Alt-Mario Kart 1997: Side-Splitting Action

[Rob Dylan]

It seems this man's run of success never ends. Wario Jumpman enters 1997, the sixth season of Mario Kart, as a three-time world champion. Already it seems is this driver going into the halls of the all-time greats of Marioverse motorsport. However, not everything is as rosy in the world of Mario Kart as it could be.

The News
Bowser's long-time teammate and championship rival Bowser Koopa has announced his retirement from driving at the end of 1996. In a heartfelt press conference, the Koopa King maintained that he was going to continue as team principal at Bowser Motor Works for the foreseeable future, while refusing any commitment to the planned rival series that is likely to start in 1997.

Diddy Kong Racing and Scuderia Mario were expelled and folded respectively during 1996. For various individual mishaps, their owners are barred from entering Mario Kart until the end of time*. While Diddy Kong has taken his assets and desires to use them for his upcoming Mario Kart 2 series, Mario's future remains unknown. While the yellow press have spotted the Italian in Donkey Kong Country, no confirmation has been made as of yet regarding his relationship with the breakaway series.

We have two new teams on the grid. Scuderia Mario is now Scuderia SSL Team, co-owned by Daisy von Sarasaland and Mario's brother Luigi. Both owners will drive this season. Kameklaren will also debut at Luigi Raceway, owned by the racing veteran Kamek Magikoopa. He has already signed King Bobomb, a rising star of grand prix racing, to the other seat.

The Entry List
Bowser Motor Works
#1 Wario Jumpman
#2 Lewis Hammerton
Hammer Bros. Racing Team
#3 Foreman Spike
#4 Birdetta Birdo
Koopra Sport
#5 Toad Toadstool
#6 Koopa Troopa
Mitsuyoshi Buntai
#7 Para Troopa
#8 Redsaurus C. Koopamuncher
Kameklaren
#9 Kamek Magikoopa
#10 King Bobomb
Scuderia Sarasaland Squadron Luigier Team
#11 Luigi Mario
#12 Daisy von Sarasaland

BMW have picked up 1996's driver of the year Lewis Hammerton for their second seat. HBRT confirm that Spike will stay, and are said to be pursuing Birdetta Birdo for a second season at the team. Koopra Sport have yet to confirm either entry, while Para Troopa stays on at Mitsuyoshi. Team owner Redsaurus has decided to run full-time himself unless a better offer comes along.

The Calendar
Mushroom Cup: Luigi Raceway; Moo Moo Farm; Koopa Troopa Beach; Kalimari Desert
Flower Cup: Toad's Turnpike; Frappe Snowland; Choco Mountain; Mario Raceway
Star Cup: Wario Stadium; Sherbet Land; Royal Raceway; Bowser's Castle
Special Cup: DK's Jungle Parkway; Yoshi Valley; Banshee Boardwalk; Rainbow Road

The calendar remains the same as it did last year, and will continue as such for the coming years.

All official updates etc will be on this spreadsheet here.

[Rob Dylan]

An Invitation to Grand Prix Drivers of the Marioverse!



Diddy Kong and Donkey Kong are inviting any and all interested parties to drive at some of our new state-of-the-art grand prix circuits here in Donkey Kong Country. There are no ulterior motives present: we simply want to create peace and harmony between countries and drivers, and to show the potential of a possible future series in the country, which we are tentatively calling Mario Kart 2, Mari2 Kart for short.

Come and join us for some racing fun before 1997 gets going!

tl;dr if you would like to, you can sign up for some non-championship racing in Donkey Kong Country which will be hosted next week. There are no restrictions to this, and as many people can enter as they want. This will also be a possible chance to check out some new talent that will be autopiloted in for the future DKR series.

[Nessafox]

Peach would be interested in returning to Mitsuyoshi if they are willing to. Of course, all offers from teams that aren't run by Mario will be considered.

[Kinnikuniverse]

Finally, after a whole year of testing both on track and on the roads and highways surrounding his little workshop at Thwompking, Kamek, King Bobomb and their 3 shy guys under their employ are ready to take the mario Kart world by storm!

There is only one problem, though...the boogatti engine, built by the french wraiths of ghost valley, were not ready yet,and would only be ready in time for the flower cup.

Trying to salvage this, Kamek hurriedly asked for his boss, the great king of the koopas Bowser, for some year-old BMW engines for the mushroom cup...q call which was immediately shut down, as King Bobomb reminded the old wizard that, in exchange for driving and investing in his mario kart outfit, he becomes his court wizard until the explosive king's contract with the team is expired.

Wondering what to do, one of the 3 shy guys, Newdrian Awey, managed to restore an old Koopa-Klimax engine that he brought ffrom his times as an engineer at Koopra Sports for the engineering classes he teaches at Goomba Tech university.

After much haging and bartering, Kamek managed to get a deal with his king bowser to get BMW engines for 1997 in the hopes that the boogatti workers and factory comes to an agreement and finish the development of the engines for 1998. Despite almost blowing up upon hearing of this deal, king bobomb calmed down after Kamek convinced him of the potential politicial gains from a trade partnership with the koopa kingdom, thus keeping King Bobomb's investments onto kameklaren.

[Rob Dylan]

Confirmed: Kameklaren to run BMW customer engines in 1997.

[Pinkd56]

Daisy would like to enter the DK races, simply as a way to get her rhythm back after the SEASON ENDING PREGNANCY. I'd also like Luigi Jr. to join as a way of getting the lil man up to speed.

[Hammercat42]

Hammer Bros Racing Team (HRBT) and their Hammeronda engines with SpikeStein Tyres are prepairing for the 1997 season

We have more than enough room for a 3rd car!

[Rob Dylan]

Diddy Kong Racing's first event goes off with a few hitches!

Despite some supply and safety issues, DKR shows the promise of a series that puts politics aside and racing first

Article paid for by the DKC government.



In the warm-up to the first season of Diddy Kong Racing, the organisers Diddy Kong and Donkey Kong III invited the racers of the world to take part in a spec series and show off the country's brand-new race tracks.

Interest came from far and wide: Larry Koopaling, for example, is 1993 Mario Kart champion Bowser Koopa's nephew, while Mario Mario (who did take part) 's ex-wife Pauline Williams made an appearance. From MK itself, Daisy von Sarasaland and her son Baby Luigi turned up, along with the 1997 Kameklaren duo of Kamek Magikoopa and King Bobomb.

The track surface proved to be the greatest challenge. Using copied and modified forms of Mario Mario's own 1993 Scuderia Mario chassis, this spec series showed up the flaws of that very machine, with lots of tyre problems and technical issues. However, it was a tour de force from some drivers like Magikoopa, who were able to master the situation and win races. As this is non-championship, there is nothing at stake except glory, and that is exactly what the Kongs desire. Here are the standings:



The event seems to have got what it wanted. More and more interest is being drummed up, with Daisy keen to start a Scuderia SSL Team B-Team in Diddy Kong Racing this year. Let's see where it all goes...

1997 Entry List is filled



With recent news coming from KoopraSport that their 1996 lineup will continue to the new season, this means that the final seats are filled. Birdetta Birdo returns to HBRT for another season, so all 12 seats are filled.

What this does mean is that Princess Peach, now out of a seat, has publicly stated her intention to start a team for 1998. Early days yet, but the Princess has unfinished business on the grid, and intends to return ASAP.

[Rob Dylan]

Welcome one and all to the first test of 1997, where Alt-Mario Kart prepares for the new and exciting season ahead! We're here at Mario Raceway, just as we were last year, to get a look at the early pace of all the teams and drivers.



We have six teams and twelve drivers this year as last year. Scuderia SSL Team have succeeded Scuderia Mario, while Kameklaren are making their debut from scratch. For the latter, updates to the MIA have been slow in coming, but team boss Kamek Magikoopa assures the public that the new team will be on pace with their opponents from the get-go. With the slowness in producing their Boogatti engine/tyre combo, they are borrowing customer BMWs from Bowser and Pirelluigi's from SSL, seemingly for the whole of 1997. Kameklaren are also the only team to be swapping out one of their planned drivers for this test: Mark Wiggler will be making his first official entry to a session in place of King Bobomb.

