Alt-Mario Kart 2000: Dixie Kong's Double Trouble!

[Rob Dylan]

The new millennium arrives! Mario Kart fans around the world were treated to a belter of a season last year, as three teams and about five drivers all had decent shots at taking the title. After five years of BMW dominance, it was a fantastic return to form for the likes of Luigi Mario and Para Troopa, while Birdetta Birdo, Daisy von Sarasaland, and Dixie Kong all had their first real shots at taking the championship. In the end it was Dixie Kong who did it, bringing the first drivers' title for any Kong, and the first constructors' championship for Mitsuyoshi Buntai in their eight-year stint in the series.

2000, like any other year, is up in the air. Just how good will the teams be? While Dixie Kong herself has been brilliant, BMW just got better and better and better as last year went on, and they surely look like favourites to challenge for another title in the new year. But without Wario Jumpman (who takes a sabbatical this year), what will the team do to regain their dominant form?


News
With Wario Jumpman retiring, the driver market is unstable as all hell. Diddy Kong Racing has done a good job at injuring or murdering two of the Marioverse's most talented drivers last year alone. As the driver pool shrinks, who will the teams turn to for this year's championship hopes?

On the other side of the world, there appears to be an impending boycott of the Diddy Kong Racing series as we approach the new year. It is now standard practice to organise the opening race on the condemned Donut Plains circuit, but can the two-time DKR champion Mario Mario convince his naysayers to turn up? As even the eponymous series organiser is now paralysed for the remainder of his life, the series looks like it will have to change or die.

Pauline Williams, who herself has raced in DKR for three consecutive seasons, announced plans very late last year to participate with her machinery in the 2000 Mario Kart season, showing that a breakaway from Donkey Kong Country is really happening. While the details are sketchy regarding the entry and the kart, we at least know that the team will be called Williams. With 16 karts on the grid, it is going to be more competitive than ever to get one of those four points-paying positions.


The Entry List
Mitsuyoshi Buntai
#1 Dixie Kong
#2 Birdetta Birdo (Rs 1-4, 9-16)
#2 Pipsy Astromouse (Rs 5-8)

Scuderia Sarasaland Squadron Luigier Team (a.k.a. SSL)
#3 Luigi Mario
#4 Daisy von Sarasaland

Bowser Motor Works (a.k.a. BMW)
#5 Para Troopa
#6 Toad Toadstool

Koopra Sport
#7 Kokkoro Toudou
#8 Larry Koopa

Peachific
#9 Peach Toadstool
#10 Candy Kong (Rs 1-4)
#10 Wendy O. Koopa (Rs 5-8)

Scuderia Barile Ardente (a.k.a. SBA)
#11 Funky Kong
#12 Pipsy Astromouse (Rs 1-4, 9-16)
#12 Birdetta Birdo (Rs 5-8)

Kameklaren
#14 King Bobomb
#15 Wa Luigi

Williams [entry pending]
#16 Conker T. Squirrel
#17 Jimmie Mouser


The Calendar
Mushroom Cup: Luigi Raceway; Moo Moo Farm; Koopa Troopa Beach; Kalimari Desert
Flower Cup: Toad's Turnpike; Frappe Snowland; Choco Mountain; Mario Raceway
Star Cup: Wario Stadium; Sherbet Land; Royal Raceway; Bowser's Castle
Special Cup: DK's Jungle Parkway; Yoshi Valley; Banshee Boardwalk; Rainbow Road

The calendar remains the same as it did last year, and will continue as such for the coming years.

All official updates etc will be on this spreadsheet here.




And as always, anyone reading this who wants to sign up, simply post here or message in the Discord and we'll get you a character.

[Rob Dylan]

BREAKING: DIXIE KONG RE-SIGNS FOR MITSUYOSHI IN 2000

It will be a surprise to no-one that this has happened, but it at least confirms that Mitsuyoshi will have the #1 and #2 karts this year.




The gutter press are also reporting during the silly season about some possible holidaying in the Winter break between Bowser Koopa and Peach Toadstool. Expect to read all the juicy details in the worst magazine you know about this flourishing romance.

[Rob Dylan]

The threatened boycott of Donut Plains seems to be coming to fruition. In spite of late-season promises by Donkey Kong III and Mario Mario, there appears to have been no actionable change taken to improve the safety of Diddy Kong Racing's karts leading up to the third annual running of Donut Plains. The track, seen as the most dangerous on the calendar, has sent a shiver of worry among the racers, many of whom have come forward publicly to boycott the event unless better procedures can take place.

