Predicament Predictions - 2014 US of A Grand Prix

[Londoner]

Time for this annual shizzle again. Deadline is the end of FP3.

East Londoner's Predictions
2014 Anniversary of Bo77as's first points Grand Prix

1. HAMILTONWINSLOL
2. Ricciardo
3. Bo77as
4. Massa
5. Alonso
6. Rosberg
7. Perez
8. Button
9. K-Mags
10. Maldozer

Pole: HAMILTONPOLELOL
Fastest lap: HAMILTONFASTESTLAPLOL
First retirement: Sutil (yeah, binning it on the first lap isn't best for business when your team desperately needs a point)
ROTR: Raikkonen (Kimi, please leave)
IIDOTR: Maldozer (finally, a point!)
DBTMOTR: Vettel (race was ruined by his engine penalty)
MLP: K-Mags
DNQ: Bernie Ecclestone

[Ataxia]

Ataxia's Predictions
2014 FORMULA ONE UNITED STATES GRAND PRIX™

1. Hamilton
2. Rosberg
3. Bottas
4. Alonso
5. Ricciardo
6. Vettel
7. Magnussen
8. Hulkenberg
9. Button
10. Perez

Pole: Hamilton
Fastest lap: Alonso
First retirement: Massa
ROTR: Definitely not Bernie Ecclestone or the FORMULA ONE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP™
IIDOTR: Nobody
DBTMOTR: Raikkonen
MLP: Magnussen
DNQ: Vettel

[pasta_maldonado]

Pasta's P-P-P-P-Pick up a Prediction™

Sponsored by DOLMIO™ . "When's your DOLMIO™ day?"

2014 FORMULA ONE UNITED STATES GRAND PRIX™

1. Nico ROSBERG™
2. Fernando ALONSO™
3. Valterri BOTTAS™
4. Daniel RICCIARDO™
5. Sebastien VETTEL™ (It rhymes with KETTLE™)
6. #2 for a REASON™
7. Kevin MAGNUSSEN™
8. Jenson PUSH THE BUTTON™ by THE SUGABABES™
9. MARVEL'S THE HULK™
10. Sergio PEREZ™

Pole: Valterri BOTTAS™
Fastest lap: Nico ROSBERG™
First retirement: Lewis HAMILTON
ROTR: [CENSORED™]
IIDOTR: The CASUALS™, for bothering to turn up
DBTMOTR: RAIKKONEN™
MLP: MAGNUSSEN™
DNQ: VETTEL™ , but it is allowed to start because of LAZY IMPLEMENTATION OF THIS RULE™

[tommykl]

tommykl's Predictions
2014 BO77ASZINSLOL Grand Prix

1. Val77eri Bo77as
2. Rosberg
3. Hamilton
4. Ricciardo
5. Alonso
6. Massa
7. Magnussen
8. Button
9. Grosjean
10. Kvyat

Pole: Rosberg
Fastest lap: Bottas
First retirement: Maldonado
ROTR: Sauber
IIDOTR: Bottas
DBTMOTR: Vettel
MLP: Magnussen
DNQ: Vettel

[Shizuka]

2014 USFarce Grand Prix

1. Hamilton
2. Rosberg
3. Ricciardo
4. Vettel
5. Bottas
6. Alonso
7. Massa
8. Button
9. Räikkönen
10. Magnussen

Pole: Hamilton
Fastest lap: Hamilton
First retirement: Grosjean
ROTR: Bernie Ecclestone
IIDOTR: boring race makes Bottas IIDOTR again
DBTMOTR: Grosjean
MLP: K-Mags
DNQ: Bernie Ecclestone

[Miguel98]

2014 "Formula One™" AMERICAN GRAND PRIX™

1. LEWIS™
2. ROSBERG™
3. ALONSO™
4. BOTTAS™
5. MASSA™
6. PÉREZ™
7. BUTTON™
8. THE HULK™
9. VERGNE™
10. GUTIERREZ™

Pole Position: LEWIS™
Fastest Lap: LEWIS™
First Retirement: KVYAT™
ROTR: Everyone, but the drivers
IIDOTR: PÉREZ™
DBTMOTR: RAIKKONEN™
MLP: MAGNUSSEN™
DNQ: No one, except F1™ in general