Otherwise it's simply time to stop all the talk and the drama and see how fast everyone is at this point. Remember that not all upgrades have come through, so this pace might not necessarily reflect the final order come Luigi Raceway in a few weeks. Testing begins, and it's sunny. Almost all the drivers go out immediately to set basic times. BMWs quickest as they were last year, but with new driver Lewis Hammerton in front of the three-time champion Wario Jumpman. Para Troopa is less than a second behind them both in what appears to be an improved Mitsuyoshi package. As they go back to the pits, there's a surprise at just how quick the SSL package is as well, with Daisy going fourth fastest.

Wario appears to have been annoyed by that lap from Hammerton. He goes out and beats it quite significantly - 0.3 seconds faster. Luigi is very slow and is having technical issues. Redsaurus, team leader at Mitsuyoshi and signed for the full 97 season, crashes into the wall coming out of the final corner and has totalled his kart. Wario is still out on track and throwing his kart around to get faster times. The HBRTs are improving their times, but remain 6th and 7th in what appears to be currently a midfield package. Speaking of which, Foreman Spike's Hammeronda engine blows up and he's out! Lots of laps from the SSL team trying to get valuable running. Kamek in the meantime has been by his kart for a long time now, and doesn't look like he'll be getting out there any time soon. Lewis Hammerton has since gone out, and he and Wario are pushing their karts to the absolute limit. Team boss Bowser gets on the radio and calls them both in before they damage something. The Koopra Sports are not pushing that kart, though they are getting lots of times in.

And as the day comes to an end, here are the testing results


Wario is fastest for BMW, but the gap to the rest of the field, namely to Mitsuyoshi, Koopra Sport and SSL has dropped somewhat. We'll see if this has any implications for the season ahead...

[Kinnikuniverse]

Kameklaren will upgrade the kameklaren base for one coin pls.

[Rob Dylan]

Where shall the second and final 1997 test be held? RNG says: Luigi Raceway



Some teams have brought their final product to this racetrack, where very soon we shall see the debut race of 1997 Alt-Mario Kart. Let's see how they get on. King Bobomb will drive in this test to get ready for the first of the season at Kameklaren. It is clear and dry today - no threat of rain. Not too many runners go out immediately, but Toad posts the fastest time on soft tyres, while Hammerton is 0.2 seconds behind on the hards. After a little time the track gets ever busier. Daisy posts a fantastic time for third. For now, after the initial laps, almost everyone is doing runs. King Bobomb puts in an excellent lap to jump up to 5th. In the meantime Wario has come out with a soft tyre time and done the fastest lap, which means on the same tyres he is only 0.1 seconds ahead of Toad.

Disaster at Mitsuyoshi already: Redsaurus has belching smoke out the back of the kart on the back straight. He pits for repairs. Birdo is putting in some stonker laps but is also throwing the kart around a lot. Spike calls her in. Para Troopa trades times with Daisy. They're hundredths off one another, Daisy ahead in 4th. Hammerton goes out and beats Wario by almost no time at all! Birdo's back out and putting in decent laps again. Koopa has been doing tonnes of laps but is considerably behind their teammate. A couple of mistakes and bits of kart falling off, and it seems things are already winding down. Indeed it was rather a quiet session overall.

Second Test Results


These times were much closer than before. BMWs fastest but not by much. Hammerton ahead of his teammate, and Kameklaren's upgrades seeming to be doing them at least some good. Disaster for Redsaurus who didn't get very many laps in! The next time we'll see these karts will be at race 1, which will be very soon. See you then!

[Rob Dylan]

Round 1 - Luigi Raceway



Many of the teams were very last-minute in their preparations for the 1997 Mario Kart Season. We have yet to see whether their upgrades work or have any effect. We go into the new season starting at Luigi Raceway, and indeed the home hero will actually be racing there this year Luigi and his partner Daisy have joined the MK circus with their own new team, Scuderia SSL Team, which have high hopes to take the fight to the front asap. The other new team this year is Kameklaren who, despite their big claims, seem to already be rumoured to already be in financial struggle, having offered very large sums of money to other teams for customer supplies

Meanwhile at the front, crowd favourite Bowser Koopa is on the pitwall with the headphones rather than in the kart. he has replaced himself with one of the absolute top drivers last season, Lewis Hammerton. The intra-team rivalry will definitely be fun to watch. Ten years Wario Jumpman's junior, Hammerton will have something to prove for sure. In terms of inter-team rivalry, we're not sure yet. It seemed like BMW's lead had been cut somewhat in testing, but whether that plays out in practice is yet to be seen. Mitsuyoshi seem to have an improved package, even if they basically only have one driver in their team

HBRT seem to have taken a step backwards, and the paddock are again going to be watching Birdo to see if she fulfils her early-season promise from last season. Koopra Sport are a dark horse. We don't yet know if there will be improvement from the team or if they are going to be the same as they were last year. Not everyone, after all, can be a winner. Although we don't know how good BMW are going to be this year, we at least predict a strong midfield fight all season round. We're here at Luigi Raceway now for the first round of an exciting season.

1996 had something of a home curse: Toad was the only person to do even mildly well at home with a shock 2nd place finish. Many drivers didn't even turn up to their home races last year - bowser suffered a car failure while leading at home - the Kongs got themselves expelled from the series after their home race - Wario crashed out at home - Para Troopa was the best of three Koopas at Koopa Troopa Beach with a dead-last finish. We'll do quali and then I'll get lunch before doing the race.

It's clear and dry here for Q1. The BMWs go out first as always, with Hammerton a tiny bit ahead of Jumpman. The HBRTs are both over half a second off. Toad, while waving at the very supportive crowd, messes up the final long corner and loses time. He's beaten by his teammate Koopa Troopa, and both split the HBRTs. Para Troopa does a very disappointing time for 6th. Redsaurus then goes 4th behind Birdo. Kamek does. Kameklaren's first laps in anger - he goes last and a second off There's a crash! King Bobomb smashes it into the wall at turn 1 and has totalled the kart. Then the SSL karts come out. Luigi is ahead of Daisy, but they too are very far behind the leaders. A very strange session overall - most of the expected frontrunners had scruffy laps and BMW are further ahead than expected by me analysts.

Q1 results


Time for Q2 now. Laps coming in again. Luigi also messes up at turn 1, possibly on King Bobomb's wreckage. He's last overall so far, with Daisy at least ahead of Kamek. Spike is outpaced only very slightly by Para Troopa, who is fastest. Toad does a stronger lap in this session, going quickest. His teammate is 0.2 seconds off. Redsaurus does a decent lap to get ahead of the SSLs. Birdo does a solid lap and goes fastest! Wario outpaces her. One more driver to go.



Wario Jumpman, the defending three-time world champion, starts the opening round on pole!


Lewis Hammerton will start the race in last, beside King Bobomb. His Q1 time would have been good enough for pole, but this system is rather punishing isn't it This also all covers up the fact that Luigi effectively qualified last at his home race

Shall we proceed to Race Day. Wario Jumpman is on pole next to Birdo. The grid is together and they're off! It's a disappointing start at the back for Lewis Hammerton, who doesn't get away great. Someone who does is King Bobomb, who manages to keep the two-time race winner behind him! Luigi, having a mare of a time at his home race, drives terribly slowly around the turn 1-2 bend and gets overtaken by both of them. Kamek meanwhile is a bit further behind Daisy, who has had a really good start to jump up to 6th and is fighting with Foreman Spike for 5th. There are few incidents as we get going into the tunnel. Everyone gets through safely, but then something happens! It wasn't caught on camera, but on the tunnel exit we have two broken karts! Both Daisy and Foreman Spike have taken damage - Daisy only has three wheels and pulls off the track. All the drivers are hugging as close to the tunnel wall as possible for the fastest line, and it seems to have cost both drivers their chance today. Foreman Spike is somehow still going, but his debris slows down the drivers behind. Koopa Troopa meanwhile glides right past, ahead, and using the slipstream of his opponents, zooms into the final turn complex and overtakes both Para Troopa and his teammate. It's one hell of a good few turns for Koopa, who is now up into 3rd. However, he's quite a bit behind the leading twosome, Wario and Birdo, who are absolutely neck and neck for the lead.