The boycott petition has been signed by many current and former Diddy Kong Racing drivers. It includes the names of:

- Candy Kong
- Chunky Kong
- Conker T. Squirrel
- Iggy Koopa
- Jimmie Mouser
- Krunch Kremling
- Lanky Kong
- Larry Koopa
- Mark Wiggler
- Morton Koopa Jr.
- Pipsy Astromouse
- Shy Guy
- Timber Tiger
- Wendy O. Koopa

What the DKR organisers will do after this news remains unclear. Either they can run an event that will likely have a reduced grid size, or bow to the pressure of the drivers. At least if there is one man the crowd can count on to be reasonable in the face of conflict, it is Mario Mario.

[Rob Dylan]

In other, unrelated news, Mario Mario's ex-wife Pauline Williams confirms rumours that the Williams debut chassis the PW01 has failed its first crash tests that are required by the MIA each year for every team. She however says that this is just a simple setback that affects all new teams.

This is just a simple setback that affects all new teams.

Time is running out for the new Williams team to make the opening test of this season at Mario Raceway. Their first positive news is that Jimmie Mouser, former disgraced Diddy Kong Racing driver, has been confirmed as their first driver in the #16 kart come Luigi Raceway.

[Frogfoot9013]

The Diddy Kong Racing organisers understand the concerns of the drivers who signed the letter to boycott racing at Donut Plains, and as a result, Mario Mario himself has proposed a novel solution that will surely satisfy everyone. He has established a new corporation, Mario Premium Insurance, and it will be mandatory to take a 'Diddy Kong Racing Driver' insurance policy to compete in the series. This policy costs just 500 gold coins per year, and will award compensation* to the driver in case of an injury, or to their loved ones in the event of a death. We look forward to the prompt resolution of the dispute.
*terms and conditions apply

[Rob Dylan]

TOADSTOOL TO BMW

That's right, you heard it here first. After his statement in early 1998 that he was going to be a builder for the up and coming Peachific team, Toad has now turned his back on his former master's team by signing a multi-million coin deal to drive for BMW. It has long been known that Toad is among the best of the best in the field, and this deal has presented his career with a quick-fix lifeline to challenge once again for a title.

It has taken many building years for Toad to get to this point. After his unceremonious firing from an imploding Scuderia Mario, he returned to his former stable of Koopra Sport, where he was able to take two wins over two seasons and continue his run as best of the rest. A move to the new Peachific team held the intention to stay for the long-term and build up his career as well as the fortunes of the team's. A shock win in 1998 brought them their first taste of glory, and now the team will have to continue on without him.

This will therefore be Toad's first championship challenge since 1995, when he was forced out of the final Cup in controversial circumstances. After two near-misses in 1992 and 1994, is this going to be his year?

Bowser came out with a statement following the news, that BMW and Toad have had a good professional relationship for many years, with the potential for a race contract extending as far back as 1996!

[Rob Dylan]

BIRDO RETAINED AT MITSUYOSHI, WITH ASTROMOUSE JOINING THE BIG LEAGUES

As the news of Toad's BMW signing hit the papers recently, it was only naturally for more announcements to take place. At Mitsuyoshi there has been a double signing: Birdo is to remain at the team for 75% of the upcoming season. This is because Funky Kong has taken the golden opportunity to sign up multiple DKR race winner Pipsy Astromouse for Scuderia Barile Ardente in the 2000 season. There will be many eyes watching to see how she does in the new year, and not just at SBA.

This is because both drivers are operating on a joint contract, whereby they will swap during the Flower Cup. Mitsuyoshi clearly have their eyes on Astromouse as championship material, present or future, and are pulling out all the stops to get the intel on just how good the mouse is in a Mario kart flyer.

Responding to the news, Birdo was surprisingly sanguine, saying that she is happy to have the opportunity to race anywhere in the sport, as long as she can turn up and put the pedal to the floor. Therefore, Birdo to Mitsuyoshi, Pipsy to SBA, and a straight swap for the Flower Cup.

Rumours are that Mitsuyoshi are also keenly interested in Larry Koopaling, but pulled out of this deal at the last minute.

[Rob Dylan]

The final slots are being filled.

Firstly, BMW announces that it is applying the extension to Para Troopa's contract to give the Koopa a full-time drive for 2000. He will be the team's first driver this time, and it will be fascinating to see whether he can exert himself over the incoming Toad Toadstool.

Koopra Sport, after nearly losing Larry Koopa to Mitsuyoshi, are thankful to hire him for another season. However, it seems that Larry has bigger things on his mind if he can find himself a top seat somewhere.

Peachific, having lost Toad, are running short-term contracts for the first half of this year. The princess Peach has announced that Candy Kong will run in the Mushroom Cup as her teammate, with Wendy O. Koopa running in the Flower Cup. This setup will allow Candy Kong to do double duty in Diddy Kong Racing should she choose, and also allows her to test out new female talent in the instance that she herself may get pregnant again sometime soon

Wa Luigi, who has long been the protege of Wario Jumpman, is entering Mario Kart this year, although perhaps not at the team he would have wanted. Kameklaren have announced him and journeyman King Bobomb at the team for this coming season.