[dinizintheoven]

"Some kind of motorised race held in a city that's the polar opposite of its surrounding state, in a country with an unpleasant reputation for litigious activity, so let's be as non-specific as possible while still providing enough clues as to who, or what, I'm referring to, just without mentioning any of them directly"

1. "A driver who will remain nameless, but thinks he's starring in some kind of gangster rap video"
2. "A driver who will remain nameless, but whose dad had a moustache, a gold medallion and a habit of ingesting the fumes from a plant product banned in Bhutan and from all advertising"
3. "A driver who will remain nameless, but is from a country closely associated with driving very fast on muddy roads in a forest"
4. "A driver who will remain nameless, but is known for having very large eyebrows, is leaving his team at the end of the year... and is not from a country associated with tequila"
5. "A driver who will remain nameless, but whose name rhymes with the thing that the pot called black"
6. "A driver who will remain nameless, but was once hit on the head with a flying spring"
7. "A driver who will remain nameless, but is from a country associated with tequila, and doesn't have huge eyebrows"
8. "A driver who will remain nameless, but is known for never having any grip on his car, with a name that sounds like something you push"
9. "A driver who will remain nameless, but is from a country strongly associated with bacon"
10. "A driver who will remain nameless, but whose apparently-bankrupt team turns up unexpectedly, races, and scores - by the way, he's from the host country and the number on his car is the answer to life, the universe and everything" (hey, I can dream - it's all I've got at the moment...)

"Apparently starting from a position higher than everyone else": "the same driver who thinks he's in a gangster rap video"
"Apparently driving faster than everyone else round one complete circuit": "the same gangster rap video star again"
"Apparently spending less time in this race than anyone else": "a driver who will remain nameless, but is known for having very large eyebrows, is most likely leaving his team at the end of the year and if he doesn't, may not even have a team to go back to... and is from a country associated with tequila"
"Apparently some kind of award given to someone, not necessarily a driver, who does something hilariously bad": "an 80-something man who looks like a cross between a famous artist and a scarecrow and who has too much money and thinks it keeps him above the law"
"Apparently some kind of award given to a driver, at least it's usually a driver this time, whose performance goes above and beyond that which is expected": "that same driver from the apparently-bankrupt team" (yes, I'm still dreaming, and if you wake me up, there will be obscenities and violence)
"Apparently some kind of award given to a driver whose performance was far below that of the other driver in the same team": "a driver who will remain nameless, but who is associated with a vegetable-based soft drink from the host country, some kind of frozen dairy product, and excessive alcohol consumption"
"Apparently some kind of award given to the driver competing for this year-long sequence of events for the first time this year": "that same driver from the country associated with bacon"
"Apparently not taking part in the race, but allowed to do so anyway because he is not a driver who will remain nameless, but was the first to represent a country whose decorated piece of cloth looks superficially similar to the host country, only with a crescent and one star in the top left corner": "the driver whose name rhymes with the thing the pot called black" because that's already been set in stone. Oh, and those who should have been driving for that other allegedly-bankrupt team which won't be turning up this time.

The developments of the last couple of weeks have made me think "I really want this season to end now" rather that "I'm excited to see how it'll all pan out". Can you tell?