We go into Lap 2, and the pressure is on. Birdo goes for an overtake into turn 1! Wario takes the inside line, but goes far too shallow. He scrubs the inside gravel, the understeers straight into the barrier He's still going, but very slowly. Surely he has to retire that kart. The whole field zooms past him, and with his fists bashing the steering wheel, he gives up. Something of a nightmare for BMW, as Lewis Hammerton is still stuck behind King Bobomb, who is putting up the defensive drive of a lifetime. Bobomb is going so fast in fact that the Kameklarens decide to swap places - Kamek is now directly ahead of BMW's only remaining driver. Not too much of incident on the second lap, with Birdo leading Koopa and Toad in the top spots. Lewis Hammerton, in spite of his frustration, posts the fastest lap. On the final lap now. Redsaurus in sixth is fighting tooth and nail with Foreman Spike. The latter is also putting up a very defensive drive against Mitsuyoshi's team leader. Going into the tunnel, Spike misjudges his turn, or simply can't do so because of the state of his machinery. He swerves a bit and holds up Redsaurus. King Bobomb, whose debut at Kameklaren is going quite smoothly, slips by the both of them up to fifth! And that's about it for the action. Birdetta Birdo wins the opening race of the 1997 season! Koopa and Toad take the other two rostrum spots, with Para Troopa in 4th.

Race Results


Driver of the Day goes to no other than King Bobomb, whose last place start almost netted him points Reject of the Race possibly to BMW, although I am tempted to give it to Luigi and Scuderia SSL. Luigi finished last in his home race, while all his team's upgrades have been so far for nought. Birdetta Birdo leads the championship after the first race!



HBRT lead the constructors' championship.


BMW behind Kameklaren (who are using BMW engines). I also want to say a firm congratulations to Kamek who, after three seasons of entries, has finally finished a race.

[Rob Dylan]

Round 2 - Moo Moo Farm



This is the only track of the new calendar that could be considered an "oval". The events of the race last year led to a chain reaction that saw the exit of Mario Mario from his namesake sport. HBRT and Birdo come in as the surprise winners from Luigi Raceway. BMW will be looking to save face
is Koopra Sport's pace legitimate? And just how fast is Mitsuyoshi? Can Kameklaren cause another upset? Um, SSL?

Q1 begins. It's sunny and dry here. Jumpman is ahead of Hammerton in the first quali. Birdo only 0.2 seconds behind, while Spike makes a mistake, getting his kart stuck in the mud, he sets no time. By mere thousands of a second, Toad outpaces Birdo for that coveted third place. Koopa is a little off Birdo's time. Para Troopa sets a great lap! He's third now. Then the real shock happens Redsaurus second! He outpaces Lewis Hammerton. Kamek goes last with a mediocre time. His teammate King Bobomb, star driver of round 1, this time hits the bridge wall and qualifies last. Luigi goes second! Daisy, on a good lap herself, scrapes off the wall in sector two trying to navigate the moles. She's a disappointing 8th.

Q2 now. Spike scrapes that same wall and does a disappointing lap. Bobomb somehow goes slower by getting hit by a mole. Then Kamek hits the same mole and sets no time at all. This is getting a little farcical. Oh wait my mistake. Kamek did set a time, albeit a crap one. It was Koopa Troopa who sets no time. Finally Daisy brings back normality by going fastest. Birdo outpaces her. Toadstool faster than her. Para Troopa just behind Toad for the fastest time. Hammerton has hit a mole! It's a dreadful lap that sees him again behind King Bobomb on the grid My goodness, it's happened again. Redsaurus goes fastest! Only two runners left. Luigi sets a decent time but it's only good enough for fifth. Wario's the only one left. He goes quickest! Two for two in qualifying so far this year - Wario takes pole at Moo Moo Farm.

Quali Results


Redsaurus in a shock front row position. This is only his third race, and his results so far have been 9th and 7th Toad Para and Birdo keep up the pace shown in Luigi Raceway, while SSL seem much more on pace than before. Lewis Hammerton starts 10th, which is two places better than he started last race By Choco Montain he should get his first pole. Is BMW too much pressure on the young driver? It has been a very moley day in Mario Kart today.

Race Day now. Are we going to get another shock winner? Are those moles going to cause more trouble? It's clear and dry today, perfect weather for a nice clean race. The karts are all ready and the lights are about to go out...

And they're off! It's a mega start from Wario, who blasts away from Redsaurus rather easily. All the drivers pass through the twisty turn 1 in no time. It's turn two that causes all the upsets, and all the opportunities. Moles, moles everywhere. Thousands. Millions. They litter the race track. The race leader swerves around them largely unaffected. But then the full pack of the field hit them all at the same time. There's a lot of damage and the commentators are trying to work out what happened. It seems that Para Troopa was the first to panic. Toad got through the situation with not too much problem. Para made a massive swerve to the middle of the road while some others went for the straight line short line route. Para then got hit by a mole anyway. He spins around in a circle and collects Lewis Hammerton and Koopa Troopa at the rear. Hammerton spins but gets going with no apparent damage. Koopa does not - he too hits a mole anyway and takes some damage. The SSL drivers didn't get off easy either. In her attempt to avoid Para's spin, Daisy drives straight into a cow and is out of the race. Luigi in turn goes for a spin in the mud and gets overtaken by everyone as he forces himself back onto the track.

The big winners again have been Kameklaren - the duo have scythed their way up the field. Kamek and Bobomb are now 5th and 6th and running well. Sector 3 in this arduous 30-second-a-lap race. As the formation line starts to be created, it's the bridge section that catches some of our drivers out, not least Redsaurus! The hero of Saturday drives straight into the wall he is then promptly joined by King Bobomb, who seems to have crashed in every session this weekend. Ending lap 1, Wario has a substantial lead with Toad second. And in all that chaos, Lewis Hammerton has got himself up to 4th! The first time all season he has been in the points. Later overtakes by Hammerton and the HBRTs puts Kamek down to 7th again. But it gets crazier. Lap 2 now, and the track surface, what little there is, is breaking up. Wario is noticeably having difficulty picking a line, and Toad seems to be having an even worse time of it. The pack thins out a little, and who's that? Birdo is in the mud! But unlike Luigi, she can't get the kart out. Last race's winner is out of this race. Then drama hits: contact! In a heavy fight for third, Para Troopa and Lewis Hammerton make contact Who was at fault? we'll find out after the race: we didn't see the replay unfortunately but Para drops way way back, with Hammerton stealing the third place off of him! It's a real red mist moment for the Hammer brother. Bits of bodywork are falling off that vehicle. Wario does the fastest lap as we go into lap 3...and LTF does not disappoint: absolutely nothing happens on lap 3. The end.

Wario wins the Moo Moo Farm Grand Prix! Toad takes second and Lewis Hammerton a (pending) third...it was actually Para Troopa's fault, the stewards have dictated overdefending, he nearly took off a fast-charging #blessed Lewis Hammerton.

Race Results


Updated Driver Standings


An incredible three-way fight is developing for this Cup and indeed perhaps this championship. Genuinely I have no idea how the championship will shake out in this condition. Hammerton, in spite of his dreadful Saturdays, really isn't far off his teammate in the standings.

Updated Constructor Standings


For statistical purposes, Wario takes a milestone victory: he is the first driver in alt-Mario Kart to take 20 wins. 17 have been with BMW.

[Rob Dylan]

Round 3 - Koopa Troopa Beach



Welcome to Round 3 of the 1997 Mario Kart Season. We're here at super happy super duper super sunny Koopa Troopa Beach. While Bowser is no longer behind the wheel, crowd favourite Koopa Troopa is still going at it. Even better, his team Koopra Sport is leading the constructor's championship! His arch-rival Para Troopa is here along with veteran pre-war driver Kamek Magikoopa. So a quarter of today's drivers are Koopas. Let's see if the home curse affects all three of them. It's been a rather quiet silly season in the opening rounds, with the madness of last season's driver lineups not so far taking effect in 1997.

Q1 begins. Wario Jumpman starts us all off with an example of what not to do, when he hits the giant rock in sector 3! He sets no time and limps back to the pits. Lewis Hammerton is therefore fastest of one. Both HBRTs are about half a second off his time. Toad goes second, while his teammate Koopa messes up while going for the tunnel shortcut. No time set. Para edges out ahead of Toad, but just. No great heroics from Redsaurus today, but 4th will do very nicely. The Kameklarens are slowest, with Bobomb the faster of the two. Luigi does an absurd line through the sea and loses a bunch of time. He goes slower than Bobomb. Then Daisy hits a crab. She posts the slowest time. It's an incident packed first quali session, with Lewis Hammerton fastest!