This means that the only team not yet to announce their line-up is the mysterious Williams team, whom we don't know will even make the pre-season testing!

[Rob Dylan]

And saying that, Williams announce their second (first) driver for 2000, and that is Conker T. Squirrel. The outgoing SBA driver has been handed a lifeline at this crucial point in his career, so we will see what he can do with the new and budding backmarkers. However, the noise coming out of the new Williams team is that they are also interested in securing the services of one Baby Luigi von Sarasaland as a possible reserve driver or even replacement for one of their signed talents.

WILLIAMS DENIES "BACKROOM DEALING" WITH MARIO

Pauline Williams, who has up until now remained very quiet about her upcoming Williams team project, has lashed out against this magazine for a hit-piece we published last week, shedding light on the existing connections the team owner holds with her ex-husband Mario Mario. The couple, who married and divorced in the early 1980s, raised eyebrows when Pauline, who had until now remained out of the public spotlight, returned in a racing capacity for Diddy Kong Racing in 1997.

Some, including this magazine, have speculated that Williams is working in tandem with Mario to allow the disgraced former Mario Kart driver and questionable two-time Diddy Kong Racing champion to exert influence and re-open bridges with his former eponymous series. Financial questions have also been raised as to the feasibility of the team project, citing the meagre funds, the failed crash tests, and the lack of updates regarding the team's development of its kart.

Meanwhile, Mario Mario and Donkey Kong III have not yet come to an agreement regarding the improvement of safety standards in Diddy Kong Racing. It is understood that the latter desires change, while the former does not. Mario Mario earlier this week announced that, to "encourage" more drivers to attend the Donut Plains season opener, that the event will yield double points to the participants! Whether this makes any change will be seen when the race goes ahead.

[Rob Dylan]

Diddy Kong Racing Round 1 - Donut Plains

In the end, Donkey Kong III won the opening event of 2000. Ten drivers showed up, Baby Mario didn't qualify, and out of badness Mario made it all double points. He himself fluffed up his qualifying lap and finished the race last of the runners, which put him 18 points behind the winner after just one race. Oops.

A superstar lineup, though!

[Rob Dylan]

After the embarrassing race he faced at Donut Plains, Mario has immediately announced that he is cancelling any future races at the track from this moment onwards. This has been mistakenly seen by the boycotting drivers as a "win" for them, and they have agreed to continue racing in Diddy Kong Racing again from the upcoming races.

[Rob Dylan]

KAMEKLAREN IN TROUBLE?

Rumours are spilling out from the Kameklaren team that they may be in some kind of "financial difficulty" after finishing in last place in last year's Mario Kart season. Team principal Kamek sat down for an interview with the Koopa Khronicle, where he detailed that Baby Luigi was actually a load-bearing driver for their budget this year. With the young princeling apparently off to Williams instead in some role, Magikoopa and his team are looking far and wide for anyone who will pay their way into a top seat.

Currently, his list seems to consist of one possible replacement, and that is Baby Luigi's cousin, Baby Mario. Can the plucky underdogs secure funding for the coming year? We shall wait and see.

[pasta_maldonado]

Welcome, welcome. We are delighted to announce our new driver for the 2000 season - Wa Luigi, who has prepared a short but impactful statement. Over to you, Wa Luigi

Wa.

[Rob Dylan]

Pre-Season Testing - Mario Raceway

The pre-season test this season was actually quite light and low on controversy. There were very few mistakes and crashes aside from a few rather risky laps by newcomers Pipsy Astromouse and Wa Luigi. The result meant that perhaps we as the audience got a better idea of what kind of pace these teams are going to show in the coming year.

The biggest news was of course that Williams didn't make it to the event with either kart or any of their three drivers. Pauline Williams, team principal and owner, explained that the team are saving up all their resources and focus to get the kart ready for Luigi Raceway at the season opener. Who will be in the karts, it seems to be two of three drivers, Jimmie Mouser, Conker T. Squirrel, and Baby Luigi. No comment has come from the SSL team regarding this.

By the end of the testing session, it was Daisy von Sarasaland on top with her teammate and partner Luigi Mario behind her in second. The top three teams from last year seemed to be quite closely matched again, and even though the SSLs were fastest, Daisy was also fastest in this same session last year, and look what happened to her! Anything can still happen. The biggest event all session was when Funky Kong's Kongsworth engine blew up in a fiery mess on the back straight, causing a brief yellow flag.