[W12]

2014 BO77ASWINSLOL Grand Prix of the United States

1. BO77ASWINSLOL
2. Hamilton
3. Rosberg
4. Massa
5. Ricciardo
6. Button
7. K-Mags
8. Perez
9. Alonso
10. Räikkönen

Pole: Hamilton
Fastest lap: Rosberg
First retirement: Vettel (technical problems)
ROTR: Grosjean (last of the classified finishers)
IIDOTR: BO77AS (wins his first race)
DBTMOTR: Vettel (technical problems)
MLP: K-Mags
DNQ: Bernie Ecclestone

[Dj_bereta]

1. Bottas
2. Button
3. Massa
4. Vettel
5. Ricciardo
6. Magnussen
7. Alonso
8. Raikkonen
9. Perez
10. Vergne

Pole: Rosberg
Fastest lap: Vettel
First retirement: Hamilton/Rosberg
ROTR: Mercedes (Drivers collide, Hamilton blames everyone, internal chaos)
IIDOTR: Bottas
DBTMOTR: Magnussen
MLP: Magnussen
DNQ: 0

[DOSBoot]

2014 "Rossi Should Have Raced Here" Grand Prix

1. Hamilton
2. Rosberg
3. Bottas
4. Massa
5. Riccardo
6. Alonso
7. Perez
8. Vettel
9. Magnussen
10. Raikkonen

Pole: Hamilton
Fastest Lap: Hamilton
First Retirement: Gutierrez
ROTR: Formula 1
IIDOTR: Force India
DBTMOTR: Raikkonen
MLP: Magnussen
DNQ: None

[Meatwad]

Meatwad's predictions

2014 Give Rossi a Chance Grand Prix
1. Hamilton
2. Rosberg
3. Bottas
4. Massa
5. Magnussen
6. Ricciardo
7. Alonso
8. Räikkönen
9. Button
10. Vettel

Pole: Hamilton
Fastest lap: Hamilton
First retirement: Grosjean
ROTR: Sauber
IIDOTR: Vettel
DBTMOTR: Hülkenberg
MLP: Magnussen
DNQ: Vettel

[TheFlyingCaterham]

"Some kind of motorised race held in a city that's the polar opposite of its surrounding state, in a country with an unpleasant reputation for litigious activity, so let's be as non-specific as possible while still providing enough clues as to who, or what, I'm referring to, just without mentioning any of them directly"

1. "A driver who will remain nameless, but thinks he's starring in some kind of gangster rap video"
2. "A driver who will remain nameless, but whose dad had a moustache, a gold medallion and a habit of ingesting the fumes from a plant product banned in Bhutan and from all advertising"
3. "A driver who will remain nameless, but is from a country closely associated with driving very fast on muddy roads in a forest"
4. "A driver who will remain nameless, but is known for having very large eyebrows, is leaving his team at the end of the year... and is not from a country associated with tequila"
5. "A driver who will remain nameless, but whose name rhymes with the thing that the pot called black"
6. "A driver who will remain nameless, but was once hit on the head with a flying spring"
7. "A driver who will remain nameless, but is from a country associated with tequila, and doesn't have huge eyebrows"
8. "A driver who will remain nameless, but is known for never having any grip on his car, with a name that sounds like something you push"
9. "A driver who will remain nameless, but is from a country strongly associated with bacon"
10. "A driver who will remain nameless, but whose apparently-bankrupt team turns up unexpectedly, races, and scores - by the way, he's from the host country and the number on his car is the answer to life, the universe and everything" (hey, I can dream - it's all I've got at the moment...)

"Apparently starting from a position higher than everyone else": "the same driver who thinks he's in a gangster rap video"
"Apparently driving faster than everyone else round one complete circuit": "the same gangster rap video star again"
"Apparently spending less time in this race than anyone else": "a driver who will remain nameless, but is known for having very large eyebrows, is most likely leaving his team at the end of the year and if he doesn't, may not even have a team to go back to... and is from a country associated with tequila"
"Apparently some kind of award given to someone, not necessarily a driver, who does something hilariously bad": "an 80-something man who looks like a cross between a famous artist and a scarecrow and who has too much money and thinks it keeps him above the law"
"Apparently some kind of award given to a driver, at least it's usually a driver this time, whose performance goes above and beyond that which is expected": "that same driver from the apparently-bankrupt team" (yes, I'm still dreaming, and if you wake me up, there will be obscenities and violence)
"Apparently some kind of award given to a driver whose performance was far below that of the other driver in the same team": "a driver who will remain nameless, but who is associated with a vegetable-based soft drink from the host country, some kind of frozen dairy product, and excessive alcohol consumption"
"Apparently some kind of award given to the driver competing for this year-long sequence of events for the first time this year": "that same driver from the country associated with bacon"
"Apparently not taking part in the race, but allowed to do so anyway because he is not a driver who will remain nameless, but was the first to represent a country whose decorated piece of cloth looks superficially similar to the host country, only with a crescent and one star in the top left corner": "the driver whose name rhymes with the thing the pot called black" because that's already been set in stone. Oh, and those who should have been driving for that other allegedly-bankrupt team which won't be turning up this time.