Q2 now. Wario Jumpman again goes out first, this time putting in a time that would have set him P2 in the previous session. Koopa too sets a time - he's half a second off Wario. Daisy improves significantly, less than 0.4 seconds off the BMW's time. Kamek slow, and Luigi just behind his teammate. Then King Bobomb goes second! Less than a tenth behind Wario. Another quali upset in the works? And speaking of upsets, Foreman Spike is oh so close to Jumpman's time. Now he's second. Birdo scrapes the giant rock and ruins a possible chance - she's behind Bobomb. Redsaurus takes an ok 6th place, but I think he would have been wanting more. Q2 has a casualty, and it's Toad. He tumbles over the giant rock as he takes the boost. His kart is totalled and no time is set. For a driver hoping to take the championship lead after the race, that was not the way to go about it. Para Troopa is 4th. Now it's up to Hammerton. Will he choke in qualifying yet again? The answer is no! Lewis Hammerton takes pole. Although not as fast as his Q1 time, both times were fine for pole, and he looks in dominant position for tomorrow's race.

Quali Results


Race Day now and the weather is good yet again. Wario is in the best position to take the championship lead after this race, but how will it go between the two BMWs as Hammerton attempts to assert himself within the team? Bowser take his heart medicine on the pitwall as he watches. Para Troopa is the best served to please the home crowd, lining up in 5th. The karts are lined up and the lights are going out. Oof. It's a sensible start from most of the runners as they go into sector 1. The BMWs are line-astern with Hammerton edging out an impressive lead rather quickly. Foreman Spike started in third, but it's very clear very quickly that he's holding up those behind him. Even King Bobomb is pushing him for position, and as they approach sector 2 the bomb royalty hits a crab and takes some damage. Regardless, he's going so fast that he passes Spike at the Bay area. Para Troopa follows through into a points paying position. Toad at the back has made an excellent start, passing both SSLs and both the backmarker Koopas. Luigi, frustrated at dropping places, attempts to take the sea shortcut, but too much salt water gets into the engine and he drifts onto shore and retirement Redsaurus is another fast starter, passing Birdo and Daisy. No other incidents until the end of the lap when Kamek scrapes off the giant rock. He appears to be ok though.

Lap 2 and it's a bad lap for Mitsuyoshi. Redsaurus gets bamboozled by the HBRTs' manic driving and hits a crab at the Bay area. He's still in the race but drops all the way to the back. Then as they approach the big rock, Para Troopa attempts a daring move to take Bobomb via the shortcut
he messes up and has quite a lot of damage. Still in 4th though. Daisy passes Birdo for position and appears to have pace. Bobomb too is keeping position in an incredible 3rd position. Final lap now. Wario has done FL going into this one, and is catching Hammerton slowly. There's debris everywhere now as everyone bar BMW seems to be hitting things. Toad hits a crab at the Bay area and loses some bodywork. Then in sector 3, both HBRTs have trouble with the rock. Spike scrapes against it while Birdo slams right into it. Kamek barely makes it aroud the corner - we didn't pick up why his kart is so destroyed. But in spite of some fast laps, Wario can't get near his teammate Lewis Hammerton who wins the Koopa Troopa Beach race!

Race Results


King Bobomb takes an unprecedented podium! Meaning that BMW powered all three podium finishers. There will certainly be a party at Kameklaren tonight. In a repeat of last season, Para Troopa takes the last point and the de facto home applause.

Updated Driver Standings


Updated Constructor Standings


Birdo showing early signs of Fisichellitis. Hammerton becomes I think the first person to win a race for three separate teams. Not only that, those three wins for three separate teams came within 11 races of one another SSL have a lot of work to do to catch up in the points. Mitsuyoshi being let down by driver mistakes for the 7,000th time. Koopra Sport probably ROTR for being absolutely nowhere.

[Hammercat42]

Need more updates on the cars

[Rob Dylan]

Round 4 - Kalimari Desert

Welcome, one and all, to Round 4 of the 1997 Alt-Mario Kart season. Who shall win the Mushroom Cup? So again, it's a quiet silly season as "the driving does the talking" - which is ironic because that's what the Diddy Kong Racing slogan is As Diddy Kong Racing gets very close to its starting time, Mario Kart is going to finish this year's Mushroom Cup. Wario currently leads but was trounced by Lewis Hammerton at Koopa Troopa Beach.



Mushroom Kingdom trains still operate under steam power apparently. It's a super sunny day as Q1 begins. Hammerton gets bumped by the train while leaving the tracks, and it knocks his time off quite considerably. The only one behind him after many runs is Koopa Troopa, who got totally held up by the train. Birdo second after a decent time. Then it happens again: Redsaurus second! SSL and Kameklaren being nowhere means that Wario is fastest.

Q2 now. This time around, Luigi's time is great. Bobomb goes over the sand on the infield circuit and is well slow. Daisy gets bumped by the train but it actually seems to help as she goes second Correction: Monaco TV strikes again. She's fifth I mixed her up with Kamek, whose attempted trip through the tunnel lost him a full second. Hammerton goes fastest. Para third, and then Spike second. Toad doesn't do a good sector 3 but is still third. Redsaurus chokes again! King of Q1 we're going to start calling him. He times it wrong and the train holds him up. He then just returns to the pits rather than setting a time. Wario blasts it out of the park and takes a very strong pole.

Quali Results


Race Day now! So it's a sunny day at the Kalimari Desert. It's a BMW 1-2. Will Foreman Spike be the hero we need in these dark days? The karts all line up - and they're off! It's an amazing start for Kamek, whose Kameklaren seems to pounce off the starting line. Luigi's kart stutters and barely makes it to turn 1. The pack fly away from him, and to add insult to injury he gets collected by the train on the very first go! Koopa Troopa is making gains through the field as well, while the top two remain steady. As they leave the infield section, there's contact! Koopa and Birdo hit one another while in P8 and 9. It's a pretty nasty scrape and Birdo has certainly come off the worse. Koopa indeed seems to have got faster with less kart to drive around - he passes Para with apparent ease. As they go into sector 3, pieces start falling off of Birdo and Koopa's karts, littering the track. Redsaurus gets a smothering of dust and carbon fibre and is forced to retire and what's this? Toad makes an attempt on P3! He takes the shortcut through the sand and pierces the kart on a bunch of cacti. He goes from 1st all the way to retirement, but at least he's close to the pits.

So we go into lap 2 now. As they go through turn 1 again it's Wario-Lewis-Kamek. Yes you read that right, Kamek went from 11th on the grid to 3rd! Lap 2 is a lot more orderly as usual. Everyone avoids the trains, and it is in sector three where they start to get antsy. After more than half the race, Bobomb and Daisy finally make their way past the camera kart after it conks out. Then Birdo thinks it would be a really good idea to copy Toad's braindead move and goes for the shortcut at the last chicane. She too smashes into a bunch of cacti and goes out. Wario goes fastest but the laptimes are almost identical to Hammerton's. And then on the last lap nothing happens the end.

Race Results


Wario wins the Kalimari Desert Grand Prix and the Mushroom Cup. Kamek takes an inexplicable third from 11th and is obvious IIDOTR. Spike picks up from the Fisichellitis of his teammate for the last point. Will Kameklaren repay all their hideous debt through prize money alone?

Updated Driver Standings


Fisichellitis is almost an understatement

[Rob Dylan]

The time has finally arrived, people...



We are organising sign-ups for this year's inaugural Diddy Kong Racing Championship. It will be an eight-race championship due to take place on the exact weekends that the Flower and Star Cups are held for the Mario Kart season, just for maximum damage and audience drainage. The organisers are officially Diddy Kong and Donkey Kong III, while Mario Mario is also present currently in a "supporting" role.

The Kongs have managed to dredge up some of the top talent of their region in an attempt to showcase Donkey Kong Country racing to the entire world. With seasoned racing veteran Mario Mario alongside them, they're already celebrating the attention and success that their team is gaining.

This series is going to be totally different to Mario Kart - in fact, we are bringing things back to the old days when Mario Kart was all about the racing! There will be no worries about upgrades or fixes or any nonsense like that. Karts, tyres, and engines will all be provided to our proud participants.