[Rob Dylan]

SBA and SSL: A New Partnership

We were the magazine that broke the story, and now you can read the whole drama here in our double-page spread.

[Article continues...]

Having what is possibly the slowest kart in testing with a perfectly decent chassis is not to Funky Kong's liking. After a dreadful pre-season test where the pace was almost as if not slower than the Kameklarens, he furiously ended his contract with Kongsworth engine suppliers, citing them as the primary reason for the team's slowness. It seems this was not all done on the fly, however...

[Article continues...]

SSL have now struck the deal to supply SBA with last year's Saraserenissima, after the two came to a healthy agreement. In exchange for some monetary system they have set up, SBA have also agreed to run Daisy and Luigi's son Baby Luigi in for eight races. This has made both sides happy, as SBA believe that their drivers can take advantage of the speed, while SSL get money and their son in for half a season. Happy faces all round.


Funky Kong: Promotional photo

[Frogfoot9013]

Shocking Para Troopa War Crime Accusations brought to light, MKDA Presidency Questioned
Para Troopa, Mario Kart star, MKDA Drivers' Representative... and murderous war criminal. This is what End the Conflict Alliance (EtCA) attests, in their latest request to the courts force Para Troopa to be tried for war crimes during the Great War. EtCA, an NGO dedicated to bringing to justiced unpunished war criminals from the Great War, and other wars, asserts that new evidence has come to light about Para Troopa's time on Yoshi's Island during the Koopa Kingdom's four-year occupation of the island-state in the war. Para Troopa, as a commander of an elite unit tasked with maintaining order and quashing partisans organised against the Koopa occupation, he routinely ordered brutal 'punitive operations' that involved burning to the ground entire villages, and slaughtering civilian dinos in revenge for partisan attacks on Koopa occupiers. If Para Troopa is forced to testify before the Truth and Reconciliation Committee, he will almost certainly have to miss a number of Mario Kart events this year, and if he is convicted, he might very well spend the rest of his life behind bars.
This is not the first time Para Troopa has faced the courts for his actions during the war. In 1994, just as he was beginning his Mario Kart career, he had to stand in the dock over accusations of war crimes he committed during the Battle of Toad Town. Those charges were dropped, but he was never granted an amnesty by the Truth And Reconciliation Committee. EtCA is seeking to utilise this to bring him to justice once and for all. They also strongly urge the MIA that they prohibit Para Troopa from running again in the upcoming MKDA Drivers' Representative elections, or even terminate his term prematurely.

[Rob Dylan]

Rounds 1 and 2

Luigi Raceway brought drama from the first day of the season proper. The drama surrounding the Williams team escalated when they showed up in the paddock with two drivers, two karts, but apparently no functioning engine. They drew the ire of the MIA for arriving unprepared to the opening race, and a lot of attention from the world's press as a result. Their lead driver, Conker T. Squirrel, left the team in anger on the Friday, not wanting any more association with such a project. Pauline Williams promised to have the team up and running correctly by Moo Moo Farm.

During the race weekend itself, Funky Kong filled in for the planned Baby Luigi entry, as the youngster's seat had not been fitted in time. He would enter for Moo Moo Farm instead. The SBA's seemed to be faster in qualifying but it was the Koopra Sports who stole the limelight. All eyes were on a championship fight between SSL and Mitsuyoshi, but it was actually Kokkoro Toudou who took her first pole on Saturday. Heartbreak for the home crowd, however, as Luigi Mario crashed on his Q2 lap and started the race last.

It was a very high-attrition round, with almost everyone behind the front-runners suffering some unfortunate fate. Para Troopa qualified second-last for BMW and finished last on the road, while newcomer to the team Toad Toadstool qualified well but crashed when on track for a podium position. Dixie Kong jumped Kokkoro and Daisy at the line and would cruise to a solid victory, while Larry Koopa would take the final points position to bring home a double points finish for Koopra Sport. Kameklaren were mere tenths away from a miracle finish as Wa Luigi almost scored on debut. Fifth was still a great result and will keep them ahead of SBA surely for many races to come.

Race Results





At Moo Moo Farm, Baby Luigi turned up for SBA and was not fast enough to qualify. Williams also turned up and were able to get into qualifying at the very least. This time, Jimmie Mouser was teamed up with Mark Wiggler, and although both made it out onto the track, the engines were quite clearly not yet up to snuff, and were not able to pass the required laptime to qualify. Progress at the very least.