The developments of the last couple of weeks have made me think "I really want this season to end now" rather that "I'm excited to see how it'll all pan out". Can you tell?

I half wanna translate this so it can be a bit easier to read. But then again, it's a good challenge to guess the drivers

[dinizintheoven]

For 99% of those reading this forum, it shouldn't be that much of a challenge...

[CoopsII]

For 99% of those reading this forum, it shouldn't be that much of a challenge...

For you
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_hobbies

[tristan1117]

tristan1117's Predictions

2014 USA GP
1. Sebastian Vettel
2. Bottas
3. Button
4. Magnussen
5. Alonso
6. Perez
7. Massa
8. Kvyat
9. Grosjean
10. Ricciardo

Pole: Hamilton
Fastest lap: Hamilton
First retirement: Hulk
ROTR: Raikkonen
IIDOTR: Vettel for somehow winning despite his engine penalty
DBTMOTR: Kimi
MLP: Magnussen
DNQ: RIP Caterham

[dr-baker]

2014 Austin Allegro Grand Prix

1. Rosberg
2. Hamilton
3. Bottas
4. Massa
5. Alonso
6. Vettel
7. Ricciardo
8. Raikkonen
9. Button
10. Hulkenberg

Pole: Hamilton
Fastest lap: Rosberg
First retirement: Maldonado
ROTR: Caterham/Marussia/F1/FIA/Bernard Charles Ecclestone
IIDOTR: Button
DBTMOTR: Gutierrez squared
MLP: Magnussen
DNQ: Vettel, Alonso, Chilton, Bianchi, Rossi, Lotterer, Kobayashi, Ericsson

[RAK]

RAK's Predictions
2014 "The Not-So-Crazy Bit of Texas" Grand Prix

1) Hamilton
2) Rosberg
3) Button
4) Bottas
5) Magnussen
6) Alonso
7) Raikkonen
8) Kvyat
9) Massa
10) Ricciardo

Pole: Hamilton
Fastest Lap: Hamilton
First Retirement: Gutierrez
ROTR: The FIA, Formula One and Bernie Ecclestone
IIDOTR: McLaren
DBTMOTR: Grosjean - just sick of the Lotus by this stage
MLP: Magnussen
DNQ: Vettel (well, Marussia and Caterham as well, but that's because they haven't entered)

[roblo97]

2014 "better be safe than sorry because I don't want to be sued" Grand Prix™ of The United States of America

1. Rosberg™
2. Hamilton™
3. Bottas™
4. Magnussen™
5. Alonso™
6. Ricciardo™
7. Raikkonen™
8. Button™
9. Perez™
10. Hulkenberg™

Pole: Hamilton
Fastest lap: Rosberg™
First retirement: Maldonado™
ROTR: F1™ in general
IIDOTR: Magnussen™
DBTMOTR: Button™
MLP: Magnussen™
DNQ: The percentage of truth when Don Pentecost says that his CLEAN ENERGY SOLUTION which will RID 'MERICUH OF THE NEED FOR MIDDLE LEAST OIL will finance his NEW 'MERICAN FORMULA 1 TEAM which will WIN ITS FIRST RACE AND ITS FIRST CHAMPIONSHIP with DON PENTECOST driving because DON PENTECOST is a TRUE 'MERICAN WORKING-CLASS BLUE-COLLAR HERO who will be looked up to by MILLIONS OF 'MERICANS and also his team is powered by JESUS. (0%)
(Thanks to dinizintheoven for the original post)