For the participants
We have 16 maximum possible places, and we are on the look-out for drivers to fill those places. They are as follows:

#0: Donkey Kong III (Ducktanian)
#1: Diddy Kong (Pasta)
#2: Conker T. Squirrel
#12: Bluesaurus R. Bitakoopas
#14: Mark Wiggler
#15: Krunch Kremling
#16: Dixie Kong (Frentzen127)
#26: Drum Stick
#33: Tip Tup
#55: Jimmie Mouser
#58: Pipsy Astromouse
#60: Banjo & Kazooie
#68: "Baby" Luigi von Sarasaland
#77: Timber Tiger (Shadaza)
#78: B. Lakitu (Hammercat)
#80: Bumper Badger
#256: Mario Mario (Frogfoot9013)


If you already run a "main" Mario character, please take one of the crappy ones. There are also a huge variety of extra options on the spreadsheet if you really don't want any of these. I would personally recommend someone take Larry Koopaling and Pauline Williams, who showed good potential in the pre-season NC races.

I have heard some talk from some teams about an intention to run "B-Teams" in DKR. Currently Kameklaren and HBRT have done so and have control of two karts each. Those team owners will have to sign drivers and will not be allowed to run a second driver as a player.

So please, pick a driver and pick a number by posting below on this thread. When we have all the mandatory seats filled we'll get right ahead with this madness

[Rob Dylan]

Frentzen127 takes Dixie Kong, Diddy's girlfriend, who totally didn't get in because nepotism. She will run the #16 as a tribute to her idol, Laurent Naveau.

[Shadaza]

When Mario heard Battletoads were on the way he was confused, toads battle?



It's Rash, baby!

Can't be any harder than the turbo tunnel.

Entry: #91 Rash Battletoad

[Rob Dylan]

When Mario heard Battletoads were on the way he was confused, toads battle?



It's Rash, baby!

Can't be any harder than the turbo tunnel.

Entry: #91 Rash Battletoad

Entry denied

[Hammercat42]

Hammer Bros. Racing Team will call their junior team as follow:
Heinz-Bros Racing Team 2 (HBRT2)

With the following list of drivers:
B. Lakitu

and the 2nd driver has been missing in action.

[Hammercat42]

Where is the offical 1995-1997 Mario list ;D

[Shadaza]

Very well, I'll take Tony's Illegitamate son, Timber Tiger. Running the number 77.

[Rob Dylan]

So while this series was on a brief hiatus, we had some interest from various parties, and in spite of there being only a semblance of said interest, the authorities at Diddy Kong Racing still managed to book more drivers than there are karts available.

However, as one of the registered runners (and the only one without a kart) is B. Lakitu, the organisers have seen fit to allow him to run exceptionally on a cloud rather than one of the designated karts. Whether this puts him at an advantage or not remains to be seen.

This means that there will be 17 drivers partaking in the first ever Diddy Kong Racing event. Mario and Luigi appear to have made up somewhat, as Mario has allowed his nephew Baby Luigi to take part in the new series, under the caveate from Luigi senior that "no funny business takes place" and that Baby Luigi gets as fair a shot as any other in taking part in the series. Mario ensures officially that this is the case. Why this is happening, who knows? Mario has no official power over Diddy Kong Racing. Let's see what happens...

For clarity, B. Lakitu is entitled to any and all points they get. Points go down to fifth place: 9-7-5-3-1.

[Rob Dylan]

DIDDY KONG RACING Round 1

Welcome one and all to the first ever race of Diddy Kong Racing! We are here on the very same day that the Mario Kart runners are starting the Flower Cup, so as to steal as much television time from the other series as possible. It's the opening round of what looks to be a truncated, shorter 8-race championship in 1997 showcasing pure racing talent from across the globe. There are a lot of claims being made by the organisers, Messrs Diddy and Donkey Kong III. They are already proud to say that interest is booming so highly that there is more demand than seats available. 17 runners start the opening round at Ancient Lake, more than in any Mario Kart race. Turn 1 is pictured here:



16 karts have been provided to everyone except B. Lakitu, who is trusted to be able to fly the cloud alongside everyone else. All the karts are claimed to be absolutely equal to one another, and the runners promise that Diddy Kong Racing is a pure spec series that is only about the talent than anything else - so naturally Mario Mario is taking part. We had some running at the beginning of 1997 to test the karts out. DK III and Pipsy Astromouse won races there, and are surely therefore the favourites to win here. Outside of those names you already know, almost all the rest are scrubs, and we can get introduced to them as time goes on. So without further ado let's go!

We are at the Ancient Lake race, as previously stated, Round 1 of the championship. It has been a sweltering weekend as the karts have come in
already as the practice running began, there was controversy: Baby Luigi's kart wouldn't start! It seems that Baby Luigi, left unsupervised with the equipment, was unable to get the engine working at all! What a shame, because everyone else's karts seem to be absolutely fine Luigi's mechanics have also been paid off disappeared somewhere. After all, the organisers promised absolute parity between all the drivers, so it's a mystery what must have happened.

What it means is we have 16 remaining runners. Qualifying has continued in the sweltering heat, and it was a familiar face scoring the first pole of the championship.



Mario takes pole ahead of Diddy Kong, while Conker and Bluesaurus take strong places on the second row. Mark Wiggler is in 5th and Pipsy Astromouse is in 10th. So again on Race Day it's sweltering heat - perfect weather for a Diddy Kong Racing race. There's a couple of karts smoking as they get themselves going! And the race is on! Fast starters are Bumper Badger and Timber Tiger, who each grab some places on their way up. These karts are old and it seems that some aren't exactly working correctly. As they head around the first few turns, Bluesaurus seems to be steering all over the place to no avail. Donkey Kong III, one of the top promoters in this series, finds his brakes completely fail and he slams face first into the wall - he's our first retirement. Amazingly, no collisions or contact on the opening lap. Just pure, clean racing. Mario has lost his lead by the time we reach lap 2, however! Diddy Kong in second has boosted past and has taken the lead.

It gets worse. The drivers are zooming at full speed down the short start straight. It seems these tyres have a rather narrow operating window
:pirleli: that's shown by the fact that everyone starts having tyre failure. Mario is out, Conker is out, Bluesaurus is out. Tyres are exploding left right and centre. It's pandemonium at turn 1! Conker gets it going again and is trundling around on three wheels. Timber Tiger is out, Pipsy Astromouse is out. Bumper Badger is out. There are more tyres on the grass than on the karts! We saw this in the pre-season NC races but the organisers appear to have done nothing to rectify the problem. Banjo & Kazooie, who are one of the many karts driving on at most three wheels, get hit by B Lakitu, who is operating both as a driver and as the camera kart. The stewards can look at that after the race. Somehow as we go into lap 3, Conker still does the fastest lap on three wheels :vettel: He then takes the lead from Diddy Kong, who while leading has not noticed the tyre blowups. Diddy's kart explodes and joins the graveyard at Turn 1. Tragedy! Mark Wiggler is out! There's overtaking everywhere and it's hard to keep track. But what we do have is Conker desperately trying to keep his lead.

"Is that Tip Tup?" It is! Tip Tup, one of the few remaining drivers with four wheels, zooms past his opponents, jumping from sixth to the lead in the final lap alone! It's so close by the end of it, but Tip Tup wins!



None of the three main organisers finished, but they are likely happy to see that six out of the seven finishers are Donkey Kong Country proteges and natives. Pure Clean Racing.





*NOTE: many days after the event, the stewards deemed Banjo Kazooie at fault for the incident with B. Lakitu, and the former were disqualified from the race.

[Rob Dylan]

Round 5 - Toad's Turnpike

Welcome ladies and gentlemen, to the Greatest Show on Earth! After a short break, alt-Mario Kart is back! We're here at Toad's Turnpike for Round 5 of the 1997 season, which also marks the first race of this year's Flower Cup. To give you a quick summary of what has happened so far this season: so Wario leads the championship after two wins and a Cup victory this season. His new teammate Lewis Hammerton appears to have quite strong pace, but suffered some critical skill issues from time to time. HBRT and Koopra Sport appear to be the closest in matching BMW's pace. While Kameklaren have scored some unbelievable podiums in Koopa Troopa Beach and Kalimari Desert. On this very day of Toad's Turnpike, the opening round of Diddy Kong Racing's first ever season got under way, and it was a crazy event to say the least (race report above). Luigi and Daisy have so far not commented on the tragic engine circumstances that led to their son DNQing in that race, which the organisers I'm sure very much regret. Finally, Toad's Turnpike is the home race of Toad Toadstool, who has so far earned two podiums this season. With no home victories in 1996, Toad actually did the best with a second place last year. Can he repeat that? Let's get under way.