The race was again surprisingly attrition-heavy. Dixie Kong and Daisy were both victims of the horrific grip problem. Toad made up for his embarrassing Luigi Raceway exit by controlling the race from pole, while Luigi also made up for his own embarrassment with a third place. Only six points for SSL after two races - they would be wanting more. All the talk on Sunday was about Peach's near-win for Peachific, after she was able to pass all the first-corner chaos. Birdo led home a disappointing Mitsuyoshi for fifth place, while Kokkoro was able to take a point in fourth. It left the season runners in near-equal positions: Toad was equal with Dixie on points, but Dixie leading the championship on countback. Mitsuyoshi and BMW led the championship equally but only on nine points, while Koopra Sport held second with a surprising eight points. Definitely all still to play for after two rounds.

Race Results


Updated Standings

[Rob Dylan]

In happy news, Donkey Kong Jr. has announced that there is to be a charity tennis tournament held this summer in the royal courts of Princess Peach's Castle. In it will be participating all the celebrities and big names of the Mushroom Kingdom, the Koopa Kingdom, Donkey Kong Country, and Yoshi's Valley. It is being advertised as an olive branch event, and all are encouraged to attend it to show off their tennis skills.

It is, after all, the 13th anniversary of the end of the Great War (1981-1987)...

[Rob Dylan]

MKDA Election of 2000

Welcome one and all (although specifically referring to the voters) to the fourth running of the Mario Kart Drivers' Association election! What started as a well-meaning and respectful tribute to Donkey Kong Jr., this position is supposed to be a middle-man driver representative who can invoke change with the MIA for the safety of and respect for the drivers. Over the years it has been used for such purposes, but it has also been abused by some representatives to get cosy with the racing authorities for their or their team's benefit. Let us hope the 2000 election will elect the former and not the latter.

We have 14 voters and 7 candidates. The winner of this election will be the drivers' representative both on and off the track, pushing for safety and better standards, again on and off the track. The incumbent Para Troopa is running for re-election, and in his time as MKDA representative he has pushed for "fairer" racing in 1998 for when he added weight penalties for winning teams, specifically when his own Mitsuyoshi team wasn't doing so well (read: his fault). He took a step back in 1999 when his new team, BMW, were championship contenders, and in the new year has considered various unimplemented ways to improve the Show(TM) that have been rejected by the MIA.

The candidates standing in this election are:
- Bowser Koopa
- Dixie Kong
- Funky Kong
- Luigi von Sarasaland
- Mark Wiggler
- Para Troopa (incumbent)
- Wario Jumpman

The position will last two years. The voting will take place on the Discord, and I am sure that the individual candidates will share their positions here or there shortly.

First Round
The First Round of voting is simple. We will hold a 24-hour vote time, in which anyone who gets fewer than three votes will be eliminated from the race.

[kevinbotz]

'Para Troopa' rejects all accusations levied against him, accuses Mario of engineering allegations to deflect responsibility for own crimes

MKDA driver representative, multiple race winner, and highly decorated veteran of the Great War 'Para Troopa' has categorically rejected all allegations of misconduct against him. 'Para Troopa', in addition to professing his innocence, has further shocked the Mariosport world by accusing Mario Mario himself of being responsible for the machinations of EtCA and the various so-called "Truth and Reconciliation Committees", to deflect international scrutiny away from his wartime misadventures.

"I had wanted to move forward from the events of our collective tragic and bloodstained past," said 'Para Troopa', "but Mario's vicious and unprovoked attack upon my honour, my unit's honour, my brothers' honour...and, of course, the honour of our sport, has left me with little choice but to reveal his wanton proclivities for violence - indeed, my brief time as his teammate further revealed that Mario is an unstable, dangerous megalomaniac who ought to either stand before the Hague, or be committed to an asylum. I am, of course, fully willing to interview with the relevant authorities about the events of 17 December 1988, and the mysterious disappearance, mutilations, and deaths of 50 paratroopa POWs who had been forced to surrender in Acorn Plains, a theatre that Mario Mario was known to be active in at the time, and for which I was a direct eyewitness.

'Para Troopa' then quickly segued onto the topic of his reelection, and announced that, though his first term has seen substantial improvements in sporting fairness, integrity, and driver fitness, that he shall instead stand for the extirpation of all remaining ties between the series and its disgraceful progenitor, and to rid Mariosport once and for all from the odious spectre of Mario Mario.

[HawkAussie]

You know we need more chaos, so count me in.

[Rob Dylan]

The results are in, and the winner of the entire contest by default, because he was the only candidate to get 3 votes or more. Therefore, say hello to your new driver representative, the four-year-old "Baby" Luigi von Sarasaland. We look forward to the next two years of his benevolent leadership.


Promotional photo

[Rob Dylan]

Rounds 3 and 4

Koopa Troopa Beach gave us a right zinger of a race. We had multiple changes of lead for the race. Toad had pole but lost the lead to Birdo. Then he took it back. Then Birdo took it at the last corner and won! A crash from Larry Koopa was quite mega, while Pipsy Astromouse showed her skill when she cut through the sea and overtook three karts in one corner. There was big controversy after the races were over, when Candy Kong was disqualified for both rounds 1 and 2 for her crashes and dangerous driving in those races, and then Dixie Kong herself was disqualified from rounds 2 and 3 for similar such incidents also involving Daisy von Sarasaland, a direct championship rival (we think).