[Bleu]

2014 Texas Grand Prix
1. Hamilton
2. Rosberg
3. Bottas
4. Button
5. Vettel
6. Alonso
7. Perez
8. Hülkenberg
9. Räikkönen
10. Magnussen
Pole: Rosberg
FL: Hamilton
1st ret: No one retires
ROTR: FOM money distribution
IIDOTR: Button
DBTMOTR: Magnussen
MLP: Magnussen
DNQ: -

[watka]

Watka's Predictions
2014 Where's Half The Grid? Grand Prix

1. Lewis Hamilton Jr
2. Nico Rosberg III
3. Daniel Billy-Bob Ricciardo
4. Colonel Valtteri Bottas
5. JJ Button
6. Kimi Raikkonen, brought to you in association with Coca-Cola
7. Kevin Magnussen Sr
8. Fernando Spyro T. Alonso
9. Checs Perez
10. A-Sutz in the Sauber

Pole: Hamilton
Fastest lap: Ricciardo
First retirement: Grosjean
ROTR: The farce of the 1st qualifying session
IIDOTR: Ricciardo (keeping the Mercs honest)
DBTMOTR: Vettel
MLP: Magnussen
DNQ: None (that enter)

[More_Blue_Flags]

More_Blue_Flags Predictions
2014 US Grand Prix

1. Hamilton
2. Rosberg
3. Alonso
4. Bottas
5. Hulkenberg
6. Massa
7. Räikkönen
8. Ricciardo
9. Magnussen
10. Button

Pole: Hamilton
Fastest lap: Hamilton
First retirement: Vettel
ROTR: Maldonaldo.
IIDOTR: Hulkenberg, great drive out of nowhere
DBTMOTR: Sutil - not that Gutierrez looks at all impressive, but at least he appears to be trying compared to Sutil.
MLP: Magnussen
DNQ: None

[SgtPepper]

Lewis Hamilton's home Grand Prix

1. Hamilton
2. Rosberg
3. Bully
4. Alonso
5. Button
6. Bottas
7. Hulk
8. KMags
9. Massa
10. Perez

Pole: Hamilton
Fastest lap: Rosberg
First retirement:
ROTR: Vetlel
IIDOTR: KMags
DBTMOTR: Vetlel
MLP: KMags

[GwilymJJames]

#USGP

1. Rosberg
2. Ricciardo
3. Magnussen
4. Button
5. Alonso
6. Vettel
7. Massa
8. Raikkonen
9. Vergne
10. ----

P. Hamilton
FL. Rosberg
First Retirement: Hulkenberg
ROTR: Bernie & The FIA
IIDOTR: Magnussen
DBTMOTR: Hamilton
MLP: Magnussen
DNQ: Vettel

[Rocks with Salt]

Rocks with Salt's Predictions
'MURICAN Grand Prix

1. Hamilton
2. Rosberg
3. Vettel
4. Alonso
5. Ricciardo
6. Massa
7. Magnussen
8. Raikkonen
9. Bottas
10. Vergne

Pole: Hamilton
Fastest lap: Rosberg
First retirement: Sutil
ROTR: The Stewards
IIDOTR: Alonso
DBTMOTR: Button
MLP: Magnussen

RandomBot's Predictions
2014 US GP

1. Grosjean
2. Hulkenberg
3. Vergne
4. Alonso
5. Button
6. Ricciardo
7. Sutil
8. Raikkonen
9. Hamilton
10. Kvyat

Pole: Alonso
Fastest lap: Hamilton
First retirement: Kvyat
ROTR: Magnussen
IIDOTR: Magnussen
DBTMOTR: Gutierrez
MLP: Magnussen