With the success of last year's events being held on public roads, the MIA have encouraged pedestrians to drive on the circuit during the race to increase interest in the show.



Quali time. Wario has to swerve to avoid a large lorry on his Q1 time. He is beaten soundly by Lewis Hammerton. While the HBRTs and Toad scrape with the traffic, Para Troopa is able to sandwich the BMWs. Lots of mistakes on these laps: Luigi is likewise caught out by the traffic, while Birdo and Redsaurus set no time. King Bobomb and Daisy are 5th and 6th: good showings from the new teams. In Q2, Birdo comes out and does a time good enough for P2 in the previous session. Who can beat it? Not Foreman Spike, who seems to be lost in all that traffic. King Bobomb hits some marbles and is slowest overall, but Daisy conversely is quick! Luigi is just behind her, and they are currently P3 and P4. Four runners remain, however. Toad goes second with a mega lap that will please the fans. Wario can't beat Birdo's time! Birdo still leads by a hundredth of a second. It seems Wario got hit by traffic on that second lap - a scruffy Saturday for the defending champion. Para Troopa blunders and is P8. Lewis Hammerton takes pole! It's so close between the top three on track and indeed the championship

Quali Results


Now onto Race Day. The karts are all lined up and ready for the new Cup. This is going to be a gruelling two-minute race. There's very high danger for everyone involved... and they're off! It's a clean start, but an eventful one. Para Troopa makes a slow getaway and gets punted from behind by Koopa Troopa. There's definite damage to the latter's kart, and as they go down the start straight his machine indeed falls apart. As the drivers head up the hill there is all sorts of traffic everywhere from a very enthusiastic public. Redsaurus and Daisy get squashed by a lorry driver, with the former out and the latter still going. What all this madness has allowed is a total shuffling of the order. Lewis Hammerton hasn't been able to navigate the traffic well at all: Birdo and Wario are past him! Kamek has had another miracle first lap and is in fourth. While the SSL team seem to have gone backwards from their great Saturday performance. Birdo leads going into lap 2, but it's a crap set of affairs for HBRT. A wayward sportscar slams into her kart and she's in the wall. Wario pushes past and into the lead, zooming down and up the main straight. Foreman Spike way behind gets caught out the same way: the traffic are deadly today. The final lap starts to see things settle down as always. Toad gets hit himself, which is confusing as he is the home hero! With half a kart he is still hounding Kamek for what is now the podium positions. It all ends that way with a third consecutive 1-2 for BMW, this one led by Wario Jumpman!



In fact, just to show how varied and interesting alt-Mario Kart is this season, we had the exact same podium in the exact same spots two races in a row

Updated Driver Standings


Toad moves up into third almost by default, as Birdo records a fourth consecutive DNF

[Rob Dylan]

DIDDY KONG RACING Round 2

So we're back in Donkey Kong Country. At Fossil Canyon specifically. It's now Round 2 of the Diddy Kong Racing season! There's not much to say that hasn't already been said about this gripping series: was Tip Tup's win a fluke or is he the future star of the series! We're about to go and do quali, but there's an issue! "Baby" Luigi von Sarasaland is having engine problems for the second week running. It seems again that the engine refuses to respond or get going! Luigi's mechanics and parents appear to have done nothing to solve this mechanical issue, and it means that the 1-year-old will tragically DNQ for a second race in succession. This marks Luigi Jr.'s 11th consecutive DNQ in competitive racing. Quali has since been run, and it's home hero and series organiser Donkey Kong III who sits on pole. Last week's polesitter Mario is beside him on the front row (ignore the LTF glitch):

Qualifying


It is Pipsy Astromouse in 3rd and Mark Wiggler in 8th. And it's a beautiful sunny day at the track as we warm up for the main race:


DKR's organisers have made no comment regarding the tyre failures that have plagued the series' races so far this year. We'll see if any improvement has been made on that front. So, without further ado, let's get going. Can DKR save sport where it has died at Toad's Turnpike last week? The lights are out!

And it's a rather grim start! With a large portion of this track containing sand, it seems the tyres are again not up to it. The drivers are largely rank and file through the opening sections, but when going to the off-road Sector 2, there's calamity! Mario has a tyre explosion the moment his kart touches the hot sand. He's not the only one. Diddy and Dixie, Kremling, Mouser, Tip Tup, Timber Tiger @Shadazy, Bumper Badger and Conker are all trailing at the back of the field or are out. it's only the first lap and the field spread has grown tremendously from front to back. Those who avoided catastrophe have jumped up the order: Pipsy Astromouse has flown into the lead ahead of DK III, while Drum Stick and Banjo Kazooie have made up loads of places. This lead doesn't last for long, as on the second lap Astromouse too has a blowup. DK III takes the lead while most of the runners who had made up places were caught out in their high speed by just how fragile these tyres are. The field spread is enormous: after two laps, Bumper Badger is 24 seconds behind the race leader in a 35 second lap. Then it happens again! DK III has a tyre blowup, no matter how sensibly he was driving. This promotes Drum Stick into the lead by default, who is sliding around with only three tyres on. As with last week, it is the very few drivers who have preserved themselves who make the gains. And there is only one driver in the field who did not lose a tyre: and that driver is Mark Wiggler ! What an exciting and tempestuous race that was!



Three different leaders on three different laps - now that's racing. No driver incidents, just pure simple tyre explosions:

Updated Driver Standings

[Rob Dylan]

Round 6 - Frappe Snowland



This iconic racetrack is overseen by the gigantic statue of the late Yoshisaur T. Munchakoopas. As Yoshi's Island is apparently in the southern hemisphere, it is a snowy race. Let's go straight to quali. Hammerton beats Jumpman, while Spike beats Birdo. Toad sandwiches the HBRTs, while Mitsuyoshi disappoint. King Bobomb makes a mistake and qualifies last, with Kamek slightly ahead. Luigi sandwiches them, and then Daisy crashes head first into the giant Yoshi statue! How disrespectful Well her kart is broken to pieces and she won't be back for Q2. In the second session, Redsaurus does a semi-decent time, which beats his teammate and the Kameklaren/SSL four. Birdo sets a garbage time and is midfield
Toad too disappoints, and it is so close at the front of the field. Yhe first person to beat Toad is Foreman Spike who takes P1! Wario cannot beat him and slots in in P2. Only Hammerton left. Hammerton takes pole a great session for Foreman Spike and Redsaurus though.



An SSL back row will greatly disappoint the team owner-drivers. And now for Race Day. It's a clear evening, if not a warm one. A must-win race from Hammerton, let's see how he deals with getting off the line in these cold temperatures. The lights are out! It's a clean getaway from everyone. The SSLs both have great starts, with Luigi especially dicing through the field in the windy Sector 1. As they make the jump, Koopa Troopa skids and plunges straight into the icy water - he's out. On the main plaza area, King Bobomb hits a snowman and has quite serious damage to his kart. As they head into the tunnel at sector 3, Redsaurus crashes by scraping his kart off the side of it. He was going for a drift turn but it all went against him. An incident: Luigi in his drive through the field has made contact with Toad! Neither driver seems damaged while Toad keeps the lead
Wario hits the final tunnel wall on the right side! He does this, getting past Foreman Spike in the process, but at what cost to his own kart? Lap 2 and absolutely nothing happens - Lewis Hammerton is pulling away at the front and sets fastest lap. In the final lap, sector 1 proves too much for Kamek, who cannot for the life of him circumvent all the twisty turns. He drives into a snowbank and the kart stops. Meanwhile further ahead, Luigi and Toad are in a fight to the death for P6. Luigi is pushing and pushing and pushing, and eventually Toad misses the final corner completely, skidding off the bridge and into the water, just like his teammate. Hammerton sets another fastest lap and comfortably wins the race.

Race Results


Foreman Spike takes his first podium of the season, while King Bobomb takes fifth yet again. Birdo actually finishes for once! While Kamek records his first DNF of the season. Three drivers have not yet retired: Spike, Para and Lewis.