That is why it was somewhat positive that round 4 at Kalimari Desert was a nice calm event. Luigi took pole but retired with damage from the train. Birdo therefore went to an easy victory ahead of Para Troopa, while Toad had a dud qualifying and scored no points. It meant that Birdo's double victory took her to the top of the standings after four races at 18 points and winner of the Cup. It is a shame therefore that she is spending a stint at SBA while being replaced by Pipsy Astromouse. It will be a major handicap, but Birdo has certainly done enough already to prove her worth at the championship team.


Results from Race 3


Results from Race 4


Updated Driver Standings

[Hermann95]

Shocking: Protest from Bowser?

Sources close to the former World Champion and team owner suggest that Bowser is prepared to protest the election of "Baby" Luigi von Sarasland as MKDA representative.
It is yet unclear how far the protest will go, but a complete renaming of the BMW team seems to be on the table.

"It has nothing to do with him loosing yet another MKDA election", says an unnamed source from Bowsers inner-circle. He adds: "So called "Baby drivers" have been a long standing issue for Bowser and the result of the recent election was just the last straw. It's unsafe and parents shouldn't push their children into a career at such a young age. Also the influence the parents gain by this has to be closely monitored."

It will be interesting to see if any of those rumours will come true and how far Bowser is willing to go with this.
At the time of releasing this article, we weren't able to reach Bowser himself for an interview.

[Frentzen127]

Mitsuyoshi joins BMW in protest. A toddler as representative is at best disingenuous and at worst reckless. This will not stand.

[Nessafox]

Baby Mario will join the protest too. He doesn't like his cousin Luigi to give him orders.

[Rob Dylan]

Official statement by the MIA:

We at the MIA have been quite concerned about the use of the MKDA drivers' representation programme to push forward a lot of quite doubtful changes regarding the safety of the drivers and the fans at home. The recent election with a very apathetic turnout of a four-year-old child, whom the MIA has tolerated so far due to his being the son of two of some of the most experienced and respected drivers on the grid, sets a precedent the MIA is not willing to back down to.

So, with immediate effect, we are considering the election, whose winner was only be the default of being the only candidate with three votes, null and void. We do not want to disband the MKDA, but we feel that it is not fulfilling its purpose as a bringer of safety and security to the sport if it starts putting children into management positions. All this does is throw power back into the hands of his parents and other interested parties. Para Troopa will continue to lead the association in an honorary role, but without any decision-making powers, until the summer election comes around.

Also with immediate effect, we are banning Baby Luigi and Baby Mario from participating in any more MIA sanctioned events until they are old enough. Furthermore, no driver under the age of 18 may participate in an MIA-sanctioned event. The babies will be more than welcome to rejoin the world of racing in 2014 when they are old enough.

The MKDA needs to get off its arse and sort itself out before the MIA does it for them.

[Rob Dylan]

Diddy Kong Racing - Rounds 2 to 5

The usual shite happened. Mario got a few poles, a few wins, and a few drivers got permanently injured at Hot Top Volcano. What can I say?

Also Krunch Kremling won a race! After DNQing the previous round.

[Rob Dylan]

Just Who Runs DKR?

It's yet another explosive headline and another two-page spread in this week's edition of MarioSport Magazine. Because the question is very important and remains unanswered. Following the tragic accidents that have claimed the career of Shy Guy (23 years old) and have seen Tiny Kong be out of action for many months, many are questioning the leadership, if indeed there is any, coming out of DKR.

Conflicting messages have been the story of the week. At first, the moment cries were raised to cancel Hot Top Volcano just as Donut Plains was cancelled, Mario Mario publicly announced a continuation of the event, perhaps even as the next round of this season's championship, and maybe even as a double points event. Then there were noises from Donkey Kong III that DKR was desperate to buy more karts off of the MIA authorities, whatever that means. Then there were apparent early contracts signed for more Hot Top Volcano races to happen on the spot. Then there was total confusion about what the calendar for this season would be, and Mario even hinted that the championship would end as it stands now. Then there were all accusations and finger-pointing about Diddy Kong signing his own decisions between the three of them under duress.

[article continues...]

It's a mess.

[article ends]

[Rob Dylan]

BREAKING: BELOVED RACING HERO DEAD

Tragic news has befallen the racing scene. Just a few weeks after the crashes that heavily injured two drivers in Diddy Kong Racing, it is with heavy regret that we at the Koopa Star break the news to you of the passing of the series' namesake, Diddy Kong, at his home in Donkey Kong Country last night.

