Bowser seems to be the king on Saturday this year: in 11 races he's been on pole 7 times; Wario only twice.

Qualifying Results


It's Race Day now. A huge crowd of Mushroom Kingdom blue blooded folks have turned up to watch the race. There's a massive grandstand on the start-finish straight for the plebs and a huge pavilion in the final sector for the royals to watch from. Tea and cakes for all! At the racetrack, they're starting their engines. The lights are on, and they are off!

A lot of shuffling up and down the order. At the twisty first section, many drivers take the corners too shallow or too wide. Luigi and DK III both rip up the floors of their karts and are suffering heavy damage. Both are still on track. Then Daisy, who started last, shreds her kart floor completely! She's sitting on the edge of the track and going nowhere. It's been far from an ideal return to racing for the Sarasaland princess. As the track speeds up into sector two, there's passes galore. The HBRTs especially are jumping up the order. Foreman Spike goes from 10th to 6th in only a few corners. The biggest losers were Lewis Hammerton and Koopa. Neither could get their karts up to speed in the middle sector, and found themselves sitting ducks on the massive boost. They're both last.

No overtakes between the BMW pair as we go into lap 2. It's the first sector that is proving the trouble today. Wario and Bowser are fighting for position at the front, and Bowser goes wide! Very aggressive racing for the lead between the BMW runners, but it's cost Bowser the race. Like Daisy the previous lap, he's on the grass and not moving. The karts are starting to form an order. There's a couple of moves from a feisty Toad in 3rd on Luigi who is up to 2nd. Lewis Hammerton, desperate to get out of the back of the field, is going off left right and centre, and he too now has a lot of damage to his kart. With his main rival out of the race, Wario has a clear track ahead. He posts the fastest lap in the second lap, and seems unstoppable in the third. Lots of rumbling for that second position though. The cameras miss it, but Koopa joins the graveyard of drivers bumping off into the grass in sector 1. Being in last anyway, it wasn't too much loss. In the end the drivers file out and the last lap is quite civil. Wario Jumpman wins the race while Bowser retires!

Race Results


Updated Driver Standings


Updated Constructor Standings

[Hammercat42]

Servers are backonline ! whogho

[Rob Dylan]

Round 12 - Bowser's Castle

It's the last race of the Star Cup - a Cup which is still in the hands of anyone who wants it. We're being hosted for this round at the revamped Bowser's Castle circuit.



We go from one castle to another, as Royal Raceway bowed us out of the Mushroom Kingdom for the rest of the season. Now we have Koopa royalty around us and on the track. No real news since last race. Wario has overtaken Bowser in the standings, and Bowser will desperately want to take it back in front of his home crowd. So, without further ado let's get going.

Q1 gets going. It's another night race today. Let's see how that affects temperatures and concentration. This racetrack goes right through the castle itself and around a purpose-built section on one of the outer walls. So the BMWs go out first and Bowser is the faster of the two. The SMs are only 1.2 seconds off the pace, which is an improvement from them honestly. Para Troopa breaks up his kart on the bumpy bit in the final sector. He sets no time but should be fine for Q2. Luigi does a decent lap but gets soundly beaten by Toad. Koopa isn't too fast, but he almost beats DK III who makes a mistake. The final sector is catching everyone out. It doesn't catch out Lewis Hammerton who goes third! He's very close to Wario's 2nd time
the HBRTs are also very fast. Birdo is 4th and very close to Hammerton. And that concludes Q1. Bowser fastest.

Q2 time. Para Troopa, who's in the running for ROTY at this rate, makes another mistake when he goes out first. His time is slower than the SMs of Q1. Indeed he gets beaten by both of them a full second off Daisy, who does a great lap. Lots of mistakes here in Q2. Koopa and DK III both make quite significant errors in the back corridors. Luigi does a competent lap, but none of the drivers so far have beaten Daisy, who has done a mega lap in retrospect. Foreman Spike and Koopa are the first to beat her. The usual frontrunners come out: Birdo just behind Spike, Hammerton a little behind Toad. Wario goes fastest! It's close between the BMWs and their closest rivals, but Wario still has the advantage
then Bowser beats Wario's time by thousandths of a second! As far as I know, this is the first time a driver has taken pole in every race of a Cup.

Qualifying Results


Let's see if the BMWs screw this one up. It's a packed venue on Race Day with the home hero on pole and fighting for the championship. It won't be an easy race, as Toad and Lewis Hammerton are right on the BMWs' heels. The moon is shining and the karts are ready. The drivers are revving their engines, the lights are going on, they're out, and it's go go go!

It's all go in the midfield. Luigi makes an excellent start to get past DK III and the high-starting Daisy. It's all clean in the first sector, and as they go into the back corridor, Foreman Spike makes an amazing pass on both Lewis Hammerton and Toad. He's up to third: his rivals weren't expecting that. Behind them, Spike's teammate Birdo is having a much worse time. She hits a thwomp as it crashes down in the ballroom. She's out! Down the stairs into the royal garden, Koopa loses all traction and control of the kart - he smashes right into compatriot Para! (in front of their home crowd no less). Both suffer damage, Para more-so. Bluesaurus drives right past the both of them and they're now last. As they climb up the spiral pathway now in the final sector, Lewis Hammerton takes the corner too shallow as he drifts right into the wall! He's off the racing line and his kart has been destroyed after contact with solid rock. Bluesaurus almost undoes his good work after being hit by a giant fireball that hits him in the final sector. His kart is on fire but he's ok and still going.

Lap 2 now, and there's a problem at the front! Bowser's kart is stuttering to a halt! It's yet another retirement for the Koopa king, and from the lead no less. He stops at the first corner with smoke coming out the engine. The rest of the field push through and start filing out into an order. The track is cooling down - could temperature be messing up with the karts? Para Troopa in his half-kart is making his way up the order and past Bluesaurus
Wario eases off at the front. As we now approach the final sector, there's been another incident. DK III, like his teammate on lap 1, totally misjudges the racing line going up the spiral pathway. He lightly hits the wall, is still going, but has lost many seconds. When he gets going he's dead last. Then Luigi, who is running in a decent 4th place, drives straight into a burning fireball and leaps out of his kart! The crowd watch the karts come through one last time: Wario wins on Bowser's home ground. Foreman Spike takes another impressive second, with Toadstool another third, but the lady with her fist in their air of triumph is Daisy, who scrapes a 4th place in the Scuderia Mario!

Race Results


Updated Driver Standings


Updated Constructor Standings


Wario has a 13 point lead over Bowser with 36 points remaining. DK III is the only non-BMW runner who could hypothetically take the championship. and with four races to go, BMW are the first constructor champions in Mario Kart! It also goes without saying that Wario wins the Star Cup with 18 points.