BMW are starting to look like favourites for the constructors' championship.



I just did a scan - so no driver has ever had more than five consecutive podiums: if Wario and/or Lewis do it, they will break the record. Funny stat too: of all the drivers, Bowser actually has the most successive points finishes. Nine in a row.

[Hammercat42]

Gonna spend some tokens soon:

Spike:
+2 Aero (8 Tokens)

Birdo
+2 Mech (8 Tokens)

28 - 16 = 12 tokens left

[Rob Dylan]

DIDDY KONG RACING Round 3

For this week's event we find ourselves at Jungle Falls, not to be confused with DK Jungle Parkway. Donkey Kong Country contains many jungles.



So the organisers have made big promises about reducing the number of tyre issues to affect drivers and improve the pirlelis that are currently on the karts. We'll see if a week of work on them has paid off at all. At this very fast-paced and short lap, Mario Mario is on pole for the second time in three races!


(That's Pipsy in sixth)

Oh yeah lol I forgot to mention, yada yada yada Baby Luigi didn't make it because his parents are refusing to look into the engine issues the child is facing. So it's a super sunny day at the temple - who will come home alive? The lights are coming on...and they're off! I cannot believe it - a whole racing lap without a single tyre blowup. Diddy Kong Racing has come a long way. There are many overtakes at the back and throughout the midfield, while at the front they are mostly holding station. What this lack of tyre issues is now highlighting is the amount of technical issues otherwise being faced by the drivers :finbarr: Krunch Kremling appears to be fluctuating in pace, zooming at times and stalling at others. Timber Tiger's kart appears to be scraping off the ground even with four wheels on. DIDDY KONG #1 can't even seem to turn the kart! He enters the temple and can't get it round the corner. He slows to an embarrassing halt and is out the race. Mario Mario leads after the first lap still, and then it happens. Puncture! Blowout! There's debris everywhere as the new and improved tyres give out. Is that? It is Mario! Try as he might, he can't get the kart off the side of the track with no wheels on it. His crash causes chaos throughout the field, and the air is full of carbon brake dust and bits of tyre rubber flying through the air. Kazooie, Kremling and Timber Tiger are all out with similar tyre issues. While Tip Tup, Mark Wiggler and Bumper Badger have lost wheels. Yet again it's a case of tip-toeing around on the final lap. Dixie Kong took the lead in Mario's absence and seems to have things under control. Conker the championship leader has a similar explosion, as do the two race winners Tip Tup and Wiggler. Drum Stick too is out but nobody cares. The rest of the runners keep it on track, and perilously does Dixie Kong cross the line to win! Donkey Kong III comes over the line second while Bluesaurus sits on the final podium spot.

Race Results


And here are the updated standings


Dixie Kong shoots into the lead with that win, while none of last week's scorers did so this time. B. Lakitu impressively has finished every race and scored no points.

[Rob Dylan]

Round 7 - Choco Mountain

Wwe're still on Yoshi's Island here for the grand prix at Choco Mountain.



It's a muddy and treacherous track here. Going into this race, HBRT have brought some delayed upgrades to their two karts. While the BMW drivers both have the possibility of extending the five-race podium record that currently stands. Wario Jumpman and Lewis Hammerton are the only two candidates with any likelihood of winning this championship, and the rest of the season will be a direct fight between the two. Quali starts, and Hammerton beats Jumpman at the first go. Both HBRTs scrape the chocolate wall and have to pit. The Koopra Sports are between the Mitsuyoshis
with Redsaurus a good third. The Kameklarens are dead slow here, with SSL quite easily outpacing them. Daisy is in a respectable sixth. In second qualifying, Birdo comes out with a brilliant lap that may just nab pole. Spike hits the wall again :vettel: So does Luigi this time that could be crucial at a time when SSL seem to have an edge. Para Troopa in second with a big gap back to the Kameklarens. Daisy manages third and Koopa Troopa is absurdly slow. Toad goes third, Redsaurus fourth. Wario posts a sub-par lap and he is only P3. Hammerton jumps over the final bumps
it's P6 Incredible stuff - as the track seems to have heated up, BMW weren't prepared and lost a lot of time. This means that Birdetta Birdo takes pole at Choco Mountain - the first non-BMW pole since Mitsuyoshi took pole at Banshee Boardwalk last season. It's also Birdo's second career pole.



Para Troopa in second - both of these drivers have a lot to prove following a string of disappointing results. It's Race Day now and the karts are ready. And they're off! Oh my goodness - it was a crazy quali and an even crazier opening lap. It's a treacherous circuit, as we already know, but as they boost out of the very long start straight and through the tunnel, there's argy-bargy all down the field. Daisy misjudges her line in fighting with Kamek and she smashes up the kart. Similarly, on the tunnel exit at the difficult left-hander, Redsaurus brakes too late and hits the chocolate wall. Yhe remaining drivers make their way to the open spiral section. They take the absolute thinnest line possible, and some regret their decisions! Para Troopa specifically goes too shallow and crashes down into the chocolate canyon. A boulder falls down out of nowhere. It hits King Bobomb towards the back head-on. It's such a large boulder that Koopa and Spike both crash trying to avoid it. Then Birdo from the lead places some unavoidable bananas behind her at the final bumpy section. And who should hit them but Lewis Hammerton? Is sport resuscitated? it might be! Hammerton is out as he's stuck in the bump. Lap 2 - Birdo leads with Wario right behind and Kamek in a magnificent third. Luigi is in fifth and last place, struggling around on bad tyres and a damaged kart. Yhe field is starting to spread and everyone is trying to make it for those valuable points. Birdo and Wario are trading fastest laps. And in perfect LTF fashion, nothing happens on Lap 3 and Birdo wins! Those HBRT upgrades worked a treat.

Race results


Wario does extend that podium record. With Hammerton Spike and Para Troopa out, this means every driver has had at least one retirement.

Updated driver standings


Wario appears to be waltzing his way into this title.
although HBRT's upgrades may mean that BMW's lead will be chipped away somewhat

[Rob Dylan]

DIDDY KONG RACING Round 4

So the big news in DKR as we head to the halfway mark is that Baby Luigi is out. DKR's organisers have claimed that the one-year-old has "brought the sport into disrepute" by failing to turn up to the races with a functional kart. "In the spirit of fairness", therefore, his kart has been given instead to Funky Kong, a driver the DKR organisers see a lot of potential in. Funky Kong shall run the #88. For Round 4 this season we're at Hot Top Volcano! A track picked for its stunning beauty.



For once it seems the tyres will not be the biggest worry for the drivers - not dying will be What's that I see? Is that another DNQ? It is! Conker T. Squirrel is the latest driver to have issues with their engine - it simply won't start at all. I wonder if this has anything to do with his candid critical words against the series a few days ago

Qualifying Results


It's DK III and Dixie Kong on the front row. Mario Mario had some unexplained problem and set no time. It's the first race all season that he has not started on the front row. The lights are out, and it's go go go! And the tyre issues are back! I won't even go into just how many karts have tyre issues
all you need to know is that it's basically all of them Madness fills the circuit as kart after kart goes out. Dixie, Pipsy, Tip Tup, Bluesaurus, Wiggler, Mouser - and even Mario is out! In his haste to run up the field, Funky Kong has managed to collide with B. Lakitu! The special cloud guest has been totally punted out of the race. Although Funky is still going, so yes he might still win! We'll see if the stewards have anything to say about that (I can take a wild guess and say that it's a racing incident ) The real victim is Diddy Kong - we didn't notice but his qualifying was crap, and he got caught up in Funky Kong's mayhem and is out. Yet more punctures on lap 2! This is getting ridiculous, and here with the new and improved tyre set. DK III goes out, as do Bumper Badger and Banjo Kazooie. Five runners left going into the final lap. Final lap now. Basically every tyre that hadn't already blown up has now blown up. The track is a mess of hot lava and burning rubber. The remaining finishers limp their way to the end
and the winner for the second time this season is Tip Tup! Funky Kong takes 4th on debut!



All finishers scored, but wait, there's been an accident! Bumper Badger hasn't got out of his kart.