Diddy was a familiar face and a driving superstar in both the formula racing of Mario Kart and of the spec-series DKR. He joined the former in 1994, shortly thereafter starting his own team Diddylara. In 1995 he was the best of the rest driver, mostly going alone with the exception of some help from his cousin Donkard Kong III, and perhaps more surprising, the 1992 Mario Kart champion Luigi Mario. That first half of 1995 was his best performance in the series, and in 1996 his performance faltered and he replaced himself with the star of the moment, Lewis Hammerton (who himself sadly passed away in a tragic racing accident in late 1999).

Diddy Kong regrettably found himself involved with the political junta of his native Donkey Kong Country, and ended up being on a political front which turned away from Mario Kart and more towards setting up a fully-fledged national series in DK Country. After a farcical and dangerous DK Jungle Parkway event in 1996, he and his team were banned from Mario Kart for life, and effectively were forced into setting up their own series at home.

Therefore Diddy and DK3, along with the fellow MK refugee Mario Mario, started up Diddy Kong Racing, to which Diddy applied his heart and soul. Procuring karts, drivers, and all the basic logistics, he set up the whole series in record time. His attention to the governance side of the sport reflected on imperfect results, although a win at Everfrost Peak in 1997 would be the greatest moment of his career - the peak, one might say. While Mario Mario took the glory, Diddy got on with the job. That is why it is ever so sad that at Donut Plains he was involved in a horrific first-corner crash with his protege Lewis Hammerton, which left him heavily injured and temporarily paralysed.

Retreating from public life, Diddy still held a deciding vote on all governing matters for Diddy Kong Racing. As we approach the summer and a clear turning point for DKR's forward momentum, it is a very sad coincidence that Diddy fell down three flights of stairs from his wheelchair yesterday evening and died. Thoughts and prayers go out to his family.

[Aislabie]

[...]it is a very sad coincidence that Diddy fell down three flights of stairs from his wheelchair yesterday evening and died. Thoughts and prayers go out to his family.

[Ducktanian]

"I'm sure you've heard of the tragic passing of our beloved friend and hero, Diddy Kong.
But what of the future of Diddy Kong Racing? I'm sure you've read the tabloids.
Of course the series will continue in his honour, but there will be changes.
We will make Diddy Kong Racing a series that Diddy Kong will be proud of.
No longer will Diddy Kong Racing be considered a weird janky spinoff of Mario Kart.
We can be better, stronger, safer.
We can do it without Hot Top Volcano
We can do it with a stable calendar.
We can do it with karts that aren't death traps.
We can do it without all of these tragic deaths and accidents.
We can do it without the will of a single man to turn to series into a vehicle for his own selfish glory.
We can do it without ... Mario.

Diddy Kong Racing will enter a shining new era with its new chief executive, Donkey Kong III."

[Frogfoot9013]

I have unilaterally ended my involvement in participating in and administering Diddy Kong Racing, following the shocking news that my business partner, Donkey Kong III, killed Diddy Kong himself to allow himself to gain more control over the series. I have already requested to the authorities that they investigate the circumstances around Donkey Kong III's murder of Diddy Kong. My participation in establishing the series was always about getting away from the politics, corruption, and scheming that had plagued Mario Kart, and to see my new series become the very thing it had sworn to destroy, not to mention the death of a colleague and business partner at the hands of my other business partner, has alienated me completely and utterly from this sport I once loved. I shall be taking the six karts whose maintenance I oversee, and destroying them. Furthermore, I am retiring from all motorsport, effective immediately, and withdrawing from public life. This will be the last time any of you ever hear from me.

[Rob Dylan]

DKR news tl;dr. Mario out, DK3 now in full control. All following races on calendar delayed until the Autumn at the earliest.

[Rob Dylan]

Flower Cup

The sheer unpredictability of this season continued in the Flower Cup. Kokkoro Toudou took a surprise win from pole after the Koopa Klimax brilliantly helped her at Toad's Turnpike. Luigi was a threat and finally showed he could win, especially when he dominated Frappe Snowland at the following event as well. SSL seemed to be getting their act together at last, right up until they weren't. Choco Mountain saw Toad win quite handily, putting himself back in the championship lead right when nobody seemed to want to be there. Dixie won at Mario Raceway, putting herself and Toad as the clear frontrunners now for that trophy.

Otherwise, Pipsy fared ok in Mitsuyoshi. Lots of mistakes in qualifying, but a pole and second at Mario Raceway from team orders was a great way to showcase her skills. Birdo did not flourish at SBA and will be happy to be returning to the top team at the Star Cup. Jimmie Mouser even qualified for Frappe Snowland, much to the shock of everyone.