1-33 false alarm he's fine
34-66 he's injured
67-99 :nandotaker:

22. Lucky for Bumper Badger, that was a hairy crash as his kart was stuck by the lava. How is his kart, by the way?

1-33 shiny and new as ever
34-66 it's pretty beat up
67-99 it is now hot magma :nandotaker:

91. Oh dear. Looks like Bumper Badger needs to find a ride next race because he's not getting a replacement. Of course, all anyone cares about is that he's fine, and not about the safety of the racetrack at all. It was an exciting race wasn't it?

Updated Driver Standings at the halfway point


Conker's tragic qualifying problems have dented his championship hopes somewhat. But the top four are all DK Country natives. Great for the series. Mario and Diddy Kong still yet to score in their own series.

[Rob Dylan]

Round 8 - Mario Raceway

Round 8 and we're at Mario Raceway! Here it is you, know how it looks:



Local government money paid for a circuit its eponymous owner will never race on. It's one of the few purpose built tracks on the current Mario Kart calendar. But Princess Peach owns the rights to it. (They should probably just change the name tbh). Qualifying now. A clumsy lap from Hammerton puts him way down the order, while HBRT continue their strong pace. Para Troopa is a decent third, while Toad slips up and sets no time. Wario fastest. And in Q2 everyone's slipping up. Toad goes really well but then Luigi and Kamek are on the sand more than the circuit. Koopa and Daisy too. Bobomb goes second by default. Then Redsaurus does. Hammerton fastest with a whopping good time. Para Troopa second. Then Birdo second. Wario beats them all again - pole for the defending champion! There is just no stopping this man.

Qualifying Results


I wonder how Mitsuyoshi will bathplug this one up. Onto Race Day now. Will the BMW 1-2 carry on to the chequered flag? They're off! Daisy gets an amazing start from last and shoots up many places. As the field all bunch together through the twisty first sector, Koopa is pushed off by those around him and he ruins the floor of his kart. He's out. It's very close here - too close! There's almost no gap between the frontrunners in sector 2 as they navigate the 90 degree bends. They misjudge their turns! Wario misjudges he's gone too wide and he's stuck in the gravel. Birdo joins him there, but she's still managed to keep the kart going. She limps back onto the track and carries on. Wario is out! Sport lives! Meanwhile it's still all bunched up, with everyone getting very intimate in the warp pipe. Redsaurus is squeezed against the wall and loses some bodywork. King Bobomb is completely pushed around on the exit and crashes at the final turn. Hammerton leads into lap 2. Lap 2 is a lot cooler and calmer. Redsaurus messes up again in the warp pipe and is squeezed out. The field is thinning slightly. And in lap 3 basically nothing happens Hammerton wins! Para Troopa takes his first podium of the season.



Updated Driver Standings


It does at least mean that the championship is not dead. Lewis Hammerton wins the Flower Cup! It is his first Cup victory!

[Rob Dylan]

PEACH TO MITSUYOSHI?

Former race winner spotted in Mario Raceway paddock!

As BMW celebrated their win at Mario Raceway, following the race, former winner Peach Toadstool was spotted in the team's paddock area. Press and media are contemplating whether or not she is making a comeback in the place of the disappointing Redsaurus at Mitsuyoshi. The gutter press are putting forward a possible romance between herself and team principal Bowser Koopa More to follow.

BADGER IN, SQUIRREL OUT!

Conker T. Squirrel leaves Diddy Kong Racing on acrimonious terms. Badger to return after summer in his place.

Alt-Diddy Kong Racing announces that Conker, after making comments "dangerous to the sport", has had his kart confiscated from him and given to Bumper Badger. Badger, whose accident at Hot Top Volcano left him without a kart at all, will take up Conker's kart from Round 5 onwards.

The alt-Mario Kart team Kameklaren have seized upon this opportunity to hire Conker as their chief test driver - they are intending to run Conker in a one-off race at DK Jungle Parkway in place of King Bobomb.

DIXIE DEBUTS FOR MITSUYOSHI!

Redsaurus demotes self for Dixie

Last week's report that Peach Toadstool would be making a racing comeback for Mitsuyoshi were unfounded. Instead, Redsaurus has demoted himself after five consecutive DNFs for the promising Diddy Kong Racing driver Dixie Kong. Dixie sits second in the standings, has won a race and even led the championship after Round 3. Whether she can lead Mitsuyoshi to some success for the remainder of this season remains to be seen.

Diddy Kong Racing will also discuss who is to replace Dixie in her DKR seat.

[Nessafox]

I's not that i like Bowser or anything... b-b-baka!

[Rob Dylan]

Diddy Kong Racing - Conclusion

The Marioverse's second best racing series had a wild second half, which was at least thankfully without any major injuries or destruction. There was som basic progress made with the tyre issues, although they still plagued the series to its end. There were eventual wins from Diddy Kong and Mario, who each enjoyed their time in the limelight. The latter was determined to win the championship until an embarrassing crash into a snowbank on the last lap of the last race of the season took him out.

Tip Tup won the championship in the end, generally seen as a neutral candidate in a season many claimed to have been rigged against certain drivers the organiers took a dislike to: Conker T. Squirrel and Krunch Kremling had notable issues throughout the buildup to the grand finale. With various issues not least concerning the fact that the second half of the season took place in cold isolated mountains at the height of summer, it was still heralded as a glorious year for "good clean racing" in 1997. The final standings are as follows:

[Rob Dylan]

Rounds 9 - 13: Star Cup

The Star Cup was an exciting addition to the 1997 championship. At home, Wario Jumpman took pole but failed to convert it to victory at his home race. He and Lewis Hammerton both crashed in an attrition-filled Wario Stadium Grand Prix, and there followed a two-way fight between Toad and Foreman Spike for the lead. Spike took the lead at the very last corner and took his maiden win!

At Sherbet Land, Wario took pole again and this time led comfortably from the HBRTs after Hammerton had issues in qualifying. Hammerton was absolutely unable to make up places in the race, which allowed a close championship fight to swing madly in Wario's favour. He dominated, while Dixie Kong took a remarkable third place after overtaking Koopa Troopa.

Royal Raceway was the blue riband event yet again this season. BMW dominated with Wario in the lead. His unassailable victory extended his lead in the championship yet further, while Hammerton at least finished second. Birdo came back from an off-race, and SSL barely got their karts started in the freezing cold.

Bowser's Castle ended the Cup, with the eponymous Koopa King on the pit wall for the first time this season. His drivers had a shocker, as a first lap tangle saw Hammerton beach himself on the grass and Wario lose many places. Birdo was the chief benefactor of this, and she took her third win of the season, with Para Troopa challenging her for the lead: his best finish of the year by far.

Standings after the Star Cup:

[Rob Dylan]

Rounds 13 - 16: Special Cup

In spite of making a record sixth consecutive pole position, DK Jungle Parkway saw Wario make a crucial mistake, retiring from the lead and allowing Hammerton to capitalise with an easy win. Dixie Kong finished second as the Mitsuyoshi machine seemed to gain ground towards the end of the season. Conker made a cameo with Kameklaren but the kart wasn't in it.

Yoshi Valley was a bit of deja vu. Toad took a very surprise win, while high attrition again saw the retirement of both BMWs. Koopa behind him completed a 1-2, with Dixie third.

Banshee Boardwalk saw the Wario juggernaut return. He was unstoppable throughout the weekend, won lights to flag as Hammerton faltered in a fight for second with Dixie Kong. The latter's performance was so strong that she was now leading the Cup at this point. Wario's victory saw him seal a fourth consecutive world championship with a race to spare.

Rainbow Road may have been a dead rubber round, and Wario took yet another unstoppable victory, but it did see the first points and podium for Scuderia SSL. Daisy von Sarasaland managed finally to wring a result out of the neck of her machine, and brought some smiles to the garage for once this year. Birdo took second, but it wasn't enough to overhaul second overall from Hammerton.

1997 Driver Standings


1997 Constructor Standings


Infinite Improbability Drive of the season must go to Kameklaren for their early success in taking so many podiums, as well as to Dixie Kong and Foreman Spike for being unexpectedly fast all the time they were around.

Reject of the Season must go to Redsaurus slower than the dinosaur he replaced, and his successor earned 19 points to his 0 - while his predecessor was a championship contender in DKR.

Mr Consistency award must go to Toad yet again, who seems to always finish in the top positions of the championship somehow or other.

1998 to be organised soon.

[Hammercat42]

Next season HRBT will spend as much as possible points