[Rob Dylan]

MAJOR CHANGES FOR DIDDY KONG RACING

What with Mario being gone (last spotted painting landscapes in Morocco), Donkey Kong III has announced major changes to the series. The organisers have managed to scrape together some new basic spec karts for the rest of the season, which is now five races. Frosty Village is out and replaced by Crescent Bay. For the season finale, the show will be running alongside the DK Jungle Parkway event in Mario Kart, in a new sign of fantastic friendship between series.

DK3 has also attracted back old and willing talent to the series. After not being paid at Williams, Mark Wiggler is back at DKR and ready to race again. Wiz Pig has recovered, while just to rub Mario's nose in it, even Conker T. Squirrel is back in action! Let's see how the rest of the season shall pan out with these organisational and calendar changes.

[Rob Dylan]

DKR Rounds 5-9

The next four races were at Everfrost Peak, Walrus Cove, Snowball Valley, and Crescent Island. Four new chassis were built for it, with returnees Mark Wiggler and Conker T. Squirrel joining the Koopa brothers. Wiz Pig, Whomp King and Goombario were also invited back.

The events themselves were rather dull and without drama. DK3 and Whomp King were the main profiteers, while Morton had a major shocker. The results are below.



The finale will be held at DK Jungle Parkway on the same day as the Mario Kart event. Attendance is expected to be massive.

[Rob Dylan]

Star Cup

The Star Cup sorted out the men and women from the boys and girls and the anthropomorphic weaklings from the anthropomorphic heroes. We had a great deal of tragedy and timely mechanical issues, mostly affecting SSL and Toad specifically, usually when they were fighting for the lead. Dixie Kong, who has not had the best of qualifying results all season, was able to jump onto the podium on every single event. It was quite incredible just how well she was able to keep her kart on track and navigate the madness. It meant that, even with Daisy and Luigi winning two races apiece, neither driver scored as much as Dixie, who won the Cup hands-down, and has one hand on that second championship trophy it seems. It will require a big turnaround in luck for Toad or for an SSL driver to bring this to them, as all the bananas seem to be in Dixie's court. Not much in the way of high drama, but the most positive moment came when Wario returned for his home race and scored a podium. Brilliant stuff.

Also Williams have pulled out of the remaining rounds and will return next year.


Updated Driver Standings


Updated Constructor Standings

[Rob Dylan]

Special Cup

The weekend of DK Jungle Parkway began with the DKR season finale. In a great surprise, Whomp King was able to take the championship at the last moment from Donkard Kong III. This makes him the 2000 Diddy Kong Racing champion! The race itself was quite dull, and DKR will be back next year with some major changes.

In Mario Kart, Luigi was able to control the race from the front, while there was a major crash between Daisy and Birdo, for which neither was blamed. Para Troopa held up his teammate Toad Toadstool for second place, right at a time where team orders would have been very helpful. Dixie held onto fourth and took another step to a championship.

Yoshi Valley was damn close. Luigi followed Dixie all the way to the end, but after being crushed by the egg on the last lap, the year fell to Dixie, albeit not officially. Dixie's smile was only outshone by Waluigi and Candy Kong, who each found themselves on their maiden podium! More tragedy befell Luigi at Banshee Boardwalk, after two ill-timed moves from Toad took the both of them off. Kokkoro looked set to take another win, before Birdo overtook her at the death. Dixie won the championship after doing nothing, while Funky Kong took his first points of the season. The season finale at Rainbow Road was therefore a fun affair, where Luigi won for a second consecutive time, in quite similar fashion to last year. He and Dixie fought it out tooth and nail, and Luigi was victorious. What might have been for the championship had Luigi's engine held together in Sherbet Land...

But a close and interesting championship! Join us again for 2001.

Diddy Kong Racing Standings, 2000



Mario Kart Drivers' Standings, 2000



Mario Kart Constructors' Standings, 2000

[Rob Dylan]

Wario alone has had quite an eventful Winter. There has been rumour upon rumour that he was doing another race with BMW for Rainbow Road, but this came to nothing. Then there was the rumour that he was moving to SSL for half, or a full, season, to drive in place of the pregnant Daisy von Sarasaland for 2001. This he staunchly denied.

What Wario did instead was go golfing and master his swing. He has been keeping remarkably in shape in spite of his natural physique and frankly his age. He also did some Theodore Roosevelt-esque tripping around ancient ruins, and actually found the grave of Princess Shokora, originally thought to have been lost during the war. Funding these kinds of digs and expeditions has become a passion of the five-time world champion.

While he remains a top talent for a possible grid space, he has seen fit to buy out the dead Williams team and enter the Mario Kart series again as a team owner. You can all look forward to Wario Ware Racing next year!